Monday 25 July 2022

Forty Third Man

Things were starting to look bleak for Tynemouth 3s, not that they look appreciably brighter now it has to be said but bear with me. After 10 appearances in Division 5 (South) of the Northumberland and Tyneside Cricket League, plus another in the Dr Tom Barlow Memorial Cup, I’d played my part in 11 straight defeats, scored 11 runs, taken a single catch and bowled 2 whole overs for 13 runs, as the team sunk to a relegation spot. Something had to change. We needed a victory and, let’s be honest, I wasn’t going to magic one up from the meagre store of my questionable talents, was I? Hence, for the week ending of July 24th, Tynemouth CC put out 6 teams (The 2s were playing 3 times because of cup ties), with the 66 playing spots filled by 42 players; one person played 4 times, 6 lads made 3 appearances, 9 of them turned out twice, 26 others donned the whites on a single occasion and one solitary member was left kicking his heels. Me. The 43rd Man. 

Statistics don’t lie; the 3s won by 9 wickets in my absence. That’s a consolation of sorts, but having watched the 1s lose away to Sunderland, I think I’d prefer to play in future. We’ll see if that happens, but in the meantime, here’s an annotated account of my cricketing adventures since early June.


Week 9:
The week ending June 12th was one of mixed fortunes for Tynemouth Cricket Club’s four senior teams. The first XI were at home to Ashington on Friday night in an NEPL 20/20 group stage encounter. With both sides having won their opening 2 games, the stakes were high with only 1 side progressing from each 6-team group. Batting first, Tynemouth posted 148/8, with David Mansfield (42) the top scorer, ably assisted by useful contributions from Matt Kimmitt (22), Stuart Poynter (20) and Esam Rahman (19). Unfortunately, this was not to be enough, as Ashington reached the target off the last ball, for the loss of 7 wickets, despite the usual Stakhanovite efforts from Martin Pollard, who returned figures of 4-35.

While regular visitors to Preston Avenue are accustomed to seeing Sean and Matty Longstaff in attendance, it was another John Spence alumni who stole the headlines on Friday. Local rock superstar Sam Fender showed up to give his support to the Croons. Sam may be famous for 17 Going Under, the game versus Ashington was decided by the 16 wides sent down by Tynemouth bowlers, effectively giving the opposition 3 extra overs to achieve the total.

On Saturday the first team travelled to Ropery Lane to take on Chester Le Street at their picturesque ground. Weather conditions were a mix of sun and cloud but a blustery south westerly kept temperatures down and sweaters on. Stand in skipper Stewart Poynter won the toss for the away side and decided to put the home side in on what looked a terrific wicket. Captain John Coxon and wicket keeper Jacob McCann opened up for the Keets and got on top of the bowling from the start. Coxon in particular looked in great nick and he brought up his own half century in just the 15th over. His innings was ended though by Martin Pollard for a fine 64. At lunch Chester had moved the score onto 137/1 from 33 overs and a big first innings total and an early declaration looked certain.

However the Tynemouth bowlers had other ideas. Esam Rahman changed ends and ran in with great conviction to claim the wickets of McCann for 72 and then Smith and Cranston for low scores. When Martin Pollard had Quentin Hughes caught by Kimmitt the home side had slipped to 181/5. Seamers Andrew Smith, Neil Bennett and Isaac Murray toiled hard and helped restrict the scoring rate. Murray in particular can be pleased with his bowling. A tidy line and length at just above medium pace worked well and in the context of the innings his figures of 10 overs, 2 wickets for 37 runs were excellent. But it was Aussie Rahman who was causing the damage at the other end and when he returned for a final short spell he blew away the tail. The home sides total of 257 was a good one but they needed 58 overs to get them, giving Tynemouth a better chance of a draw if the win proved beyond them. Rahman took 6/77 bowling with good pace and unsettling all of the batters with a mix of balls short of a length and then going full. A fine spell of bowling.

Ben Debnam and Andrew Smith opened up for Tynemouth, but after last week’s heroics could only muster 6 this week before Smith was adjudged LBW off the lively Liam Simpson. Professional Stewart Poynter started well but will be disappointed to be caught at Mid-Wicket  for 18 off a short delivery again from Simpson who then took his 3rd wicket in his next over; a beauty that caught the glove of Matt Kimmitt on route to the slips. Esam Rahman then joined Debnam and the two began a rebuilding job taking the score to 91 when Debnam was run out for a well put together 44. Once again, the middle order faltered and 91/4 soon became 107/7 and any chance of a win had gone. However Rahman was defending stoutly and with the tail offering up some help a draw looked possible. 52 overs had to be navigated and it was. Rahman remained undefeated. His 119 ball innings a testament to both his technique and his patience and with the draw secured he launched the final ball of the match out of the ground to bring up a personal milestone of a half century in an innings that was all about helping his team earn a draw. A wonderful all round effort from Esam on the day. Chapeau! Isaac Murray also remained not out, showing admirable Yorkshire grit when it was needed.

Tynemouth 2s qualified for the NEPL 2nd XI T20 quarter finals with a comprehensive win over Whitburn at the Village Ground on Thursday evening. Batting first, Tynemouth made 132/7, with Joel Hull-Denholm (25) and Sam Robson (23) leading the way. In reply, Whitburn were dismissed for 81, with Isaac Murray (3/10), Neil Bennett (2/24) and the elegant James Carr (2/13) doing most of the damage. On Saturday, the 2s hosted Chester Le Street 2s and looked to be toiling when the visitors reached 75 without loss. However, when Barry Stewart removed opener Sam Goodwin, this precipitated a collapse, as firstly James Carr (3/39) and then Sam Robson (5/18) saw Chester Le Street dismissed for 130. In reply, Tynemouth suffered a few mishaps in falling to 44/4, but an assured, unbeaten 64 from Patrick Hallam and significant contributions by Robson (24) and Andrew Davison (22*) saw the win achieved with 15 overs to spare.

Sadly, the Saturday 3s were unable to force home the win against Lintz 2s, falling short by the agonising margin of 3 runs. The visitors batted first and were soon in trouble following after an exceptional opening spell by Ed Snelders (6-2-7-2), who was bafflingly under-utilised at the death of the innings. Lintz were all out for 133, which was perhaps 15 or 20 runs more than they ought to have made; an amount that was to prove crucial in the final analysis. Despite a solid 30 from stand-in skipper Finn Hodgson and a career best 26 from James Waller, Tynemouth were all out for 130 with 3 overs remaining. The Sunday 3s were soundly beaten by Hetton Lyons, with only Sean Aditjandra’s doughty unbeaten 48 deserving proper praise.

Next week, Tynemouth first XI visit Blaydon on Friday night in the NEPL T20 group stages, before hosting Newcastle on Saturday. The 2s make the reverse trip, while the Saturday 3s are at Priors Park for a local derby with Lions.

Oh, this one was a heartbreaker. We had the game won, with Lintz at 115-9 and a 12-year-old at the non-striker’s end. Bafflingly, a neophyte spinner thought it an opportune time to try out his variety of stock balls, resulting in four successive boundaries that effectively won the game for Lintz. In reply, I watched in tortured wrath as wickets fell, coming to the crease with 8 runs needed. I faced one ball, hit high up on the thigh by a wide one outside leg stump, then watched firstly in rapt delight as Ed Snelders clubbed one to the fence and then in silent anguish as he played over the top of the next one. Absolutely sickening; it kept me awake that night and for several afterwards.


