Friday, 5 January 2018

Bounty Hunting

Did you have a nice Christmas? I did. Here's a rundown, with special thanks to Joris van de Wien for the wonderful photos of Cappielow -:


When the weather or circumstance intervene, and my beloved Benfield are left without a game, I do my level best to take in another fixture. I see it as my responsibility to do so. In the run up to Christmas, I took advantage of the incessant rain that waterlogged the pitch at Jarrow Roofing and went to see a thoroughly entertaining clash between two of our divisions best footballing sides that ended Team Northumbria 0 Whitley Bay 3. The frost that put paid to our home game with West Auckland had no discernible effect on the 4G surface at Walker Activity Dome, enabling me to don my other hat as the Chair of the Tyneside Amateur League to oversee Jesmond and Forest Hall contest a lively encounter that the visitors shaded 4-2.

Now, in both these instances I’d been at a loose end as Benfield didn’t have a game; the idea of ducking out of a Lions fixture to watch anyone else is anathema to me, considering I’ve only missed Penrith away so far this season. Then again, fatigue and financial concerns sometimes rear their ugly heads when the Walkergate Barca aren’t playing; on Boxing Day after our Team Northumbria game had finished, I had more than enough time to head for Blyth Spartans v Spennymoor or Gateshead v Hartlepool, but I opted to keep my money in my pocket and spend an afternoon on the sofa with Jeff Stelling and a few other middle-aged blokes. Very enjoyable it was too, especially the regular updates from Sheffield United 3 Mackems 0.

Of course, there is always the complex matter of Newcastle United to factor into any equation, especially during the Festive Season. With the bairn home from Uni for Christmas, the chance for a few dad and lad craft and real ales to try and erase the memory of the previous 90 minutes is always an enticing prospect. However, you can only take loyalty so far; the idea of sitting through a presumed demolition at the hands of Man City and paying handsomely for the privilege just doesn’t wash these days. Instead, Santa Claus popped up with a pair of briefs for the Brighton game on December 30th and a whole new level of guilt kicked in, as Benfield were allegedly at Shildon that day. Luckily frost intervened and Dean Street was rendered unplayable; sadly, the same situation didn’t occur at St James’ Park.

Having watched the Man City game round at a mate’s house, in the midst of a slow-burning domestic with his other half that properly caught fire in the second period, I’d fully agreed with Benitez’s tactics before the break. To attack City from the off would have been suicide; the admittedly negative plan to stifle and contain Guardiola’s incredible array of talent almost worked, and I don’t think we were out of it until the final whistle went, though I’d need to see the last part of the game again as it was beginning to get too hard to concentrate on events on the pitch, especially when compared to the invective unfolding around me. Christmas eh? Don’t you just love it…

Anyway, come Saturday I had an inexplicable modicum of hope in my heart that Benitez would turn things round for the Brighton game and try to win the thing. While Gayle’s header could, and perhaps should, have given us the lead, my positive frame of mind was shown to be hopelessly naïve. The sight of Darlow holding on to the ball for the maximum 6 seconds every single time to slow the game down and nullify the threat of Brighton, for whom Glen Murray made Joselu look like Marco van Basten, was one of the most infuriating images of the whole, dull Benitez anti-climactic reign. I remember seeing the same two teams play out a goalless draw in February 1991, in front of about 13,000 stupefied on-lookers; that game was of higher quality than the dross on show during this fiasco. How on earth can Benitez still boast such unquestioning popularity when his teams are so sterile? It baffles me. Nice pints in The Bodega and Box Social afterwards at least.

Typically enough, less than 48 hours after repeated pub conversations about Benitez approaching or being past his sell-by date in the modern game, Newcastle went to Stoke and played the troubled Potters off the park; the final 1-0 score, courtesy of a lovely finish by Perez, did not do the Magpies justice.  I’m giving that opinion on the basis of a few highlights and several match reports, as I didn’t see the game. Instead, I availed myself of the offer of a lift to South Shields against Scarborough Athletic with my old mate and, 30 years back, former student John Melville. The Wallsend Mariner had also arranged to fetch local non-league writer and all-round good bloke Mark Carruthers through, as all public transport was off. A really great gesture that was deeply appreciated, though I doubt it’ll be repeated as Scarborough won 3-1 at a canter.

I’d not been to Mariners Park since September 2016, when a late Meechack Kanda goal gave Benfield a fully-merited point in a 1-1 draw. That day there were 1,200 present and the vibe around the place told of a club on the launching pad, ready to go places. A year and a quarter later, there’s 1,819 in attendance and the Northern League is a distant memory. Shields are now in orbit. Everything about the place is bigger, louder, flashier than at our level. Hundreds of Shields fans are there early, eating and drinking, putting their money into the club for things they put in their mouth. We mustn’t fail to mention the 400 who’ve travelled up from Scarborough either. There’s still a hardcore of volunteers working their fingers to the bone, including my old pal Phil Reay the secretary, but there’s hired help and hourly-paid staff performing their roles in return for cash money. This is the grassroots game on the cusp of moving from a labour of love to a professional business, with the level of excitement among the supporters, still as high as before. It’s not often I’m deafened when the teams emerge, but that’s what happens today.

One of my major problems is finding a place to see the game from; I do a 75% circuit of the ground, where most of the vantage spots are inaccessible; 3 deep on flat terracing and full of zealous singers in the covered parts, before finding a spare bit of barrier down by the corner flag at the Jarrow end of the ground. I watch the visitors push the home side back from the off, eventually forcing an error. A short back pass, a nippy striker, a rash keeper’s challenge, a penalty and Scarborough lead. Soon after it’s 0-2, with a great attacking and lousy defending goal; a corner is hammered in to the near post and an unmarked attacker stoops to head home past a stationary keeper.

