Monday, 2 July 2018

The Wicket Man


It seems an age since I last wrote about cricket. Indeed, two whole months beyond the boundary and at fairly deep mid-on have passed in blissful serenity following my last missive, during which time I’ve seen 17 games, 14 of which involved a Tynemouth side, and played for the Bad Boys on 6 occasions. Of course, I’ve sadly had to miss a few Saturdays because of other commitments; May 5th saw Tynemouth claim their first win of the season, away to Sacriston, but I was still on Benfield duties back then, attending our creditable 0-0 at Marske United that saw the Seasiders crowned Northern League Champions and therefore gain promotion to the Unibond League. This was a great occasion to be at, but who is to say in the sporting pantheon that it will be of more historical moment than Polly’s 4 for 3 at Sacriston?



On the Sunday, I assumed my volunteer gatekeeping duties at Jesmond as Northumberland took on Lincolnshire in a Minor Counties 20/20 double header. All the Northumberland committee, especially Alan McKenna, Brian Wilkin and Gordon Halliday were most appreciative of my efforts. I was even treated to a pair of custard creams to go with my complimentary coffee. Seriously, I was delighted to be afforded the opportunity to help out and even more delighted to see a thumping 971 runs scored; 286 of them by Lewis Kimber (162* and 124) of Lincs, who also bagged 4 for 16 in the first game, which the visitors won fairly easily, chasing down Northumberland’s 200/3 for the loss of 4 wickets. However, the second game thrillingly went the way of the home side; Lincs made an impressive 237/7, but Phil Mustard, now of Felling but who I remember most fondly as the goalkeeper of Seaham Red Star who let 6 in against Ashington in December 2004 (“eee that’s shit” he said when the first trickled between his knees in the opening minute), got well involved, smiting 17 maximums into the graveyard adjoining. Tynemouth’s Matty Brown also contributed to the afternoon’s entertainment with an unbeaten pair of half centuries, much to the delight of his parents, who I watched the second game with. It was not just a wonderful advert for Minor Counties cricket, it was a simply brilliant day in boiling sunshine and there was more fun to come on May Day Monday.

First up, Benfield completed our league season with a classy 3-1 win over Whitley Bay. Basking in the glory of a well-played season, I cycled down from Hillheads to Preston Avenue for Tynemouth’s Banks Salver game against South Shields. We closed on 233/9, which looked a decent total from 40 overs. Shields tried hard and reached 45 without loss, but Polly got involved again with 4 for 4 and they found themselves 99/9, before being dismissed for 108. During the general chit chat in front of the pavilion over a post-game pint, it became obvious there was a staffing problem for the Wednesday following. The first team had Newcastle City in the Charity Bowl, but couldn’t find anyone to work the bar. Cometh the hour; cometh the man… Having recently found myself rehearsing the role of a neophytic gig economist, I’ll do anything legal for money (within reason). More importantly, my sense of community means I understand when duty calls. Also, getting hired as a bar tender by Tynemouth Cricket Club is as near to a professional sportsperson as I’ll ever be. Additionally, it’s considerably more professionally satisfying than the last 4 years of my teaching career.

By Wednesday, the weather had turned; it was freezing and understandably there was nobody there to watch. Bear in mind Newcastle City are an Asian team, so they didn’t want anything to drink and as it was during Ramadan, they didn’t want any snacks either. Consequently, I saw almost all of our 70 run victory. In fact, I enjoyed myself so much, I was back in harness on the Thursday to see the 2nds beat Felling by 90 runs in the Roseworth Bowl. At least Anthony Trotter was there that night, supporting the lads from NE10, meaning that I sold a few pints at any rate.


It was good to catch up with Hebburn’s most devout adherent to the Holy See, as I’d been unable to take in Tynemouth’s win at High Heworth Lane on May 12th, or indeed the home draw with Chester le Street the week after, on account of my duties at the two Tyneside Amateur League cup finals.  However, I was back on home turf for the opening NEPL 20/20 group game against Eppleton on Friday 25th May, having eschewed the chance of seeing the Duckworth Lewis curtailed Durham v Worcestershire one day game at South North. The weather at Tynemouth was clement though, as Peter Brown would testify, somewhat windy, allowing Eppleton to post 125/3. I have to say it was genuinely exciting watching Barry Stewart and Andrew Smith, though the meat haze emanating from the barbecue, chase the runs down, but even more important was the fact that 96 tiny bairns were on the back field doing All Stars cricket. This is the sort of thing the ECB should be prioritising, not tomfoolery like the 100 ball game. What an amazing turnout and hopefully enough to reassure the doom merchants who think cricket is finished as a mass participation sport. Hey, I’m 54 next month and I’ve just started playing regularly.

