Tuesday, 27 May 2025

Stag Do

 My predictably shambolic trip to Ross County 2 Livingston 4 -:


I truly believed that Cove Rangers 2 Kelty Hearts 2 on Saturday April 26th would be my last Scottish game of 2024/2025. Similarly, when West Moor & Jesmond played out a thoroughly entertaining 3-3 draw with Wallington in the Alliance Premier a fortnight after that, I honestly felt I’d not see another game this season. However, things can change and, after a horrendous run of form after the late season split, Ross County ended up in 11th place in the SPFL Premier League, meaning they were faced with a promotion / relegation play off against Livingston, with the second leg at home on Whit Bank Holiday Monday, following a 1-1 draw at Almondvale. As I’d “lost” a Scottish ground, following Bonnyrigg Rose’s demotion to the Lowland League following their play off defeat to East Kilbride, I decided to clear my head and get some Highland fresh air, as well as ticking off one of the most inaccessible of the remaining grounds on my yet to visit list. Best laid plans, eh?

Cards on the table, I don’t have much affection for either side. This is almost entirely due to the fact that Livingston (2004) and Ross County (2016) beat Hibs in finals of the Scottish League Cup. The former Ferranti Thistle, rather like Airdrie with their colonisation of the original Clydebank, seem to get a free pass from Scottish football fans for their Wimbledon to Milton Keynes style antics, not to mention their appalling jailbird squirt of a manager. We’ll not go into the merger of Inverness Caley and Inverness Thistle at this juncture. Unlike Victoria Park, I have been to Livi’s Almondvale ground (tragically no longer known as the Tony Macaroni Arena). That was back in Summer 1999, when Newcastle United were embarking upon a crash course to oblivion under Ruud Gullit. What ended in the pouring rain at home to the Mackems, with Ferguson and Shearer on the bench, started with Lionel Perez in goal as we succumbed to an absolutely gutless 2-0 defeat in the first pre-season friendly of the season.

Other than the aforementioned League Cup final, I’d seen Ross County twice elsewhere; a 1-1 draw at Partick Thistle in December 2012, where an elderly Jags fan almost attacked the referee for giving a fair enough penalty, only being held back by his visibly embarrassed son, and in a 3-1 loss at Motherwell in September 2021, where they had 43 fans in that huge away stand.

Anyway, ticket secured, hotel room reserved, and train tickets booked, I arrived at Central in plenty of time for the 11.54 to Waverley. This is when I made my first, crucial mistake. As I get older, I move slower that I did so I thought the extra 9 minutes I’d gain catching the 11.45 instead, would help me with a tightish connection for the Inverness train. Theoretically a good idea, scuppered by being stuck at signals south of Berwick because of a mechanical fault. As we stood idle, the 11.54 rushed past and we eventually limped into Edinburgh at 14.00. The 13.31 direct to Inverness long gone, I took the 14.42 to Perth and thence the 16.50 to Inverness and the 18.35 to Dingwall, arriving at 19.15 instead of the scheduled 17.46. There was no leisurely check in, relaxing shower and tasty pub meal in the appealing looking Mallard Inn, as things went from the ridiculous to the distressing.

As you can probably imagine, the phone signal for most of the Perth to Inverness journey is non-existent, but I did get a message from booking.com that the Cromarty View Hotel had cancelled my booking and refunded me the cash, because of “unforeseen circumstances.” Probably a chance to sell my room to two punters instead of just me. All was not lost though; I was being given a free room (no breakfast mind) at the Waverley Lodge, which was much closer to the ground and its proximity to the home of The Staggies would allow me to check in before the game. Well, that’s what I thought. The receptionist at The Waverley Lodge was a surly Mackem ex-con, who informed me my room was actually in their annex, just across the road. In the attic above the 147 Snooker Club, outside of which congregated a knot of pissed druggies, smoking weed. I was in the furthest room from the entrance at least, though it had no en-suite, not even a sink, no lightbulb and a telly hanging off the wall. At least I wasn’t paying for it. Leaving immediately after I chucked my bag in the room, I squeezed past half a dozen unfriendly junky winos before heading for the ground. At least once I was in the ground my troubles seemed to be over, and I bagged myself an excellent steak pie and a more than adequate coffee, then went to take my seat. At least, I tried to, when I discovered A157 didn’t exist as the row only went up to 154.


Finding an apologetic young steward, I stood around looking useless, while he tried to contact his supervisor. The message was “sit in any empty seat,” so when the teams ran out, I did, firmly aware that my support was now 100% behind Livi and their voluble 653 travelling fans directly to my left, who included my mate David Stoker. Typically, this ensured that Ross County roared into a rapid 2-0 lead, courtesy of a good move down the left and a simple tap-in from Josh Nisbet on 6 minutes, followed by a decent finish after a defensive howler on 24 minutes by Ronan Hale. With the tie now standing at 3-1 on aggregate and County looking dangerous with every attack, it looked like game over. Then, on 39 minutes, Jordan Smith pulled a goal back after a wonderful run and finish from the left side of the area. There were some excellent goals in this game I must admit.

