Thursday, 27 June 2024

Fly Fifers

At the start of April, I published a blog (https://payaso-de-mierda.blogspot.com/2024/04/fife-flyers.html) dedicated to the non-Inspector Rebus works of Ian Rankin, promising that I’d return with another one about the character Rankin is best known for, once I’d done the hard yards by reading the rest of the books. Well, here it is: my consideration of 24 novels, a volume of short stories, 2 stage plays and a quasi-travel guide all about Fife’s greatest cop, curmudgeon, music obsessive and pub habitue, all in one place…

As I mentioned last time, my 2024 reading resolution was to complete the entire published works of Ian Rankin. Considering that until I began my Christmas Holiday in December 2023, the only Rebus novels I’d read were Saints of the Shadow Bible and Naming of the Dead, this was a decent task I set myself. Luckily, I took heed of one of the most important bits of advice I was given about reading the entire Rankin oeuvre; namely, it didn’t essentially matter which order I read the books in, which is just as well as I’d started my journey with volume 19, then moved on to volume 16. Consequently, I then ploughed my way through the collected short story collection, The Beat Goes On, which included the novella Death is not the End that was revisited in an expanded form in Dead Souls. Confused? Keep reading, I hope it will all become clear.



Here’s something that won’t endear me to Ian Rankin. Even though I’ve read almost his entire published works, I’ve never bought one of them new. At first, I came across the first few books on the shelves at New York & Murton WMC. Rather like the austere Goths of Rebus and Rankin’s home territory of Fife, New York club isn’t a luxurious or glamorous watering hole. It’s a scruffy, neglected ale house with a huge bookcase full of dog-eared paperbacks that you’re invited to take from and replenish when you can. Amazingly, I found these Rebus books going free and so I replaced them with titles I owned that I hadn’t enjoyed (no names; no pack drill).

When this well had run dry, my affection for Rebus had turned, little by little, into an addiction. I found myself utterly wrapped up by the novels and the world they inhabit; not just in terms of working out the various aspects of a whodunnit, but well and truly invested in the lives of Rebus himself, and also other characters, such as Siobhan Clarke (a hero as she’s a Hibee), the maligned but not malignant Malcolm Fox, Big Ger Cafferty (a really violent heterosexual man) and a whole load of others. Of course, the 2024 BBC Scotland series Rebus also impacted upon my consciousness. Goodness, I enjoyed it, even if Siobhan, Malcolm and, especially, Michael Rebus were utterly different to how I (and presumably Ian Rankin) had imagined them.

To feed my addiction, I scoured the second-hand shops of North Shields and Whitley Bay for the books I was missing, picking up a few titles here and there, but then when I really needed to join the dots and complete the collection, it involved some sustained digging on Ebay, where I managed to get all the ones I was missing for around £2.50 a pop, including P&P. Hence, once the deliveries arrived, all I had to do was read the buggers and now that task is complete, I’m going to write about those same buggers. Despite the fact I didn’t read them in chronological order, I’m going to discuss them that way, so get yourself a long spoon and get ready to sup up knowledge and opinions about the fly Fifers…

1 Knots and Crosses (1987): It’s hard to imagine Rebus being a one-off character, but that’s how Rankin, still fresh from his debut literary novel, the superbly grim The Flood, had envisaged things playing out. In fact, our hero was supposed to die at the hands of a former SAS colleague Gordon Reeve, who appears in a more benign form in the Jack Harvey novel Blood Hunt. Perhaps most significantly we also meet Samantha Rebus, who refers to the trauma she endured in this novel in A Song for the Dark Times, set some 35 years later, showing just how interconnected characters and events are in the Rebus universe.

2 Hide and Seek (1990): This book, involving the ritualistic murder of a junkie and some sexually motivated malfeasance by the upper echelons of society was Rankin’s first attempt to update Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde to a modern day Edinburgh setting. It was also, apparently, the time when he actually began to like Rebus and so settled on the idea of making him the central character in his subsequent novels. A damn fine idea if you ask me.

3 Tooth and Nail (first published as Wolfman) (1992): Even though many of his early novels, especially the Jack Harvey trio, involve locations far removed from Edinburgh, this is the only Rebus book to move south of the border. We take it as read that visiting Fife (home soil), Glasgow (heaven forfend!) and the Highlands (where Sammy settles down to raise her daughter) are part and parcel of any Rebus adventure, but car chases through the West End, and I don’t mean Gorgie (yuk!), are rare in Rankin’s works. One explanation is that when he wrote this, Rankin was living in London at the time and hating it, so he brought a bit of home down to visit. It’s a bloody great, if anomalous, read and also the first book to include that familiar eminence grise Morris Gerald Cafferty.     

4 Strip Jack (1992): Published later the same year, Strip Jack is an extended riff on a familiar Rankin theme. Namely, the probity, or lack thereof, of Scottish politicians, especially those who bellow loudest for independence. In this case, the MP is (relatively) innocent, while the back story is another familiar one. Rebus and his problems with women. When we met him in Knots and Crosses he was already long divorced from Rhona (mother to Sammy) and involved with DI Gill Templer, who was more than a tad career oriented (she ends up as Rebus’s boss for a while). Hence the arrival on the scene of Dr Patience Atkin; a stolid GP of inflexible beliefs whose character belies her first name. There’s no happy ever after on the horizon with this one.

5 The Black Book (1993): As is proved at the very start of The Black Book. Rebus has moved in with Dr Patience, partly because brother Michael, fresh out of nick, lands on his doorstep, with only the boxroom in Rebus's flat available as he’s rented the place out to a gang of nameless students. Out on the swally, Rebus meets an old army friend, Deek Torrance and misses dinner with Patience. She locks him out, forcing him to sleep at his place, on the sofa. At work, Rebus's colleague Brian Holmes is put into a coma after being attacked in the car park of the Elvis-themed Heartbreak Cafe. Rebus interviews Eddie Ringan, who owns the restaurant, and Pat Calder, Eddie's partner, but they prove to be of little help. Brian's girlfriend, Nell Stapleton, tells Rebus that Brian had a 'Black Book', in which he kept interesting snippets of information. She suggests that Brian was attacked because of something in it. She also feels guilty, since she had argued with Brian just before he went to the restaurant. As a result of Brian’s hospitalisation, Rebus gets to work with new recruit Detective Constable Siobhan Clarke.

Through some convoluted plot twists and errors of judgement (including buying a gun that is revealed to have been used in a murder years before), Rebus is suspended from duty for the first time in the series. This, rather like exasperated characters nipping the bridge of their nose near the tear ducts with finger and thumb, is one of the most repeated motifs in all of Rankin’s novels. Things partially clear up in the end. Rankin fools Big Ger into beating up a pathetic sex criminal, meaning he can be fully investigated while inside. Finally, Rebus accuses Nell of being the one who knocked Brian Holmes out. Although he doesn't have any evidence, he does note that she had a motive after the arguments she'd been having with Brian. A long and very satisfying read.

6 Mortal Causes (1994): Set during the Edinburgh Festival, the novel starts with a brutally executed corpse being discovered in Mary King's Close, an ancient subterranean street in the Old Town. The body has a tattoo identified with Sword and Shield, a fictional, long-defunct Scottish Nationalist group with links to sectarianism in Northern Ireland, specifically climbing into bed with the kind of deluded Orange loonies who spout on about an independent Six Counties. The victim is Big Ger's largely estranged and ultimately worthless son, and the plot moves towards the prospect of a terrorist atrocity in a tourist-filled Edinburgh. It always bothered me why Cafferty would be pals with the Red Hand lot. Seemingly, the scriptwriter for Rebus felt the same, as the sections based on this book show a couple of No Surrender types coming off worst against Big Ger, stating they should never have mixed with someone called Cafferty and Morris Gerald himself saying he feared a united Ireland as all the Prod headcases would return to Scotland and ruin his business interests.

7 Let It Bleed (1995): Named after a Rolling Stones album, though I’m not sure why, the book starts with a car chase, almost as exciting as the one in Tooth and Nail, across Edinburgh, in order to apprehend kidnappers. Sadly, it culminates with the two youths the cops are chasing throwing themselves off the Forth Road Bridge and in Rebus being injured in a car crash. Rebus's upset over this allows Rankin to show the character in a new light, revealing his isolation and potentially suicidal despair as, without work to fill in the gaps in his working hours, Rebus is basically bereft.

After the unconnected suicide of a terminally ill con, Rebus pursues an investigation that implicates respected people at the highest levels of government, and due to the politically sensitive nature of what he is doing, he faces losing his job (another suspension!), or worse, ending up inside. He is supported by his daughter Sammy, allowing their distant relationship to be built upon and him to finally extricate himself from the precarious situation.

8 Black and Blue (1997): Again, named after a Rolling Stones album, the book focuses on Rebus’s new working environment at Craigmillar Police Station, as Rankin had decided to avoid any fictional locations, to ground the Rebus series in reality, even if the events were (thankfully) imaginary. Rebus is investigating the Johnny Bible case, a spree of recent killings bearing a striking similarity to the factual Bible John case of the late 1960s. Rebus is fascinated by the killings, and studies them off-duty through old newspapers and reports.

The book switches to Bible John's viewpoint, which is a technique Rankin had explored before, but not previously in the Rebus series which, until this point, had been entirely from the cop’s point of view. If anything, this narrative device takes the novels to a higher level of plausibility as we are no longer in the grasp of an unreliable (after a few hours in The Oxford Bar) narrator. The 1960s serial killer, or a fictional representation of him, called Ryan Slocum, arrives in Scotland, apparently to pursue Johnny Bible, whom he calls the Upstart. Investigating libraries, Bible John starts tracing anyone who has researched him.

In Partick, much against his will, with CI Ancram and an old friend, DI Jack Morton, Rebus continues investigating Johnny Bible, and calls on his relationship with Cafferty, now behind bars. Because of his respect for Rebus despite his being a police officer, Cafferty arranges a meeting for him with Uncle Joe, a Glasgow gang leader.  Rebus heads back home to brief Gill Templer, then visits one of his colleague's snitches, only to find him dead in the canal.

Bible John, meanwhile, has discovered that both the Upstart and Rebus have been researching him and wrestles with the idea of tipping off the police about his own findings, but decides to deal with the Upstart himself. Rebus notes his Bible John clippings have been sifted through.  The reader learns that Bible John broke into Rebus's flat, looking for his business card, which he gave Rebus before learning of his work with the police. Talking to Siobhan, Rebus discovers that Johnny Bible had been using a pseudonym to research his predecessor; while Bible John closes in on the Upstart, getting closer and closer to his identity. Posing as a police officer, Bible John narrows his own list of suspects down to two.