Week 10: Tynemouth Cricket Club first XI journeyed to Blaydon’s Denefield ground for an NEPL T20 group stage encounter on the evening of Friday 17 June, to start the weekend’s entertainment. The presence of Sean Longstaff in the Tynemouth team, along with his spectating brother Matty, ensured the autograph-hunting presence of almost every small child of a black and white persuasion in the local area. The carnival atmosphere was added to by the musical choices of the resident DJ, who serenaded the crowd at every wicket, boundary and between over break with not just Owen Brannigan’s version of Blaydon Races and Mark Knopfler’s Local Hero, but with choices as arcane as Chuck Berry and The Shamen, meaning we were treated to everything from Johnny B Goode to Ebeneezer Goode.

Regarding the more serious matters on the pitch, Tynemouth batted first in an attempt to bounce back from the previous week’s sickening last ball loss to Ashington by markedly improving their net run rate, with one eye on the possibility of a logjam at the top of the qualifying group table, as only 2 teams progress to the knockout stages. This decision proved a wise one as the Croons posted an impressive 170/4. After Matt Kimmitt fell early, Esam Rahman (55) and stand-in skipper Stu Poynter (47) took the game away from Blaydon in the first half of the innings. Their good work was built upon by Ben McGee (32*), who continues to explore his hitherto dormant limited overs game. In response, Blaydon were never in with a shout and lost wickets regularly, before subsiding to 82 all out, with every Tynemouth bowler, including Sean Longstaff to the delight of his personal fan club, picking up at least one wicket. The pick, as so often, was the wily one-time Blaydon player, Martin Pollard with an impressive 3/16. With South North winning, the clash between the two top sides at Preston Avenue next Friday has the feeling of a showdown, though third place Ashington will be looking to exploit any sign of weakness to sneak through to the quarter finals.

The first team hosted second placed Newcastle on Saturday and whilst much of the country was enjoying a heatwave, Preston Avenue remained cool with clouds and a steady breeze keeping temperatures down. A used but flat wicket had been prepared and proved to be full of runs and that favoured the spin bowlers as the game and the pitch wore on.

Away Skipper Jesse Tashkoff won the toss and chose to bat first.  Youngsters Bobby Green and Ben Robinson started quickly and put together an opening partnership that was enjoyed by everyone in the ground including Northumberland’s finest ever opener, Kenny Pearson and the watching Hudsons; Phil suited and booted on the way to a wedding and father, Doug huffing and puffing cigars on the boundary edge. The partnership raced past 50, then 100, and on to 134 before Esam Rahman had Green caught behind for an excellent 64. Rahman was in the middle of an improved second spell which also saw him clean bowl Robinson in his next over for 69. At the other end David Mansfield enjoyed success too, with the wickets of Scot Tom Macintosh and Kiwi Jesse Tashkoff. After such a great start Newcastle had slumped to 139/4 having lost 4 wickets for just 5 runs and as the players went to lunch the game was nicely balanced.

The post lunch session belonged to Newcastle though with Jacques Du Toit settling things down and making a composed 51 enjoying two important partnerships. Firstly with Joe Anderson and then with Kieran Trevaskis , brother of the watching Durham CCC Player , Liam. Tynemouth’s fielding was impressive but the bowling lacked penetration and was often too short and whilst the Newcastle declaration might have come a tad sooner, they eventually set a daunting target of 275 and left the field after 54 overs taking the opportunity of a winning draw out of the equation for the home team. Rahman was perhaps the pick of the home bowlers with 3/55 from his 13 overs.

No roller once again between innings for Tynemouth which was strange, though Groundsman Paul Jackson did create quite a (dust) storm by using the prevailing north westerly skilfully to blow Surrey loam all the way from the middle into the beer glasses and eyes of the watching spectators, not to mention the deli quality sandwiches of club Treasurer Peter Brown. Indeed a good crowd had gathered by now to watch these traditional cricketing rivals lock horns once again, including a sizeable Longstaff entourage assembled in front of the artificial nets. Thanks for the support, everyone.

A good start was needed by Tynemouth if they were to chase down the runs required, and it was delivered once again courtesy of the two Bens. Debnam is currently in grand form, and he got things moving with some beautifully timed square cuts. At the other end McGee was playing positively all around the wicket with good timing ....and so much time. One on-drive in particular went racing up to the watching Alan Haley that would no doubt have had Ronnie Balsillie purring with delight and checking  through his mini binoculars which batsman it was who had hit such a fine shot!

The score had moved on to 66 when Du Toit broke the partnership tempting Ben Debnam into a big shot and rightly adjudged lbw by umpire Harry Richardson. And it was Du Toit who soon after claimed the important wicket of Stu Poynter for 19. This was an impressive spell by Du Toit from the rugby end bowling a good length and gun barrel straight on a pitch that offered him just enough turn. Ben McGees 78 also ended the same way; lbw to DuToit and despite the efforts of Esam Rahman who made 35 the home side were now looking to draw the game as Newcastle went on the attack to try and force a win.

Du Toit and Will Taylor were the pick of the away bowlers but try as they might, they could not shift Sean Longstaff or Owen Gourley who stood steadfast in their 8th wicket partnership taking the final home total to 214/7, whilst securing a draw and 9 points for their team. Newcastle’s return of 14 points was well deserved. This was a hard fought and well umpired contest from start to finish, played in front of a sizeable and knowledgeable crowd and in great spirit throughout.

Tynemouth 2s lost a tense encounter with Newcastle 2s by 2 wickets. Batting first, Tynemouth were all out for 215, with Patrick Hallam (73) leading the way and supporting knocks by Tony Turner (35) and Sam Robson (33), not to mention an elegant late-order cameo by James Carr (20). In response, Newcastle reached the target with 3 overs to spare, though not without several scares along the way. Indeed, at 200/8, the odds looked to favour the visitors, but it wasn’t to be. Robson (2/41), Carr (2/43) and Richard Hay (2/51) were the most effective of the bowlers.

Having agonisingly lost to Lintz 2s by 3 runs the week before, Tynemouth 3s made the short journey to Priors Park to face table-toppers Lions. In the end, they lost by 7 wickets, but the spirit and determination of this team, predominantly made up of old lags and young tyros, should be both recognised and applauded. Batting first, and on one leg because of a thigh injury, Dan Storey made a praiseworthy 50, which was all the more commendable as he had shown commitment above and beyond the call of duty, by driving 150 miles that morning to play in this game. His superb dedication was backed up by Chris Grievson’s tenacious 21 and a laudable 25 by Dan Watt. The end of the innings saw the final pairing of Ed Snelders (11*) and ian cusack (6*), achieving his highest score this millennium, take the score to 139/8, which was at least something to bowl at.

Despite the best efforts of the Tynemouth bowlers, especially the impressive Watt, who crowned a good performance with a return of 8-1-29-2, Lions came home by 7 wickets after 31 overs. Their top scorer, Biren Shah (67), retired out to sportingly give a younger team mate, Sandeep Betapudi, the chance to hit the winning runs, which indicated the excellent spirit the game was played in.

Next weekend, Tynemouth CC 1st XI host South North in the all-important NEPL T20 group stage game on Friday evening, before journeying to Eppleton on the Saturday. The 2s are at home to Ashington, with the Saturday 3s welcoming Newcastle 3s and the Sunday 3s facing up to visitors Chester Le Street.

