So, the first month of the football season is over, marked by the autumn cessation of billionaires frivolously squandering their embarras des richesses on overpriced trundlers and talentless, theatrical false 8s, 9s or 10s (we’re not talking shoe sizes here) and the 12 days of purgatory that comprise the first International break of 2021/2022, dragging on to the last syllable of recorded time. Unsurprisingly, Newcastle United find themselves in familiar territory: winless, just above the drop zone on goals scored, out the League Cup, misfiring up front and handing out penalties like new fathers used to pass around Café Cremes. We’ve been here before.
The manager continues to: pick the wrong players, adopt incorrect formations, eschew tactics, and talk up a brown streak of premium grade horseshit, while deflecting any blame due to him and the bad bastard who still owns this farcical tragicomedy of a club. Oh yes, we’ve been here before. Every August /September borderline, going back to 2008, we see a kind of annual Civil War breaking out on Barrack Road, especially as the pro-takeover baldy lads were probably hoping that we signed Anjem Choudary rather than Hamza Choudhury, not that we got either.
The season got underway with a scintillating series of preparatory performances against Doncaster, Rotherham and Burton, showing we’re a force to be reckoned with in the League 1 play-off shakedown. Meanwhile, a dozen no-hopers were let go from the stiffs, plus the has-been quartet of Atsu, Carroll, Muto and Saivet. Interestingly, having contributed precisely nothing during their time on Tyneside, the four of them are still unattached. We’ve been here before, you do realise. The only money that came in the door was when Le Jeune’s transfer to Alaves became permanent after a year’s loan in Vitoria Gasteiz, where he can count Joselu as a team mate. This was an underwhelming end to the NUFC career of a player who looked like a world beater at times and gave us the most ridiculous point in history with a pair of injury time scrambles at Goodison the other year. In terms of real signings, we finally got Joe Willock on a permanent deal, which is brilliant, but why the hell did it take so long? Lewis Cass is on loan at Port Vale, Kelland Watts at Plymouth Argyle and Matty Longstaff has gone to Aberdeen. Good luck to the lad; he needs to play football and the buffoon in charge of coaching at SJP has made less use of Matty’s talents than a penguin would a harpsichord. As I write, the future generation of Newcastle United stars have just been banjoed 3-0 by Sheffield Wednesday’s Reserves in the Papa John’s Trophy. Tomorrow belongs to us.
As far as the serious stuff goes, the West Ham game came at the end of a brilliant week off work; I’d been to Rotherham United v Accrington Stanley, had a swell day out for my birthday, then won the NTCL Midweek 3rd XI title when we beat Ashington Rugby CC and I took 2 wickets. Newcastle United wouldn’t spoil it would they? Well, we’ve been here before and not really would be my answer. I should have been off to Northumberland against Bedfordshire, including members’ tea, when the heavens opened and play was washed out. It left me no choice but to watch Newcastle and, in contrast to the weather, we were treated to a bright opening that culminated in Wilson finishing Saint-Maximin’s delightful cross after less than 5 minutes. Sadly, it didn’t stay that way; Krafth, as ever, was abysmal and Woodman seemed as nervous as Darlow usually is, but we must accept West Ham are more than a decent team and this was a more than decent game. The turning point was the soft award of a penalty that Woodman saved, but had thumped back over him into the net. From then on, we died. However, I’d wager the performance should have been something to build on.
Of course daring to have a measured opinion inflames the savage breast of the on-line Incels calling for Bruce’s head on a spike as soon as the final whistle is blown, when all that was needed was a bit of tactical tinkering; drop Krafth for Schar, Shelvey for Sean and Almiron for Fraser. These jumpy jack cretins who think that supporting the Taliban’s governance of Afghanistan is a socially progressive move that will help speed up any takeover of Newcastle United, and still boo players taking the knee, need to be weeded out of our support. There is no place for any of them in the ground, or on line. Then again, the cyber conscience of Newcastle United coughed up 1 person to attend the Black Lives Matter rally outside SJP on July 13th. I’ll leave you to work out who it was; suffice to say his initials don’t both begin with the same letter.
Next
up; Villa away, and one of several games where both clubs hold a mutual contempt,
bordering on loathing, for Steve Bruce.
It was another game where he bemoaned bad luck that was actually, and
unfortunately even, the laws of the game being applied correctly. Lascelles
handled for their penalty and Wilson was a couple of millimetres offside. What
can you say? The technology is there and has to be used. It still doesn’t
explain the outrageous award West Ham benefitted from the week before mind. Then
Burnley at home in the Carabao Cup and the third game in a row where claret and
blue shirts got the better of us. Attending Ponteland United 1 Seaton Delaval
0, I only saw the highlights of this. Wayne Hennessey made a dick of himself on
a Palace players’ night out and seemingly disappeared. Now he’s back to haunt
us, pulling off numerous quality saves, including one in the shoot-out and we
lose 4-3. Fair play to the 31k who were there; I’d expected it to be a social
distancing exercise gone wrong.
Southampton, fresh from an 8-0 hammering of Newport in the cup, were at SJP next. I was unable to see this, being required to turn out for Tynemouth 3s, at home to Lintz 2s, for whom I sent down an explosive spell of 4-0-21-0 and took a blinding catch at extra cover. Actually, we did win by 6 wickets; Cuddles Sturrock hitting his own maximum, just after Saint-Maximin had scored in injury time, so the handshakes, collection of boundary flags, uprooting of wickets and general tidying up deflected my attention from SJP as, naively assuming it was full time, I smiled at the pair of important wins. Only around 10 minutes later did I learn of Lascelles’s late lunge on Average Armstrong that threw two points away. Never mind the amorality of getting anything after our awful first half showing, this late equaliser hurt far more than it should have. We’re weak and panicky at the back, constantly giving away rash fouls; who on earth knows what’s in store at Old Trafford next time out, for that prancing cheat’s second coming. After that, we’ve Leeds at home and back to back away games at Wolves and Watford. If we get 4 points, I’ll be delighted, but I realistically see a return of 2 or 3 in this next sequence. Probably enough to put some daylight between us and Arsenal though…..
No comments:
Post a Comment