I see it’s
tipping it down again. Not torrential or anything, but just enough to unlock
the catalogue of emotions, known to all followers of non-league football, that
begins with a sense of unease, then worry, anger, resignation and closure as
the certain knowledge that the weather has beaten us again. It’s a worry when
you’ve only played 30 of your 42 league games with less than a month of the
season to go. When the
fixtures came out at last summer’s Northern League AGM, my beloved Benfield’s
final game was scheduled to be Ashington away on April 21st. We now have a
minimum of 8 games after this point, including the farcical situation where, on
successive nights, Stockton Town (Wednesday April 25th) visit us and we travel
to Shildon (Thursday 26th). There’s no point in complaining to the Northern
League as their hands are tied; the FA are the only body who can agree to any
extension of the season. Having already deigned to give us another week, their
latest crumb of comfort is a further 2 whole days, until May 7th,
for games not involving promotion or relegation issues and until the following
Saturday for the rest which, at our level, includes both the semi-finals and
finals of the two league cup competitions.
If we were
to win all of our games in hand, we’d move up from our current 8th
place to third, as we’ve played a minimum of 5 fewer games than all bar one of
the teams above us. Except, when you’re faced with the situation of needing to
play 14 league games (one third of a season) in 29 days, plus a league cup
semi-final to be slotted in after that, games in hand become an encumbrance
rather than a potential bonus. Undoubtedly fatigue, injuries and player
unavailability will conspire to ensure we fail to reach our full potential this
season; there are daft defeats in the post, of that there can be no doubt. Then
again, we won’t be the only side to experience an unexpected pratfall or two.
Not only has
this winter been one long chain of climactic disasters after another, our
adventures in the FA Cup, where we reached the third qualifying round, and FA
Vase, where we reached the last 16, not to mention a Northumberland FA Senior
Cup semi-final, meant we already had all manner of rescheduled games to contend
with during the milder weather. The north east monsoon and permafrost
micro-climate first intervened on November 25th when our trip to
Jarrow Roofing fell afoul of a frozen pitch; ignoring called-off midweek games,
which by and large were attempts at getting already postponed fixtures played
as soon as possible, we’ve subsequently been inactive on the following 12
Saturdays: December 9th, 16th and 30th,
January 20th and 27th, February 10th and 17th,
as well as every single Saturday in March.
The only weekends where there were any mitigating circumstances were
March 24th, as we’d agreed to play our away game at North Shields
the night before, being rewarded with a 4-3 win for our graciousness and
February 17th, when Newcastle United insisted the only possible time
their storied Under 23 team could play their Northumberland Senior Cup
semi-final against us was on Friday 16th, meaning we had to put our
home game against Ryhope CW off the following day. As well as getting thumped
3-0, maddeningly we lost the best Saturday of the year so far, weather wise. If Newcastle had agreed to a midweek date, as
per the competition rules, we’d be one game closer to completing the campaign.
This season
has also been played out to a discordant soundtrack of the unfinished symphony
of league reconstruction. The FA, in their wish for consistency verging on
homogeneity, have introduced the spectre of mandatory promotion, relegation and
lateral movement, as a way of enforcing their ideal scenario, whereby the non-league
pyramid will be as follows: Step 1 (1 league of 24 teams), Step 2 (2 leagues of
22 teams), Step 3 (4 leagues of 22 teams), Step 4 (8 leagues of 20 teams) and
Step 5 (16 leagues of 20 teams), which is Northern League division 1 level.
Below that, the details all seems to get a little bit fuzzy around the edges, to
the extent that Step 7 has no ideal number of clubs or leagues, though as
floodlights aren’t necessary at that level, 16 teams in each competition is
seen as par for the course.
Going into
this season, we knew that the Northern League would be reduced from 43 clubs to
40 for 2018/2019, but how this would be achieved was always a matter of
conjecture. It still is, but for the avoidance of doubt, we had a league
briefing on Sunday April 8th to sort this out. Gary fetched me with
him to act as immoral support. Once we got to the Ramside Hall hotel, we knew
it was serious business. Despite it still being morning, refreshments were
conspicuous by their absence. A meeting without coffee, with chairs set out in
rows for a lecture, rather than round table workshops, murmurs of disapproval regarding the 4 clubs
who didn’t show their faces, and a stated desire to wrap things up in an hour.
At stake was the Northern League’s very membership of the non-league pyramid.
Now you’d
think even countenancing the idea of disaffiliation would be like turkeys
voting for an early Christmas, but just look at the Brexit vote; a whole load
of Help for Heroes clad Giro Johnnies
in betting shops and Wetherspoons, backed up by educationally subnormal lorry
drivers with anger management issues, voting out on account of ignorance and
prejudice, creating penury for generations to come, because of being allowed a
say about something they didn’t remotely understand. That’s the problem with democracy;
everyone gets a vote, including those who don’t deserve it. Now in the dim and
distant past, the Northern League, when under the stewardship of the likes of
the late Arthur Clark and the fearsome Gordon Nicholson, practised the kind of
splendid isolation that the Plymouth Brethren would have appreciated. When
offered direct entry to the Conference, along with the Southern, Isthmian and
Northern Premier Leagues, dear old Arthur said no and cast us adrift for a
decade or more, eventually allowing the Northern League to drop from a
potential Step 2 to an actual Step 5 status. The unspoken wisdom around the
league is that he got it completely wrong, which is why clubs should be loath
to pass up the chance of FA prize money and ground improvement grants by trying
to fly solo, into the side of a mountain.