Despite the serious thumping, I enjoyed this game so much more than the weekend before. Not only did I get a bowl, without being carted all over the shop, I actually hit a boundary. I’d like to pretend it was a flashing square cut but, in reality, the bowler was too fast for me to even see. A vague waft outside off stump saw the ball catch the shoulder of my bat and fly over the slips to the adjacent (very) short boundary.

Week 11: On Friday evening at Preston Avenue, Tynemouth CC first XI began the weekend’s encounters when they lost a rain affected match to South Northumberland, which ended all hopes of qualifying for the quarter final stage of this year’s Premier League T20 competition. Due to heavy rain before the start, the match was initially reduced to just 12 overs a side and Tynemouth were asked to bat first. Stu Poynter and Esam Rahman put on 25 for the first wicket, but once they were dismissed there was a steady flow of wickets for the away bowlers and an innings that promised much ended with just 84 on the board. Another shower arrived as the players left the field which did the home side no favours as the run chase was subsequently recalculated to 47 off 6 overs. The match actually restarted just minutes before the time for an abandonment, which would have seen Tynemouth qualify. Despite some outstanding catching and 4 wickets for Rahman, some lusty blows by Sean Tindale saw his team over the line off the third last ball.  Considering the poor weather, there was a good crowd watching and they appreciated the efforts of the players, captains Matty Brown and Adam Cragg and Groundsman, Paul Jackson, in getting a game completed.

On Saturday the first team headed off to Eppleton for a league game at their Church Road ground in Hetton Le Hole.  After the wet on Friday it was very much the dry on Saturday. Dry weather, a dry outfield and a dry pitch that provided plenty of challenges to the batsmen throughout the day. Tynemouth Captain Matty Brown was returning from holidays and got the first call of the day right winning the toss and deciding to have a bat. Once again, the Tynemouth openers, Ben Debnam and Ben McGee, put together an excellent partnership, showing good technique and concentration against a rejuvenated home attack, spearheaded by Pakistani first class left arm seamer, Taj Wali.

A sumptuous extra cover drive by Debnam was perhaps the pick of his 7 boundaries and it was a surprise when he mistimed a ball from Andrew Ebdale into the hands of the waiting Connor Whitelock at extra cover for 42 when a big score looked on. Professional Stu Poynter was next in with the score on 87 but for the second week in a row, he was adjudged lbw before he’d got set, this time by umpire, and former Tynemouth player and Chairman, Russell Perry, who thought long and hard before raising his finger.

Skipper Brown joined Ben McGee and looked to rebuild but the innings was slowly losing momentum as the Eppleton spin attack of Ebdale, Mann and Whitelock bowled accurately on a pitch that offered them turn and variable bounce. Brown was next to go for 22, which included one lovely straight six, and he was followed shortly after by Esam Rahman for 1 and an out of sorts Joe Snowdon for 3. The innings was faltering and from 143/2, Tynemouth had tumbled to 159/6 when McGee was next out. His patient innings of 61 off 125 deliveries was the best score of the day. He hit 7 fours and a six and was a tad unfortunate to be out to a brilliant low catch by Wali off his own bowling. The Pakistani quick had returned and looked to unsettle the Tynemouth batsmen with a barrage of short pitched bowling which brought wickets but also leaked runs. The Tynemouth tail stood up well to the onslaught and David Mansfield, Andrew Smith, Sean Longstaff and Owen Gourley all contributed to setting up a declaration by Brown after 55 overs with the score a respectable 206/9. The pace of Wali saw him return figures of 3/55 and the guile of Ebdale 4/45.

On this dry and wearing pitch home skipper Dean Musther decided against using a roller presumably to prevent the surface breaking up further.  A swift brush and marking of the ends all that was required between innings. As the day got warmer the sweaters came off, with one home supporter showing off his brand new Sunderland home kit. Sean Longstaff took the new ball and seemed to gain a yard of pace at the sight of the shirt, during a fiery short opening spell that deserved a wicket. Andrew Smith replaced Longstaff, and he made the breakthrough getting one through the defences of Braydon Davis and trapping him lbw. At the other end Owen Gourley was wheeling away and chipped in with the wickets of opener Kieran O’Connor and number 3 ,Marcus Brown leaving Eppleton in a precarious position at 27/3. However the next breakthrough took a long time coming and it was former Tynemouth player Sam Dinning with a well put together 47 and all-rounder Whitelock 48 who took the game back towards their side in a partnership of 70.

Off spinner Martin Pollard couldn’t find his usual rhythm or accuracy but put his side back in the game with the wickets of both Dinning and Whitelock in quick succession. It was now 149/6 and with plenty of overs remaining in the game, a win for one side or the other looked certain. Indeed, it was Eppleton, and in particular Dean Musther , who took the initiative and went on to win the game for his side. Musther played a fine hand combining solid defence with some beautifully timed attacking shots pouncing on anything loose and ending on 46 not out. A captain’s innings and a match winning one too. With this win Eppleton have moved away from the relegation zone whilst Tynemouth remain sixth but with injuries and unavailabilities ahead, need to regroup to stay in the top half and should be just a little concerned about the good form of some of the teams below them.

Tynemouth 2s hosted Ashington and were able to claim the sole Saturday win at Preston Avenue. Winning the toss and electing to bat, Ashington would have been reasonably pleased to compile 196 all out on a wicket that gave definite help to the spinners, as evidenced by Chris Beever’s impressive 5/44, ably supported by Matty Walton’s 2/20. In response, Tynemouth chased down the runs with almost 4 overs to spare. Barry Stewart led the charge with 48 and, after helpful contributions from, Isaac Murray (24), Sam Robson (19), Joel Hull-Denholm (18) and Andrew Lineham (16), victory was ensured by an explosive cameo by the tanned and lithe Phil Morse (49*) who, fresh from a Turkish beach, smote the ball expansively to all quarters.

The least said about Tynemouth 3s crushing humiliation by Newcastle 3s the better. Bowling first, only stand in captain Ed Snelders (2/22) and the highly promising Lewis Hurst (2/21) enjoyed any measure of control as the visitors cruised to 202/4 from their 40 overs. The fact that the winning margin was 181 runs and that David Mohon, newly returned from a six month sabbatical in the Far East, top scored with 7 tells all that anyone needs to know about this sad episode. In contrast, the Sunday 3s had an excellent win at home to Chester Le Street Academy. Batting first, Tynemouth posted 242/5, with Joel Hull-Denholm hitting an imperious 96 and Robbie Bowman (38) providing good support. They then restricted the visitors to 204/7, with Sean Aditjandra’s three wickets providing the impetus to drive the side on to victory.

In addition to the 4 senior teams, Tynemouth CC have recently begun to compete in the women’s softball competition, skippered by Deborah Whiting. For their inaugural competitive game at home to South North, Tynemouth won the toss and opted to put the visitors in to bat on a gorgeous sunny evening. The side started strongly with the team’s first ever wicket taken from the 3rd ball by Joanne Chater, courtesy of a catch by Michelle Lovelace. The 10 strong team then each took their turn to bowl with a further 3 wickets taken by Lesley, Linsey and Pam G. South North finished their innings on 104/4

The Tynemouth pairs went into bat in high spirits and made great efforts to keep the runs flowing, but unfortunately lost 4 wickets and didn’t quite manage as many boundaries as South North, finishing on a respectable 76/4 in their maiden game against a more experienced South North team. Heads were held high as the ladies prepared for their next home game against Matfen

Next week, Tynemouth first XI host Felling and the 2s are away to Gateshead Fell. The Saturday 3s travel to Greenside, in the hunt for some pride, while the Sunday 3s visit Sunderland. Additionally, they host Newcastle on Wednesday at 6pm in the quarter final of the Banks Cup.