After a breathless first half, my thoughts returned to the situation waiting for me back at the doss house, when the whistle blew. I hoped the game would go to extra time and penalties, so the Snooker Club might had rid itself of the dodgy clientele by the time I got back. The second half was so enthralling, I didn’t give my lousy lodgings a second thought. County’s keeper Amissah made a brilliant double block from a free kick on 57 minutes but was powerless to stop Danny Wilson’s close range header after his second save. This shifted the whole momentum of the tie and four minutes later, Robbie Muirhead curled in a glorious, bending finish for what proved to be the winner. The Staggies fans in the 4,418 crowd knew the game was up, as did their team who never seriously threatened the Livi goal after that. In injury time, substitute Tete Yengi shrugged off a weak challenge and finished calmly with what turned out to be the last kick of the game, making the final score Ross County 2 Livingston 4. Minor pandemonium ensued with almost all the Livi fans invading the pitch and embracing players and their snippy little manager Martindale, who would probably have been more at home in the opposite Jail End, if you hear where I’m coming from.

In contrast the home fans melted away, muttering but not incensed as they recognised that after play-off escapes in the last 2 seasons, their number was up. Rarely have I come across such a stoic support. Indeed, they didn’t sing a single song all night. After the final whistle, I hung around the dull and functional little ground in the dull and functional little town that I’ll never visit again, looking for David, but didn’t see him and left, bought a bottle of Fanta from a late opening shop and went back to my room to watch the highlights on Sportscene, with my head tilted on a 90 degree angle to counteract the perilous position of the set, while listening to the rain hammering on my inadequate skylight that would neither open, nor close properly. I slept fitfully, woken several times by shouts and slamming doors on the floors below. In the morning, I attempted a shower in the filthy communal bathroom, but it didn’t work properly, so made a coffee and left with it half drunk, then caught the 10.02 to Inverness, 10.50 to Waverley and 15.00 back home.

On the way, I mused at the plan of action needed for newcomers East Kilbride, as well as the remaining geographical outliers of Inverness Caledonian Thistle, Peterhead and Stranraer, all of which will require overnight stays. There are neither Premier Inns nor Travelodges in the latter two places. Nevertheless, I await the release of group stage Scottish League Cup fixtures with interest. It’s a tough job doing the 42, but it’s a challenge I’m up for.



Monday, 19 May 2025

Basel Fawlty


Saturday 17th May was a strange day. All the local football leagues had finished for the season, Tynemouth 1s were away and Tynemouth 3s inactive, so it basically left me at a loose end. Well, after the final rehearsal for Scratch & Reflect ensemble, the Cornelius Cardew inspired musical project I’ll be blogging about in a few weeks once we’ve given our debut live performance at Dunston Staithes café on Thursday 29th May at 2.30pm, anyway. The practise session went 80% well and I popped into town afterwards to collect my new spare pair of specs and buy a guitar stand for said live performance, before heading home.

Shelley was at a medical appointment with her sister, so I had a quick snooze before settling down to watch Palace win the FA Cup. I’m glad they did, though Henderson was desperately lucky not to be sent off. Amusingly. I managed to miss the goal as I was hanging out some washing in the back garden, typically enough. Anyway, come full time it was the point in the day to make a decision. The social calendar offered us the chance to attend the Percy Main end of (relegation) season awards, which we decided may be a little too solemn an occasion. Hence, and I still can’t believe I’m typing this, I agreed to sit down and watch Eurovision with Shelley, nibbles, dips and a prodigious carry out. Guess what? We had an absolutely blinding night, which I’m about to tell you about.

Despite actually recalling hearing Cliff Richard’s 1973 entry “Power to all our Friends” at the time it was released, I don’t recall the actual contest, as my relationship with Eurovision began in earnest the year after, when Abba won with “Waterloo” and Olivia Newton John didn’t with “Long Live Love.” In 1975, aged 10, I actually quite liked “Ding Ding A Dong” by Teach-In, the Dutch winners who had little in common with Golden Earring or Focus, while “Let Me Be the One” by The Shadows was an awful dirge. Mind, it was Stockhausen on acid compared to the 1976 winner “Save All Your Kisses for Me” by the Brotherhood of Man. Come 1977, punk had landed, and my musical sensibilities had been changed forever, so I didn’t watch another contest until 2025, though I was vicariously conscious of a few of the subsequently entrants and winners. Most joyously, fans of Bohemians singing celebrity fan Johnny Logan’s “Hold Me Now,” the 1987 winner, on the regular occasions we beat Shamrock Rovers, which is grand. I suppose the likes of Bucks Fizz and Katrina & The Waves were almost ubiquitous on British telly and radio at the time of their participation, in 1981 and 1997 respectively, as were other winners such as Nicole and Celine Dion, whoever she is, but I certainly have zero recall of Sweden’s 1984 winner “Diggi-Loo Diggi-Ley” by Herreys, for instance.