Of course, I’m still watching regularly and, having fulfilled an obligation to take in Wideopen 1 Spital Rovers 2 in the final Northern Alliance fixture of the season, I turned up to see the second half of the South Northumberland home game. The perennial favourites and champions elect had set a decent total, declaring on 228/9. The chase, as is often the case on occasions like these, was not straightforward. At 57/3, the pendulum was swinging towards the Gosforth galacticos, but Sean Longstaff and Mark Watt dug in; at first it was dogged occupation of the crease, but then runs began to flow and an unlikely home victory seemed possible until the two of them were out in rapid succession. Time for entrenchment; we ended on 188/8, which was a decent effort.

Sadly, the need for money meant I had to pass up the chance of another Northumberland 20/20 double header at Jesmond, home to Staffordshire on the Sunday, to graft behind the bar at a christening. It’s 35 years since I regularly worked in a pub and while many things are easier for bar staff these days (computerised tills, glass washing machines, specific glasses for specific drinks for instance), you can still get run off your feet. Goodness I was busy, so I saw little of the 2nds slaughter of Brandon in the Banks Bowl; 334/5 beat 108 all out. Niall Piper’s 178 not out, including an all run 6, is in the mix for the highest ever score in living memory by a Tynemouth player. Brandon are desperate to gain promotion to the NEPL top division and are throwing money at the first team, at the expense of the rest of the club. In one of those vagaries of the fixture list, they were back at Preston Avenue the following Saturday for a league fixture, in which they won the toss, batted first, got bowled out for 30, lost by 9 wickets and were on their way home by 2 o’clock.  In the afternoon that is; on Whit Bank Holiday Monday, it seemed many of the first team had been out until that time in the morning, as a tough trip to Chester le Street in the Banks Salver produced a depressing loss by 97 runs as we were bowled out for 138.

That defeat opened the box on a week of cup failures. South North, with Adam Cragg’s dad taking 4 wickets, ended our interest in the Charity Bowl, which we’d won in 2017. Then, on the Friday, any realistic chance of progressing in the 20/20 was snuffed out with a bizarre loss to Durham Academy. The first ball flew off a length and hit Mike Jones on the helmet, proving batting wasn’t going to be easy and so it proved as we only managed 86/9, though it got no easier for the Academy, who crawled home by 2 wickets. I pondered whether the sizeable crowd felt satisfied by a contest that was always on a knife edge, but that saw the ball dominating the bat.



The next day, the first Saturday in June, I took a trip to Ayrshire to assuage my love for Scottish Junior football, attending Cumnock 2 Auchinleck Talbot 2, while Tynemouth gained a losing draw in a rain curtailed game at Hetton Lyons. On the Sunday, grafting behind the bar at a quieter Christening do, the Academy side lost to South North by 3 wickets. In need of first team action, I made the last-minute decision to watch the final 20/20 group game away to Burnopfield on Friday 8th, partly because it was the chance to visit a new ground. Burnopfield may only be a few miles south west of Newcastle, but it’s the sticks without question. Getting off the bus, massively delayed by insane traffic caused by Ed Sheeran playing SJP, I had to use my phone’s sat nav to find the ground, which involved navigating a vertiginous park. It was worth it though, as Burnopfield’s ground and facilities are brilliant; a huge outfield, with landscaped viewing platforms and a massive clubhouse, with much Colin Milburn related memorabilia. It’s like a massive Swalwell. As I was heading to see The Wedding Present at the Academy the same night, it was only possible to see the home side’s innings. They made 119/5, though we chased it down it 13 overs, around the time David Gedge was recalling a time when he was probably dressed in corduroy. A real shame I didn’t see the outcome, especially as I missed our 4 wicket win over Benwell Hill the next day as I was back in Scotland for Glasgow Perthshire 1 Pollok 2 and a literary evening in Falkirk, but important to be there. If I’d not bothered, Di Brown would have been the sole Preston Avenue ultra in attendance.

