Tiers for Souvenirs

I’ve lost count of the number of blogs this year where I’ve alluded to the fact my 2020 resolution was to get as close to completing the full set of 42 Scotch league grounds as possible, and we all know what put paid to that fond hope. The eventual start of the Northern Alliance season in September gave me renewed zeal in my ground collecting endeavours, until October 24^th when my trip to Newbiggin Central 4 Morpeth Town Reserves 0 was my final exposure to the most honest and praiseworthy football competition I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching, before the second lockdown that arrived on November 5^th.

One bonus, if you can call it that, of the second lockdown was my awareness of what this period of virtual house arrest would entail. Consequently, the fact I was able to psychologically prepare myself for bleak isolation, meant I didn’t lose the run of my mental health this time around, despite the dreadful situation whereby every Newcastle game was on telly, so I’ve had to endure watching that shite every bloody week.

Some respite, at the end of the second lockdown, came at the start of December, when the away game at Villa, slated for Friday night, fell afoul of the Covid epidemic that ran through the club. This allowed the beautiful people of NUFC twitter to harp on and twist about the lack of football to watch, despite the fact they harp on and twist about every single Magpies performance, win, lose or draw, with Broooooth at the helm. Despite the Northern League opting not to restart with limited crowds and closed clubhouses as a fact of life, there was plenty of football to watch at Alliance level, though none of the bellyaching, Brooooothphobic twitterati managed to drag themselves away from their smartphones to actually watch a real life version of the game they claim to be so in love with.

Ironically, as soon as it was announced the Alliance would recommence on 5 December, the poor autumnal weather turned to terrible winter storms and downpours. The choice of games remaining was limited, but the top of the Premier Division clash between Cullercoats and Killingworth was the contest that grabbed my attention. I’ve not been to Links Avenue for several years; 2013 in fact, when the home side played Rothbury in the Northumberland FA Minor Cup on the day Yohan Cabaye’s goal gave Newcastle victory at Old Trafford, to a tumultuous reaction by the players and coaching staff ostensibly involved in a game 100 yards from the North Sea. I’d also been to Cullercoats with Percy Main twice; a 4-0 clattering on a frosty day in November 2008 when Graeme Cole made his Main debut and a 1-1 draw the season after that ended in darkness, with the only illumination being the lights of vehicles passing along Broadway, adjacent to the pitch.

This game was good, though not so memorable. A slick Killingworth outfit, apparently denuded of the Galacticos of previous years, won rather more comfortably than the 4-2 final score suggests. Perhaps the most relieved player on the pitch was Cullercoats keeper Dan Gladstone whose mid-game meltdown ought to have been punished by more goals against than Killi managed. Despite the far more widespread and successful boycoutt of grassroots football by the self-elected NUFC superfans than they’ve ever managed at SJP, the wider north east non-league community stepped up to the plate and over 200 socially distanced supporters took the game in. 

The most important thing for me wasn’t the football per se, but the opportunity to reconnect with pals I’d not seen in a while; Big Kenny took in the first half, but his poor clothing choices drove the chilly teuchter back to his fireside, while the Whitley Bay management of Tony Fawcett and Derek Forrest were great company, until Tony had to go home and finish the ironing anyway.

At least he’d done his chores in plenty of time the week after, allowing him to take in the whole of Percy Main versus North Shields Athletic. Last season, I’d seen Percy Main destroy Alnwick Town 5-1 and squeeze past Winlaton Vulcans 2-1 in a truly excellent game that was last one I attended before the first lockdown. This 2-2 draw was an even better feast of glorious, grassroots football than my previous visit. This was made all the better by the fact driving rain the day, night and morning before had put paid to many games, suggesting I’d be freezing by the side of a 4G cage in the bowels of a soulless, deserted campus. Instead, I was able to enjoy a big local derby, with all police leave cancelled.

When the ref blew his whistle for the teams to come out, dressing room doors were flung open, allowing clouds of embrocation-tinged air to escape, helping those who’d not recently had a test to learn they remained Covid-19 free on olfactory grounds. Once the game, slightly delayed by the removal of a pile of canine waste from the pitch, got underway, PMA missed two early chances before NSA took the lead with a clever, flicked backheel that beat the despairing leap of the well-upholstered Chalky Junior in the home goal. Main didn’t give up and drew level with a beguiling, curled finish from the edge of the box after 25 minutes, before going ahead with a composed finish from a one-on-one. In the last minute of the half, a series of unfortunate events led to a Main defender turning the ball into his own net to make the scores level at the break.