So, parking my natural cynicism to one side, loading up on hummus and pretzels and sinking a few tins of Almasty, Shelley and I watched the 26 acts that had been selected to entertain us. Since the passing of that notorious Lundy Terry Wogan, the torch of British revenge for Sir Roger Casement has been passed to Graham Norton, who unfortunately hadn’t paid a visit to Dignitas while he was in the area for this year’s broadcast. As ever his comments were mean, bitter and unfunny, but that’s what we’ve come to expect from that talentless oaf. Being honest, he was Walter Cronkite and Richard Dimbleby reincarnated compared to the three Swiss hosts, attired in shoulder pads Victoria Principal or Gloria Hunniford would have been proud to own, who were as wooden as cuckoo clocks and tasteless as fondue.

The format showed a short promo video of each of the 26 acts interacting with local proles and doing something typically Swiss, almost inevitably involving cheese (to the great chagrin of this lactose intolerant viewer), before the “live performance.” I see that many countries have gone back to singing in English, rather than their native tongue. It’s just par for the course I suppose as the songs themselves divide into frenetic, Hi-NRG, landfill techno bangers with sexually suggestive lyrics, overwrought, orchestral power ballads with crashing key changes and sombre, shallow lyrics, or anthemic indie rock plodders, entreating us to all embrace change and face the future. Of the 26 entrants, there were 5 I didn’t actively dislike: alphabetically we’re talking Albania, Estonia, Italy, Latvia and Portugal, but now I’ll go through the entrants in chronological order. Oh, and when I say there were 5 I didn’t dislike, it doesn’t mean I liked them, just that I didn’t feel the urge to projectile vomit all over the telly when they were strutting their stuff.

First up were Norway. A bought in the box, pouting teenage pretty boy in a taffeta Game of Thrones costume. It was shit. So was Luxembourg’s forgettable 1970s pop throwback. The first number I actively sat up and listened to was Estonia’s Tommy Cash; a stand-up comedian and Paul Calf body double with an ankle length tie and a Dirty Sanchez tache whose number “Espresso Macchiato” was a grossly offensive parody of Italian culture and society. I liked it tremendously, like a retread of Jim Davidson’s seminal “The Devil Went Down to Brixton,” which is strangely elusive on You Tube

The next act were Israel. I left the room during this number.

Lithuania were represented by a bunch of brooding, floppy-haired indie kids, who had obviously grown up on a steady diet of U2, RHCP and the sort of trite, earnest guitar rock peddled by MTV in the noughties. Spain were disastrously bad. A throbbing Hi-NRG

soundtrack, complete with castanet flourishes, accompanied an almost total striptease by a woman who looked as uncomfortable to be there as I was watching it. At that stage, it was unquestionably the worst number of the night, an accolade that was only later wrestled from her by some real, howling stinkers from Iceland and San Marino. Ukraine were crap. A non-event of a song by performers in Bee Gees style flares. Enough to make you root for Putin. And then there was Britain.

One of the effects of a decade and a half long recession and the utter destruction of the social fabric of this country, is that even middle-class youngsters are questioning whether third level education is for them. Hence, we’ve got loads of semi-posh kids opting not to throw sixty odd grand down the drain on a degree in putting up badminton nets at Luton University, who instead embrace a lifestyle based on an extended year out principle, aged 19. They live at home when they aren’t partying hard or farting around Australia and the Far East. Eventually they have to settle down, which is when the music lessons at a minor girls’ public school pay off for the likes of The Last Dinner Party. All these Mirandas and Phoebes can fall back on their Grade 4 violin skills to make a couple of albums to fill in time until the Trust Fund kicks in. Remember Monday, with their raucous non-song “What the Hell Just Happened?” probably only made it into the choir at their school by default, as they opt for declamatory shouting rather than considered breathiness, but here they are, making memories for underachieving poshos everywhere by bawling inanities about a weekend on the lash at an unimpressed crowd of pan European bobby-soxers who, without giving the game away, awarded them a resounding nul points in the audience vote, which they took with the kind of grace Pep Guardiola had exhibited hours earlier after the cup final.

Next up were Austria. The most extreme, hysterical, overwrought, operatic power ballad imaginable. It was almost frightening how it ticked all the boxes, and I knew this was the winner. You couldn’t say that about the next act. Iceland had selected the Volcanic Jedward to proffer up an unpalatable slice of landfill Euro disco, unnecessarily augmented with violin scrapings. It didn’t go down well anywhere. I actually quite liked Latvia’s ethereal, anthemic updating of “Pure Shores” by All Saints. Possibly the nearest to an original song all night, with a certain degree of artistic merit. The Dutch entry fell far below the legendary efforts of Mouth & MacNeil’s stellar “I See a Star” or the aforementioned Teach-In’s winner. Instead, we got some smoky elevator jazz from a bloke in his pyjamas, whose MOR dross had me almost asleep.