Rebus, with Siobhan's help, determines that Johnny Bible is Martin Davidson. The police raid his house, only to find that he has been killed by Bible John. Items in the house which he took from his victims confirm that Johnny Bible was Davidson. During the party at CID afterwards, Rebus realises that Ryan Slocum and Bible John are the same person. He goes to Slocum's home, to find that he has disappeared. His wife tells Rebus that his trunk has disappeared from the loft. The reader is told the trunk was full of the ‘souvenirs’ he took from his victims. The book ends with Holmes leaving the force, and Rebus throwing out his Bible John clippings. A downbeat ending to a dramatic and gripping thriller that marks a defined gear change in Rankin’s writing style.


9 The Hanging Garden (1998): Named after a song by The Cure, The Hanging Garden now finds Rebus stationed at St Leonard’s. He is involved in four cases which turn out to be intertwined. He is removed from the investigation of the murder of Mr Taystee, an ice-cream vendor, and assigned instead to investigate Lintz, a possible Nazi war criminal living quietly in Edinburgh. His conversations with Lintz about guilt and responsibility cause Rebus to recall being stationed in Belfast at the beginning of the Troubles. Rebus also volunteers to be the liaison with Crime Squad's surveillance of up-and-coming gangster Tommy Telford. Finally, he stumbles into the role of protector of a traumatised Bosnian prostitute, who has associations both with Telford and with a Chechen gangster named Tarawicz (Mr Pink Eyes) operating out of Newcastle; she leads the police to the discovery that Japanese businessmen (one of whom turns out to be a Yakuza member) are associated with Telford. Big Ger, still in Barlinnie, is thought to be engineering attacks on Telford, to maintain control of crime in Edinburgh, and Rebus and his colleagues must track the growing gang war. Rebus's insights lead the Crime Squad to mount an operation against Telford using Rebus's old friend Jack Morton, who is killed as the operation goes wrong. Sammy is knocked down in what looks like a deliberate hit-and-run. Through most of the novel, she is unconscious, with her mother Rhona and, often, Patience (no longer involved with Rebus) at her bedside. Rebus visits her hospital room but again and again he leaves to investigate or confront the various gang leaders and members. Although he resists Telford's assumption that he is part of Big Ger's team, he asks Cafferty to find the driver of the hit-and-run, certain that someone was trying to send him a message. In the end, this is not the case.

Critically, this is one of the most praised Rebus novels. As John Lanchester said in the London Review of Books, "The turning-point in Rankin's career came in 1997 with the publication of Black & Blue, which showed more ambition and range than earlier books in the series, interweaving an unsolved historical serial killer case with a view of the Scottish oil industry. The Hanging Garden is comparable in scope, since the "sheer range of subjects ... is one of the keys to the novel's success.” According to Allan Massie in The Scotsman, The Hanging Garden “not only "confirmed Rankin's reputation but "suggested that the categorisation of fiction into straight and crime novels is obsolete." Gill Plain points out that The Hanging Garden “intensifies Rebus's personal anguish and guilt over his failures as a soldier and a husband/lover/father, focused now on Sammy's terrible accident, while denying the character the consolations of closure, since solving the whodunnits does not really distribute guilt to the perpetrators in this novel.” Plain also points out that the Professor Lintz character, a respected citizen who probably supervised a Nazi massacre, is another example of the Jekyll and Hyde theme which Rankin had pursued through his first few Rebus novels.

10 Dead Souls (1999): The title refers both to the Joy Division song and to the 1842 Nikolai Gogol novel of the same name; quotes from the latter appear at the beginnings of the two divisions of the book. While investigating a poisoner at Edinburgh Zoo, Rebus sees Darren Rough, a known paedophile, seemingly photographing children and decides to out him, in spite of assurances that he wants to reform. Later Rebus tries to help Darren, thinking better of his action, but is unable to stop him being murdered.

Meanwhile, Rebus has been assigned to keep a watch on Cary Oakes, a convicted killer back from the US who, having served his time in prison, has come to Edinburgh to settle accounts from his past. His experience with both Rough and Oakes makes Rebus think out his prejudices and question how much a person is the product of his inherited nature, and how much nurture shapes that character. He has to confront this once again when he discovers that the reason behind the suicide of his police colleague Jim Margolies was fear that he was becoming like his incestuous father. Rebus also has to face up to his own past and the route he took to escape it when his friend Brian Mee and former girlfriend Janice approach him to help find their son Damon, who has gone missing, in the section of the book that had previously been the novella Death is not the End.

His search for answers to all his questions involves him in discovering how implicated a respected doctor had been in protecting two paedophiles then on trial for conspiring to abuse children in care homes. Darren Rough had, in fact, been brought to Edinburgh to testify against them. And while investigating Damon Mee's last appearance at a party held by Ama and Nichol Petrie, the children of a high-profile judge, he finds out that the son is a cross-dresser and had brought Damon to the party while in his female role.

Another antagonist from Rebus’ past, the journalist Jim Stevens, is attempting to make a come-back by arranging an exclusive interview with Cary Oakes. The story he gets is sheer rubbish, since Oakes is an arch-manipulator who is using Stevens as a smokescreen. Realising this, Stevens joins forces with Rebus in trying to find Oakes. When he succeeds, Oakes stabs him to death and then goes after Rebus, but underestimates him, and is kicked into the path of a speeding car. Those left alive must continue to cope with their problems. Knowing some answers does not really resolve the divisions and imperfections in society which it is the job of Rebus and his colleagues to police. It’s a very sombre book and less breakneck than the previous two novels, but an enjoyable and somewhat philosophical read.

11 Set in Darkness (2000): This is another absolute stormer. Set in December 1998, with references to the failed 1979 referendum, Rebus is on a committee for security liaison for the new Scottish Parliament, along with detectives from various Edinburgh stations. While on a tour of Queensberry House, which is to be incorporated into the new Parliament, the committee members open up an ancient fireplace and find a mummified murder victim. Investigating this case involves delving into the renovations of the building around 1979, when the victim was killed.

A Labour MSP candidate Roddy Grieve, from a wealthy and artistic Edinburgh family, including a painter mother, a brother who is a Tory MP, a sister who was a famous model when Rebus was young, and a brother who disappeared in 1979, is found murdered on the Queensberry House grounds. Grieve's murder is an important case, and it is assigned to DI Derek Linford; however, Rebus prefers his own methods. Meanwhile, Siobhan witnesses a suicide and becomes the investigating officer on that case. The suicide was a homeless man who had no history before 1980 but a great deal of money in the bank. As she and Rebus exchange information on their investigations, they find intersections that help them solve, or at least bring to a head, both the long-ago murder and the Grieve case. Big Ger has been released because he is supposedly dying of cancer. Rebus tries to learn more about the intertwining of the local mobs and real estate in the late 70s from Cafferty, but also uncovers the cancer scam and resolves to put him behind bars again.

Rankin noted in an interview that he had originally planned this novel as the first part of a trilogy following Roddy Grieve through his career in the new Scottish Parliament; however, he almost immediately decided to kill Roddy off. The rich and leisurely description of the Grieve family in chapter 3 may reflect the earlier plan to make Roddy a multi-book character. In the same interview, Rankin accepted that Rebus was approaching retirement; “I reckon I've got another five or six Rebus books, max.”  Rebus retires in Exit Music; the sixth Rebus book on from Set in Darkness. However, two changes in Set in Darkness seem to prepare the reader for this eventuality. Firstly, the reemergence of Big Ger from Bar-L, where he has been since 1993. While Cafferty is not Rebus's main antagonist in every novel from now on, he remains important until his death in A Heart Full of Headstones.

Another change is the expansion of the role of Siobhan Clarke in Set in Darkness and subsequent Rebus books. Developing another police detective character allows Rankin to continue to write about Rebus's world indefinitely, though from a different perspective. From this point onwards, she is the sole or primary point-of-view character in many chapters, investigating a rape and a suicide which eventually, somewhat coincidentally, intersect with Rebus's more valued murder cases. This pattern will continue in other books, as she either works a different case from Rebus or a completely different aspect of a case. Laura Severin phrased it thus: “Rebus has an investment in a patriarchy structured around evil and good, while Clarke is already an inhabitant of a post patriarchal world more alert to social, cultural and political complexities.” Although Clarke's “post patriarchal” world does not ever fully replace Rebus's struggle with Cafferty, Set in Darkness is the first novel in which it is sketched.

12 The Falls (2001): A student vanishes, and her wealthy family of bankers relentlessly pressurise the cops who are trying to find her.  Newly appointed Chief Super Gill Templer, the first female to rise so high, is trying to please her superiors and manipulate her CID officers, meaning Siobhan must decide whether to take a plum promotion or stick with the investigation alongside Rebus. The choice is an obvious one.

Two sets of clues, one nineteenth century and one twenty-first century, appear. A carved wooden doll in a coffin found near the missing woman's East Lothian home leads Rebus to the National Museum of Scotland's collection of dolls in coffins found on Arthur's Seat in 1836, after the Burke and Hare murders. Rebus also wanders into the Surgeons' Hall, where he meets several forensic pathologists of his acquaintance and sees the Burke and Hare exhibition. A museum curator, Jean Burchill, the next woman in line to try and rescue Rebus from himself, alerts him to what might be a more recent serial killer marking his exploits with such coffins. While Rebus pursues these historical angles in libraries, police archives, and museums, Siobhan interacts with an electronic trail via computer and mobile phone, showing again the clear historical and cultural differences between the two generations of police.

13 Resurrection Men (2001): Building on the ever more important theme of dinosaur policing, Rebus is required to undergo retraining at Tulliallan, the Scottish Police College, as part of a small group of senior officers whose methods need updating. They are known as the Resurrection Men, whose careers need to be resuscitated long enough for them to earn their pensions. Rebus was sent to Tulliallan for throwing a cup of tea at DCS Gill Templer, but in fact this was a staged act and he is actually working undercover on behalf of the Chief Constable to learn about a possible 1994 theft by a group of the senior officers attending the course. To complicate things further, the officers in the course are assigned the unsolved 1995 case of the murder of a Glasgow gangster, a case originally investigated by one of them and about which Rebus knows all too much. While investigating his fellow officers for a past crime, he now has to fear that they will expose his own secrets.