It goes without saying, one of the famous Percy Main hot dogs went down a dream during half time; they remain the greatest snack at any local ground and acted as the ideal preparation for a stunning second half, in the company of Foxy and Tony from the Bay (though Brexit Stu kept his own counsel, thankfully), ex Main, WQS and Heaton Stan keeper Shaun Backhouse and former Main stalwarts, now Shankhouse managerial duo, Magoo and Graeme Smith. The lads have had a tough start to their debut campaign at the helm, but it is truly wonderful to see lads who I kept an eye on their whole career, now helping to run the beautiful game at grassroots level.

After a good catch up, the bike took me to Enigma Tap for my Two by Two and Vault City prescription, before getting home in time to see the bitter recriminations from the NUFC sofa jury about West Brom’s equaliser redoubled by Gayle’s stunning winner. For me, news that Wooler had played a home game, when I’d expected the whole village to be under water, made me readdress the question of completing the Alliance set.

The latest tick on my hitlist was Whitburn & Cleadon 6 South Moor 3 in the Durham FA Minor Cup on 19 December. Having travelled there via Shields Ferry and a circuitous journey on the glacially-paced E1 to one of the nicest villages I know, especially its cricket ground, I was determined to enjoy this one, despite my usual cartographical catastrophe necessitating me clambering through a bordering bramble hedge as the referee blew his whistle and the game got underway. It was only after extricating myself from the jagged snares of the bushes that I realised I’d been here before. 20 March 1990 to be precise, for Brinkburn Year 9s 4-1 victory over Whitburn; a surprisingly upbeat snapshot of my school coaching career.

For this game, the visitors from Wearside League Division 2 were up against it right from the start. A quick break through the middle gives Whitburn the lead, before a corner floats in untouched at the back post. South Moor tried to get back in it with an incredible scramble that sees the ball kicked off the line 4 times, before a clear foul in the box is deemed outside by the second successive Saturday specky ref. The visitors’ entourage do not take these decisions well and are close to exploding when a breakdown at the back sees them go 3-0 down via a suspiciously offside-looking tap-in. Half time sees unnecessary, oath-edged stage whispers and dark mutterings before they decide to let the football talk, pulling one back after 50 with a smart finish across the keeper.

Sadly, it’s immediately 4-1 when Whitburn get the goal of the game with a flighted finish from the edge of the box. Goals go from a flood to a tickle in the last 10 minutes; 4-2 after a loose ball in the box is fired home, 5-2 after the South Moor keeper dives over a gentle free kick. In injury time it becomes 5-3 when a composed finished is rolled home, before Whitburn take the set and tie 6-3 when a mishit cross drops over the keeper’s head. Nine goals and free entry in a bucolic school field make for a decent afternoon: certainly, better than the evening, watching Broooooth’s front foot Mags stagger to an undeserved point against Fulham. Thankfully, a dozen of Elder Café’s finest Belgian ales took my mind off the Premier League and back to the far preferable Alliance.

Currently, the Northern Alliance has 62 teams spread across 4 divisions. After my trip to Whitburn, only Seaton Sluice (home tie against North Shields Community Christians in the Northumberland FA Minor Cup on 16 January pencilled in) and Wooler (I’ll get back to you on that one) have yet to be visited by my good self. Therefore, once these 2 trips have been made, I can say I have completed the set. However, there are some clubs who have moved since I last saw them. In alphabetical order, Bedlington shifted from the High School to St Benet Biscop School at the start of this season, while Burradon and New Fordley are using the John Willie Sams Centre until Fordley School, which is the club’s projected base, is up to scratch. Hebburn Reyrolle used to play on “the small pitch” at the North Drive complex, but that and the cricket square are history now. Hebburn U23s often play on the 4G at Clegwell Leisure Centre. Ponteland United moved from the Leisure Centre to the almost adjoining High School a couple of seasons ago and Willington Quay Saints swapped the Barking Dog for High Flatworth when 2020/2021 kicked off. I’ve watched games at High Flatworth and played at John Willie Sams Centre, but the other 3 are unvisited. In the absence of other viable challenges north of the border, I’ll probably try to tick these venues off as well.

The Northern Alliance never has games on Boxing Day, which means I’ll undoubtedly be stuck in the house watching the inferior professional game. However, fixtures are promised on both Monday 28 December, though I doubt I’ll get to Wooler v North Sunderland, and Saturday 2 January. All options remain open and I’ll report back here timeously.