This was a shameful humiliation, but not an unexpected one as we sent out a team of 2 adults, 7 children and 2 dangers to humanity.

Week 12: On Saturday July 2nd, Tynemouth Cricket Club first XI played hosts to Felling at Preston Avenue. The weather leading up to the match had not been kind and heavy showers affected the play on the day, so credit is due to Groundsman Paul Jackson who, with the invaluable assistance of Alan Haley, worked hard to ensure a game was played, albeit one reduced from 110 overs down to 97 as a result of time lost to rain.

Away skipper Paul Leonard won the toss and put Tynemouth in to bat first. The home side batted well, and Matthew Brown declared on 244/4 after good contributions from Esam Rahman with an undefeated 75, Ben Debnam with 74 and Brown himself with 69. Opening bowlers Leonard and Durham University student Sebastian Allison were the pick of the visiting attack but their back up bowlers lacked quality.

Felling were short of several regulars, including the prolific South African run scorer Travis Norris but after 2 early wickets fell, they made a decent fist of things, largely thanks to opener Alan Mustard with 45 and Eddie Hurst with 54. As the game appeared to be meandering to a draw Allison came in with 4 wickets down and counter attacked with real purpose, giving his side an outside chance of an unlikely win. However when he was caught by Matt Kimmitt for 57 at a run a ball off the bowling of David Mansfield, the away side decided it was time to play safe and guarantee the draw, which was secured when the umpires drew stumps in brilliant evening sunshine with the score on 215/6.

Andrew Smith , David Mansfield and the returning Philip Morse, playing his first NEPL match for 5 years , all bowled economically and well for their side. Tynemouth were in command for most of this match but couldn’t force the win they wanted whilst an understrength Felling side gave a good account fighting to the end to secure a draw.

Tynemouth 2s were away to Gateshead Fell, where they went a considerable way to securing victory by dismissing the home side for 133. This was largely down to an excellent spell of 12-4-21-6 by Chris Beever. Tynemouth knocked off the runs required in 23 overs for the loss of 3 wickets. The keynote partnership was an unbroken stand of 98 for the fourth wicket between Joel Hull-Denholm (59*) and Josh Koen (47*) that saw the side home.


Unfortunately there was no good news of the Saturday 3s, who were dismissed for 48 away to Greenside, with only the father and son Hurst team of Paul and Lewis achieving double figures. Despite a good effort in the field, Greenside achieved the runs for the loss of 2 wickets, both of which went to Ed Snelders, who bowled superbly in returning 2-19. Indeed, his figures could have been even better if two chances from his bowling had not gone to ground.

More encouragingly, Tynemouth Ladies Softball team travelled to Corbridge for their first away game. They were expecting a challenging game as Corbridge had 2 retired hardball cricketers on their team.

Tynemouth lost the toss and were put into bat first. After a shaky start and losing early wickets TCC picked up the pace with more consistent batting and the middle pair scored a respectable 22 off 3 overs. The innings finished on 68-5.

Corbridge came into bat, but TCC Ladies pulled together and fielded well, making it hard for Corbridge to score many runs and with some great bowling also took 6 wickets. Corbridge finished on 44-6 resulting in TCC Ladies achieving their first win.

Next Saturday Tynemouth 1s travel to Benwell Hill, with their 2s visiting Preston Avenue. Additionally, the Saturday 3s host Annfield Plain, in a desperate hope to find some form. On Sunday, the 1s travel to Philadelphia for a Banks Salver tie.

Greenside are in the promotion mix at the top of the table and were in no mood to show the 10 men of Tynemouth any sympathy, grinding us out for 48 and knocking off the runs required in short order. Another nice new ground to visit on my North West Durham odyssey.

Week 13: On Saturday 9th July, Tynemouth Cricket club first XI were away to Benwell Hill. Their Denton Bank ground looked a picture on a day where the whole country was enjoying wall to wall sunshine. This was a day for cricket watching in t shirts and shorts, for sun glasses and hats and for plenty of factor 50! The wicket at the Hill was like a shirt front and unsurprisingly proved to be full of runs. Home skipper Pete Halliday called correctly and asked Tynemouth to bat first. The in-form Ben Debnam strode to the crease with 17 year old Dan Thorburn opening the batting for the first time in the NEPL top division.

Debnam started well with three early boundaries but was caught by Max Williamson at third man looking to add a fourth off the bowling of Calum Harding. Skipper Matt Brown was next in, but he was caught behind without troubling the scorers and Tynemouth were 34/2. Professional Stu Poynter then joined Thorburn, and they began to put together a stand that saw the visitors prosper. After a tentative start Thorburn’s confidence could be seen to grow almost by the over, helped in no small part by the experienced Poynter’s advice and urging from the non-striker’s end. The youngster showed both patience and a sound technique moving to his 50 with two well timed slog sweeps off Northumberland off spinner Max Williamson. An innings of 54 and one of real promise ended just before lunch when the score had reached 121.

A picnic was the order of the day for the Tynemouth supporters with the Browns enjoying falafel with salad and fruit, as they partook in some much-needed healthy eating after a heavy week on dry white wine and gourmet food on the French Riviera. Former first team captains Rob Reveley and Vince Howe were, by contrast, enjoying vegan pasties and cherry and almond cake from Whitley Bay’s finest artisan baker.

It was back to the cricket after lunch and Poynter’s innings began moving smoothly through the gears, unlike one elderly Hill supporter who later in the day found first gear instead of reverse and drove straight into the side of Brian Debnam’s parked car! Poynter at the crease and in fine form is a joy to watch. He has a splendid array of shots all around the wicket. Head still and low to the ground, two expertly played reverse sweeps perhaps the pick of his eleven boundaries and after he played on to Rory Hanley for a fine 85, he received a warm hand of appreciation from both sets of spectators.

Tynemouth were now 185/4 and Esam Rahman and Joe Snowdon slowly but surely built another good partnership of 66 before Snowdon perished for 32. Rahman though continued to defend resolutely and when he could, attacked with real intent. His undefeated 72 took the score to 273/8 when the innings closed after 58 overs leaving Benwell Hill 52 overs to secure a win. Callum Harding was the pick of the Hill bowlers. His intelligent left arm seamers earning him figures of 4/48 from his 13 overs. Between innings the shirt front wicket only needed a press rather than the traditional roll and we were soon ready for the second innings.

Angus Guy, who had made a century against Tynemouth earlier in the season, opened with the evergreen Adam Heather. However there was to be no repeat for Guy, with Matty Brown taking a neat catch at slip off Andrew Smith. Finn McCreath joined Heather and dominated a stand of 42 with 36 runs of his own. It was a promising knock by McCreath whose innings ended when he hit a short ball from Richard Stanyon straight into the hands of Joe Snowdon at deep square leg. This was Stanyon’s first wicket for Tynemouth on debut, after spells at Newcastle and South North. Whilst a two year break from the game had left him a touch rusty there was no doubting his effort and at times, he had the Hill batters in trouble. An encouraging start. Durham County Player Luke Doneathy briefly shone but rather gave it away, hitting David Mansfield to Owen Gourley who took a well-judged catch to get rid of the danger man. Doneathy was followed to the crease by Hayden Mustard, son of Durham and England legend, Phil, who is rather less fondly remember as a goalkeeper for Seaham Red Star. With father umpiring elsewhere Hayden was being encouraged by his mother and their two dogs brilliantly named Dijon and Colman’s!