Back at St Leonard's, Siobhan and the other officers are investigating the brutal murder of an Edinburgh art dealer named Marber. Clues involve a stolen painting by Jack Vettriano, a large disbursement to a painter who had been claiming Marber was cheating artists and clients, and a young prostitute for whom Marber was providing a home. Siobhan suspects Big Ger of owning the spa where the prostitute works, the cab company that Marber used on the night of his death, and possibly a mysterious stash of paintings purchased from Marber a few years earlier. When the stolen painting turns up in one suspect's garden shed, he is arrested, but she remains sceptical and continues to pursue other avenues of inquiry. While Clarke turns out to be on the wrong track, and Rebus makes a mess of his undercover mission, they work as partners to discover Marber's murderer and his connection with the 1994 theft by the police officers.

14 A Question of Blood (2003): For reasons that are not made clear until the final pages of the novel, Rebus has been freshly treated for severely burned hands and is in bother. A petty criminal who had been stalking Siobhan died in a fire on the night Rebus was injured. Rebus is known to have been at the stalker's house that night but maintains that he left him unharmed and scalded his hands later at home.

An ex-soldier appears to have killed two teenagers at a private school, injured one, and shot himself. The facts seem straightforward, and the only mysteries are the motive and the origin of the gun. Rebus antagonises the survivor's father, an aggressive local MP (a familiar Rankin folk devil) who dislikes the police and is trying to make political capital out of the shooting. He also meets his long-lost cousin, whose son was one of the killer's victims and whose daughter is now being sucked into the MP's campaign. He and Clarke try to trace the gun and continue on the case when Rebus is officially suspended on suspicion of murdering Siobhan's stalker. Two secretive security service personnel appear and begin asking awkward questions, and Rebus traces their interest to the gunman's involvement in a classified military helicopter crash on Jura years before. Drugs are found on his boat, and they discover that he had secrets and some unusual friendships, including with local teenagers and an ex-RAF pilot. However, the motive for the shooting remains unclear, and Rebus begins to wonder whether they have the true version of events after all.

Forensic evidence confirms his suspicions; the MP's son turns out to be lying. He killed his fellow-students himself, driven by motives including an angry relationship with his MP father, who faces personal and political ruin because of his son's actions. With the shooting resolved, the complex web linking many of those they have been investigating becomes clear to Rebus and Clarke: there has been drug-smuggling and money-laundering, the illegal reactivation of weapons, and the theft of diamonds intended to fund a covert government deal with Irish paramilitaries. The gangster who supplies guns was involved and is found to be the real killer of Clarke's stalker, clearing Rebus of suspicion. Clarke confronts the key drug smuggler, who attacks her, escapes, and then crashes his light aircraft. A distraught Rebus witnesses the crash and assumes for a time that Clarke was on board and is dead. Thankfully, she isn’t. The case over, Rebus gets drunk. He revisits the scalding of his hands, and the reader learns that the accident happened at home during a blackout after his previous drinking bout, explaining why he has avoided alcohol during the events of the novel. Recent events make him reassess his life and relationships, and he plans to try to repair some of his broken family ties.

15 Fleshmarket Close (published in the US as Fleshmarket Alley) (2004): Despite the fabulous title and glorious jacket design, this is the nearest I felt to the sensation Rankin might just be phoning things in. As the book begins, Rebus has no desk to work from, presumably as a hint from his superiors that he should consider retirement, but he and Siobhan are still hard at it, investigating some seemingly unconnected cases. The book uses two new settings: a bleak, sink estate divided between the indigenous population and refugees (based on Wester Hailes), and a grim, socially deprived small town whose economy is dominated by an internment camp for asylum seekers (based on Dungavel). The sister of a dead rape victim is missing; skeletons turn up embedded in a concrete floor; a Kurdish journalist is brutally murdered; and the son of a Glasgow gangster has moved into the Edinburgh vice scene. Predictably, all the strands intertwine, Rebus solves them (with Siobhan’s help) and walks away at the end, feeling no redemption from his actions. Just another, ordinary dispiriting day at the office.

16 The Naming of the Dead (2006): Now this one is right bang on form; one of the very best in the series. Set in July 2005, during the week of the G8 summit in Gleneagles, an underlying thread throughout the book is that of familial relationships; the book opens with Rebus attending his brother Michael’s funeral. As he was a couple of years younger than John (born in 1947 or thereabouts), it’s a sad and premature death, which effectively ends all Rebus’s ties to his native Fife. Meanwhile, Siobhan’s shaggy-haired Maoist parents arrive in Edinburgh as part of the protests, demonstrations, and scuffles that surrounded the G8 summit. Clarke had defied her parents’ ideology by becoming a police officer, but she now wants to feel like a daughter.

Rebus is nearing retirement and is sidelined until the apparent suicide of MP Ben Webster at a high-level meeting in Edinburgh Castle. It emerges that Webster was campaigning against the arms trade, and Richard Pennen of Pennen Industries, a dealer in weapons technology, comes under suspicion.  At the same time, a serial killer seems to be killing former offenders, helped by a website set up by the family of a victim. Clues have been deliberately left at Clootie Well, moved from the Black Isle to Auchterarder for the purposes of the plot, a place where items of clothing are traditionally left for luck.

Siobhan is placed in charge of the investigation, although she is outranked by Rebus, and finds herself having to compromise with Big Ger, for whom one of the victims was working as a bouncer, in hunting down the riot policeman who apparently assaulted her mother at a demonstration. The new Chief Constable, James Corbyn, is keen to put any potential controversy from the investigation of these sordid crimes on hold until the focus of the world's media has moved on. He puts Rebus and Clarke under suspension when they disobey him, and they need to rely on Ellen Wylie for help.

David Steelforth, the London-based Special Branch (SO12) Commander who is overseeing the policing of the G8 summit, seems to be holding back Rebus' work at every turn. Rebus and Clarke blow the cover of one of his agents. Former preacher Councillor Gareth Tench seems to Rebus to be involved due to his apparent closeness to one of the suspects, Niddrie Ned, Keith Carberry.

Rebus and Clarke pursue their investigation daily, and sometimes hourly, against the background of the G8 summit, seen from both the police side and that of the protestors; among the events referred to are the epic and peaceful Make Poverty History march, the 7/7 London bombings, the 2012 Olympic bid and George W. Bush falling off his bicycle whilst waving at police officers, which means the whole book is not only grounded in reality, but has a total sense of a particular time and place that makes it seem, from almost 20 years distant, to be as much a historical record as a police procedural.

The title refers to: the ceremony Clarke's ageing left-wing parents attend, where the names of a sampling of the dead from the Iraq War are read out; the list of victims created by Rebus and Clarke as they try to unravel the crime; and also to John Rebus' evocation of grief in naming the many of his own friends and family who have died in the course of his life. By the end of the book, Clarke realises that she has grown closer than ever to understanding Rebus and increasingly fears that she is becoming like him, which wasn’t how she wanted to feel at the start of the novel.

17 Exit Music (2007): Named after the Radiohead song Exit Music (For a Film), the novel takes place between November 15-27, 2006. Rebus, whose last day in the Edinburgh CID is November 25, and Siobhan are investigating the death of a famous Russian exile poet who was mugged and beaten to death on King's Stables Road. Then a sound recordist with close ties to the dead Russian poet dies at home in an arson fire. Rebus discovers that the dead poet had eaten his last meal with the recordist, then had a drink with Big Ger Rebus finds Cafferty's hand in many schemes (drugs, abusive landlord practices), but the biggest ones involve real estate and are quite legitimate, even if Morris Gerald is at his most loathsome in this book.

Meanwhile, Siobhan, on the cusp of promotion to DI and given charge of the case, tries to find her own way, both dreading and looking forward to losing her mentor. She takes on a protégé of her own, a street cop from a family involved with petty crime, Todd Goodyear. Rebus is suspended, once more for old times’ sake, for insulting a powerful Scottish banker in the presence of the Chief Constable. He continues to pursue his hunches, often with Clarke's collusion. At one point he meets Cafferty alone; Cafferty is attacked immediately afterwards, and Rebus is carefully framed for it. On his last day on the job, however, Rebus succeeds in disentangling his suspicions and identifies the killers of the poet and the sound recordist.

Exit Music includes Rebus's retirement at the age of 60. Rankin had been looking forward to this event at least since 2000, when he commented in an interview that Rebus “lives in real time; he was 38 in Knots & Crosses and he's 52 now. He'll have to retire at 55.” Rebus in fact postponed retirement until age 60, clinging to his job, although in the two previous books, he thought frequently about his upcoming retirement. After this book, Rankin did not publish another Rebus novel for five years, though he continued to write about Edinburgh’s police, but with a new protagonist, Malcolm Fox, in The Complaints (2009) and The Impossible Dead (2011), before bringing Rebus back as a co-protagonist. In all his appearances, both solo and as part of the Rebus series, Fox is pragmatic rather than heroic, and as an investigator even more outside the brotherhood of police detectives than Siobhan.


18 Standing in Another Man's Grave (2012): I’ve recently learned that the title is a mondegreen, apparently. Rankin misheard Jackie Leven singing Standing in Another Man's Rain, a mistake he gives to Rebus. Excerpts from Leven's songs appear throughout the book. As all I know of the late Jackie is Doll by Doll’s The Palace of Love, which I still have on 7” single, I really should investigate his works. See also Frankie Miller, John Martyn, Bert Jansch, Matt McGinn et al.

Anyway, having been retired for five years, Rebus continues to investigate as part of the cold cases unit, as a combination of New Tricks and Waking the Dead I suppose. The mother of a missing girl enlists his help in finding out what happened to her daughter, leading Rebus to uncover the truth about a series of seemingly unconnected disappearances. Despite now being a civilian, he is seconded to CID, where the most recent case is being handled by Siobhan and her unit. The serial killer has found his victims on the A9 highway and Rebus travels to Pitlochry and Inverness several times, driving as far north as his daughter Samantha's home.

In Edinburgh, Rebus continues to associate with Big Ger and meets two younger gangsters who are related to the missing girl. His activities are known to Malcolm, who believes that he can take Rebus down for corruption. However, the constant reorganization of the Scottish police structures mean that Rebus loses his official position by the end of the novel in any case.

19 Saints of the Shadow Bible (2013): Like Standing in Another Man’s Grave, the title is taken from a Jackie Leven song. The novel takes place in February and March 2013 against the background of the dissolution of regional police forces as they are merged into the monolithic Police Scotland. Malcolm Fox’s role is disappearing, and he undertakes an investigation on behalf of the Solicitor General in the hopes of finding a place in the new organization. Siobhan C is stationed at Gayfield Square but follows important cases to Torphichen and Wester Hailes police stations. Incredibly, Rebus has bounced back from losing his civilian role with the Cold Cases Unit and has rejoined succeeded CID, albeit as a Detective Sergeant instead of a Detective Inspector. He works with both Clarke and Fox but is primarily investigating issues relating to a long-defunct police station, Summerhall, where he was assigned in 1982 as a newly minted detective.