Finland, once represented by the iconic “Pump! Pump!” by Freddy and Friends, went hard on biker chic, with Bonny Tyleresque roaring from une femme d’un certain age and her collection of firework-powered phallic mic stands. Italy were genuinely interesting. The poor bloke’s Swiss cultural experience involved punching tickets on a tram, while he appeared stick-thin to the point of skag boy cool. Attired in a Mick Ronson Spiders from Mars jumpsuit with white pancake makeup, this was Bowie 1973/1974 reborn, with “Rust Never Sleeps” giant amps behind him and a harmonica solo. The only song all night to make you want to get the Rizlas out.

Poland had a 52-year-old female singer who’d obviously spent more time in the gym than the rehearsal studio. A total non-event of a song was overshadowed by her attempts to get a tune out of an Alpine horn. If that slice of uncomfortable parping had been the entry she might have done better. I’d have voted for her anyway. Germany were crap. Greece had a young lass in Nana Mouskouri bins as big as my new pair, and a set that included her sitting on what looked like a giant lump of coal. The Armenian entrant got to meet a goat herd who looked like Ian Beale then revealed his stage act was getting in his 10k steps by running across the stage to bad operatic soft metal. The host country’s entrant had a pre-task of landing a shipping container on the dockside, then did a one take video, which Norton compared to “Adolesence,” for a song so bland it didn’t even register with me I’d heard anything. The Maltese entry made me cross. A helium voiced Britney Spears soundalike bouncing round on a space hopper to little good effect, before the Danish entrant came barrelling in like a prop forward in a pub fight. I bet you she scared the Portuguese lads; a sensitive bunch of librarians and geography teachers with specs, curly hair and checky shirts, they made a pleasant enough mainstream C86 influenced noise that was rather sophisticated compared to what had gone before, but perhaps not what Eurovision called for.

We were on the last lap now. France took us unpleasantly back to the world of overwrought power ballads, before San Marino were hands down the worst thing on all night. Reviving early 90s Italian tinkly piano house, another 52-year-old, this time a DJ, tried to get that old Ibiza party spirit going, to no negligible effect, despite having a bunch of backing singers attired in what looked like Sam Smith’s cast offs. Truly terrible. Last up were Albania, who I liked for using a mandolin and having Una Thurman’s hair double on vocals, with an old bloke giving a menacing spoken part and then laying hell out of some timpani. Very enjoyable, or perhaps the fact we’d done the cans in and were on the wine made me more suggestible to the discreet charms of Shqperian pop music.

Before the voting started, I predicted Austria to win and Portugal to come last. Shelley opted for Sweden as winners and Norway as the runt of the litter. Yes, Sweden; I somehow failed to make any notes about their jolly, novelty song about a sauna. Sorry about that. I’m sure it was wonderful. Then were had the 2023 and 2022 winners, attired in false Kneecap style balaclavas, doing a pretend rap battle while attired in padded boiler suits. What a load of absolute tosh, but it kept the show on air until the results started rolling in.

 After the panels from all 37 countries had voted, including the hapless 11 nations who’d been eliminated at the semi-final stage, with results presented by a whole litany of women in red dresses, augmented by shoulder pads, Austria were just on top. Sadly, the democratic principle then reared its ugly head, and the public votes counted. Suffice to say, it was a massive relief when Austria picked up enough votes to overhaul Israel. Norton skulked off in a huff when Celine Dion failed to appear. We had a whiskey nightcap and looked back on a fabulous evening in the house. See you in Vienna next year.

 Vom Land zum Meer.



Here as I sit
At this empty café
Thinking of you
I remember
All those moments
Lost in wonder
That we’ll never

Find again
Though the world
Is my oyster
It’s only a shell
Full of memories
And here by the Seine
Notre-Dame
Casts a long
Lonely shadow

Now only sorrow
No tomorrow
There’s no today for us
Nothing is there
For us to share
But yesterday

These cities may change
But there always remains
My obsession
Through silken waters
My gondola glides
And the bridge
It sighs

I remember
All those moments
Lost in wonder
That we’ll never
Find again

There’s no more time for us
Nothing is there
For us to share
But yesterday

Ecce momenta
Illa mirabilia
Quae captabit
In aeternum
Memor

Modo dolores
Sunt in dies
Non est reliquum
Vero tantum
Communicamus
Perdita

Tous ces moments
Perdus dans l’enchantement
Qui ne reviendront
Jamais

Pas d’aujourd’hui pour nous
Pour nous il n’y a rien
  partager sauf
Le pass

Tous ces moments
Perdus dans l’enchantement
Qui ne reviendront
Jamais



Wednesday, 14 May 2025

King Missiles



I’ve got to start this piece by saying a fond farewell to the late, great David Thomas, leader of Pere Ubu for 50 years. Goodness they were special. My favourite time seeing them was with The Mekons at Leeds Astoria in March 1988. What a night that was and what a night I’ve just had seeing The Mekons in 2025.