Hayden looks a player for the future, and he made a composed 31 before Dan McGee took a great catch in the deep off another Stanyon bouncer. At the other end the Scottish Heather was blooming now on the Hill, enjoying a real purple patch after a slow start. Some ill-disciplined short bowling helped him get going but when he did, he played fluently especially off the back foot. By now the spectators had all adjourned to watch proceedings from the shade outside the Club bar. The Pizza van in the car park was doing steady trade and the £2.50 pints were going down nicely. However one man sat alone all day in the blazing sun, his back to the wall that separates Denton Bank from the West Road. Skin tough as weathered teak after a spell as Club Chairman in the previous century and a life watching cricket, Alan Haley only views the game from behind the bowler’s arm.

By now Heather and Phil Bell were threatening to win the game for the home side but the return of Rahman put an end to their hopes taking 3 wickets in quick succession: those of Heather, Bell and Hanley. All of a sudden, it was Tynemouth looking to force a win but with all results still possible. A counter attacking 30 from Max Williamson saw his side reach 245 to secure the winning draw but a win proved beyond either side and the innings closed on 252/8. Andrew Smith bowled 15 overs and toiled away manfully on another day when his skill and determination shone through. As stumps were drawn a draw was the right result and on a day with perfect weather for cricket, both sides should be congratulated on producing such a good game, played in great spirit throughout on a quality pitch.

Sadly, the Sunday saw Tynemouth first XI victim of a giantkilling act in the Banks Salver as they surprisingly exited away to lower division Philadelphia at the quarter final stage. Batting first, Tynemouth notched up 181/8 from their 40 overs, with skipper Brown (30) top scoring, with notable contributions also coming from Smith (28), Thorburn (21) and Mansfield (20). In reply, Philadelphia achieved their target with 6 overs to spare, for the loss of 5 wickets, largely thanks to a superb 103 from Nikhil Gangta. Only David Mansfield (2/22) and Martin Pollard (1/25) offered real control on a disappointing afternoon for Tynemouth.

On the Saturday, Tynemouth 2s saw off the challenge of their Benwell Hill counterparts at Preston Avenue. Batting first, the visitors were in all manner of trouble after a superb spell by James Carr (5/30), who bowled with his trademark menacing elegance. At the end of Carr’s stint, The Hill were 64/7, having been 41/6 at one point. Unfortunately, the other Tynemouth bowlers suffered rough treatment from Prahalad Nadella (66) and Matt Lockey (79*), who enjoyed a 132-run partnership, before the last wickets fell rapidly to leave Tynemouth needing to chase 202.  This they managed, not without a few scares as wickets fell regularly, coming home by the tightish margin of 3 wickets, with Robbie Bowman (60) dominating the innings. It was good to see Hill stalwart Phil Nicholson back after a lengthy injury lay-off and the Kings Priory teacher would have enjoyed dismissing his erstwhile student Neil “Cuddles” Sturrock, enjoying a rare appearance at this elevated standard, caught and bowled. Welcome back Phil!

On the back field, Tynemouth 3s put in a massively improved display, to secure maximum batting points, posting 161/4 against Annfield Plain 2s.  The innings was anchored by Chris Grievson and captain Richy Hay, who both posted 56s, of wildly contrasting hues. Grievson, solicitous to the point of caution, faced 114 balls, perishing to the last delivery of the innings, while Hay cracked 5 boundaries and a maximum on a devilishly slow outfield. There was a sense that 161 may have been 20 too few and so it was to prove, as Annfield Plain rode their luck and completed a well-judged response. Hay again led his charges from the front, returning 3/21 from his 9 overs, but mention must also be made of Dan Watt, whose 8-3-16-0 was a study in controlled line and length, and James Walker, who took a blinding catch from Hay to dismiss Jake Martin without scoring. More performances like this and Tynemouth 3s will gain the rewards they richly deserve for the endless endeavours in a tough season, bedevilled by injuries and unavailability.

Next week, Tynemouth CC first XI host Burnopfield, while the 2s travel to Washington and the 3s journey to Consett.  Additionally, the 2s have an attractive looking NEPL 20/20 quarter final at home to South North on Friday at 6.00pm, while the Sunday 3s welcome Benwell Hill to Preston Avenue on July 17th.

Thoroughly enjoyable, highly competitive game that we lost with 2 overs remaining. Nothing to complain about on this occasion.


Week 14:  Saturday July 16th was yet another glorious day for cricket as Tynemouth CC first XI played host to Burnopfield at Preston Avenue. As a result of the dry summer, the wickets at Tynemouth have been uniformly flat and hard. A little more pace and a little less movement have contributed to making conditions ideal for batting on a regular basis, and so it was the case again. With a sheen on the outfield, the Preston Avenue ground looked a picture and a lovely place to play and watch cricket. Home skipper Matty Brown was delighted to win the toss and decided today was a day to chase.

Burnopfield openers David Seymour and Callum Brown began with caution but were soon into their stride playing some attractive shots as the Tynemouth bowlers began to toil in the midday sun. Midday was also the time regular supporter Matthew Keynhans decided it was time to open his account with a cold beer. His early purchase was the first of many on the day by a large, thirsty crowd, who basked in the sun, while enjoying the cricket. Just before lunch, Phil Morse bowled Brown for a fluent 61 and soon after Seymour also perished, this time caught by the busy Morse off the bowling of Andrew Smith for 71. Lunch was taken with the score on 148/2.

The afternoon session started with John Oswell and South African Professional Mitchell Van Buuren at the crease. Oswell has been in fine form this season and currently tops the run league charts with 720 runs. Perhaps the best home grown player there since Colin Milburn; the legendary “Burnopfield basher “himself. However on this occasion Oswell looked strangely out of nick and ended up mishitting one to Ben McGee off Esam Rahman to leave the score at 195/3. Van Buuren timed the ball nicely, picking out gaps in the field and running with pace and purpose but just when it looked like he was about to get more expansive, he was adjudged caught behind by Stu Poynter, again off Rahman who was in the middle of a productive spell from the rugby club end. The home bowlers were fighting hard to restrict runs now and some very good ground fielding and catching meant that Burnopfield had to go to the 58th over before feeling confident enough to declare with the score on 266/8 when Skipper Alasdair Appleby was run out. His run a ball 40 was a good watch.

Once again it was the two Bens who opened up for Tynemouth and once again, they both looked in good form on a pitch that seemed to be just getting better. However just as they were about to bring up a chance-less 50 partnership both perished in consecutive overs leaving Tynemouth up with the pace but 2 wickets down for 48. Captain Matty Brown then began building a partnership with professional Stu Poynter. And what a stand it was! A match winning partnership of 161 to the delight of the home supporters, and the Monkseaton team who had finished early after winning their game on the back pitch, then popped over to enjoy with a beer or two. This was an exhilarating watch. Brown tall at the crease with the most solid of bases, and timing that would be the envy of many a first class batter. There’s a bit of Freddie Flintoff about Matt in this form, combining powerful front foot drives on both sides of the wicket with delicate touches, a couple down to third man expertly played. A high class innings of 78.