Also relevant to the cases is the upcoming 2014 Scottish independence referendum; a Justice Minister, whose death Clarke is investigating, is a figurehead for the Yes campaign, while Rebus’s Summerhall colleague Gilmour, Fox’s target, is a prominent No supporter. This recalls Set in Darkness, which took place in the midst of the first elections to the new Scottish Parliament. Clarke and Rebus’s apparently trivial investigation of a university student’s car crash becomes complicated when the student’s boyfriend’s father, the Justice Minister, is found dead in his own home. Meanwhile, Rebus is invited by Fox to help with the opening of a very cold case involving the Summerhall policemen, who called themselves Saints of the Shadow Bible. This recalls the short story Dead and Buried, published in The Beat Goes On and set during Rebus’s stint at Summerhall. DI Stefan Gilmour tests Rebus by allowing him to investigate a watch buried with a man named Joseph Blay, who was hanged for murder in 1963. Rebus finds that Gilmour's dead hero, DI Charlie Cruikshank, had suppressed evidence that could have exonerated Blay. But Rebus tells Gilmour that he will not take the matter to "The Complaints" as "what good would that do?". Gilmour says "Welcome to the Saints of the Shadow Bible, John" and after a moment's hesitation Rebus returns his handshake.

The surviving Saints want Rebus to ensure that Fox does not disrupt their lives, while Fox hopes Rebus will implicate himself and Rebus wants to find out more about the secrets, he only glimpsed thirty years earlier. Rebus ends up using his confrontational techniques (intimidation and threats, recruiting snitches, bargaining with gangsters) to assist both Clarke and Fox. The three detectives come to respect each other, which sets the agenda for the rest of the Rebus series.

20 Even Dogs in the Wild (2015): The title for this one comes from a song of the same name by The Associates from their album The Affectionate Punch. A former Scottish senior prosecutor has been found dead, with a threatening note in his pocket. Siobhan is in charge of the high-profile case. Then Big Ger receives a similar note, and someone shoots at him. Rebus, pushing 70, has retired for the second time, but is asked to join in the investigation. Meanwhile Malcolm is drafted into a surveillance team monitoring a group of Glaswegian gangsters who look set to move on Edinburgh. Cafferty, the young Edinburgh gangster Darryl Christie, and the Glasgow gang are all looking over their shoulders at each other and at the police. Cafferty is the one who recognises the history behind the vendetta against him and a few other survivors of a disastrous event thirty years earlier. Perhaps aware of the need to keep onside with everyone else, Ger has taken to referring to Rebus as John rather than Straw Man. Equally strangely, Rebus has become the owner of a stray dog, Brillo, that latched onto him outside Big Ger’s house.

21 Rather Be the Devil (2016): As well as a dog, Rebus has also come into possession of a new lady friend; Dr Debra Quant, a forensic pathologist. The novel opens and closes with them dining in a restaurant which is part of the Waldorf Caledonian Hotel. The explanation for the modest and abstemious meal is Rebus's diagnosis of COPD and a shadow on his lung, which leads to him quitting cigarettes and moderating his alcohol intake. However, his mind is still razor sharp and Rebus is reminded of an unsolved murder at this hotel, dating back to 1978; an unsolved case in which Edinburgh bankers and pop stars were suspects. Rebus revisits the case, which becomes intertwined with others more actively pursued by the police in the coming week.

Malcolm has been promoted to a desk job at Gartcosh where Police Scotland have the Scottish Crime Campus. Meanwhile, Siobhan is investigating the mugging of Darryl Christie, a young gangster who, in Standing in Another Man's Grave, stepped into the void created by Big Ger's semi-retirement. Because HMRC are interested in a shell companies scheme involving Christie and banking scion Anthony Brough, Fox is sent back to Edinburgh to join Clarke's investigation. Then a retired policeman dies, drowned with his hands bound, shortly after talking to Rebus about the unsolved case. This brings a Gartcosh Murder Inquiry Team to Edinburgh, and Fox is asked to join them. Rebus manages to follow both enquiries, and Fox sees to it that Siobhan comes to the attention of the Gartcosh group, and so the three are again working together. Sadly, the title comes from a John Martyn song and not part of the lyrics of Creeping to the Cross by That Petrol Emotion.

22 In a House of Lies (2018): This one isn’t from Einstürzende Neubauten either, alas. Inspired by the murder of Daniel Morgan by rogue members of the Metropolitan Police, the book begins when some boys discover a car with a long-dead body in the boot, in a woodland which has been the subject of a real-estate dispute. Rebus, now suffering badly from COPD, having given up cigarettes and almost stopped drinking, worked the 2006 missing-persons case in the months before his original retirement. This is case widely agreed to have been badly handled. Rebus himself had tried to protect from publicity the missing man's lover, son of a detective inspector in the old Strathclyde Police, and had also been hoping to tie in Big Ger. The murder inquiry now is handled by a team from Police Scotland, but Siobhan and Malcolm are included. Clarke has recently been investigated by a corrupt pair of Anti-Corruption Unit cops for leaking information to a reporter, and she is being harassed by a mysterious person over a recent case which in fact she handled well. Rebus, at her request, re-investigates that case; he tangles with the ACU team, and hopes again to see Cafferty connected to the body-in-the-boot murder. It seems that, in the absence of family, job, hobbies or love interest, all that motivates Rebus to keep going is a desire to finally nail Big Ger.

23 A Song for the Dark Times (2020): This was the final one in the series I read, having devoured A Heart Full of Headstones back in early January. This is a desperately sad novel, with 75-year-old Rebus and 45-year-old Sammy thrown back together in terrible circumstances, following the murder of Sammy’s semi-estranged partner Keith. We’ve not met Keith before and, you know, I’m sorry we didn’t get to know him, as he seemed to have some interesting character traits. In the Prologue, Rebus moves down two flights of stairs to the ground-floor flat in the same Arden Street tenement, with a lot of help from Siobhan. His first morning in the new flat, he gets a call from his daughter Samantha saying her partner is missing.

Rebus immediately makes the long drive to the (fictional) village of Naver near Tongue in the extreme north of Scotland. He finds Keith’s body. In trying to discover why he was murdered, he gets to know his granddaughter’s father for the first time; Keith had been obsessed with the history of a nearby World War II prison camp, some of whose survivors settled locally and are still alive. The local police see Samantha as the obvious suspect in Keith’s murder. While Rebus can’t help considering this possibility, he frantically researches other options. Samantha is devastated and blames it all on him.

In Edinburgh, Siobhan and Malcolm are part of the Murder Inquiry Team looking into the mysterious killing of a Saudi student. This takes them into the world of wealthy international socialites and their financial projects. The dead man’s closest friend was a young Scottish aristocrat whose family trust owns most of the area around Tongue, so Rebus’s investigations overlap with Siobhan’s. Big Ger is the fourth point-of-view character. He now runs an exclusive club where he films the guests to obtain blackmail material, and he involves Fox in one of his blackmail projects. Though Fox plays along, Cafferty’s attempt to control him and his Police Scotland boss ultimately fails. At the end of the novel, a young thug with a gun, who Ger had earlier given a good kicking, is on his way to see Cafferty.

24 A Heart Full of Headstones (2022): The title comes from the song Single Father by Jackie Leven, four lines of which are quoted on the last page of the novel, which is set during the period when COVID-19 is a threat, but lockdown has ended, so probably in 2022. The novel is bookended by a prologue and epilogue both titled simply Now. In these, Rebus is on trial for a crime he commits at the end of Then, which incorporates the main narrative (divided into 8 days), which takes place not long before whereby Rebus, Siobhan and Malcolm all pursue their own investigations, though the cases come together around a policeman named Francis Haggard, stationed at Tynecastle in Edinburgh. The three of them frequently exchange information or ask each other for help. Clarke is at first working on the criminal aspect of Haggard's domestic abuse of his wife, which has resulted in their separation; Clarke interviews the wife, Cheryl, and her sister Stephanie Pelham, who has taken Cheryl in. Haggard is threatening to reveal the police corruption at Tynecastle unless the case is dropped. Then Haggard is murdered, and Police Scotland sets up a Major Inquiry Team (MIT) which includes both Clarke and Fox who, in his time in the Complaints had wanted badly to convict a Tynecastle cop, Sergeant Alan Fleck, now retired. In Fleck's day, Rebus had helped him, giving him tips and setting up a meeting with Big Ger. Fox's concerns push Rebus to recall how he tried both to fit in and to keep his integrity when dealing with Tynecastle. On the MIT, Fox represents the official concern with the old cases that Haggard, but also Fleck, are bringing up. Fox also represents other interests of Gartcosh, the administrative campus of Police Scotland, including possible links with smuggling of cars for Fleck's dealership and of drugs.

While Malcolm keeps his conscience clean by obeying the rules, Siobhan understands that Rebus's rule-breaking is usually in the interests of justice. As a woman, she could never be part of the privileged fraternity of old-fashioned policing, herself, but she accepts that sometimes the methods can be used to good ends. She is dismayed and sceptical when Francis Haggard claims that his wife-beating was a result of PTSD, caused by his years as a policeman and his participation in the culture of corruption, bullying, violence, and misogyny at Tynecastle station. As fervent supporters of James Connolly’s team, both Siobhan and I recognise the meaning implicit in such a location.

Rebus, meanwhile, has been assigned by Big Ger, whose criminal empire has crumbled, to look for a man named Jack Oram, supposedly so that Cafferty can apologize to him. This turns out to be a careful ploy to get Rebus to stir up trouble for the Mackenzie family: Fraser and Beth, an old flame of Ger, and their daughter Gaby, who owns a nightclub. They have taken over some of Cafferty's old businesses, including apartment rentals and drugs. Haggard was killed in an apartment rented to him by the Mackenzies, so they are also coming to the attention of the MIT. Jack Oram's son Tommy is working for the Mackenzies, and Rebus becomes somewhat friendly with him. Rebus pursues the various leads he turns up, though he doubts Jack Oram is still alive and he is more interested in what Cafferty is trying to accomplish. Clarke and Fox, along with the rest of the MIT, gradually trace Haggard's last day, using phone records, CCTV footage, and file boxes full of old investigations of the Tynecastle police station. Clarke is successful in identifying the murderer, and Fox informally promises her a promotion to DCI. Rebus, however, tries to pursue his investigation with a crowbar, and it does not end well for Big Ger, or Rebus.