MUSIC:

You want to know why I rate Greil Marcus so highly? He was the only rock writer who spotted that the most important act to come out of the largely turgid (in retrospect) 1977 Punk Scene this side of the pond, as opposed to those brilliant bands who came later, were The Mekons. Alright, it is possible to suggest Wire are another group with a comparable breadth of genius and longevity of creative excellence, but we’ll forget them for now.  Almost 50 years after they formed, the fundamentalist, new wave situationists who emerged from the dank cellars of Richmond Mount in Headingley are still as fresh, vital and compelling as they ever have been. This year’s album “Horror” is a slab of solid gold ultra-left art punk, dub, folk, rock and indeed roll that hits the mark from the opening “The Western Design” and its jaunty excoriation of English imperialist misadventures over the last 500 years. People need to know these things and The Mekons have always told it straight. Tom Greenhalgh has a beautiful, diffident voice and lovely clear accent, so you know exactly what he’s lecturing you gently about on this one and “War Economy.” Britain is bad. Capitalism is bad. The Mekons are excellent, and they don’t let the ruling class off the hook. Eric “Rico” Bellis is a brilliant accordion player and even better on the harmonica. I can’t think of a better song he’s contributed to The Mekons oeuvre than the stunning lead single “You’re Not Singing Anymore.” Essentially the current sound of The Mekons is a combination of “Fear & Whiskey,” “FUN 90” and “Existentialism,” which is fine by me, as every single release of theirs is dear to my heart.

I’m delighted they are getting so much good press about the new record and the fantastic tour that dropped in at The Cluny on May 12th. Restricted to a 7-piece as Lu Edmunds is off on his PIL duties, every one of them was a hero. Tom, behind shades and hidden under a bucket hat still wields a gorgeous red Strat. Susie Honeyman’s violin is one of the most important sounds around. Steve Goulding keeps a ferocious beat. Sally Timms (up from her sick bed) deserves accolades for “Millionaire” and my personal favourite “Corporal Chalkie.” Dave Trumfio plays a mean bass. Rico we’ve already mentioned, and Mitch still does a splendid high kicking dance routine to accompany “Where Were You?” The final encore of course. And also, we can’t forget Jon Boy Langford. Well he’s Jon. What an entertainer and what a hero. We had “Lonely & Wet,” “Last Dance,” “Memphis Egypt” and “The Curse.” Every single one a classic and 15 other golden nuggets. I don’t know when they’ll be back, but I’ll be there. They remain a band as dear to my heart as GY!BE, The Wedding Present, Mogwai, The Gang of Four, Trembling Bells and even Teenage Fanclub. Timeless brilliance.

Another band from back in the day I loved were Swell Maps, though the death of two members means I’ll never get to see them. Last Record Store Day or the previous one, I forget, I wasted thirty quid on a less than brilliant Live at Café Oto semi-tribute live album by Jowe Head and pals. This time, and I’ve probably got even more reservations about Record Store Day than you have, I spent a very reasonable £30 on a Swell Maps “Peel Sessions” set. Including 13 numbers culled from visits to Maida Vale in 78, 79 and 80, it catches the band at their mischievous best, using studio time paid for them that they utilised to wander through the far reaches of atonal experimentalism. From early efforts like “Read About Seymour” through to late period semi-improvised pieces like “Big Empty Field,” this is an essential snapshot of the sort of art noise I fell asleep, deeply in love with on Peel every night before I did my O Levels. I’m very glad I bought it.

To be frank it wouldn’t be Record Store Day without me wasting money. I noticed a hole in my collection caused by a lack of Blue Cheer, I bought what I thought was a compilation album, “Junk.” It isn’t that but rather a late period live album, which isn’t really what I’d hoped for. Three dull sub-metal originals plod through like The Quireboys on Librium, before a couple of great covers of “Piece of My Heart” and “Sympathy for the Devil” rescue this disc from utter oblivion, but if anyone wants this record, contact me at the usual address and I’ll pass it on, if you pay postage. I’ll need to find an early Blue Cheer release to see if they were all they were cracked up to be.

I did pick up a couple of old releases that I really needed though. Soft Machine’s “Live at the Paradiso” is the 1969 trio of Ratledge, Wyatt and Hopper storming through what would be the second album in a Parisian dive and it’s great. Jazz, prog, improv; all the details you’d expect. Mind, you can see why Robert Wyatt gave up singing with them as Mike Ratledge’s organ sounds like an industrial estate on piece work. Very good and almost mainstream compared to AMM. As I’m currently embarked on my own Cornelius Cardew inspired journey as part of the Scratch and Reflect ensemble (another blog will tell the tale, in early June probably), I needed to get this. I’ve got several of Cardew’s classical pieces, from “The Great Learning” to “Treatise”, as well as some of the silly RCPB(ML) socialist realist tosh we belatedly turned his hand to. AMM however are a very different beast. Impossible to believe this improvised noise, with radios being tuned and detuned throughout, was recorded almost 60 years ago, as it sounds as vicious, raw and feral as anything the NAU produces now. I loved it very much and I’m glad to finally have a copy.

