Timed Out

 My cricket adventures have been unfairly curtailed because of COVID-19 hysteria, so here's all I can say about cricket for this year -:

I had hoped to be writing this blog next week, so as to include an account of Tynemouth 2s in the Banks Bowl Plate final away at Willington. However, this has not been possible as the new and, in my considered if uninformed opinion, wholly unnecessary set of lockdown rules and recommendations, mean that the game can take place, but only behind closed doors. In other words, this recreational club cricket game is being treated in the same way as Sunday’s Chelsea v Liverpool Premier League game.

Now, other than this will be the only Saturday I’ve not seen Tynemouth all season, the fact this game is going ahead in these circumstances is frankly barmy. The NEPL had scheduled 7 finals for the final weekend of the season. When Hopeless Hancock’s contradictory crap finally dribbled into the public realm, the NEPL abdicated all sense of responsibility, never mind leadership, by putting the onus on to the home teams, not the away ones, to decide if they wanted to play the game. South North decided their 2s couldn’t play the Banks Bowl against Benwell Hill and the Academy wouldn’t fancy the Banks Cup v Washington on the Sunday. Ashington and Blaydon similarly declined the chance to host the Banks Salver Plate versus Sunderland the Banks Salver Plaque v Lanchester, respectively. However, we didn’t get unanimity, as there are 3 games going ahead: The Banks Salver, comprising Chester-le-Street v Burnmoor, the Banks Bowl Plate that we already know will be Willington v Tynemouth, as well as the neighbouring Banks Bowl Plaque at Crook Town v Philadelphia. The latter games includes two new entrants to the NEPL  and, despite me being denied an opportunity to see JED Carr win the Bowl Plate singlehandedly, the biggest injustice of the whole season is that not one of their club will be able to watch, other than the scorers presumably.

While the T20 first class competition and the final of the Bob Willis Trophy represent a few more games of cricket, it now means my spectating season is over. Obviously at one point, I’d not imagined I’d see any cricket this year, so to have caught all or part of 26 games at 10 different grounds, 4 of which I’d not visited before, is something of a triumph and not a set of memories that should be sullied by the closed doors final. Therefore, picking up the thread from my last cricket blog, we must take ourselves to Shiney Row on a sunny Thursday evening. Having embraced the start of the football season with Whitley Bay 2 North Shields Athletic 0 the night before, I took the X1 from Eldon Square to the magnificently named settlement of Success; an estate where my dad’s equally magnificently named mate Bryan Ferry used to live. He was a council electrician and looked nothing like the Roxy Music frontman; in fact, he looked like the actor William Conrad from Cannon. He’s probably dead now; the old Shiney Row site of Sunderland College has definitely gone, transformed into a swanky new build estate. The Philadelphia pub remains, but I didn’t drop in, heading instead for the adjoining cricket club, where the game was slated to begin at 5.30, on account of the nights cutting in.

Philadelphia is a neat, compact, and enclosed ground that reminded me of a more urban Sacriston. As the Banks midweek Shield is an entirely Durham based competition, I’ve seen very few games in this tournament, though I do recall seeing Whitburn win it about 3 years back. They were tonight’s opponents, and in the absence of any other evidence, I thought they may be favourites, so the fact they skittled the home side for a meagre 81 seemed to back that up. How little I knew; 20/3, 21/4, 23/5, 24/6, a recovery to 32/7, 36/8, 39/9 and finally, 41 all out in 12 overs. Whitburn only managed 50% of Philadelphia’s total. It was a great game if you like wickets; not so good if you like batting. Unfortunately, the night was ruined by having to wait an hour and a half for a bus home, as the hourly X1 let me down, meaning I got into the house around 11 o’clock, starving but totally sober, though I could have got shitfaced on the exhaled air of plastered, unmasked 16 year olds, celebrating their GCSE results.

