Saturday, 15 June 2013

"The Sporting Life;" a short story

I'm a bit of a romantic consumer, in the sense that I love to buy my music on vinyl rather than by download and my reading material in fanzine form, rather than seeing it on line. Consequently 2013 has been a fantastic year for me, with something of a renaissance of the printed word in samizdat inkies that I'm proud to be associated with. As a consumer I can't praise FCUM's A Fine Lung http://www.afinelung.com/), Liverpool's Boss Magazine http://www.bossmag.co.uk/) or Wigan's Mudhutter (http://www.mudhutter.co.uk/) too highly. In addition, I'm proud to have been involved with Hibernian's Mass Hibsteria (details from  https://twitter.com/GrahamEwing) and the general, ground-breaking Stand AMF (http://www.standamf.com/), whose 6th July Ale Music Football night in Liverpool clashes with our Ben's 18th birthday family do sadly.

However, the most fascinating publication I've come across is Push magazine, a 120 circulation A5 literary fanzine, that includes poetry and short fiction that shows the astonishing talent there is hidden beneath the literary establishment in the country today. Details are available on Facebook from Paul Pomeroy, on Twitter from https://twitter.com/JoeEnglandBooks while copies cost £2.50 inc P&P via PayPal from joe.england64@gmail.com while contributions can be sent to pushmag@email.com

Here is the story I've got in issue #4. It's fictional, incidentally........



Athletics may have gained mass approval across the UK after the 2012 London Olympics, but on Tyneside, running has been popular for decades now. In the 1976 summer games held in Montreal, Brendan Foster won a bronze medal in the 10,000 metres and, despite breaking the Olympic Record in his heat, finished fifth in the 5,000 metres final. Strictly speaking, the pub at the bottom of Chowdene Bank in Low Fell that was opened in his honour soon afterwards was inaccurately named The Gold Medal. My suggestion The Boring Ex Chemistry Teacher Who Mumbles out the Corner of His Mouth didn’t even make the long list.

Time passed; memories dimmed and the pub relaunched itself around the millennium as Porcupine Park, styling itself as a revolutionary concept in 21st century leisure, where dancing and dining go hand in hand ALL NITE LONG. Another decade on and the vogue for sports’ bars showing unreliable internet feeds of Fulham v Stoke on Saturday afternoons to 30 bored blokes with severe Carling habits meant the place reverted to its original name. However, I am able to shed some light on why it was known as Porcupine Park for that unconvincing interregnum.

When training for the 76 games, Foster and his fellow Gateshead Harriers, 400 metre sprinter and subsequent convicted drug dealer David Jenkins (an eventual seventh in his final) and Charles Manson lookalike steeplechaser Dennis Coates (twelfth overall) made camp in the hills above Hollywood at a former movie ranch. The Harriers’ companions included the remnants of Ken Kesey’s Merry Pranksters, though not the man himself as he was engaged in post-production duties on One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, as well as Allen Ginsberg and William S. Burroughs, enjoying a brief period of rapprochement in their tortuous relationship.

In the camp Foster, a University educated organic Chemist; fell under the spell of occasional visitor Dr. Timothy Leary. Brendan experimented not only with LSD 25 and psilocybin, but with the peyote and mescal Ginsberg had brought with him as a sign of his continued fascination with Mayan culture. The hallucinations Foster enjoyed, influenced his future philosophy, while the junk Burroughs shared with Jenkins shaped the latter’s subsequent career. Dennis busied himself by jumping over tree stumps and the ranch barbecue, simulating the track conditions he would soon face, while reciting Buddhist incantations. Clearly, competitive athletics had taken a back seat.

Post competition, the athletes were granted a civic reception at Gateshead Town Hall and then chauffeur driven to meet their adoring fans at their home track, the International Stadium. In the limousine, Jenkins freebased cocaine, Coates recited mantras and Foster ingested 200mg of lysergic acid, in the form of a blotter, as they sped along the A184 Felling Bypass.

At the stadium, Jenkins slumped wild-eyed across the podium, while Coates sat cross-legged in meditation, while Foster seized the mic from local radio DJ and Master of Ceremonies, Frank Wappat, and began extemporising beat poetry to the awed audience. I am privileged to say I was one of those gathered to hear him speak.

Foster’s final performance piece was dedicated to “all the fish of the oceans and birds of the air.” It featured an impassioned plea for ecological awareness, strict adherence to vegan principles and complete disarmament by all nations of the earth. As he recited it, Foster provocatively undressed and jived lewdly with a hand-picked selection of ample breasted women from the audience, endlessly repeating this totemic tercet -:

We’re gonna build us a Porcupine Park,
With a dozen apple trees
And space for the hedgehogs as well.



Clearly, the poem struck a note with all who were there, being plucked from the most obscure corner of sporting history to rename a pub. Certainly, whatever the place is called now, I feel Porcupine Park is a more fitting tribute to Foster’s achievements than The Gold Medal, but opinions differ…

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