Rankin has said that the story was inspired by several instances of police violence or misbehaviour, such as the 2021 murder of Sarah Everard, prompting him to devise a plot in which Rebus tries to clear his name as a bad cop, but Rebus was a bad cop as he was part of the culture that produces bad cops.” This is not the first novel where Rebus has an opportunity to think with regret about situations where he made mistakes; he recalls difficult past cases in Black and Blue, Resurrection Men and Saints of the Shadow Bible. As in those novels, Rebus both fears exposure of past misdeeds and examines his own motives at the time, trying to ascertain whether, in breaking the rules, he also crossed the moral lines he had drawn for himself. In this case, though, he is looking back specifically at situations in which Cafferty manipulated, when he was seen, as he still is by many, as the gangster's puppet. This can no longer be the case and Rebus is looking at spending the rest of his life behind bars as a result.

 Additionally, there are also these publications to consider -:

Rebus’s Scotland; A Personal Journey (2005): This is certainly no tourist handbook. Rather, it is an evocative ramble, illustrated by some fine photographs, round the places that made Rebus the man he is, and Ian Rankin too for that matter. A particularly enjoyable thing about Rebus is that Rankin has not made him a glib proselytiser for the cause of Scottish Independence. He voted NO in 1979 and undoubtedly did so again in 2014, if you take cognisance of his endless grumbles about the cost of the new Parliament. And don’t get on to the subject of Edinburgh’s trams, if you know what is good for you. To love Scotland does not necessarily mean you should allow the SNP and their desire to destroy working class unity by cuddling up to the Capitalist elite, to break the bonds forged in the Trade Unions and Labour movement. Rebus would be appalled at the presence of illegally obtained motor homes in Dunfermline (oft known as Vichy Fife), the defenestration of drug dealers in Hilltown or John Swinney’s treasonous tirade against the English. Well, at least it wasn’t against Argentina like Steve Clarke’s resignation speech.

The Beat Goes On; Collected Short Stories (2014): This includes the novella Death is not the End (1998) that is the central plot strand to Dead Souls (1999). It’s brilliant, but then again so are many of the companion pieces here; brief vignettes that provide a window into the soul of our Detective Inspector, which is possibly why I fell for the whole series. These short stories, along with so many other details (his record collection, his need for a pint and whenever possible, especially on work time, the hassles with women and his eventual companion Brillo the dog) are what makes the world of John Rebus all so real. Not to mention the weather, which is always brutal, whatever the season.

Long Shadows; Stage Play (2018): I’ve not seen either of the two Rebus stage plays, but I’ve read them and what pleases me is that they are both new stories. Long Shadows actually starred Charles Lawson, aka Jim MacDonald from Coronation Street, as Rebus. No doubt this would have made the untrammelled enmity towards Morris Gerald Cafferty rather authentic.

A Game Called Malice; Stage Play (2023): At the time of writing, this is the latest Rebus product to be published. A very engaging slice of bourgeois zeitgeist, with Rebus and a few pals at a dinner party, where the hostess introduces a game of murder mystery to entertain her guests. Rebus, of course, is the one who works things out. I’m not a great theatre lover, but I’d go to this, if it ever toured.



Finally…

25. Midnight and Blue (2024): It’s not out until October and I can hardly wait. You see, I’m really missing being inside the heads of Rebus, Siobhan and Malcolm. Ian Rankin is such a superb writer that he has made these fictional characters real for me and it feels like I’ve been living in Edinburgh for the last 6 months alongside them.

 

 

 

Monday, 17 June 2024

Blyth Dispirited

I did a gig in Blyth last week. It didn't go very well...


Ignoring the various spoken word only events I’ve performed at over the years, since I stumbled across the No Audience Underground scene, I’ve done three live gigs in the past two years. The first two were with Chris Bartholomew; at the Lit & Phil for a TQ Live soiree in August 2022, which I absolutely loved as it was in convivial surroundings with a supportive and appreciative crowd, then at the Lubber Fiend in April 2023, which I also enjoyed. The problem with that one was, literally, no audience. Other than Shelley, the only person who came to see us was unavoidably detained and missed our spot. Again, it was in a superb venue, though a couple of the audience members, who had already performed, were incredibly rude during the time we were on stage. What is it about live music that makes people want to talk? I know the stuff I do is weird, experimental and potentially challenging (ie: a total racket), but I do deserve to be heard. Surely?

The third and most recent gig was my first solo show since, ooh, July 1987, at Blyth Headway Arts Centre, supporting Deafbed for the launch of their Birth School Work Death album last Friday. Obviously, I’ll return to this evening in more detail, but suffice to say it was a fiasco; a disaster from start to finish and an evening that left me seriously contemplating an overdose in its aftermath.

The massive irony related to this is that I’ve become incredibly frustrated and slightly embittered by my experience of the alternative, experimental No Audience Underground scene on Tyneside, as it has proved almost impossible to break into the inner circle of movers and shakers. In short, despite my best efforts, I simply can’t find anyone prepared to give me a chance to perform live. Initially, during the time when Chris Bartholomew and I worked together, there was a degree of momentum behind our art; the aforementioned live shows and some real interest in our CD Dresden Heist, which came out in July 2023 and had sold out by September of that year, gave a sense that we were doing something worthwhile. Without any shadow of a doubt, Chris is a genius, and he deserves acclaim for his various projects, solo and collaborative. I’m sure he will continue to produce fascinating sounds and carve a niche for himself in the music industry. He doesn’t really need a ranting, semi-Dadaist anti musician cluttering up his career path. 

This can be demonstrated when you contrast the trajectory of his career post BARTHOLOMEW cusack with the pitiful flatlining of my solo ventures, as demonstrated by the utter failure of my CD, the earth is flat, which came out in January 2024; I’ve still got 10 copies left to flog. This is particularly galling as I’ve got almost another album’s worth of material to record, much of which I wanted to play live. Now, when I actually had a chance to air my sonic grievances in public, it all went to hell in a handcart, though I did manage to shift 1 CD and 2 copies of my poetry booklet, Violent Heterosexual Men.  Equally frustrating, a scene that I’d fondly imagined to be supportive and inclusive is as hard to break into as the Freemasons and populated by preening narcissists whose only concern is to shift their own product and get their grids all over the social networks run by other precious, performative popinjays. In that sense, I’m currently weighing up whether the most sensible course of action for my future sense of wellbeing is to give up live performances forever and to try and shift my product on-line and by word of mouth.

However, I do need to consider whether the simple truth is merely that my music is a load of crap, which is why nobody’s interested and I can’t get any gigs. Well, I’ve had some positive comments from talented, creative types that I admire: Alex Neilson, Simon Shaw and Kev Wilkinson for starters. Looking back on the earth is flat, there are probably a couple of pieces that shouldn’t be on there, as they weren’t good enough. That’s one danger I find from working solo; your levels of excitement often outweigh your sense of critical detachment. As a writer, I taught myself to be a ruthless editor. As a sound artist (you’ll notice I didn’t say musician), I need to be similarly decisive with the metaphorical blue pencil.

I was offered the Blyth gig by my former colleague and comrade, but also mate, Lee Dickson who is one of the most endlessly and effortlessly creative people I’ve ever met. His imagination spins like a Catherine Wheel, showering sparks of artistic excellence in all directions at an incredible rate. As a solo performer, he recently released Oddrophenia under his Gerry Mandarin moniker, though the 14thJune evening was to celebrate the release of his band Deafbed’s Birth School Work Death CD, as I said earlier. Before I dissect the sorry carcass of my death on stage that night, I must say I am in absolute gratitude to Lee for giving me the chance to perform live. Whatever happened on the evening, I’ll never be anything other than indebted to him. Also, Birth School Work Death is an absolute corker of an album; philosophical musings about the title subjects. It makes you think and I’m a great fan of it.

My set for this gig consisted of 7 pieces, scheduled to last around 30 minutes in total; 3 of them appeared on the earth is flat and it is my intention that the other 4 will be on the next release. I made the decision to play guitar rather bass and prepared 4 backing tracks accordingly, which I emailed over to Lee. I’d had a couple of run throughs of the set at home and, after an initially wobbly performance in the bedroom, thought I had things sorted for the actual gig. I took the bus up to Blyth with Shelley and Lewis (though he was just out for some fresh air and headed back home before the gig) and enjoyed a couple of beers on a sunny early evening on the terrace outside The Waterloo, before heading in for soundcheck.

Headway Arts is a deconsecrated church (I wouldn’t set foot in any other sort) and a really good space to play in. The central pews have been removed, for the most part, with tables and chairs in the middle of the room instead. There’s a bar at the back (with bags of Monster Munch in the snack trolley!!) and the staff are lovely. I didn’t fully soundcheck, in the sense of playing any numbers right through, but the levels were right for backing, guitar and voice, so I felt pretty confident. A third act was on the bill; this kind of rapping street poet. As he was a big, bald bloke, I acquiesced and decided to go on first. Coming back from a comfort break, I was caught off guard when Lee introduced me as I walked back into the performance space.

Ordinarily, I insist on performing barefoot, not as a tribute to Sandie Shaw, but because it makes me feel more settled and calmer. However, I didn’t get my shoes off this time as I had to be on stage immediately, so I took a deep breath and went for it. There were about 50 in the audience and, other than Shelley and Lee, I didn’t know anyone. To be fair, I hadn’t expected to. If people couldn’t be bothered to go to The Lubber Fiend for BARTHOLOMEW cusack, why would they trek out to Blyth to see me solo? I tried to be friendly and polite to the crowd, saying how nice it was to be in Blyth, how I hoped it would no longer be a Tory constituency come July 5th and how sad I was that Spartans got relegated. I tried the joke about how the difference between me and the Shunyata Improvisation Group and me was that their gigs started with 2 minutes silence while mine finished with that. It got a couple of laughs, so I felt alright as I started. How was I to know I was being so prescient?


First up was the semi sean nos number, My Singing Bird, which I first heard The Clancy Brothers do in about 1968. I really belted it out, with the hope that volume would mask technique and the intensity seemed to go down well as I had some applause. Secondly, I did the opening track from the earth is flat, They Killed My Hair, which I actually wrote in 1979 and required me to play guitar. My 1962 Hofner semi acoustic isn’t the loudest of instruments, but it did its job on this one as, again, there was some applause. Next up was a new one, Robbers & Cops, with a backing tape and me reading a piece of short fiction. I really like the music to this one and enjoyed not having to play guitar. The only problem with the latter section of the gig was that the backing tracks played immediately after each other, rather than having to be individually started, which in retrospect, would have been a much better idea.

