Hudson Ford *

I suppose every football fan thinks their team is unique, but last weekend my beloved Benfield could truly live up to that claim. While our scheduled opponents Stockton Town were on FA Cup duty away to Guisley, gallantly going down to a single goal defeat to a side 2 steps higher in the non-league pyramid, we were the only Northern League side left kicking our heels, as there were no other sides short of opponents.

Having visited all the other 19 grounds hosting NL games, I decided to take in a Northern Alliance divisional cup game at a venue I’d never been to before. As the Alliance took over the running of the Tyneside Amateur League, there are now 64 clubs in 4 divisions. Of the 32 scheduled games, I was able to choose from 9 untrodden pathways; specifically, Haltwhistle Jubilee, Lowick, Morpeth FC, Newcastle Blue Star, New Fordley North Sunderland, Rothbury, Whitburn or Wooler.  There were two possible choices, both involving top division clubs in the Challenge Cup, that stood out for me; firstly, Newcastle Blue Star, a successor club to Hazlerigg Victory playing out of a rapidly redeveloping Scotswood Leisure Centre with Kenny Wharton in the manager’s chair and Keith Graydon in centre midfield against Seaton Delaval, who’d lost all their players in pre-season and all their games since the real stuff kicked off, including a 16-0 pulverizing by Winlaton Vulcans. Being candid, I could have seen this one outstripping Arbroath’s 36-0 annihilation of Bon Accord back in 1885. Thankfully, perhaps, Delaval conceded the game, being unable to raise a team. I sincerely hope this is one step back and two forward for them, as Wheatridge Park is of the most charming step 7 venues I’ve ever visited, and it would be a crying shame if such an aged and noble club called it a day.

While I love England’s border county, I was in no rush to visit some of its more arcane, if bucolic, delights, so New Fordley it had to be; a choice made partly because the opposition was Percy Main, a club I’ll always hold in the utmost respect. However, my main reason for being drawn to this one was the location; New Fordley play at Annitsford Welfare, a short distance from the epicurean delights of Annitsford Tandoori. I’ve never eaten in this establishment, but I’ve long wished to pay homage at its door as, being on the border between Tyne & Wear and Northumberland, it has been lucky enough to host a large billboard exclaiming Welcome to England’s Border County with a picture of Bamburgh Castle proclaiming the beauty of the North Sea coastline, just across the road. I’d always wondered whether Carter Bar has a similar sign for those coming south, but with a glorious image of Annitsford Tandoori framed and mounted at the side of the road instead of some ancient pile.

That homage didn’t get to happen as my Canucklehead colleague Wavy Davy was his usual 15 minutes late for the bus, meaning I’d waved the X8 off before his arrival and consequently we were left with no option than to board the self-same service 43 that took us to his first Alliance encounter back in May, when New Fordley had won 2-0 away to Shankhouse. The 43 is a Northern Alliance aficionado’s version of the Love Boat, as it passes Wideopen, Seaton Burn, Shankhouse and the currently vacant Willie John Sams Centre, formerly home to Newcastle BT. It also allows you to walk the country path between Dudley and Annitsford that takes you to the Welfare, which we did after only a tiny detour as I can’t read maps and Wavy Davy doesn’t understand smartphones. Still, we got there, bang on kick-off; £2 in and a free programme means it is a walk worth making.

As you may know, Percy Main are celebrating 100 years of football at Purvis Park this season. They’d had a mixed start, including some thumping wins (9-0 over Delaval and a glorious 5-1 triumph over Alnwick Town that I was delighted to see for myself), but had lost 4-2 at home to Fordley who, only 4 seasons after they joined the league, are one of the very top Alliance sides, alongside the Killingworth galacticos and the resurgent Blue Star. For today’s game, I only recognised 3 Main players; keeper Liam Mooney, winger Aaron Kah and former West Allotment stalwart, centre half Ian Dunn. Meanwhile Fordley boasted 2 players who’d recently turned out for Benfield, in the shape of Liam Hudson and Callum Uddgren, 2 former Main men, namely Scott Pocklington and the redoubtable Ian Lee and someone I’d taught GCSE English to; Trae Rowlandson who, despite covering his folder in Alan Barnes-related graffiti, gained the Grade C that has set him up for life.

