Double Top 10

Compared to a couple of weeks ago, things seem to be improving in my head. The Citalopram is kicking in, I’m waiting for a series of appointments with a psychotherapist and I’m starting to make positive changes to my life. For instance, I’ve started smoking again…

Being serious, I am fully aware that the road ahead may be bumpy, but I’m excited to face that challenge; I may not exactly embrace change with open arms, but I’m proffering it a firm handshake and meeting it eye to eye. It is time to say goodbye to ian cusack forever and to embrace my new, as yet untitled, identity, so I can do different things as a different person and enjoy the time I have left.

One thing I’ve done is to compile 10 things I’m really keen to do. Apparently, youngsters, that is anyone under 50, call this a bucket list, which is good to know, even if I can’t ever see me using such terminology.  Anyway, here’s my list which contains items that are by turns realistic, impossible, sensible and silly, with comments stating how, why or when I intend to either complete this task or admit I’ll never get to tick it off my list. 

1.      Visit Belgium:

Ben and I have already talked about an autumn trip to the Low Countries: beer, Bruges and the Jupiler League feature heavily on our putative itinerary.

2.      Release a 7” single:

While there’s no concrete progress as yet, I’ve taken tentative steps to try and form a collective of anti-musicians. Additionally, Johny Brown of Band of Holy Joy and I are ready to sit down and discuss a project we are both excited by. Watch this space eh?

3.      Visit all 42 Scottish football league grounds:

Depending on whether Cowdenbeath stay up, I’m currently on 26 out of 42. That said, there is the potential for a couple of grounds before the end of the season.

4.      Dye my hair emerald green:

No progress as yet, but it should be easily achieved.

5.      Paint a picture in oils on canvas:

See above. The idea is to have a full exhibition of my artwork, including such pieces as Glove Box and Black Box.

6.      Explore my sexuality:

I think it is time to be true to myself. This is a priority.

7.      Father another child:

It isn’t going to happen, because it isn’t a good idea. Not in the slightest.

8.      Go on a long train journey:

How far is a long journey? A propos number 3, Dundee and Perth are in my sights.

9.      Cook Portuguese food:

I’m hoping to make a version of Cataplana on, or around, May 7^th. You’re all invited.

10.  Live a completely different life:

"Rose thought it would be an especially fine thing, to manage a transformation like that. To dare it; to get away with it, to enter on preposterous adventures in your own, but newly named, skin" (Alice Munro, Wild Swans). 

So, following on from that, especially number 6, here is a list of 10 blokes I’ve fancied over the years -:

1.      Imran Khan:

The recently deposed Pakistani premier caught my eye in 1982. An awful man, but a beautiful one

2.      Jim Reid:

Floppy haired, wiry king of feedback. The single most gorgeous thing to emerge from East Kilbride.

3.      Mo Salah:

Love the beard, love the smile. Don’t even mind when he gets his usual soft penalty against Newcastle.

4.      Julian Cope:

From the moment I saw this vision of pulchritude in the video for Reward, I was entranced. Soft of went off him when he was underneath the giant turtle shell around 85 though.

5.      Christopher Walken:

The Deer Hunter had a profound effect on me. When I saw it again recently, I was transported back to the late 1970s and my level of attraction for Walken remained undimmed.

6.      Sylvester:

Those lips. That coy smile and his huge eyes. Seeing him interviewed on Top of the Pops was even more life affirming an experience for 14-year-old me that seeing him in a dress on an album cover. An icon.

7.      Mick Jones:

I’m not one for the proletarian look, so for me it was around Give Em Enough Rope that I fell for Mick. The hair, the hooped t-shirt, that earnest expression and the tolerant, inclusive energy that stood as a charming beacon of sensual vulnerability in a seriously macho era.

8.      Malcolm McDowell:

Who doesn’t like a crumpled posh boy? His performance in If just breasts the tape from Anthony Andrews in Brideshead Revisited or Rupert Everett in Another Country, which was a slightly more erotic watch I must say.

9.      Michael Head:

A skag head and a Scouser, but I just can’t resist his loveable, roguish charm. He could sing me lullabies any time he wants.

10. Vitas Gerulaitis:

A beautiful man, taken far too soon. He actually spiked an interest in tennis for me. What beautiful hair.