Robbers & Cops ran straight into Universe of Life, which is the noisiest number on the earth is flat. However, already startled by the immediate switch from one piece to the next, I was thrown slightly off my guard by the fact my guitar wasn’t working properly. It was cutting in and out, before blanking completely. Unless you were next to me on stage, you wouldn’t hear a peep from it. Later, technical issues bedevilled Deafbed’s set, with microphone malfunctions and backing track gremlins, but for me the issue was my guitar dying. Universe of Life just doesn’t make sense without it, and I could see the audience beginning to drift. Their concentration was going, and I started to lose them around this time. Out of frustration, I tore the guitar off and gave it a good kicking on the stage; trying in vain to elicit feedback. This didn’t happen as there was nothing coming through the lead, so the piece dribbled to a close and unintentionally the next backing track started.

This was a real disaster as my 5th number, another new piece called Catford Bridge April 1972, is an unaccompanied spoken word piece, inserted so as slow the momentum before fairly intense closing numbers. I had to ask Lee to pause and reset the backing track, which wasted time and lost me even more audience goodwill. I could see some people at the front laughing at me, which I found humiliating. Even worse, when I finally started to perform Catford Bridge April 1972, a bunch of pissed blokes at the back were shouting and roaring at each other. They were louder than I was through the microphone, and I wasn’t sure whether to burst into tears or set about them. In the end, I did neither. I got off stage and tried to reason with them. Of course, using logic to debate with pissed people is pointless and I should either have asked them from on stage to hush or ignored them, as I got nowhere trying to be reasonable. Unfortunately, I called one of them a drunkard, which resulted in him getting even more arsey and me to be on the end of the rapper’s wrath later on.

I went back on stage and did the two final pieces, Where is Bryan Connors? and Words are Dead, both of which utilised backing tracks; the first with me on voice and the second with me holding up a Palestinian flag. Suffice to say, the atmosphere was ruined, and half the audience were outside smoking, and the rest were talking. What had started off as a positive experience ended with me dying on stage. I could have burst into tears when I finished. There was a deathly silence. Not one single person, other than Lee, said “well done” or anything like that. I didn’t get any insults either. I just got ignored.

That changed when the rapper took the stage as he immediately unleashed a tirade of abusive invective, directed at me, because I’d called the noisy bloke a drunkard. You see the rapper is in recovery, which is what all of his screeds of rhyming couplets were about. According to him, this gives him the right to direct ad hominem abuse at me. I sat there, on the verge of tears, wanting the whole world to swallow me up, but I didn’t say anything. The rapper is a big bloke, and his posse of followers were equally muscular. Consequently, I remained mute and anguished as he called me out from on stage. How I wish he could just have had a quiet word with me, instead of humiliating me in public. I tried to talk to him about this after his set, but I didn’t get anywhere.

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur. Deafbed were really good musically, technical issues aside and deserved the excellent reception they received. Me? We went home and I wanted to take an overdose. If Shelley hadn’t supported me and held my sobbing body in her arms as I fell asleep, I probably would have done. The evening had been an utter fiasco and I felt as low as I’ve done since my last suicidal episodes in 2020 and 2022.

However, I’m still here and a few days on I can rationalise. The support I had on Facebook was amazing and genuinely touching. Not only from close friends, but from some of my musical heroes, such as Lavinia Blackwall, Chris Frantz, Kevin Lycett, Emma Reed, Simon Shaw, Martin Stephenson, Linda Thompson and John Trubee. If the man who wrote Blind Man’s Penis is speaking up for me, than the world will be okay, as shown by the message in a fortune cookie I opened on Saturday night.



If I ever get offered a gig again, unlikely I know, I’ll take more care with my backing tracks and how they are cued up for starters. I’ll also not play guitar, sticking to the bass in all probability. Then again, I may never play live again as this was such an emotionally draining experience. I just don’t feel strong enough to go through such an ordeal again. That said, I will continue to write words and sounds, with the intention of inflicting them on the general public.

 

 

 

 


Tuesday, 11 June 2024

No Run

 You think England are in a bit of bother at the T20 World Cup? Try checking on the form of Tynemouth 3s...

May 18th:

For just over an hour on Friday 17th May, spectators at Preston Avenue were treated to a glorious display of pugilistic batting by the home side as they took on Ashington in the NEPL T20 group stage opening fixture. Having recovered from the loss of cup skipper Matt Kimmitt first ball and Aussie Josh Moors for a 2-ball 6, Matty Brown got things moving with an 18-ball 31, ably supported by Robbie Bowman (18). It was then the fireworks began with debutant Bill Meacock (54*) and Joe Snowdon (35*) putting on an unbroken 94, taking Tynemouth to 150/4 after 16 overs when a new kind of Baz Ball intervened. The sea fret than enveloped the ground was redolent of Rathbone-era Sherlock Holmes flicks, such as The Hound of the Baskervilles and, with visibility down to a couple of feet, the umpires were left with no option but to abandon the game. A great shame as a sizeable crowd had been enjoying the explosive hitting on display.

On Saturday morning, Tynemouth 1s were at home again. The first home league game of the season saw a strong looking Felling team as the opposition. This was the first time the new terrace was used by spectators and whilst still to be completed, it has transformed the area in front of the Pavilion. Huge thanks to Marcus Turner and Pete Brown for their efforts from everyone at the Club. For the second week in a row we saw a terrific game of cricket and a scarcely believable run chase from the home side, as Tynemouth (271/2) beat Felling (267/7) by 8 wickets.

Felling Captain Seb Allison won the toss and decided to have a bat first on a day of sun then fret, more sun and more fret. The wicket looked flat and true and was enjoyed by all the batters on the day. It was hard yakka for the bowlers! The excellent Travis Norris opened for Felling, but his partner Alan Mustard went early for just 1 run, caught behind by Robbie Bowman off Barry Stewart. Norris was joined by Tyler Easton and the pair put together an impressive 95 run partnership. Norris seemed in control. Solid in defence and then opening his shoulders when given any opportunity. Several shots through mid-wicket were full of authority.  However the switch to spin proved crucial for Tynemouth skipper Martin Pollard, as Aussie Josh Moors had Norris caught and bowled in his first over for a quality 68 off just 59 balls.

This was a good spell for Tynemouth as Moors and Pollard slowed down the scoring rate and took the wickets of Alasdair Appleby, Jordan Watson and Tyler Easton leaving the game nicely poised at 150 /5. Eddie Hurst then joined skipper Allison and the team put the tiring Tynemouth bowlers and fielders to the sword with a partnership of 117 in quick time. Hurst was neat and tidy with a few nudges here and the odd big shot too, but it was Allison who really stole the show with a terrific innings of 80 off just 54 balls. A couple of mighty straight hits send rugby players and spectators scattering over at Percy Park who were hosting their annual 7 a side competition. Pollard and Stewart were perhaps the pick of the bowlers; the latter ending with 3/34, but this was a tough day, and several dropped catches didn’t help. 267 looked a big score and it was Felling who were confident of victory at the break.

A good start for the home team was essential if they had any chance and it was provided in the form of Ben Debnam and Matt Kimmitt. Debnam looked back to his positive and decisive best and along with the flowing Kimmitt took the score to 92, before Kimmitt was clean bowled by the experienced Paul Leonard for 40 and soon after Debnam was bowled for 39 with the score at 103/2 and the chase very much on.

Matt Brown joined Robbie Bowman and the two put together a top class undefeated match winning partnership of 168. Brown was in imperious form from the start combining power with great timing and striking the ball to all corners of the field. 5 sixes and 7 fours were a joy to watch for the decent crowd enjoying the best of the day’s weather. Bowman, at just 16 years of age, played with great maturity. Settling in at first before going through the gears when the rate went to around 7.5 per over. A watching Glen Harrison, father of Freddie and very involved at the excellent Esher CC who play in the Surrey PL was watching his first NEPL game and could not have picked a better one to watch. He, along with the rest of us there, will remember this game for some time and especially the special partnership between Bowman and Brown. Chapeau! The win takes Tynemouth to joint second in the League with 2 wins from 2 a good start to the season. Next week the Club is away to Benwell Hill. Here is a copy of the full scorecard

 https://nepremierleague.play-cricket.com/website/results/6177845

Across at High Heworth Lane, Tynemouth 2s shaded a tight contest by 6 runs over their Felling counterparts. Batting first, Tynemouth made 236/6, with Marcus Turner the undoubted star. Following on from last week’s unbeaten 75, he posted a superb 101. Support was provided by Chris Fairley (33) and Dan McGee, while young George Stewart’s unbeaten 18 should not be ignored. In reply, Felling (230/7) fell agonisingly short. On the weekend that Ben Stokes returned to the domestic game, it was perhaps fitting that the man who made the England captain the star he is today, the elegant James Carr, made his first appearance of the season. His 2/51 may have been expensive, but he was the most successful of Tynemouth’s bowlers.

Tynemouth 3s hosted Lions at Prior’s Park, to accommodate the Percy Park 7s tournament on the back field at Preston Avenue. Sady, the change of location brought no change of fortune, despite the astute tactical services to dispense with the previously ever present ian cusack. Batting first, Lions made 178/8. Ed Snelders (1/17) and Dan Storey (1/14) were economic, while Andrw Davison (4/50) was successful but expensive. In reply, the 3s subsided to 92 all out. Interim skipper Chris Beever (33) again top scored, but only Hamish Swaddle-Scott (20) gave any support as the innings crumbled. Tynemouth Sunday 3s (169/6) lost by 2 runs to sunderland (171/9). Joel Hull-Denholm (3/34) and Lewis Gault (3/15) were the pick of the bowlers, while Hull-Denholm (88) and Sean Aditjandra (43) top scored in a chase that saw them fall agonisingly short.

Tynemouth women’s softball cricket teams were in action on Sunday 12th May. It was organised as a double header so that both the teams were playing at the same time. The Gems are in the South Northumberland league and the Willows are in the North Northumberland league. Unfortunately Alnwick conceded their game against the Willows, but the Gems had their first fixture of the season hosting Riding Mill. They opted to field after winning the toss and made a great start keeping the visitors to 53 runs and took 5 wickets. Keeping level heads the pairs batted well and consistently with several 4’s being scored. They finished on 132 runs and only lost 1 wicket. On Sunday 19th 10 of our players travelled to Corbridge to compete in the first women’s softball festival of the season. We were drawn to play against, South North, Stocksfield and Bates Cottages. Following a great team effort, we won all of our games and were over all winners on the day.