There are two left-field contemporary releases I’ve got recently. Firstly the mysterious Milkweed’s latest offering “Remscéla,” which I bought on cassette, of course. I find it breathtaking, which is ironic as I’d wondered if they’d became too much of a parody of themselves, but this is not the case and I’m kicking myself for not going to see them at The Lubber Fiend the night before The Mekons. This time, after looking at Welsh, Danish and North American mythology, they took as their text “The Tain,” which I’ve not read, but I did hear Horslips’ “Book of Invasions” many years ago when stoned at a house party in Portrush. Sonically speaking, you pretty much know what Milkweed are about by now: elements of traditional music, folk, dub and spoken word, knitted together by a recording technique which is both lo-fi and uncompromisingly avant-garde. Acoustic instrumentation competes with grainy, degraded tape noise. Ancient European mythology channelled by a voice that sounds like an Appalachian ghost. But somehow the inscrutable duo always manage to come up with something entirely surprising. The secret is in the material. 

The opening “How the Táin Bó Cuailnge Was Found Again” hides fragments of speech behind a minimal banjo refrain. It might not sound like much, but it is instantly identifiable as a Milkweed song, so different from just about anything else. Hearing a band sound so absolutely like themselves, but never stuck in a creative rut, is a rare and beautiful thing. Milkweed songs are normally short, so when a piece like “The Pangs of Ulster” weighs in at over four minutes, it feels like a grandiose epic. For them. Indeed, it is a kind of musical and thematic centrepiece, lyrics telling the story of how the men of Ulster were cursed to feel the pain of childbirth, a curse that lies silent at the heart of the events in the Táin.

Their attention to detail is greater than ever before, which results in a sound that is even more lo-fi than usual. The beats that form the backbone of the instrumental “Drinking in the House of Fedlimid” seem initially conventional, almost as if they had been transplanted from some long-lost trip-hop demo tape, but Milkweed twist and delay them until the tune comes to resemble an ancient and shattered object. Vocals are decayed to the edge of recognition and whole fragments of the tune are chipped away. “Exile of the Sons of Uisliu” is almost hit radio material, as it splices processed beats to chanting delivery, while the melody is punctuated by moments of near-silence or hollowness and breaks down into discordance as it nears its end. The final track, “Noisiu’s Voice a Wave Roar, a Sweet Sound to Hear Forever,” begins in scraping, droning noise and switches part-way through to a clear, short, uncluttered banjo solo. It is the most conventionally pretty few seconds on the album, and for that reason alone, it provides an uncanny coda. 

The wider world is no closer to knowing anything about Milkweed. Their only press photo shows them covering each other’s faces, just two brown coats and two pale pairs of hands are visible. Their invisibility reflects the way myth can disappear or lie dormant, the way that stories can wither away to nothing except a sense of mystery and still be brought back to life. But the duo’s pathological shyness (and I’ve talked to them both so I can testify to that) also focuses our attention on the music, and on the amazing job they are doing of uncovering these myths and presenting them in vibrant and vital ways. They remain the most enigmatic and experimental band currently active in the folk music genre.

Now, Alex Rex, “The National Trust.” Oh where you been my red haired son? Where have you been my darling young one? I’ve loved this man’s work, with bands, solo and as a guest, for over a decade and a half and I’d long wondered when his next release would appear. Here it is at last, and it’s brilliant, but it’s apparently the last thing he’ll do under the Alex Rex moniker, which makes me very sad, but also agog with wonder about where Alex is going next. This one is a cracker though, with Lavinia, Mike, Rory, Jill and a whole host of others joining in, to produce a real honky tonk, foot stomping slice of wild, free and fun stuff that takes you from the late 60s to the present day, accompanied by trademark sardonic, self-deprecatory lyrics. 

While most of Alex’s solo work in the past has given off the sense of being a reckoning of sorts, the feeling here is intensified. A haunted and heightened feeling of loss and remembrance, as if he is coming to terms with his tangled past and moving on. There are many songs on “The National Trust” that deal directly with the death of his brother Alastair and the great pool of grief that formed in the aftermath, as was the case with “Otterburn” five years back, but these songs are about more than grief, I feel. And I hope Alex doesn’t mind me saying that he’s always been hard on himself, but now it appears as if his self-loathing (real or perhaps slightly sprinkled with artistic licence) has provided a kind of understanding and an ability to reconcile himself with past demons.  I’ve mentioned “Two Kinds of Song” before, where he laments his inability to write like former collaborator Will Oldham while ironically wringing about as much emotion out of a song as is humanly possible. It’s stunning. “The Tragedy of Man” says genuinely big things about big subjects in entirely new ways: it’s a song beset by a swooping, all-encompassing nihilism, the sound of someone whose only escape is his boundless creativity.

