Match of the Depraved

 

Looking back to the end of the last football season, it is quite alarming to note how a sense of false complacency could set in, as regards the ability of football clubs to navigate their way through the worst economic ravages of the pandemic. When the Northern Alliance returned from the enforced spring hiatus, it appeared that only Division 3 lanternes rouges Wooler had called it a day. Indeed, after the AGM, it was announced that the league would run with a full complement of 64 teams across 4 divisions. This prefaced a series of resignations that has left the competition with 58 teams in a 16-15-13-14 split, having seen Morpeth Town Reserves, Red Row, Felling Magpies, Cramlington Town and Shankhouse all throw in the towel in the early part of the season. The malaise didn’t stop there though; the seemingly impregnable football fortress of Whitley Bay has seen both the Sporting Club first team (bottom of D1, having lost all 7 so far) and the A team from Hillheads Park begging for postponements. Quite properly, the Alliance has complied, though that marks a massive change in policy from years ago when the likes of Northbank, Haydon Bridge and Wark weren’t given such a caring response when they flagged up difficulties in fulfilling obligations. A piece of advice; don’t look for a list of all the former Alliance clubs who’ve folded. The list is so storied and extensive; it’ll make you weep.

One club nobody will ever miss is Stocksfield; a vile set of weasels from the less affluent areas of the Tyne Valley. When they were in the top division, they somehow circumvented the Alliance’s alleged line in the sand rule of a solid rail round the pitch, by utilising plastic, orange fencing of the kind employed by the Highways Agency to screen off holes in the road. Rumour has it that calls to John Major’s infamous Cones Hotline were still being redirected to Stocksfield CC bar in 2016. Thankfully, it seems the Alliance are more pragmatic these days. Newcastle Chemfica, now managed by the rising star of North East non-league management, Kenny Malia, following his excellent apprenticeship with Ponteland Reserves, play at Newcastle University’s Longbenton Sports Ground, as do their reserves, following the 4G blitz on Cochrane Park. Unlike Cochrane Park, there is no rail round the pitch at Longbenton, which doesn’t matter for D3 Chemfica Amateurs, but should be addressed for the first team. I called in to see them get the better of Winlaton Community, who don’t have a rail either at their home of Vulcans Rubgy (sic) Club, by a single goal in a tense, tight game that finished in almost complete darkness, partly as a result of local celebrity ref Peter Osgood trying, as ever, to make the game all about him by waltzing in late and giving a series of lectures that would have outlasted both the Gettysburg Address and the Sermon on the Mount when dishing out unnecessary yellow cards.

At least that game saw a goal; when I took in the first half of Whitburn & Cleadon v Bedlington during the innings break of Tynemouth’s 6 wicket triumph over Whitburn at the nearby Village Ground, I saw both sides carve out numerous opportunities, but fail to take them. Admittedly, both keepers acquitted themselves pretty well, but when I left at half time with the game scoreless, I was pretty sure that would be how it ended, which it did. Ironically, I had no such thoughts when Whitley Bay A and Percy Main went in at the break nils apiece. It was my first time of seeing the new and improved Villagers in action and so impressed was I, that I’ve decided to sponsor their Northumberland FA Benevolent Bowl tie with Blue Star and their teeming hordes on the first Saturday of October. The Hillheads game was the second classic I’ve seen this season, after Whickham v Consett, as I mentioned in the report I submitted to the PMA website

(https://www.pitchero.com/clubs/percymainamateursfc/teams/55292/match-centre/1-9693385/report) -:

 Percy Main Amateurs deservedly took all 3 points from a rip-roaring, end-to-end, thrill fest against Whitley Bay on Wednesday night. The impressive attendance, including a high percentage of Main fans, were treated to a feast of penetrative attacking play by the visitors, whose front three of Taylor, Rowan and Devine tortured the beleaguered Bay back four for most of the game. Indeed, the final score of 1-2 in PMA’s favour was no reflection on the number or percentage share of chances created. Frankly, if The Main had doubled their goal tally, it would have been a more realistic representation of a simply scintillating second half.

 In truth, the game began with Bay in the ascendancy. With less than 60 seconds on the clock, Zack Fisher shaved the post for the home side, though Rowan came close to giving the visitors the lead on 13 minutes when his shot was deflected a fraction wide. Such excitement was out of character for the first thirty minutes, which passed in a subdued fashion. However, proceedings sprang to life when Reece Monaghan in the Percy Main goal had to be alert enough to clutch a deflected McMullen effort. Main roared back with Devine fizzing an effort just over the bar, then Kelly was thwarted by a superb last ditch tackle as he bore down on goal. Monaghan made sure the sides went in level when acrobatically tipping an effort from distance round the post.

 If the first half had been enjoyable, the second was little short of a classic as Main remained on the front foot, peppering the Whitley goal with Adam Beattie’s header the closest effort until undisputed Man of the Match Rowan opened the scoring with a deft chip from the right edge of the Bay penalty area on the hour mark. Straight from the kick off it was 2-0 when Beattie executed a perfect low drive to round off a superb counter attack by The Main. From this point it could have been any score, with several chances falling to the Main front men, but opportunities came and went, the score remaining 2-0. Percy Main could have feared the worst when Collins bundled the ball home to halve the deficit with 6 minutes remaining, but the brave Villagers held steadfast and firm for an excellent win that was a superb advert for Northern Alliance football.

 Saturday 18^th September still had a few cricket games worth watching, such as the NEPL promotion play off, where Seaham Park saw off Consett at Shotley Bridge. However, I was focussed on completing my Northern Alliance set with a trip to Bedlington United v Blyth Town Under 23s. Of course, a cursory check of the Alliance website on Saturday morning revealed the news that AFC Newbiggin are now playing at People’s Park in Ashington, requiring a trip up there in the future. My rules are that the ground rather than the club has primacy; thus, Ponteland United Reserves leaving Druid Park and Fawdon moving in makes no difference to me, as I’ve been to that ground before. Same principle applies to West Jesmond moving to West Moor, where I once saw Blyth Town win the title over Killingworth. All things considered, I’d still never visited Blyth Sporting Club at the High School, which is where Bedlington United, new to the Alliance this season, hang their hats.

The joys of public transport saw me make agonisingly slow progress on the X8 from Quorum Business Park Entrance to the Cowpen end of Blyth. I exited the bus and grabbed a McDonald’s coffee before accessing the standard 4G cage on school grounds that all new grounds appear to be. There were about 20 or so relatives and pals watching, while Spartans and FCUM played out a1-1 draw in an FA Cup qualifier in front of 1269.

The ref set the tone for proceedings, before the coin toss, by bollocking the Blyth captain for something he said. Once it started, the game soon degenerated into a stolid slugfest, punctuated by a couple of lengthy injury stoppages. Blyth Town were the side in form, while Bedlington had lost every game so far, and things eventually went to plan when Blyth took the lead with a smart low finish after 33 minutes. It wasn’t, however, a sign of improved standards, as another 55 minutes of mundanity passed before Blyth sealed the win with a late, breakaway goal. Final score 2-0 to the visitors and I wandered to Blyth Bus Station, which is possibly the most sordid place I’ve ever visited on this whole earth. An unfulfilling day, but it had to be done.