I wasn’t selected for the 3s game against Lions, on account of the fact it was a home game and therefore availability was far higher than usual, so I took the opportunity to have a day off the cricket and saw my final game of the football season, Gosforth Bohemians 4 Newcastle University A 4, which I blogged about the other week: payaso de mierda: Bohemian Rhapsody (payaso-de-mierda.blogspot.com)

 May 25th:

Tynemouth first team has made a good start to the season. On Saturday they travelled to Denton Bank to play Benwell Hill and came away with another win, by a margin of 95 runs; a result that puts them second in the table with three wins from three matches.

After more heavy rain in the days leading up to the game there were concerns it might not get played. However, a combination of lots of sun on the Saturday morning and positive efforts from the home team’s ground staff ensured we got a game played, though the outfield remained soft throughout the day and the wicket was green throughout. Not a typical Hill wicket but one that produced a good contest between bat and ball. Home skipper Pete Halliday won the toss and not surprisingly decided to have a bowl first. Ben Debnam took first guard and had Matt Kimmitt as his opening partner once again. At first the pair were cautious whilst assessing conditions though slowly but surely they began to play more positively, especially Kimmitt whose footwork was exemplary.

Luke Mussett and Callum Harding opened the bowling and Mussett bowled well without much luck until he produced an away swinger that touched the edge of Debnam’s bat and was well caught by skipper Halliday at first slip for 15 to leave Tynemouth at 45/1. Not long after Kimmitt was caught at mid-wicket for a well-made 42 and when Robbie Bowman top edged a sweep shot, he was caught on the boundary for 12, the score was 95 /3. Matt Brown and Josh Moors then got together and looked to counterattack. Moors was aggressive from the start going after the bowling with real intent. His innings of 33 off just 26 balls included two sixes and two fours, but he maybe went for one big shot too many and was bowled by Max Williamson. Brown continued to play with real authority, but wickets began to fall at the other end as Overseas Pro Yash Kothari put the brakes on proceedings. 147/3 at one point became 177/7 and Brown was running out of partners. This was when the experienced Barry Stewart arrived at the crease and played a great hand. A simple plan of working the ball into gaps and hitting the occasional bad ball complimented the positive play of Matty Brown who top scored with a terrific innings of 69 off just 74 balls and including five maximums. Sean Longstaff also played with a lot of common-sense helping Barry Stewart take the final score to 240, as Stewart made a valuable 28. Kothari, Mussett and Williamson took a couple of wickets each but at the close of innings it was Tynemouth who looked the happier side with such a good score on the board.

The experienced Phil Bell and Durham Academy Player Hayden Mustard opened up for the Hill and were faced by Tynemouth’s opening attack of Sean Longstaff and Barry Stewart. Mustard seemed in a hurry but after clipping a lovely six off his legs he was tempted into a ball that lifted a touch off a length and he was well held by Matt Brown at slip off the bowling of Longstaff. This was an impressive return as he ran in with good rhythm and decent pace to unsettle the top order. Ranji Trophy batter Kothari came to the crease and a big innings was needed. However, Longstaff had him adjudged lbw for just 7 leaving the innings in trouble at 37/2 and with two key players back in the hutch. This confident and young Tynemouth team were in no mood to let up. Matty Brown replaced Barry Stewart at the West Road end and he found good lines and lengths and also the edge of Joe Anderson’s bat, a nice catch from the standing Bowman. Josh Moors replaced Longstaff, and he accounted for the wickets of the determined Bell and skipper Halliday in consecutive overs leaving the Hill in big trouble at 67/5.

Rory Hanley and William Archbold put together a partnership of 40 but once again Moors did the trick tempting Archbold out of his crease only to sky the ball to the waiting Longstaff. Freddie Harrison was now bowling in tandem with Moors and the two leggies were showing off their skills. There are not many moving parts with a Moors delivery, but he bowls with decent pace and good control for a leggy. Attacks the pad and the stumps. Harrison is quite different in his approach. Lots of arm movement and a somewhat swirling approach to the crease. Both were in form here though and between them picked up 7/52 from 17 overs to ensure the Tynemouth victory was a comfortable one. A word also for two fine young wicket keepers today in Hayden Mustard and Robbie Bowman. No surprise both are attached to Durham CCC. Mustard’s dive and grab to dismiss Barry Stewart was terrific as was a diving catch by Bowman standing up to Josh Moors to dismiss Dan Gardner. Tynemouth’s fielding was enthusiastic, and all of the bowlers did their jobs in a good all-round performance.

Simultaneously, Tynemouth 2s entertained the Hill 2s at Preston Avenue. Batting first, the home team were indebted to Marcus Turner (77), who remains in phenomenal form after his return to competitive cricket. He was ably supported by brother Anthony (27) and Wallsend-born Graeme Hallam (25) in a slightly disappointing total of 159/8. In reply, the Hill knocked off the runs for the loss of 2 wickets, both taken by the mature Hallam.

The Saturday 3s were inactive as their away game against Newcastle 3s was their fifth cancellation on account of inclement weather; a fate that also befell the Sunday 3s game against Whitburn Academy. However, Monday did see the 3s in some form of action, in the shape of a curtailed contest against Newcastle Superkings at Tantobie. Batting first, Richy Hay’s side, including the inexplicably recalled ian cusack, made a modest 59/7 from 20 overs. Skipper Hay top scored with a pugnacious 18, given good support by the watchful Ewan Aditjandra (13). The two of them made an impression during the Super Kings’ reply, with the first two wickets being excellent catches by Aditjandra off the bowling of Hay. If the talk of Tynemouth CC on Saturday was the performance of Sean Longstaff, then on Monday it was the bowling of Sean Aditjandra that was the topic on everyone’s lips. After an elegant first ball dismissal, he somewhat made up for things by bowling Krishnan, with an unplayable and almost indescribable delivery on leg stump. It was to be Tynemouth’s last success, as Super Kings won by 7 wickets with 9 overs to spare.

On the Saturday, I actually spent the time indoors, watching the FA Cup final for the first time in years, but I did get out the house on Monday, to play for the 3s away in far flung Tantobie. I joked the other year that I ought to write a guidebook to North West Durham (no doubt soon to be known as the Mossad-controlled exclave of Tel Akehurst), as I’ve played at Annfield Plain, Consett, Greenside, Leadgate, Lintz, Shotley Bridge and now Tantobie, for the 3s. One of the things I love most about the 3s is going to grounds I’ve never been to before and will probably never visit again, such as this one, which may be unique in the fact it hosts clubs in both the Durham Cricket League (Tantobie) and NTCL (Newcastle Super Kings). One thing that is definite about this place is that I

it really is a long way from home and very high up. Frankly, considering how it was banging it down in Tynemouth, I was amazed we had a game to go to, but we did manage an uninterrupted spell of play, once we got started. Chad was my chauffeur and we arrived considerably earlier than we did at Leadgate. At which point I nearly passed out as I realised Newcastle Super Kings included several of the Cowgate side I had issues with last season. However, you’ll be delighted to know I behaved impeccably and shook hands after the game. I suppose it helped that we got absolutely walloped.

June 1st:


After months of unceasing rain, June ushered in the first Saturday of Summer with clear blue skies, a gentle breeze and warm temperatures. Ideal cricketing weather, but unfortunately, the two sides turned out by Tynemouth CC that played at Preston Avenue fell to defeats.

Commencing their run of red ball win / lose / draw fixtures, Tynemouth 1s batted first when entertaining Burnopfield, but were only able to post a disappointing 145 all out from 41 overs. That modest total was made possible by excellent knocks from Matty Brown (42) and Robbie Bowman (35), who both played with trademark verve and attacking intent. Joe Snowdon (19) also contributed, but none of the others made a meaningful score.

Tynemouth’s attempt at bowling out the visitors was hampered when Barry Stewart was injured in his second over. At the other end, Sean Longstaff bowled 15 beautiful overs unchanged from the golf course end, returning figures of 15-2-39-4, including a sublime caught and bowled to dismiss Freddie Geffen. Sadly, Tynemouth’s coterie of spinners were unable to make inroads and Burnopfield, largely on account of Ben McKinney’s glorious unbeaten 92, came home by 5 wickets in the 34th over.

Meanwhile, Tynemouth Saturday 3s hosted Greenside 2s. In a game where scoring runs proved to be beyond the ken of even the Galacticos line-up the 3s were able to name, Tynemouth managed 81 all out from 32 overs. The single batting point accrued was mainly down to a stellar contribution of 28 by Extras. Well done also to skipper Richy Hay who hit his side’s only boundary, not to mention Dom Askins (13) and Dan Storey (10*). Despite the best efforts of Chris Beever (4-37), Greenside scored the runs in an even more funereal 34 overs, to win by 4 wickets.

Tynemouth 2s travelled to Gateshead Fell on Saturday in their first 105 over game of the season but lost by 20 runs in a disappointing display.  Captain Chris Fairley, who we are to thank for penning this section of the report, had no hesitation in bowling first and, despite some early resistance from the attacking Muthe and the stubborn duo of Meek Junior and Senior, this initially appeared to be a good decision. Andrew Smith and Josh Koen opened the bowling, and both settled in well, troubling the batters regularly. The introduction of 13 year old George Stewart, brought about the key wicket of Meek Senior. Wickets started to fall regularly after his departure, with Bennett taking 3 wickets and at one stage the Fell were struggling at 81-7. Unfortunately, Tynemouth were unable to capitalise, and the Fell managed some crucial late order partnerships to post a competitive total of 129 all out on a tricky surface. Smith finished with 3 wickets, Koen 1 (in a 14 over spell) and Robson 1, with Robson also involved in a sharp run out.

Fairley and Patrick Hallam opened for Tynemouth, but the innings got off to the worst possible start when Fairley was adjudged lbw in the first over. Hallam, Hull-Denholm and the man in form, Marcus Turner, all shortly followed. Tynemouth were in further trouble at 20-5 when Smith was bowled by Angus. Andrew Linehan, return to the scene of his viral internet downfall, was harshly given out lbw for the second week running, before Sam Robson and Koen showed application and patience to put on 40 before Robson was bowled. Graeme Hallam came to the crease and he and Koen continued to defy the Fell’s bowling and Tynemouth had some hope before Hallam was trapped lbw with the score just under 100. Koen was bowled for a battling 30 soon after and Tynemouth were ultimately dismissed for 109. Tynemouth taking only 4 bowling points from the game. The Sunday 3s claimed their first win of the season away to Ashington, where George Stewart (95*) was the star of the show.

Again, a stellar line-up for the 3s meant my services were not required, but with Vince on holiday, someone had to do the 1s report, which I dutifully did, watching the two sides lose almost simultaneously. I was glad I went down though, as it gave me a chance to catch up with the likes of Strez and Jimmy Carr, who I’d hardly seen all season, other than in B&Q in the latter’s case, where he helpfully guided me to the Polyfilla aisle. It was another deeply disappointing result, but I fully accept that my presence in the team wouldn’t have made a blind bit of difference to the eventual outcome.