Alex returns geographically to the place he loves best. Carbeth, which gave the first Trembling Bells album its title, so it is wonderful to see Lavinia back in the tent, as it shows their friendship, fractured after Trembling Bells split, has been mended. Part of that Trembling Bells sound is present here, and this project helped restore Alex’s relationship with Lavinia. Her presence is subtle, while rekindling some of that famous Bells alchemy. Mike Hastings makes a return too, along with Marco Rea, Jill O’Sullivan (some rocking violin there, mate!) and Rory Haye. Together their various contributions help to lend an acid-rock thump to stand out number “Psychic Rome,” a quasi-glam stomp about the end of civilisation. Various shades of rock are explored, sometimes within the same song. “People Are the Pollution of God” has an operatic vibe that sometimes threatens to spill over into 80s metal, 70s prog and classic folk rock. The usual territory huh?

The title track is both an impassioned primal scream and a crafty in-joke which somehow manages to satirise our relationship with some of the sacred cows of English literature while also recognising their humanity. On “Boss Morris” Foucault and football get namechecked in a way I adore.  “I Started out a King” is a sprawling ode to the crumbling of the self. Its twin “The King Devours his Young” is deceptively simple, but nails the coexistence of love and pain, and the need to create art. These songs may wallow in bitterness and humiliation, but they are real and wise and beautiful. Alex is a genius, and I love him, as a person as well as an artist, whatever he feels about himself. I’ll be scanning the shore, binoculars at the ready, to see where he washes up next.


The only other gig I’ve been to recently, other than The Mekons, was a lunchtime piano and harpsichord performance by Mark Carroll, formerly the celloist in Shunyata Improvisation Group and flamboyant improvising piano virtuoso Paul Taylor at the Literary and Philosophical Society. The sort of gathering where you felt out of place if you hadn’t brought some sushi for your bait. Also, I think I was one of the youngest ones there, apart from the performers. Attired in a Slayer t-shirt, Mark took on the harpsichord first, after winning the coin toss. He took centre stage, attacking his instrument with verve, steadfastly refraining from using the keys. Instead it was a kind of John Cage inspired prepared harpsichord, using what looked like a roll of fishing wire to manipulate the strings, producing a kind of hypnotic drone. Paul Taylor, who often can err towards the theatrical, kept things under tight control, left hand on the keys and right hand inside the body of the piano. Mark then went further by using beaters to turn the Harpsichord into a percussion instrument.  

For the second piece, the hall went from 80% to 60% full as they swapped instruments. Paul used the harpsichord to make a sound that reminded me of Harry Partch more than anyone else. This was no Elizabethan Pavane. Mark’s focus on the bottom notes of the piano gave this a less pastoral, more sinister tone. While the understanding between the two was almost telepathic, it almost seemed as if they had different goals. Mark veering off to the avant garde while Paul seemed to be heading towards jazz improvisation. It worked well, especially as Mark’s orthodox piano work allowed Paul’s imagination free rein, even in passages of almost complete silence that had an almost menacing undertone. Very glad I came to this and very glad I bought “Interventions and Detours” by two other members of the Shunyata Improvisation Group: John Garner, primarily known as a violinist but here exclusively focusing on the shakuhachi, a Japanese flute, and Martin Donkin on acoustic guitar. These six instrumental, improvised pieces are free, delicate and beautiful, but also desperately strong in form. The elusive and illusory world of their musical imagination brings a profound sense of calm and restorative order to the mind of the listener. An absolute minor treasure. 
 
BOOKS:

To begin with, I must talk about a couple of books I erroneously neglected to discuss in my last cultural blog. Firstly “A Kiss in the Dreamhouse” by the editor of DIY litzine “Tangled Lines” and massive Bromley fan, in every sense, Mike Head. Mike has an unpretentious, cathartic, prose style and this particularly works when dealing with a realistic, rights-of-passage narrative like his debut novella. The narrator is innocent to the point of naivety and events happen to him. It is a truly enriching process to see things unfold and how the characters grow, develop and even wither. If you notice the fact that “A Kiss in the Dreamhouse” was named after Siouxsie and the Banshees 1982 album, you’ll be well on your way to recognising the cultural milieu in which this book is set. A truly invigorating read.

Moving a decade forward and 300 miles north, Austin Burke’s “Crazy on the Waltzer” is a tough as teak Geordie crime novel, set for the most part in Whitley Bay and North Shields around 1993 to 1994 time. Up here we’re proud to say we’ve always had rotten, corrupt and evil polis and good, honest criminals. This is the way it is in “Crazy on the Waltzer,” a fascinating, page turner that slowly unveils the complexity of the plot and complicity of the plod in the events of the novel. From the opening pages that describe the murder of his father in the Spring Gardens in Shields, we follow the misadventures of Paul Docherty as he tries (and fails) to avoid a life of crime, while building a relationship with a single mother and score pills for weekends down Whitley. It’s an engaging and compelling read for anyone, not just those who lived through the era and in the locations mentioned.

