One Hundred Years of Servitude

There's anew issue of The Popular Side out on Saturday; I'll be outside the Irish Club if you've a spare quid. The best article in it is by someone who's over from Ireland this weekend and will be inside swallowing pints while I'm on duty; Declan McGrath. I'd like to dedicate this piece to him, to John McQuaid and all my other friends from the greatest country in the world, my spiritual home. 

I don’t think I’m being overly dramatic here when I say that the events of Sunday marked the lowest point in the Rebel County’s history since the burning of Cork in December 1920. Coming so soon after a double digit hammering by Donegal, a defeat at the hands of Roscommon, or North West Westmeath as it will soon be known (probably), proves that Cork’s dismal form has continued apace from the pasting at the hands of Kildare last July. At this point I would normally say that hurling is the real game on De Banks, but successive losses to Waterford and Galway suggest that summer fixtures will be conspicuously absent from Leeside GAA calendars this year.

Moving on from the Bog Ball, it is time to consider the results of the Irish General Election, which will give us something to do until the recount from Longford / Westmeath is completed. Mind I think they’ll still be counting that one when the inevitable autumn election is called. The reason I think that the country will go back to the polls is because, unsurprisingly, the only possible majority coalition would include Fianna Fail and Fine Gael; that isn’t going to happen. Such a pact would be almost as delicious as FF and the Shinners getting into bed together, as some have mooted. As is always the case in Irish politics, the real losers are not the outgoing FG / Labour coalition, piloted by the loathsome, textbook, whiney little twat Enda Kenny, but the plain people of Ireland; sold down the river on a raft of empty promises by the rhubarbarian gobshite  and his willing accomplices, led by Joan the rictus grinning harridan.

Now, if it wasn’t bad enough that the convoluted, labyrinthine voting system has coughed up 50 seats for O’Duffy’s grandchildren, it is simply beyond parody that Dev’s diehards have been resuscitated to the extent they’re only 5 seats behind the blueshirts. Yes, the party that brought Ireland to its knees, destroying the banking system, ruining a million lives and reducing present and future generations to indescribable penury, consisting of the kind of morally repugnant, shifty, palm-greasing, back-slapping, single figure IQ  gombeens who allowed the European Central Bank to impose worse strictures on the population than the bastard English ever did, are back with a vengeance. Cue 30,000 extra Ryan Air coffin flights taxiing away from Paddy’s Green Shamrock Shore the minute they take office. FF may be led by the humourless, bald automaton Michael Martin, a man so socially conservative as to make de Valera seem like Gavin Friday in comparison, but there’s worse than him to come. Worse even than Biffo’s brother topping the poll in Offaly. Craziest of all, Charlie fucking Haughey’s son has been elected in Dublin Bay North. One hundred years on from the Easter Rising and this happens… you simply couldn’t make it up.

Sinn Fein, having spent 45 years being referred to by the Irish media as a bunch of balaclava-clad bogeymen interested only in the bomb and the bullet, managed to artfully relaunch themselves as a thinking person’s anti austerity party, with a soft-left Guardianista social conscience. They gained 23 seats and Gorry is becoming quite the statesman whenever a microphone is thrust in his direction, so long as conversation doesn’t stray too close to the subject of Slab Murphy’s current whereabouts. Behind the Shinners in fourth spot are the notionally-grouped independents. There’s 17 of them and while a few are decent (Clare Daly and Joan Collins, more of whom later, not to mention feminist theologian Katherine Zappone), by far the most appalling of which are the beyond parody pairing of Healey-Rae brothers down in Kerry. There isn’t another country in the world, bar perhaps America if the Trump bandwagon continues to roll on, that would elect such a pair of illiterate, venal chancers, other than the yahoos without opposable thumbs down in the Kingdom.

The fractured nature of Irish society is reflected in the myriad array of minor parties that have gained a toehold in the Oireachtas. Hilariously Lucinda Creighton’s opportunistic vanity project Renua failed to pick up a single seat, but can now concentrate on “building the party outside the Dail” on the pig’s back of state funding, ludicrously enough.  The Independent Alliance are 6 strong; consisting entirely of avaricious egotists further up the evolutionary scale than the Healy-Raes, which effectively means they’re comfortable with the notion of running water and personal hygiene. There are 3 Social Democrats, who are basically the reanimation of the PDs, but with a recycling bag for life rather than a Filofax. The Greens have somehow sneaked back in, with a pair of elected representatives, though not the famously potty-mouthed Paul Gogarty who memorably brought the language of the snooker hall into Leinster House when dissing Emmett Stagg.

The Straffan Flying Column himself was slung out on his ear, despite sending out an obsequious, fawning letter begging for votes in North Kildare. Presumably his leaving party will be held in the public jacks at Phoenix Park. All Garda leave cancelled no doubt… Anyway Frank’s treacherous brother was only one of two dozen Labour casualties as the party managed to assemble the pitiful, if thoroughly deserved, total of 6 TDs, below the threshold of 7 required for automatic speaking rights in the chamber.