At the other end Poynter was once again in regal form. Smaller than Brown he gets his power and timing from quick feet and fast hands. Perhaps there’s a touch of another Anglicised Irishman Eoin Morgan in the way he goes about things. With drives a plenty down the ground, supplemented with some sublime sweeps and reverse sweeps this was an innings to treasure and when he got to his deserved century he received warm applause from all parts of the ground. With the game won Poynter was dismissed for 101 enjoying a second cheer by spectators and teammates alike, as he walked off. He was replaced by David Mansfield, playing his final match for the Club before a move down to London with his partner for work. We wish them both the best of luck! David has been a regular and most popular member of our first team since he joined from his home Club of Cleethorpes in 2019. It was fitting he should hit a boundary to finish the match and bring his side a victory they thoroughly deserved.

Tynemouth 2s were surprisingly crushed by bottom of the table hosts Washington. Batting first, Andrew Davison’s side mustered a disappointing 123 all out. Only the skipper (30) managed to significantly contribute to the total, but it was never going to be enough, and the plucky hosts reached their total in only 25 overs. Of the 7 bowlers used, only Chris Beever with 2/22 made any inroads on what was a chastening day.


Sadly it was a similarly glum afternoon for Tynemouth 3s up in the hills at Consett, where the table-topping hosts showed why they occupy such a fittingly lofty position. Choosing to bat first, the hosts came up against Dan Watt in superb form. His spell of 9-2-21-2 was every bit as good as his figures suggest. Both Richy Hay and Dan Storey were also among the wickets as the home team stumbled to 50/5 at the halfway stage, before showing precisely why they are in pole position, recovering to 234 all out, with Simon Wilkinson (84*) leading the charge. One bright spot was the return of Ricky Handa to the Tynemouth attack, as the off spinner took 3 wickets, though they were expensive, at a cost of 77 runs which, when allied with the concession of 39 extras, made things even more difficult for the 3s.

In response, Dan Storey (54) and Chris Grievson (37), played heroically on a boiling afternoon, but their opening partnership of 84 was not built upon and things began to unravel when Storey was out with the score on 95 as the other 9 batters contributed a paltry 20 between them. Praise must again be given to the 14-year old pairing of Lewis Hurst, who again took a wicket, and James Walker, who made 8 and took a catch for the second week running. These young lads are the very lifeblood of the club and their contributions to senior cricket are greatly appreciated.

To complete the week, the Sunday 3s lost heavily at home to Benwell Hill. The visitors piled on 246/8, despite 3 wickets for Dan Watt, and dismissed Tynemouth for 117, largely thanks to Joel Hull-Denholm (31) and Robbie Bowman (22).

Next week, Tynemouth CC first XI travel to Ashbrooke to play Sunderland, while the 2s host the same opponents and the Saturday 3s welcome Leadgate to Preston Avenue. On Sunday, the Sunday 3s travel to Sacriston. Additionally Tynemouth 2s have a brace of important cup games, away to Benwell Hill on Thursday in the James Bell and at home to South North on Friday in the NEPL 20/20 2nd XI quarter final; both games start at 6pm.

This was a hot one. A punishing afternoon up in the hills, where we looked to have won the game with them at 50/5, but again it all fell apart. The shot that saw me stumped for 1 ought to be my epitaph to cricket. Shameful.

 


Week 15: Tynemouth CC first XI came terribly unstuck away to bottom of the table Sunderland at their splendid Ashbrooke ground. The previous week the hosts had restricted Benwell Hill to 160 and then chased the runs down for the loss of only one wicket, suggesting this may be a vital toss to win. So it proved and, sadly, Tynemouth skipper Matty Brown called wrong, meaning the visitors were invited to bat first by home captain Gregg Applegarth. The impact of such a seemingly small detail on the wider context of the game was immediately apparent and, with Ben Debnam (1), Ben McGee (4), Brown (1), Matt Kimmitt (0) and Stu Poynter (0) back in the pavilion with the score on 23, Tynemouth could have known early on this would be a fruitless day on Wearside. Of the first 5 dismissals, the latter 4 were to catches in the slip cordon and the initial quartet were all to the impeccable Kieran Waterson. Fuelled only by a can of fizzy drink for breakfast, Waterson bowled his 15 overs through, conceding 32 runs for a return of 5 wickets; his last dismissal was a superb caught and bowled that saw the back of Andrew Smith. No less impressive from the other end, the redoubtable Mickey Allan returned figures of 14.5-3-39-2. Make no mistake, almost every wicket was the result of a nigh-on unplayable ball rather than a rash shot. With an attack like this, Sunderland must have a chance of avoiding relegation, unlike their football team one hopes.

For Tynemouth, only Joe Snowdon (58) played with any true confidence and conviction, with Owen Gourley (25*) and Esam Rahman (16) offering some resistance as the visitors tumbled to 130 all out, just after lunch. In reply, skipper Applegarth fell early to a catch by Martin Pollard off the bowling of Gourley. After this, the muscular left-hander Dan Shurben (26) and Ross Whitfield (73*) took the game away from Tynemouth on a wicket, expertly flattened by Kevin Youldon in between innings, that had been exorcised of all demons. One bright spot was Pollard dismissing Shurben for what was the NEPL legend’s 500th wicket in the competition: a truly amazing feat. Poll also ensured Tynemouth had the scant consolation of a single bowling point when he pouched Mickey Allan (16) from the bowling of Josh Koen. However Whitfield and an underextended Youldon Junior (0*) saw Sunderland home in less than 24 overs.

At Preston Avenue, the reverse fixture was even more one-sided, with Tynemouth dismissing the visitors for exactly 100, courtesy of James Carr’s trademark elegant excellence as he returned figures of 12-6-27-5 and the no less pulchritudinous Chris Beever’s 8.4-2-44-5. Tynemouth collected 22 points, knocking off the runs required in 20 overs as Dan Thorburn (45*) and Barry Stewart (36*) made short work of the modest target. This was the 2s third game in 3 days, having seen off Benwell Hill at Denton Bank on Thursday in the James Bell Cup. Batting first, Tynemouth posted 168/4, mainly down to a 58-ball 86 by Barry Stewart, then restricted the home side to 142/6, to progress by 26 runs. Sadly, the two victories sandwiched a loss to South Northumberland at Preston Avenue in the rearranged NEPL 2nd XI T20 quarter final. Tynemouth were dismissed for 98, with Phil Morse (19) top scoring. Despite the same gentleman returning 2/17, the visitors cruised home by 6 wickets with 5 overs to spare.

It should be noted that last week saw a young Tynemouth batter passing a notable personal milestone. Congratulations must go to 15-year old Joel Hull Denholm for passing the 1000 Club runs for the season mark last weekend. Joel continues to work hard at his game and has had a superb season with 1029 runs at 41.71 with 2 centuries and 7 half centuries in all cricket, including 442 runs at 31.85 for the Club’s Senior 2nd team. Mind he did get 0 versus South North on Friday. Joel comes from a family of Tynemouth cricketers with father, David and uncle, John both former first team players at the Club. Joel’s brother Evan and sister Martha are also fine players. 

It’s not often a player reaches the thousand runs mark for our club, with first XI skipper Matty Brown the last to do it in 2017, but with such a dry summer and great batting conditions it’s possible others may join Joel in the 2022 “1000” Club. The chasing pack includes Patrick Hallam (749), Esam Rahman (692), Robbie Bowman (646), and Stu Poynter (577).