On the way back from Falkirk on the Sunday, I entertained the thought of attending the Scotland v England 50 over contest at the Grange Ground in Edinburgh, because of the import of the occasion, but also to support Mark Watt in his endeavours, not to mention Kyle Coetzer of Benwell Hill and former South North man Callum MacLeod. Sadly, rather like the England v Australia game at the Riverside, the announcement of ticket sales had passed me by and all tickets had been sold. I’ll regret this forever; Mark took 3/47, Coetzer scored 79 and MacLeod was man of the match with 140 not out, as the NEPL beat England by 6 runs. Honestly, the pride I felt in seeing lads I’ve watched and drank with at local clubs making Sam Billings look very foolish, is almost impossible to put into words. The frustration felt by a wasted evening on the Wednesday when Kimblesworth never showed for a cup game with the 2nds was almost at the same level; at least they had the good grace to eventually concede the potentially rearranged fixture a few days later…

Saturday 16th June was a bit wet. I didn’t fancy the lottery of a trip to Stockton with the firsts, so I stayed local for the 2nds against Gateshead Fell. Shame really, I ought to have explored the chance of a double header at Brandon and Willington, to help me tick off the grounds I’ve yet to visit, but you couldn’t trust the weather, as had been forecast. Needless to say, the threatened monsoon season didn’t materialise in NE29 and the game reached a pleasing conclusion. Gateshead Fell made 167 and we won by 3 wickets after an on/off innings that ended in glorious evening sunshine.


 Friday 22nd June was 20/20 quarter finals evening and I decided to take a trip down to Ashbrooke for the first time since, I believe, 2004 for Sunderland’s clash with South North. Arriving early on a baking hot late afternoon, I killed time with a meandering stroll around the environs of the ground. The tiresome Tyneside prejudice about the supposed squalor that permeates Wearside couldn’t be further from the truth in leafy SR2. Admittedly, grinding poverty and social deprivation on an alarming scale can be discerned a mile to the south in Hendon, but the area around the cricket club is redolent of Jesmond before the students colonised the place, or Gosforth before traffic choked the streets. It’s almost like stepping back 40 years into verdant, genteel respectability. The ground, while considerably more difficult to effect entry to than in the past, is still huge and impressive. The new developments on one side don’t destroy the place and the Italian restaurant on the top floor of the pavilion looked to be doing good trade. While Durham were pitifully capitulating to Sussex, Sunderland made 98/8, with the usual competitive and impressive South North attack doing their best. In reply, Sunderland had a sniff of an upset with the visitors wobbling at 24/3, but reality intervened, and the current champions won by 7 wickets, courtesy of measured, lusty hitting and judicious running. Once the score reached about 70 from 12 overs, the home side took on that resigned look of imminent defeat; rather like the local football team, they’d been here before and knew what was around the corner. Nevertheless, a thoroughly enjoyable evening I have to say.



The last 2 Saturdays in June saw the contrasting sides to Tynemouth’s batting. On June 23rd Eppleton, who have proved to be tetchy opponents in the past, such as the nonsensical unpleasantness at last season’s Banks game at Church Road, were the visitors. In a simply unbelievable show of dominance of bat over ball, Ben Debnam and Nick Armstrong, centurions both, amassed 265/0 from 50 overs; the declaration giving us 60 overs to bowl them out. As could be anticipated in the face of such a huge total, Eppleton didn’t get near, ending on 134 all out, with Wesley Bedja getting 6 for 34. It was about as comprehensive a win as could be imagined and one of 7 victories for every club side that weekend, including a 20-run win for the 2nds in a Banks Bowl game against Hetton Lyons at home on the Sunday. However, fortunes fluctuate, as can be demonstrated by events a mere 7 days later when, having been inserted by Durham Academy on a cloudy morning with a green looking pitch, Tynemouth tumbled to a 9-wicket loss; after dismissing us for 131, the young opposition charted a rapid and untroubled course to victory.