South Shields come again with renewed vigour in the second period, but it’s 3-0 and game over on 55 minutes when a ball into the box is flicked on, eluding everyone and nestling in the corner. This is the cue for Carl Finnigan to belatedly appear for the home side. His presence raises both the tempo and expectations, showing he probably should have been on from the start. Scarborough defend resolutely and a frustrated Finnigan is eventually booked for an off the ball clash by referee Lindsey Robinson, who is excellent throughout. Finally, Shields get a last-minute consolation, via a tap in from Holmes and the game ends; there’s disappointment, but neither whinging nor anger. The Shields crowd know their team has been second best and shrug it off; they’ve come a long way since Peterlee, where 50 of them shivered and feared for the future of their club, only 4 years back; they’ve the necessary perspective to understand the occasional setback like this one is inevitable. 

January 2nd is often regarded as the most depressing day of the year, bringing the torment of the return to work after the excesses and bonhomie of the Holiday Season.  Not in Scotland however; January 3rd is their serotonin free zone, as the New Year break north of the border includes 2 Bank Holidays. As a result, it often means a full programme of Scottish football fixtures to feast upon. Four years ago, with my pals Andy and Michael Hudson (brothers NOT a couple), we headed to East End Park to enjoy Dunfermline defeat Raith Rovers in a local derby. Today the Vichy Fife team (as a Cowdenbeath supporter once described them to me) will defeat Falkirk 2-0 in a horribly ill-tempered game where Bairns fans bombard Dunfermline’s Dean Shiels with fake, plastic, joke shop eye balls. Shiels had an eye removed after a childhood accident. Later that night, those legendary West Ham fans taunt Jake Livermore over the death of his infant son. Why does such scum attach itself to our game?

Having surveyed the fixture list, my first choice was Edinburgh City against Berwick Rangers, but I consulted my mate David Stoker, Bathgate resident, sometime Livingston board member and obsessive, itinerant football watcher. He opined that game would be terrible and suggested the Renfrewshire Derby between Greenock Morton and St Mirren instead. Not only did this give me the chance of seeing Benfield v Newcastle in terms of the kits, but it was another ground ticked off my list and when he offered a lift from Linlithgow to Greenock and back again, the deal was sealed. I got straight on the lap top to book train tickets for £35 return.

With it being a normal day in England, the train to Waverley was smooth, quick and half full. Unfortunately, Scottish Bank Holiday engineering works delayed the Edinburgh to Glasgow train, as well as limiting it to half the normal size. It was a hot crush, but Linlithgow was reached just after the scheduled arrival of 1.00pm.  David was there, together with his Dutch football journalist pal Joris, who lives in Leith and follows Hearts, as well as Sheffield Wednesday and his hometown side Willem II. The reason Edinburgh City had seemed a possible choice was the presence of a 4G pitch; prosaic but reliable. Considering it absolutely threw it down all the way to Greenock, nerves over a postponement were never far away.



Despite overflowing gutters and pools on the pavement, the pitch at Cappielow was in superb condition. The ground was similarly wonderful, but in a real traditional way. Almost untouched by the gentrification of the game and stadia in general around the world, Cappielow would go on a list of Scottish grounds I’ve fallen in love with, alongside Cliftonhill and East End Park; we’re taking it as read that Easter Road is the best ground in the world here, by the way. We paid a steep £20 entry and took our place on the covered paddock, almost full of home fans. However this was deceptive; the game was being broadcast live on BBC Alba, so an intrusive camera platform on scaffolding had been installed, much to the chagrin of home fans who repeatedly sang BBC Alba; why don’t you go home?

Greenock and Paisley are 15 miles distant, but the hatred between the two towns is raw and real; like the Dunfermline and Kirkcaldy abuse of 4 years ago, there is something deeply appealing and hugely inventive about the bile-spattered, oath-edged chants thrown in both directions in search of regional dominance. Dirty Paisley Bastards is the go to phrase for the afternoon, but I preferred the more cerebral City of Culture? You’re having a laugh! The visiting player getting the worst abuse was Celtic bound Lewis Morgan, a Greenock resident who was repeatedly informed We know where you stay. It didn’t seem to bother him when he opened the scoring and performed an impressive knee slide in front of those who he may call his neighbours. They reacted negatively in the main.

Being honest, top of the table Buddies were good value for the lead and I suspected they’d go on to win with ease. Thankfully though, Morton roared back in the second period, inspired by the mercurial talents of Jai Quitongo, and were good value for their headed equaliser on 78 minutes by Thomas O’Ware. The goal was greeted with the kind of terrace bedlam and barrier vaulting I’ve not seen in the thick end of 30 years down south. Brilliant stuff, only eclipsed by St Mirren defender Stelios Demetriou talking the sting out of any potential crowd trouble when, after being struck on the shoulder by a Bounty bar thrown from the Morton end, he took the last snack from the selection box and calmly ate it before taking a throw in. Amazingly enough, prissy Premier League referee Kevin Clancy, on a lower division busman’s holiday, didn’t produce a yellow card. He did for everything else.


So, honours even, a straight road back to Linlithgow with David’s terrible taste in 90s house music poisoning my ears, two empty trains and a Metro, all come together to put me on the sofa in time for Match of the Day. Roll on March 24th and June 9th, which are my next two scheduled Scottish trips.





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