Another local book is “31 Days, 31 Nights” by the Adrian Mole of Belmont, Ben Nolan. This disorganised, pretentious pile of teenage tosh is by a considerable distance the worst book I’ve read in years. A GCSE student spends his summer holidays going to various places, such as Edinburgh, York and, err, Haltwhistle, trying to get drunk and achieving nothing. Appalling rubbish, though it does describe a memorable visit to The Station pub in Haltwhistle, a bar where Harry Pearson and I had out of body experiences with the yokel locals a couple of years back. Trash.

Following on from my recent habit of reading books written by those whose obituaries I read in The Guardian, I investigated “Street Sleeper” by Geoff Nicholson. It is a daft, surreal, road movie of a book, whereby a lonely librarian quits his crap job and drives around the country, seeking sexual liberation and philosophical insight. It’s almost a pisstake of “Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” in parts and ends up with our protagonist back behind the issue counter, sleeping in the box room at his parents and in a chaste relationship with his fiancée, which is where it all started. Amusing, but I’ll not be investigating anything else on his literary CV. RIP Geoff.

A writer who gets a lot of positive press coverage is Max Porter, which is why I picked up “Lanny” online for a quid. It’s a good read too. The eponymous hero is a weird young lad living with his hopelessly mismatched parents in a rural idyll that is still commuting distance to London. He likes to roam around the fields and ditches in the local area for adventures and loves drawing, which he has a talent for. One day he goes missing and so the book becomes an intense grief memoir, that shows his parents have vastly differing attitudes to their son. Thankfully Lanny is found safe, returns home, continues to draw and his father leaves them. A very compelling and interesting use of multiple narrators made this a book I enjoyed tremendously. Recommended, as is this next one. You’ll know of my enduring love for Magnus Mills and the crazy world he inhabits. His latest slice of surreal sense is “An Early Bath for Thompson,” where he’s back in the world of work with some odd blokes doing odd things. Daft and almost indescribable, it had me giggling as my mind expanded.

I’m not so sure I’m a fan of Limerick-based novelist Donal Ryan. His probing take on the collapse of Catholic morality in semi-rural Ireland has much to recommend it, but I’m often at a loss to work out whose side he’s on. Certainly “Strange Flowers,” a tale of secret lesbian love between the plain woman of Ireland and the daughter of the Big house is less ambiguous than “All We Shall Know,” but that is probably not how it would have been seen in Tipperary at the time. An only child runs away from her aged parents for no apparent reason, breaking all contact. She returns from London five years later with a son, born to her semi-estranged Jamaican husband and her family, at first appalled, learn to love this strange trio who have nothing in common with them other than blood ties. The husband becomes a pillar of the community, playing hurling no less, then dies tragically. Then the real emotional tragedy reveals itself as the two women, from vastly differing economic backgrounds, find a way to be together. All knots are untied, and life goes on in its usual quiet way. Very intriguing. In some ways it’s similar in tone to Ian McEwan’s “On Chesil Beach,” where two student lovers get married after a brief courtship in the early 60s but split up with the marriage unconsummated after a chaotic attempt to free them both of their virginity, on their Wedding night. An annulment follows and the two never meet again, spending the rest of their sad lives wondering what might have been. Not a barrel of laughs, but thought-provoking.

The only delve I had into non-fiction writing of late was David Keenan’s magisterial, encyclopaedic overview of the weirdest, most obscure and most challenging music this century. Named after his onetime Glasgow record treasure trove, Volcanic Tongue that he ran with his partner, Heather Leigh, in Glasgow from 2005-2015.presents the first ever collection of his music criticism, if you count England’s Hidden Reverse as more of a biography. Keenan has been writing about music since publishing his first fanzine, inspired by The Pastels and by Glasgow (and Airdrie's) DIY music scene, in 1988. Since then, he has written about music for Melody Maker, NME, Uncut, Mojo, The New York Times, Ugly Things, The Literary Review, The Social and, most consistently, The Wire. Volcanic Tongue features the best of his reviews, interviews and think pieces, with exclusive in-depth conversations with Nick Cave, members of legendary industrial bands Coil and Throbbing Gristle, krautrock legends Faust, Shirley Collins, Kevin Shields, Einstürzende Neubauten, as well as analysis of the back catalogues of groups like Sonic Youth and musicians like John Fahey, extensive writings on free jazz and obsessive in-depth digs into favourites like Pere Ubu (David Thomas RIP), Metal Box-era Public Image Ltd, Sun Ra, guitarist and vocalist John Martyn and many more. It is an essential addition to any music fan's bookshelf. There is also a double album of weird noise culled from Volcanic Tongue’s pick of the week releases. I’ve got it. I haven’t listened to it yet. Too busy. I know. Next time I promise. 

I’ve just finished my pal Nick J Brown’s engaging and amusing “Hunter.” The story of a hapless, down-at-heel Mancunian private eye and his preposterous caseload, it reminds me greatly of “Dangerous Davies; The Last Detective” by Hunter Davies and “Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency” by Douglas Adams in term of tone, amount of wisecracking and the unlikely hero of the hour. Nick publishes his works via Incendiary Books, and I suggest you get on board with his journey. Well written mate!