Thus, at the halfway point of the season; Tynemouth firsts are fifth in the Premier Division, 56 points behind leaders South North and 79 ahead of bottom club Felling. The seconds, still unbeaten, are top with a 27-point lead over Benwell Hill. They’ve also a home 20/20 quarter final at home to Chester le Street and an away Banks Bowl semi-final against the same opposition to look forward to. The third team are second in the table to Cramlington 2nds in Northumberland and Tyneside Division 6 South. A reasonably encouraging set of statistics at this time of the season, though disappointing that the firsts have no cup interest remaining. Next week is a trip to second placed Whitburn; a picture postcard perfect ground.

Now you’ll recall I mentioned the half dozen games I’ve appeared in for the Bad Boys; well, here’s what has gone down. During these games, resulting in 4 victories and 2 defeats, I’ve only needed to bat once. After dismissing the 9 men of Bates Cottages for 87, having had them 12/5, we were 30/0 in reply and cruising. Then suddenly we were 77/8 and I had to go in. I faced 3 balls, allegedly scoring a single down leg side from the first, though despite what it says in the book, I don’t think I got a touch, before nervously playing the second about 5 yards on the offside and finally getting a ridiculously top edge from a hideous swipe across the line that gave an easy caught and bowled to the lad who’d belted my 2 overs for 28 in their innings. In my defence, I was bowling against the wind and the conditions kept dragging the ball wide of leg stump for their lad to clout away. Excuses mean nothing; we totalled 84 and lost by 3 runs. I got so bladdered that night; I fell asleep on the sofa and woke up with my lenses in at 3.00am.  It’s tough at the bottom…

With an immensely important pair of fixtures to come in the next week, at home to North East Tamils in the Midweek Plate and away to Mitford in the League, I can safely say, regardless of the outcome, playing for the Bad Boys has made the last couple of months some of the happiest of my life. Seriously. I may not have the confidence to bat as yet, but I’m loving the chance to bowl again. First up, in the home game against Mitford that we won by 80 runs, I got the last over when it was clear we were safe. Alright so my first ball in 28 years was loose, wide and clouted away for 4, but I only conceded 4 singles after that and almost had their bloke, when the ball ran along the deck and he was forced to jab his bat down to keep it out. It was a start and I finally stopped feeling a fraud. Just a shame I couldn’t build on that, as we conceded the next game away to Mitford because we couldn’t raise a team, then I wasn’t called on to bowl as we lost to league leaders Sparta by 22 runs on May 24th, before the trip to Beamish and East Stanley to play High Stables was postponed for some arcane reason I haven’t yet divined. 

You’ve got to keep the momentum going though and in a Plate game against Park House that we won by 80 runs, I took a wicket. In fact I took 1-0-1-1, with a single from my first ball and some excellent help by the lads in the field to keep things tight. And then, the last ball of the over… I could lie and say it was my googly that did him, but I think he just got pissed off at this portly, ageing, rubicund Rastafarian bowling at 2 miles per hour to him and tried to hit me over the Linskill Centre. He missed and the keeper whipped the bails off.


Sean Longstaff will have many stellar moments in his football career, but I’m sure he’ll treasure the time he kept wicket to me. Indeed, Dave Hull Denholm will obviously remember those occasions he played to sold-out City Hall crowds at Lindisfarne Christmas gigs, but he also stood behind the timbers, watching in anguish as two successive catches from my bowling went to ground as Park House were defeated for the third time this season. The latter drop was on captain Matty’s watch. He’d done the same the week before when we thumped Whitley Bay; at least then there was the mitigating factor of the torrential downpour we insisted on ignoring to complete a win by 90 runs.

So, it’s 1 run and 1 wicket for 54 so far; I’ve a bit of catching up on Sean (102*, 101* and 53*) to do. However, and this is the serious bit, the enjoyment I’m getting from this is almost incalculable; unlike the unforgiving blame culture of football teams, even in the Over 40s, cricket provides a civilised and supportive environment. If you make a mistake, people don’t start haranguing you. It’s just an enormous amount of fun and the only regret I have is the wasted 30 years when I didn’t play. Never mind; at least I’m doing so now. With 7 league games to go, we’re in third place, but that’s of secondary importance to the joy gained from taking part.

As I approach 54, cricket enables me to believe that this summer will be endless.

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