Finally, some good news for Tynemouth Saturday 3s. After being held responsible for 10 successive defeats, common sense prevailed and ian cusack was dropped from the team that hosted Leadgate. The value of such tactical nous was immediately apparent when The Croons came home by 9 wickets, dismissing Leadgate for 94. Having won the toss and inserted the visitors, skipper Richy Hay (3-20) and Dan Watt (2-10) reduced Leadgate to 31-5, whereupon Paul Hurst (2-14) and James Waller (2-20) methodically mopped up the tail. In response, Tony Turner (54*) and Dan Storey (35) opened the batting and brought the side to the cusp of victory, when Storey top edged a delivery into his temple. With the imminent threat of rain, Turner took matters into his own hands and assured victory with consecutive fours and a six, bringing up his own half century in the process.

Next week, Tynemouth first XI are away to Percy Main on Wednesday in the Bobby Smithson County Cup, with the Sunday 3s hosting Newcastle Academy in the Banks Cup the night before. At the weekend, Tynemouth 1s entertain south North, with the 2s making the reverse journey, while the Saturday 3s travel to Cowgate Sports.

So, there we have it. With 7 games to go, I know I’m available for 6 of them and I’d hope to get a few more opportunities. Certainly, it doesn’t seem likely I’ll get a game in the Midweek League, as Eaga’s stand-in skipper John Marshall doesn’t appear to like or rate me. Complaining after travelling to Swalwell to play Genetics on public transport and getting a TFC hasn’t exactly endeared me to the bloke. I’ll look to move on next year, if at all possible.

 

 

 

 

 

Monday 18 July 2022

glove #10

 On Friday 22 July, glove #10 will be sent to the printer. Hence, you'd best get your subs in sharpish, especially as this MAY be the last ever issue, as my editorial explains -: 


Thank you for obtaining this copy of glove magazine. Please read it and, if you aren’t a hoarder of such artefacts, pass it on to someone who may appreciate the contents when you’re done with it. If you are a hoarder, collector, archivist or whatever, then treasure it because, as of now, I am parking, though not scrapping, the project, so the next issue, if there is to be one, may not appear for some considerable length of time.

Friends, I come not to bury glove, but to praise it, or specifically to laud and commemorate those who have contributed, in whatever fashion, to the continued existence of the magazine. I don’t propose to list all those who have helped, but suffice to say, if Jonathan Hope hadn’t provided the start up capital and Tony Gilbert hadn’t proved to be such an excellent printer, we’d never have made it past the planning stage. The first issue appeared in February 2017, which gives the publication a lifespan of 5 and a half years and counting. Having edited every one of glove’s 10 issues, I can honestly say that I’m immensely proud of what has been achieved during that time. I have had the honour of presenting the work of 125 different writers from many different countries and cultures who are linked, however tenuously, by a vague notion of being outside of the literary mainstream, though some like Michael Keenaghan and Holly Watson, should be millionaire superstars because they are, not to mince words, literary geniuses. The fact they are not, is the fault of the culturally impoverished times we live in and not because they are writers who explore their urge to create for aesthetic purposes and not for financial gain. While it has been an honour to publish such stellar talents, it has been a greater one to give public exposure to many gifted wordsmiths who have never seen a literary fanzine before, let alone appeared in one. Paddy Robinson, Candis Carr, Karen Ampleford and Damian King; I’m talking about you.

I started glove because I felt there was a gap in the market for a properly inclusive outsider lit zine. While Jim Gibson was doing sterling work in Nottingham with Hand Job and Derek Steel the same with Falkirk’s Razur Cuts, it seemed as if the rest of the market was dominated by Dark Fruits addled trustafarians and Hugo Boss attired Alpha Grandpas from desolate M25 satellite towns. I wanted to fight against that prevailing narrative, and I feel I did alright, but the law of diminishing returns has got me down; in issue #3 I published 24 new writers, which is down to 4 in issue #10. Additionally, I’m losing money hand over fist and can’t flog the meagre 200 print run I currently do. The creative well is drying out; it needs to organically replenish itself. When it does, glove will return. Until then, I’ll continue writing and performing, often with music. News is on social media; please take the time to follow me. Keep in touch and don’t be a stranger.

 Much love,

ian cusack, editor

@GloveLitZine iancusack@blueyonder.co.uk

https://gilipollez.wordpress.com/

http://payaso-de-mierda.blogspot.com/

 




Monday 11 July 2022

Black Dog Days

 Here's a piece about my struggles with mental illness that'll be in the new issue of TQ, out this Friday -:


The first time I attempted suicide was 10th February 1981. Having left school the previous summer, I was almost exactly 16 and a half years old, working as a YTS warehouse drudge for £27.50 a week at RH Dinning Electrical Wholesalers in the Team Valley Trading Estate in Gateshead and miserable beyond words. I hated the job, which I’d been forced to take because my father wouldn’t let me do A Levels at Gateshead College “because they all take drugs and have discos on a Friday dinnertime,” hated the peer pressure to conform to the regional masculine stereotype I despised and hated the prospect of a life constrained by petty conformism.  I found release in the usual things; music (John Peel saved all our lives and I’d recently bought Reward by the Teardop Explodes and I’m in Love with a German Film Star by The Passions), alcohol (safe havens were The Cooperage and Red House on the Quayside and the criminally forgotten gay / punk friendly Senate, opposite the Civic Centre) and books. I read voraciously and found in the poem An Irish Airman Foresees His Death by William Butler Yeats, the perfect words to summarise my bleak condition -:

 The years to come seemed waste of breath,

A waste of breath the years behind…

 So, on a mild Tuesday morning, I vowed to find release and stole a strip of codeine-based tablets from home and chained them on the 7.35 bus to work, washed down with a can of Tizer.  By the time I arrived at the job, I was beginning to slur my speech, my vision was semi-hallucinatory and I had issues with my balance. Within minutes I was drifting in and out of consciousness. Someone called an ambulance and I was whisked to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Gateshead. In the austere confines of the A&E Department, I had my stomach pumped. To this day, it is one of the most unpleasant experiences I’ve ever had and entirely responsible for my highly pronounced gag reflex.

 The questioning about my motives for the overdose wasn’t sympathetic to begin with and it became even more censorious when I repeatedly justified my actions by saying I was so miserable and just didn’t want to be here. I don’t think I wanted to die, but I didn’t want to be here and certainly didn’t want to live the life I’d been allotted. This sense of despair, rather than spuriously claiming it to be an accident, was enough to have me detained as a minor under the Mental Health Act of the time. I was stuck in a side room, as I fell in the gap between the Playschool with beds of a Children’s Ward and a roomful of vasectomies, haemorrhoids and ruptures in the men’s section. I was reading Roads to Freedom by the recently deceased Jean Paul Sartre I recall, which was something I had to talk about with the shaggy haired, chain smoking Maoist psychiatrist who interviewed me, to see if I needed sectioning or help.

 Dr Donohue was his name. He pretty soon realised that my immediate misery was situational; he advised me to get out of the job, get back to study and get away to University. I agreed with him entirely and managed to do so the year after. It didn’t cure me, but it made me safe. Donohue also realised that my underlying, long-standing mental illness was the product of childhood trauma. Now, I’m not prepared to go into details at this point, but suffice to say I was emotionally and sexually abused by my mother, sexually abused by my sister and physically abused by my father. Over 40 years later, I’m still dealing with the impact those experiences have had on me as a person and how my life has been affected by such trauma. However, back in February 1981, I had to deal with a more imminent threat than my poisoned mind.