Last May, following the shock result in the British General Election, I had an epiphany. After 35 years vainly attempting to fight the system from without, in a succession of minor parties, including SPGB whose analysis I believe to be completely correct but tragically hypothetical, I finally accepted it was time to join the Labour Party. I was not alone in forming that opinion and the tidal wave of popular indignation and idealism that saw Jeremy Corbyn win the leadership battle was justification enough for me as to the correctness of my actions; once I’d persuaded the selection committee I was honourable in my intentions and not some Fifth Columnist resuscitating the spectre of entrism like it was 1981 all over again.

In Ireland, current conditions show that the Labour Party is not the organization for left-wingers to flock to. In fact, it seems on its way out; dying on the vine. Instead, in my opinion, the AAA-PBP grouping who also won 6 seats is where those who wish to see the end of capitalism and the establishment of Socialism ought to head. However, there are some caveats; People Before Profit (the Socialist Workers’ Party in other words) have been principled, supportive members of pacts with the “Socialist” Party  before, notably the ULA that the Irish Vanguardista Front departed on the instructions of their recently rusticated demagogue; bachelor and ex-priest Joe Higgins. While Father Ted Trotsky has been put out to grass, on account of the stress-related illness he has been suffering, there are still 3 of his kind representing the AAA wing of the AAA-PBP group. I know nothing about Mick Barry in Cork North Central, but I’m deeply suspicious of the other two.  Ruth Coppinger in Dublin West, the seat formerly held by Higgins, is from the “Socialist” Party production line of programmed automatons, incapable of independent political thought and unable to deviate one scintilla from the Democratic Centralist line that has been hammered into them. Returning for another shot at the big time is the Fresh Prince of Tallaght, multi-millionaire Father Dougal thinkalike, Paul Murphy. Experience tells me the emotional weakness and social inadequacy of Murphy and Coppinger will be the biggest potential hurdles to the development and stability of AAA-PBP, for never has the slogan ourselves alone been more relevant than in the confines of the Irish offshoot of the Leninist Bishop Len Brennan, Peter Taaffe’s Vanguardista retirement fund.

During the last Dail, Taaffe instructed the “Socialist” Party to exclude Clare Daly as he disapproved of her choice of significant other, the maverick, pink-shirted VAT avoider Mick Wallace TD from Wexford, which Higgins duly and deferentially did. However, this was not enough; as Daly refused to leave the ULA, the “Socialist” Party tore up the agreement. All the hard work of PBP members was placed in jeopardy. Thankfully, they have seen Richard Boyd Barrett (Dun Laoghaire), Brid Smith (Dublin South Central) and Gino Kelly (Dublin Mid-West) all elected.

If AAA are serious about a strong left wing voice in the Dail, they will joined with PBP in making overtures to ask Joan Collins (ex PBP) and Clare Daly to join, which would give 8 seats to the AAA-PBP coalition, enough to grant speaking rights. Never mind the AAA’s tediously absolutist position of “someone has to be right,” now is the time for the whole Irish left to unite, in the hope of creating a party that unions will sign up to, effectively replacing the discredited, moribund Labour Party.  Mind they’re probably more likely to announce the final result in Longford /Westmeath than that happening.

However, there will come a time when the citizens of Longford and Westmeath stop affecting an interest in the democratic process and cast their gaze on the most important cultural phenomenon in the state today; the start of the 2016 League of Ireland season on Friday. The first game of note has already been played, with Cork City countermanding the privations of their GAA counterparts by winning The President’s Cup, defeating Dundalk 2015 last weekend.

This week, the real action starts in the Premier Division on Friday night with Cork hosting Bohs, St Pat’s playing Galway, Mick Wallace’s newly promoted Wexford Youths taking on Longford Town and last season’s Division 1 runners-up Finn Harps welcoming Derry City to Ballybofey for a local derby. On Saturday Dundalk visit Bray and the Shams travel to Sligo in a battle of the two Rovers. As ever, I’ll be supporting Big Club, with a bit of a soft spot for all the others, apart from Shamrock Rovers of course.

In Division 1, the fun and games starts with Cabinteely v Athlone, relegated Drogheda United against Waterford and Shels v Cobh on the Friday, with Limerick playing host to UCD on the Saturday. Shels for me in that division.

As I’ve visited almost all the clubs in the Premier Division, my planned trip to Ireland this year is scheduled for the period 21 July to 1 August, with the focus very much on Division 1, to enable me to tick off grounds I’ve not been to. If things go to plan, I’ll only have Cork City left on my bucket list for a proper trip to De Banks in 2017. Friday 22 July will see me at Cabinteely versus Waterford United, as last season’s bottom pairing battle it out, while the Friday after sees me adopting the role of a Cabinteely Ultra, following them up to Drogheda, to make sure all is Hunky Dory. Most exciting, there are 2 trips on the two Saturdays with the Shels fans I so enjoyed heading to Waterford with last year; firstly to Cobh and then to Limerick. I may even get some GAA action in as well, but not involving my beloved Cork I’d warrant. These days you’d get more excitement watching the Longford / Westmeath recount.