Just to linger on the ex-Main players playing for Fordley; Scott Pocklington was a great little servant for PMA until he suffered a serious injury. He was also victim of the worst incident of cheating I’ve ever seen on a football field; playing Stocksfield at home in the NFA Benevolent Bowl, the game was finely poised at 2-1 to the Main. Stocksfield’s then captain Bruce Vause, who is now Head of PE at Heworth School, for whatever reason, took a blatant theatrical tumble, holding his face and screaming he’d been felled by a blow from Scott, who was about half a head shorter and more than 5 yards from the wailing thespian, writhing unconvincingly in the clarts. The referee bought Vause’s play acting and the red card he brandished with scarcely concealed glee could not be appealed against. Stockfield’s subsequent equaliser and win on penalties absolutely disgusted me; cheaters had prospered in the most despicable way imaginable. Hence, I was glad to see Scott playing today, until he was helped off with an ankle injury in the second half. Incidentally, it was 10 years almost to the day since Ian Lee signed for The Main from Whitley Bay, scoring 2 on his debut in a 3-1 win at Seaton Burn. Within 48 hours, he’d gone back to Whitley Bay and was next seen being sent off in a 4-2 loss at Purvis Park in December that year. Ian’s career has been, shall we say, peripatetic since then, but it was good to see he him still playing when he came on in the second period.

Among the crowd of around 80, there were no PMA heads I recognised, though I believe Norman de Bruin and Big Baz the chocolate Labrador were not in attendance, as Norman’s elder daughter Rachel gave birth on Saturday night. Congratulations to her, the hubby and the bairn, as well as proud grandparents Norman and Ann. 

We found a stop at the end of the rail part way round the pitch and watched from dead on halfway, opposite the dugouts, with many others opting to flop out and nurse cans on the grass bank in front of the excellent clubhouse at the same side as we were. Having sampled ice cold pop and large, tasty cheeseburgers, I can recommend the catering, almost as much as the absorbing football on display. In the opening exchanges, Fordley had more of the ball and all the chances, until suddenly Aaron Kah showed persistence down the right and slung over a neat cross that was expertly nodded home by James Walker just before the half hour. Main might have counted themselves a tad fortunate to be ahead, but it had the effect of stunning Fordley into inertia.

Come the second half, Main started to look value for their lead, but never looked likely to snatch a second goal. Instead substitute Pyle equalised with a disguised close-range effort that flummoxed Mooney on 65 minutes. With 15 minutes to go, the winner arrived as Hudson tapped in a rebound after Mooney had gone full length to save. From then on, Fordley played the ball retention game admirably, drawing all sting and fight from the visibly tiring Main lads, booking their place in the last 8 of the Challenge Cup, which will see them host Ponteland United on October 19^th.

We never did get to see Annitsford Tandoori close up, as we caught a helpfully late X8 back to town as soon as we arrived at the bus stop. In town, we allowed the crowds to disperse from the bars to the match while enjoying an expensive can from Centrale, caught up with Mrs Wavy for a while, then parked our arses in The Bodega for the Newcastle v Brighton game. It is almost 2 years since I last set foot in SJP, following a 0-0 draw with Brighton, after which I’d said I’d never be back until Benitez left. Watching Bruce’s abysmal and insulting take on total voetbal, I may as well just say I’ll never be back, not just while Ashley is still there, but while I’ve got a hole in my arse. At least we had peeve to numb the pain unlike the deluded buggers who’d shelled out north of thirty quid to endure that baloney.

Now, I’m a lover of Thornbridge beers, but a flat white IPA such as their Cortado doesn’t really work; it should be a stout for winter. Mind it was nectar compared to the atrocious Pina Colada tinged nonsense Davy brought back from the bar. In the absence of gratis sorbets, several pints of Jarl did the job. They cleaned my palate, made me forget about a first half performance that was possibly the worst I’ve ever seen in 45 years by any Newcastle team and make my legs all wobbly, to the extent an Uber was hailed, last orders in The Lodge achieved and then a good night’s unconsciousness to top it all off. God, I love the Northern Alliance.

* Hudson Ford were a UK rock band, formed when John Ford and Richard Hudson left The Strawbs in 1973. The original line-up featured guitarist Hudson and bassist Ford along with Chris Parren on keyboards, Mickey Keen on guitars, and Gerry Conway on drums.