Monday, 22 January 2018

Down by the Valley Gardens

I got asked the other day how many games I’d seen so far this season. The answer was 55, though it should have been 56 as the ref called off Seaham Red Star v Benfield because of a frozen pitch at 2.47pm on Saturday 9th December, meaning it was too late to get anywhere else and so I had to endure my sole blank Saturday since last July. In those games I’ve seen 216 goals; or 215 if you discount Goole’s opener in the FA Cup against Benfield back in August that I missed as I was powdering my nose; thankfully I made it back in time to see the two goals we roared back with to win the game. So far I’ve spent £91 in entry fees, with only the £42 I handed to Newcastle United for the dismal loss to Forest in the League Cup and draw with Brighton in the League, being begrudged. I’ve seen these 55 games at 34 different grounds, 22 of which are in the Northern League and 6 of which I’d never been to before. My trip to Morton v St Mirren on January 2nd was a little New Year treat to myself, as will be my Easter present of a day trip to Stenhousemuir against Elgin City on March 24th. Of course I realise that compared to your actual die-hard groundhopper, I’m a rank amateur teetering on the brink of dilettante charlatanism, but then again, I don’t claim to be an obsessive; I just really like football, especially the non-league, grassroots game.


During the short summer recess, my whole life is built around trying to see as many NEPL cricket games, mainly involving Tynemouth, as I can. For the rest of the year, it’s my beloved Newcastle Benfield who receive my undying adulation and are the focus of my whole week. We’ve had 36 games so far this season and the only one I missed was Penrith away on a Tuesday night, as the bus left before I’d finished work. That disappointed me, as have our postponed fixtures that leave us still with half a season’s fixtures still to fit in. Probably the one time I get close to being a football obsessive is when lousy weather looks likely to play havoc with the weekend’s games. 

If frost or rain looks likely to put paid to our game and my two other Northern League grounds of choice at Team Northumbria or Whitley Bay, I start investigating my options on 4G in the Northern Alliance and Tyneside Amateur League. As I’m chair of the Tyneside Amateur League, it is beholden on me to see the odd game at that level, such as on December 16th when Benfield v West Auckland was frozen off, I cycled up to the Walker Activity Dome (aka The Lightfoot) and saw Forest Hall deservedly get the better of hosts Jesmond 4-2.  Cold, cold day that one…

Last weekend, the heavy snowfall that landed Wednesday and froze Thursday put paid to our home tie with Penrith, meaning I needed to find another fix. I’m no meteorologist; indeed I dropped Geography at the end of third year, so didn’t even do an O Level in it, but I do have a vague understanding of the Maritime Effect, which was illustrated perfectly in North Tyneside last Friday by the stubborn inch of still frozen snow that adhered to paths, pavements and open ground right up to the A19. Once you were across the Silverlink earthworks and heading east, there wasn’t a flake to be seen. It was cold, miserable and windy, but clear for football on those artificial surfaces whose companion pitches going westward were all unplayable. In the Tyneside Amateur, the only choice I had was Ellington v Wideopen at the devilishly difficult to access by public transport Hirst Welfare in Ashington. It was an option, but I chose to look closer to home.

I’ve long, nay always, had a strong affection for the Northern Alliance; an excellent, no-nonsense, proper Geordie football league. Despite having moved on from the club to Benfield back in 2013, I still regard Percy Main Amateurs with the greatest of affection. Sadly I couldn’t display that affection last weekend, as their trip to Shankhouse’s Action Park (the only non-league ground I know of that is named after a Shellac album) was called off. Indeed, the only game that was on in the Alliance was a league cup tie between Division 2 Willington Quay Saints and Premier Division Birtley Town. It was being played not at the Barking Dog, the normal venue for Saints home games, but on the 4G at Valley Gardens Middle School in Whitley Bay, with a 1.30 kick off. 