 The next morning, judged sane but damaged by Doc Donohue, I was allowed to leave hospital, discharged into the care of my family. My father came to collect me and, while I was getting ready to leave, Donohue took him to one side and summed up what the situation was with me. Obviously, I don’t know what was said, but a nerve must have been touched as, once outside, my father beat the shit out of me in the car park of the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. Having previously suffered his malevolent ire by being  hit in the bollocks by a golf putter, having my head smashed off a television stand (I still have the scar above my eyebrow to this day) and been punched so hard it knocked me over the fence into next door’s garden, I was used to his volcanic explosions of rage. These days, he’d be in jail; back then, it was seen as my fault for being “difficult.”

 In a sense, such an opinion, which is classic victim blaming, has remained a constant response by the less sympathetic and unenlightened members of society to physical child abuse and, on a personal level, to repeated incidents I’ve been involved with over the years. Being honest, my enduring mental ill-health has cost me innumerable friendships, contact with anyone from my extended family (no great loss there mind), put enormous strain on personal and professional relationships and regularly left me feeling so lonely and miserable that I’ve harboured a detailed suicide plan, which involves drowning myself off Tynemouth pier, for over a decade now. To be frank, there is nothing remotely romantic or alluring about living a life scarred by mental illness. Take it from someone who has been almost beyond help between 1994-1999, 2014-2016 and 2020 to the present.

 It seems to me, though without supporting empirical evidence, there is an assumed link between creativity and, for want of a better word, insanity. Most populist considerations of the work of van Gogh or Munch, for instance, focus on the tortured personal lives of these renowned painters and how such events supposedly impinged on their body of work. It isn’t just the critic who seeks to establish the dominion of the insanity trope, as innumerable examples of the Victorian novel, from the Brontes, to Dickens to George Eliot, are replete with stock characters that tick the boxes of the crazed woman in the attic, to the rambling, ranting madman on the moors. Even in the recent past, music has often exploited the wraith-like signifier of the tortured artist, suffering for their work: Syd Barrett, Ian Curtis, Nick Drake, Richey Edwards and so on. We could have an alphabet of those who were brought down, impeded or otherwise hampered by mental illness. Any decent record collection will offer up the legacy of a thousand lonely suicides, which gives further credence to the belief that great art, in whatever form, is created from the very pit of human misery. Over 42 years since his death, the lyrics of Ian Curtis, allied to some of the most glacial, fragile rock music imaginable by Joy Division, present a compelling and almost addictive soundtrack to a life disintegrating and, with the benefit of hindsight, hurtling to a final, unavoidable, tragic end.

 And yet, for so many of us who suffer with mental illness, and I speak as someone who has been “well” for perhaps only a decade in the last 45 years, our life has not been one concerned with the production of achingly beautiful poetry that examines the human condition, but a series of endless petty, struggles to stay alive. For many people, having a roof over their head, a steady job that puts food on the table and a loving embrace from an understanding partner are the most basic of human needs and expectations. However, when incapacitated by a combination of symptoms ranging from overwhelming self-loathing, auditory hallucinations urging self-destruction, wildly oscillating moods, delusional interpretations of ordinary events, manic and confrontational encounters in everyday life, utter inertia and a fear of the outside world, there isn’t much scope for artistic endeavours.

 Sadly, the various symptoms I’ve just described are very real and very distressing indicators of a range of mental illnesses. These various conditions have a variety of causes, from the physiological, in the shape of chemical imbalances in the brain, to the social, whereby the cumulative effects of negative life experiences simply grind someone down. There is, of course, the unsympathetic cliché of the ranting loony on the bus or in the shopping centre. Whatever the causes of such anti-social behaviour, and I’ve been there and done that, there is little if any sympathy for the howling psychotic, who is perceived as a danger to ordinary people and a figure of derision and contempt. The sad fact is, the lonely and dislocated person screaming blue murder into the ether probably has no insight into their conduct, believing that what they are doing and how they are presenting is perfectly acceptable. Let’s not beat around the bush; this is a manifestation of madness. We should, as a society, protect these people from themselves, instead of recording footage for shits and giggles on social media.

 I would remind you that such “manic” manifestations are prevalent among only a small minority of the mentally ill. These are conditions caused, in the main, by chemical imbalances in the brain and can only be effectively treated by medication. In the good old days, hospitalisation was a decent solution, but as any mental health professional will tell you, psychiatric units are dangerous places, where violently psychotic patients have the run of the place like a scale model Colombian jail.  While remaining at liberty in society, the main trouble with manifestations of such conditions is that they leave the sufferer both vulnerable and ostracised from society. When one has absolutely no insight and even less control of one’s condition, it is painfully clear how easy it is to lose any grasp of reality. This being the case, it becomes almost impossible to hold onto a job, a relationship and, often, a secure place to live. Once marginalised and reduced to living outside the parameters of normal society, the sufferer loses contact with any authorities or agencies that could offer help. With the NHS stretched beyond breaking point, it seems that those who are thus marginalised and, effectively, of little or no use to capitalist society, are cut adrift. The vicious cycle of mental illness, homelessness and criminality repeats itself ad infinitum. These days, the police are more likely to extend a hand of friendship to those they have been asked to intervene in than baton charge them, but they can only do so much. Speaking personally, after one particularly unpleasant confrontation, the nicest copper I’ve ever met gave me a couple of granola flapjacks to tide me over after I’d somehow lost or given away all the money I had and couldn’t pay for anything in Sainsbury’s.  As someone whose dissociative episodes are generally short lasting, a return to normality was, on this occasion as with all others, accompanied by a deep and abiding sense of shame that my life had been reduced to this. Then again, it isn’t really my fault that my brain doesn’t regulate chemicals so well these days. Is it?

 By far the most common kinds of mental illness are “depressive” conditions. Those suffering from such illnesses tend, in the main, to be the invisibly mentally ill. Being extra quiet, a bit withdrawn, lacking the energy or desire to socially interact does not always acquaint with depression. Some people are naturally reserved. Others may opt to take a breather from the world around us, but if such behaviour is accompanied by workplace absences or a disinclination to seek work, a decline in standards of personal appearance, or living conditions, weight gain and / or significant increases in the consumption of drink, junk food or other indulgent behaviour, then the indications could be this person is feeling really low. Negative self-image and a diminishing libido are other indicators, but you’d best leave discussion of the latter to medical professionals. In essence, depression is feeling shit about yourself and the whole world, multiplied to the extreme. The glass isn’t just half empty, it has been smashed and you’re poised to saw away at your wrists with the ragged end.

 As regards treatment, NHS cuts post-2010 mean that there are so few mental health workers able to help with talking therapies, that GPs are basically obliged to repeatedly hand out SSRI medication, such as Sertraline and Citalopram, which kick starts the brain into producing serotonin, the brain’s happy chemical. However, this can also be done by taking plenty of fresh air and exercise, keeping active and alert. Unfortunately, being depressed means you are less likely to be able to do the very things that can make you better. Consequently, long term depression is a danger, as many people are unable to break the cycle and end up in a lower mood with an even more negative state of mind than when first diagnosed. It is a crying shame, workplaces can’t pick up the slack and keep those who are suffering depression in work, perhaps on reduced duties, as routine helps massively by giving a sense of purpose and self-worth to the potential patient.

 What I would say is, if you have a friend or a loved one suffering in this way; make it your business to help them. Look after them. Take them out for walks with a coffee at the end of it. Take them to a gig. Take them to the football. Love them, support them.  Tell them they will get better.  If you are there for them in their darkest hour, they will be there for you if the need ever arises. Believe me, the worst thing about mental illness is the profound, bleak, inescapable sense of pervasive loneliness and isolation. Isolation? Bloody Joy Division…