One important football result that may have slipped under your radar over the Festive Season was in Scotch League 1. Rearranged for Wednesday 29 December, after being initially scheduled for Saturday 11 December but COVIDed off on the Friday, it eventually took place in front of a Sturgeon approved crowd of 500. Airdrieonians faced up to Queens Park at the Penny Cars Stadium and beat them 1-0 to cement third place in the table, courtesy of a 71st minute Kerr McInroy left footed effort from outside the box that ended up in the bottom right corner of the net, following a corner.
I
should have been at that game. I’d bought a ticket for the original date, kept
hold of it for the rearranged fixture and booked return train tickets to
somewhere called Drumgelloch and a room in a B&B in sunny Airdrie for the
night of the 29th. Then came Jeanette Mugabe’s devious response to the
seemingly benign Omicron variant. Allegedly intended to protect the population
from the rampant spread of what appears to be a far milder version of the
original COVID virus, the First Minister introduced an array of repressive and
totally unnecessary measures, falling millimetres short of the imposition of
martial law, designed not to protect but to subjugate citizens. For no readily
defensible reason, crowds at football were limited to a random figure of 500.
Airdrie aren’t the best supported team in Scotland, but their 722 average was
in excess of the number of tickets available for the Queen’s Park game. Now, my
main reason for wanting to go to Airdrie was simply a ticking off exercise in
my glacial paced attempts to collect all 42 Scotch league grounds.
In all conscience I couldn’t have deprived a true Airdrie fan of their place at this game, so I contacted the club and arranged for a refund of my ticket. The hotel was equally understanding in cancelling my reservation, sending my cash back the same day. Unfortunately www.thetrainline.com were not so accommodating, refusing point blank to cancel my ticket and leaving me £50 out of pocket. On reflection, the only course of action available to me was to contact the megalomaniac tyrant responsible for the State of Caledonian Emergency that prevented me from travelling; Fraulein Mugabe herself. So, I fired off this email, for which I have yet to receive a reply -:
Dear First Minister,
I am writing to you as a resident of England and a lover of Scottish football, who has been affected by your decision to limit all football games to 500 capacity. On Wednesday 29 December, I was supposed to be heading for Airdrieonians v Queen's Park to tick off my 26th ground of 42 SPFL teams, but obviously that plan is out of the question now that football games are effectively free from spectators.
Airdrie average less than 1,000, but if only 500 are allowed, I wouldn't want to deny a regular a chance to see their team, so I've secured a refund for my ticket and my hotel, but it seems as if the train ticket agency have harder hearts, as they will not issue a refund. This is a shame as I was hoping to return to Scotland on Saturday 22 January to see Auchinleck Talbot v Hearts or Kilmarnock v Dundee United; however, if I'm out of pocket for the train tickets, it makes it less likely I could boost the Scottish economy if I’m skint. As I earn only £22k per annum and you take home in excess of £150k, I was wondering if you could help me out with a dig out? If so, I'll stand you a pie & a Bovril when I finally get to Somerset Park.
Regards,
So why was I heading to Airdrie in the first place? Like any good yarn, it’s a long story. Firstly, as I alluded to in my email, I’m still vainly trying to collect Scotch grounds and, despite seeing Hibs win 4-2 away to Airdrie in the 1997 relegation play off, I still needed to visit the home of the Diamonds, as that game was played at Clyde’s ground before the Penny Cars Stadium had been built. Secondly, anyone who has read David Keenan’s This is Memorial Device will feel a deep, emotional longing to visit Airdrie. Thirdly, I had been invited to read at the launch of Finest Cuts, an anthology of the first five years of Falkirk’s very own litzine, Razur Cuts, on the Friday 10 December, the night before the original game was scheduled for.
Having appeared at a previous Razur Cuts event back in 2018, I know that Falkirk has a magnificent alternative scene, much of it fired by the boundless enthusiasm of a squad of punk inspired gents of a certain age, whose love for both music and Falkirk FC is a joy to behold. I suggest you visit https://razurcuts.com/ to see what is available, especially the new Finest Cuts anthology that I’m honoured to have my piece Normally included within, which was my key to an invite to read.
Two
and a bit hours on a direct train from Newcastle to Falkirk Grahamstown, half
an hour’s snooze in a hotel with a very dirty bathroom and a ten minute walk up
the road saw me in The Tolbooth pub, the location for that night’s fun.
After being welcomed by Derek (Steel) and Dickson (Telfer), Razur Cuts’
head honchos, I settled down to watch the evening unfold in the company of my
pals Fee (Johnstone) and Isla, from Aberdeen. First up was compere for the
evening Dickson, who introduced proceedings and read a piece of his own. The
entertainment for the evening consisted of two bands, No Love Lost and Kremlin
Juniors, who brilliantly channelled a nostalgic but insistent 1979 post punk
vibe, and four readers (Martin Geraghty, Julie Rea, Fee and yours truly), as
well as a very illuminating interview Dickson conducted with Derek. Martin, a
talented crime novelist who informed me the Airdrie game had been postponed, and
Julie, a superb feminist writer whose every syllable shocks and scares, were
followed by No Love Lost in the first half. After a short break to charge our
glasses, a large, expectant and respectful crowd also enjoyed Fee’s humorous
take on the small town Lesbian experience, as well as tolerating yours truly,
before Kremlin Juniors ended the evening in style.
By closing, I was bladdered, so staggered back towards my hotel, saying goodbye to Fee and Isla on the way. I believe I was asleep about 20 seconds after I closed the door. Next morning Derek collected me and we visited his brother Scott’s place. Scott was the leader of Kremlin Juniors, whose debut gig it had been the night previous, and he was christening his luxurious garden man cave. Inside the treasure trove of 70s music and football memorabilia, squeezed about 15 Falkirk fans, steadily bevvying in preparation for the Bairns home game with Cove that was my new destination. I’d been to Falkirk before; a 4-3 win over Airdrie (ironically) in January 2017 with my pal Andy Hudson.
This
time, I sat in the Main Stand rather than behind the goal, which felt fitting
as this game marked the start of a new era at Falkirk. Having sacked the last
manager Paul Sheerin after a 6-0 battering at Queen’s Park the week before, a
new boss Martin Rennie had been appointed. That said, he wasn’t here, as he was
working his notice at Notre Dame University in New York State, where he had
been in charge of the Fighting Irish women’s team. Perhaps more importantly,
Derek and a load of his pals had gone from boycotting home games to actually
investing in the club as part of a new direction from the boardroom.
Interestingly Dickson wasn’t with us. As an East Stirlingshire fan, he had
taken advantage of their inactivity and ventured up to Forres Mechanics versus
Lossiemouth.
As
far as our game was concerned, it began in a storm of boos, directed at
ex-Falkirk boss Paul Hartley who now manages Cove. It ended in a similar
fashion as the Aberdeenshire side wiped the floor with a Falkirk team who were
younger, smaller, weaker and significantly less streetwise than their
opponents. The final score of 0-3 was a fair reflection on events, though the
day had been saved by the glorious curried chicken pie I’d had before kick-off.
After the game, Derek dropped me at Falkirk High, from where I caught a very
empty train that became incredibly full at Waverley.
My
next trip to Scotland, Holyrood hysteria allowing, will be on Friday 21 January
when me, Ben and my mate Dave are heading to Barrowlands to see Godspeed Y.ou!
Black Emperor. If that’s on, then the football I have planned is the Scotch Cup
tie between Auchinleck Talbot and the Gorgie Filth. We’ll just have to wait and
see. However, I intend to visit Airdrie this season
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