This was a no brainer; it was clearly my go-to game of choice, partly because of ease of access, but mainly because I’ve got quite a soft spot for WQS. My affection for them developed for several reasons, namely their wonderfully sarcastic and amusing Twitter comments (@WQSaints), being lucky enough to see a tumultuous encounter with Red House Farm at The Barking Dog about 5 years back, on another occasion when theirs was the only game on, which ended with one of the best post red card tantrums I’ve ever seen when the dismissed Saints keeper went into full James Brown Please Please Please mode when afforded first use of the showers. Also, back in their Tyneside Amateur days, I taught their then centre forward, the imposing Jonny Ellis; at his bidding, we took in the NFA Minor Cup final at Blue Flames in 2007, when the Saints never got going and lost 1-0 to one or other of those ephemeral Amble sides that supernova every few years. Sadly big Jonny retired from football to concentrate on lechery the season after, presumably as he found it easier to score in the bedroom than on the pitch…

Anyway, having watched the opening half hour of Aberdeen dismantling St Mirren in the Scottish Cup, I headed out on the bike from Tynemouth to far Monkseaton Drive and, allowing for the usual problem of finding the only unlocked entrance to the school, I found myself in position with about 5 minutes until kick off. The crowd I’d estimate to have been about a dozen, with both sides boasting an array of subs, coaches and other helpers, to swell the numbers of those watching to something approaching the 30 mark. It was bright. It was still. It was freezing. There was no cover. There were no refreshments or toilet facilities, but it was a brilliant afternoon out.

Going into this game Birtley were overwhelming favourites; sitting fourth top of the Premier Division, with the clear, stated ambition of returning to the Northern League. From the first whistle it was abundantly clear they would be too good for a Saints side that sit in the lower reaches of Division 2. And so it proved, with Birtley racing into a 4-0 half time lead, courtesy of two tap-in breakaways, a penalty and one sublimely steered sidefoot that demonstrated a level of class and anticipation that deserved a wider audience than gathered here at Valley Gardens. Additionally Birtley hit the angle of bar and post with an absolute screamer, as well as being foiled by last ditch defending and smart keeping on several occasions. It wasn’t all one-way traffic; the young lad leading the line for the Saints was very unlucky with a deft chip that dropped just wide and passed up a couple of other presentable opportunities when crowded out by Birtley defenders.

At half time I grabbed a quick chat with a couple of lads in the Saints team who I’ve known for a decade or more; keeper Shaun (Shanny) Backhouse, most notably of Heaton Stannington and midfield general Ian (Magoo) Graham, who served Percy Main so well; a couple of cracking lads who I’m delighted to see turning out and enjoying the game still. Shanny collected every cross cleanly, encouraged his defence, sorted out positions and looked every inch what he has been for a dozen years or more; a class keeper at this level and higher. Magoo still passes the ball like a dream, loves a tackle and never got off the referee’s back all game; marvellous to see and hear. Great also to see a second half where the goals were shared equally, with one apiece. Saints grabbed a lifeline, courtesy of a bullet header from a corner to spark thoughts of a comeback (not really), while Birtley continued to create and contrived to miss chances by the bucketload. A couple of generous refereeing decisions to chalk out goals for pushes and late flags kept the score almost respectable and it ended 5-1 to a Birtley side who look quick, fluent and agile. They’ll need to work on a killer instinct in front of goal mind. Saints just need to keep going and be organised. The local game is lucky to have a club as admirable as them, plying their trade uncomplaining in the bottom tier of the Alliance. More power to them!



So, just gone 3.20 and the game is done. I bid my farewells, promise to return soon and head back homewards, stopping off for the second half at Hillheads, as the Bay’s game had beaten the weather, where a goalless first period was transformed into a 2-2 draw between Whitley and Guisborough. Plenty of friends watching, plenty of craic, but a lousy game; still, you can’t complain when you get to see 10 goals in a game and a half, while not having to pay a penny. You never know, if this cold snap keeps up, I’ll be touring more hidden halting sites on the road to football’s Kingdom come.

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