The best thing about the Philadelphia trip was that I reduced my target list to 2 clubs; sadly, Shotley Bridge and Castle Eden must wait until next year, pending NEPL approval, of course. I had, whimsically, thought of Castle Eden v Philadelphia for the Saturday following, but with trains to Sunderland off, I stayed closer to home with Tynemouth’s visit to South North, which was threatened but not visited by rain. Incredibly, for the second week in a row, we lost off the last ball, this time by 1 wicket. We didn’t really get started batting until George Harding came in and started hitting a few lusty blows, enjoying a great stroke of luck when a fielder on the boundary misjudged a catch and chested the ball over the rope for 6. Without George’s half century, we wouldn’t have been competitive, though at 48/0, the game seemed up. Suddenly, they were 73/7 and we’d won, or so it seemed. Alas, these South North lads have a will to win stamped through their DNA like a stick of rock. Ben McGee may have run Oli out, making up for being bowled by his brother, but the last wicket pair brought it home with 12 off the last over, including successive clubbings over cow corner by Jonny Wightman. The trip home with Di and Liz was akin to a ride from the crematorium to the pub. On the Sunday I headed up to TCC for the inquest, but a biblical flash flood curtailed proceedings with the Academy 83/3 against Gateshead Fell.

The next week was the coldest recorded day in August for something like 50 years, but I still attended the visit of Ashington in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, like any normal person. Rain during the week restricted the game to 34 overs a side and a wet outfield hampered run scoring, so our 132/4 seemed a decent score, especially when we’d reduced them to 10/4. At this point, the younger Harmison brothers came together and steadily rebuilt the innings.  It came down to Ashington needing 2 off the final ball, with which Ben Harmison connected powerfully, thus a four seemed a certainty. Out of nowhere, Polly leaped and stuck out a hand, somehow clutching on to a catch, then celebrated like Maradona at USA 94 as we reversed recent misfortunes to win by a single run. Meanwhile the 3s crushed Monkseaton 2s on the back pitch. As their 1s were off with a wet pitch, I was surprised they didn’t stiffen their team, so fair play to them for playing in the spirit of the game. Mind, after we’d posted 162/4, it seemed a little unbalanced as a contest when they crawled to 39 from 26 overs, though they put on a smidgen of a spurt to end up 66/6. Perhaps they thought a losing draw was an option.

And so, we moved on to Blaydon on Bank Holiday Monday, where we needed to avoid defeat, not necessarily win, to reach the knock out stage of the Salver. The first thing that confused me was why the club is called Blaydon, when their home is in Winlaton? On a glorious morning, the adjoining chip shop was packed out with hungover proles seeking a trans fat cure. A good crowd, a recurring theme of the 2020 season bar finals day of course, gathered to watch an intriguing contest. My favourite event was my old mate Trev Robinson showing up for a much needed chat and catch up, even if cricket isn’t his sport. Apparently, rowing is what floats his boat these days, which shows that you can’t take the FPX out of the lad.

Blaydon posted an impressive 192, but it appeared as if we’d win with ease when George and Mike Jones were knocking it around the place. Suddenly, when umpire Peter Woodley harshly gave Mike out caught when he didn’t appear to get a nick, we fell to bits.  With 14 needed from the last over and our last pair at the wicket, all seemed lost. However, a straight 6 onto the road from Polly gave us hope, which was increased when they were no-balled for having too few in the circle. Polly then repeated the shot from the free hit and the scores were tied with 2 balls to go. The next one was a full toss that Polly hit down mid wicket’s throat and the game ended in a tie. You can’t say Tynemouth haven’t provided entertainment this Summer and this result gave us another fixture; away to the Burnmoor Globetrotters in the quarter final.

Sadly, after 4 incredible tight games, we ended up suffering in a very one sided encounter. Fielding a very weak side, only Ben Debnam and the renaissance man Polly, with a startling unbeaten 27, offered any real resistance. It’s a big ground at Burnmoor, with 3 scenic sides, including the former school turned clubhouse, on a lovely day when there was no smell of anthracite in the air. We quickly lost by 8 wickets, while in the reverse game our 2s dismissed Burnmoor 2s for 38 and knocked them off without mishap in 6 overs to set up a home semi against Sunderland. We weren’t back quickly enough to see the end of that, but we did see the dying embers of the 3s easing out Newcastle 3s, courtesy of two magnificent catches at the end by Benno.

The last game I saw in the 2020 season was our 2s posting 200 and dismissing Sunderland for 179. Anthony Turner top scored with a watchful 42 and skipper Andy Davison weighed in with a useful 40. Matty Walton was the pick of the bowlers with 3/22 and JED Carr ended proceedings with the last wicket, caught by Andrew Linehan to the noisy approval of our half pissed first XI, who were downing alarming amounts of Guinness on the players’ balcony. It looked like everyone was on for a good session, with the Newcastle game on at 8, but I went home, hoping to conserve energy for after the final. The best laid plans eh?

Roll on mid-April 2021…