Thankfully,
the show of hands vote to remain under the FA’s benevolent despotism was
declared “pretty unanimous.” From there, we got down to business. The
indisputable facts are: two teams, almost certainly Morpeth Town (absent) and
Marske United (still with 13 games to play), will be promoted to the Northern
Premier League North; the division South Shields are cutting a swathe through
currently. Experience has shown us that when teams go up, such as the
aforementioned Shields, Spennymoor and Darlington, we don’t get ones dropping
down in return and with the need to trim the total number of clubs, it seems a knocking
bet there will be no new arrivals from above. Lateral movement could come into
play with Penrith who, cognisant of the fact Carlisle City from further north,
travel down the M6 every other week, may be transported to the North West
Counties League. It is division 2 where real heartbreak and anguish may occur.
There will
be a net loss of 1 team from the current 21, possibly seeing the bottom 3 clubs
heading out of the league, as 5 clubs from Step 7 (specifically drawn from the
Northern Alliance and Wearside League as Boro Rangers of the North Riding
League failed a ground inspection) are eligible for promotion, though Cleator
Moor Celtic have indicated a preference for the North West Counties League
should they finish high enough in the Wearside League. Of course only 2 of the
remaining 4 (Birtley and Newcastle University from the Alliance and Boldon CA
and Redcar Athletic from the Wearside) can be promoted. I’ve been to Birtley
several times at it will be great for the superbly enthusiastic club man Colin
Beat if they make it back up. Boldon CA actually adjoins Jarrow Roofing and
always did have lights, so I presume they’ve got themselves a small stand; well
done to them. Redcar Athletic I’ve never been to, though I’ve played Over 40s
in close proximity at the far end of the rugby club. They’ve been there or
thereabouts for several seasons now and will presumably be a credit to the
league. If I stand on my garden shed, I
can see the pitch where Newcastle University currently play; the only fenced
one in the splendidly bucolic Cochrane Park complex. As it has neither lights
nor cover, I presume this will not be their ground, though it has not been
revealed where they intend to play. Rumour has it; Ryton may have a westerly
rival sometime soon.
While I have
the utmost sympathy for any team being relegated, I am aware that several clubs
in the second division are run by a tiny number of, often elderly but always
overworked, volunteers. Others are more of a social than sporting concern. Beer
and free food for lonely people who are new to the concept of non-league
football and thrive on the companionship they’ve found among other lost souls
certainly have their place, but the meritocratic principle at the heart of
striving for sporting excellence doesn’t really apply to them. In some ways it
wouldn’t matter to these kinds who or where their team played. Personally, I
have followed Northern Alliance football for many years and regard it as a
league of the utmost integrity, superbly run by Derek Booth, ably assisted by
both Peter Riley and George Penman. I’m sure Peter Maguire and his team are
equally efficient at the Wearside League.
From all
I’ve seen and heard over the years, there is nothing to fear from going down a
step but, or so it seems, plenty to worry about when going up, which is why the
Northern League put their own proposal forward to run a step 4 league from
Tyneside to Doncaster; needless to say, it was rejected by the FA on what
appear to be specious and contradictory grounds that are both pettifogging and inaccurate.
Instead, the FA has decreed the new Step 4 league will reach as far as
Leicester. To use Morpeth Town as an example, currently their longest trips are
to Marske United (144 miles) and Penrith (170 miles). With a suggested boundary
of Doncaster, the longest journey would be approximately 260 miles; Leicester
would be a 330 mile round-trip, or another 90 minutes travel minimum. This
season South Shields are required to go to Colwyn Bay, which is 440 miles or so
there and back, but that is undoubtedly a red herring as the Welsh side are one
of the prime cases for lateral movement, because the NPL will be split into 3
divisions, not 2, on an east, west and midland basis. That said; the Northern
League’s proposal would have saved clubs between £12 and £40k on travelling
expenses alone. Those figures are not invented either.
To the
complete frustration of all gathered in the room, the FA remains impervious to
logic and reason. They will have their structure, whatever the clubs think.
Surely all the time, resources and money spent on this could be better
utilised? While I
applaud the idea of 4G hubs, providing facilities for many teams to play on a
series of artificial pitches, with Blakelaw and Bullocksteads being identified
as sites in Newcastle, as this will certainly provide youth leagues, as well as
the Tyneside Amateur and lower parts of the Alliance, which tend to consist of
teams rather than clubs, with a readily available and reliable surface on which
to play their games, I don’t feel this is the answer for Step 6 and above. I’m
not saying clubs shouldn’t have 4G pitches; indeed I wish more did, but I do
believe in all sincerity that the FA, in the light of global warming and ever
wetter winters, should invest money in providing specialist pitch care
assistance for clubs in the pyramid. Rather than paying for Dele Alli to add to his
Ferrari collection, give clubs at Step 5 money towards 4G pitches or provide
help from a team of pitch experts to aid the willing volunteers who put in
untold hours of back-breaking slog for little if any reward. I feel my words
may be incomprehensible to senior administrators in the national game.
And so the
meeting broke up. I went home to work on programmes for the 5 successive home
games (Monday – Wednesday – Saturday – Monday – Wednesday) Benfield have coming
up, in full knowledge that we are no nearer knowing the exact composition of the
Northern League next year. It is undeniable that we have been given unequivocal
assurances that everything will change. Whether it is for the betterment or
detriment of the league, only time will tell.
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