June 8th:


A busy week for Tynemouth Cricket Club started with an 8-wicket win over Percy Main in the Tyneside Charity Bowl on Wednesday 5th June. Ostensibly a first team competition, availability issues dictated that Tynemouth fielded something of a Carling Cup team. Percy Main batted first and registered 83/5 from their 20 overs, with Neil Bennett bowling an impressively tight spell of 3-1-4-1 and Martin Pollard (2-0-4-1) displaying similar parsimony. Tynemouth, despite the loss of two early wickets, cruised home in a little over 10 overs, courtesy of another fine knock by George Stewart (35*), ably assisted by Patrick Hallam (25*). The next round of the competition sees Tynemouth travel to the atmospheric home of Cramlington Cricket Club on Wednesday 12th June.

The night after, Tynemouth qualified for the knockout stages of the NEPL T20 Competition despite losing their final group game by 11 runs to South Northumberland at Preston Avenue. South North batted first and made a par score of 143 /9 having recovered from 81/6 and then 100/7. Aussie Pro Tom Rogers made 45 but it was 28 from just 21 balls from David Edwards and 19 from 11 balls from Olly McGee that got their team out of jail with some big shots in the last 3 overs. Owen Gourley returned to form with excellent figures of 4/24 from his 4 overs.

Tynemouth looked likely winners, on reaching 82/3 off 13 overs but no one was able to play the all-important match winning innings. In the end, it was one that rather got away but qualification was secured by finishing second in the Group and they play this Friday 14th June at Shotley Bridge in the knock out phase of the competition. Unfortunately, a horses for courses policy will not be in operation as ian cusack, who spent an assured evening as an emergency short fine leg in this competition a couple of years ago, is unavailable as he’s playing a gig at some community centre in Blyth. Entry is free, predictably.

Tynemouth’s first team travelled to Gosforth on Saturday to take on South Northumberland, the seemingly perennial NEPL champions. They put on a terrific performance too, outplaying their opponents for large parts of the game and coming away with a deserved winning draw, garnering 17 points in the process. It was a cool, blustery but bright day and the ground was in great shape. Credit to Head Groundsman Craig Thompson for producing a superb wicket and a billiard table outfield that was perfect for cricket. Home skipper Adam Cragg won the toss and decided to have a bowl first and look to chase down any first innings score.

Ben Debnam found himself with a new opening partner this week, in the shape of Tynemouth debutant Stan McAlindon; a pace bowler and a rookie contracted player with Durham CCC. Returning from injury, he was unable to bowl but showed he is a more than capable batter too. South North opened up with pace at both ends. Big Bash bowler Tom Rogers in full flight at one end and the pacy Sean Tindale at the other. Tindale struck first with a beauty that caught the outside edge of Debnam’s bat and was caught routinely by keeper Rob Peyton. Robbie Bowman then joined McAlindon and both were subjected to some testing bowling with an emphasis on the short stuff.  Both batters showed good technique but had to take a few blows including one that required Bowman to leave the field for a while when on just 3. The in form Matthew Brown then joined McAlindon and they put together a fine partnership of 102 initially seeing off the new ball and then flourishing as things calmed down. McAlindon was a revelation. Standing tall and composed at the crease there’s just a small trigger movement and then a confident move forward or back. A player with a bit of time and like all bowling all-rounders, he loved the chance to bat up the order. Some elegant drives through extra cover and some clips off the pads through mid-wicket perhaps highlights of a most encouraging start for the club. Brown at the other end also found his rhythm combining some lusty blows with elegant drives and sound defence. Just before lunch Tynemouth were in control at 118/1 but then Aussie Pro Rogers returned and took the wickets of Brown, Kimmitt and Moors in rapid succession, changing the momentum back in his sides favour, and leaving the lunch time score at 120/4.

Joe Snowdon joined McAlindon after lunch but also fell to Rogers and Tynemouth were in trouble at 132 /5. It was time for Robbie Bowman to return and face the hostile Rogers. A first bouncer was well left and when a second one arrived Bowman hit it straight into the gardens beyond the boundary for six! He may have been shaken earlier but he was certainly stirred now and showed great batting skills, and a strong mind, to share in a match changing partnership of 67 with McAlindon, taking the score to 199/6. McAlindon will be pleased with his innings of 81 but also a tad frustrated at rather giving his wicket away when a debut century beckoned. Bowman now took over and was in full flow hitting boundaries seemingly at will until he top edged one up in the air and was caught for a wonderful 69 off just 67 balls. Tynemouth were 230/7 now and had a competitive score but Freddie Harrison with 25 and Sean Longstaff with 22 shared in a smart 7th wicket stand of 41 at a run a ball when skipper Martin Pollard declared the innings on 273/8.

Champions have a way though and South North no doubt felt this was a target they could reach on such a good pitch and fast outfield, but they were hit with two early blows as first Simon Birtwistle was caught by Sean Longstaff for just 1 off the bowling of Owen Gourley and then Longstaff followed up by clean bowling Sol Bell for just 4. A perfect start for Tynemouth. Chris Hewison hit a couple of lovely straight drives but was well caught by Freddie Harrison again off Longstaff for 12 leaving the run chase faltering at 32/3. Longstaff was in the middle of a fine spell of accurate and testing pace bowling keeping the ball pitched up and making the batters play. Nikhil Gorantla and Sean Tindale were now together for the home team and slowly got the innings back on track. Gorantla is a fine player. Elegant but solid as a rock and he made his way effortlessly to a half century before inexplicably deciding to hit Matt Brown down the ground and over the top, but mishit it straight to Ben Debnam who took a tumbling catch to dismiss the dangerman. This seemed to rattle South North. Tindale went soon after, caught Brown bowled Harrison for 31, then soon after Matthew Brown bowled Adam Cragg with a beauty leaving the chase in tatters at 118/6 and Tynemouth looking to force a win. However despite setting attacking fields and bowling and fielding well South North held on for the draw finishing on 173/8 at the close. Rogers with 32 off 54 balls their saviour.

All of the Tynemouth bowlers played their part, and the catching today was exemplary. Longstaff 3/53, Brown 2/32 and Harrison 2/46 perhaps the pick. This was another impressive showing from the team and leaves them in 3rd place in the League with a third of the season gone.

Tynemouth 2s hosted their South North counterparts at Preston Avenue and got back to winning ways, triumphing by 4 wickets. Stand in skipper Andrew Smith won the toss and had no hesitation in fielding first. Wickets fell regularly and at one stage South North were struggling at 131/8. However, as often appears to be the case, Tynemouth struggled to take the final two wickets and Ben Sidney-Wilmot (48*) batted maturely to get South North up to a competitive total of 197/8. Wickets were shared around the Tynemouth bowing attack with 8 different options used. Neil Bennett 3/31 off 12 and Dan Thorburn 2/3 off 4 were the pick of the bowlers.

In reply, a good start was crucial and Thorburn (25) and Anthony Turner (30) managed just that, seeing off a testing opening spell and putting on 63 for the first wicket. However, both fell in the space of a few balls and Joel Hull-Denholm (47) and Patrick Hallam (32) had to rebuild. Tynemouth looked in control at 130/2 when Hallam was out caught. A quickfire 26 from George Stewart got Tynemouth to within 30 of the total but then Tynemouth lost him, Hull-Denholm and the experienced Lineham in quick succession. This left the game in the balance with all 3 results possible. However, the experienced Smith and Shams saw the 2s home with 8 balls left and 4 wickets remaining to ensure a much needed victory for the home side, with Tynemouth taking 24 points from the game.

Tynemouth Saturday 3s made the short trip to Churchill Playing Fields for El Coastico against Monkseaton and came up just short, losing an absorbing and courteous contest by 15 runs. Fielding first, every one of Tynemouth’s bowlers put in a superb performance. Skipper Richy Hay (1/28) was given great support by Ed Snelders (2/34), both wickets seeing superb catches by Lewis Gault, Dom Askins (1/38), Dan Storey (1/9) and Rohan George (2/13), including a brave caught and bowled that showed the value of his new contact lenses. Unfortunately, on an outfield similar to Murrayfield, where Monkseaton’s Sam Maguire had seen Taylor Swift the night before, rapid scoring was never easy, despite the seemingly modest target of 130. Skipper Hay (55) was at his belligerent best, but his pugnacious knock was not enough, despite brave assistance from last man out Storey (16) and Vishaal Goel (12), with every run coming behind square. Tynemouth were all out for 114 but were far from disgraced.

The Sunday 3s lost a rain-shortened game to Felling by 8 wickets. Batting first, Tynemouth posted 165/5, with George Stewart (46) contributing an astonishing 202 runs in one week for various teams. Joel Hull-Denholm (42) and Sean Aditjandra (27) were also in fine form. Sadly, despite an excellent spell from Emily whiting (1/23), Felling reached their revised target with ease.

Finally, Tynemouth Willows softball side had a local derby away to Tillside. Leaving the rain behind and heading north to glorious sunshine, the Willows won the toss and chose to field first and put Tillside into bat. With some early wickets, and great team work, Tillside finished their innings on 240 and had lost 8 wickets. In return the Willows lost 6 wickets but scored 244 runs in what was a close fought game.

I enjoyed watching the game on Wednesday night, in the company of Fanta, Hallaz and Vince, especially as Bob and Stevie from the football club were just the other side of the fence. Great to see the club bouncing back from Gav Hattrick decamping to West Allotment with the coaching squad and half the players. Good luck to them two divisions higher; they deserve a crack at things for all the good work they put in over the previous 2 years at Purvis Park.

Back to the cricket and I was playing at Monkseaton on Saturday. I had been worried that a certain performative narcissist would be shouting his ill-informed mouth off behind the timbers, but apparently, he’s spat the dummy and flounced off because he got dropped to the 2s. Tell you what; their new wicket keeper is a massive improvement on the fella from Tory NE3. As regards my own contribution, what can I say? I faced one ball, which means I’ve faced 3 so far this season and not scored a run as yet. That’s not a great amount of involvement, considering I’ve also not bowled a ball yet this season. Despite the enormous enjoyment I get from playing, I sense my aches and pains I endure the days after, simply from standing around at backward square or short fine leg, are a sign my body is telling me this should be my last season, as I enter the 8th and final of Erikson's Psychosocial Stages. It seems to be a message my teammates are on board with as well.

There’s nothing positive to be gained from growing old, let me tell you.