Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Mediocrity Kills....

This article is a little out of date. I wrote it for issue 4 of  #9 fanzine, the on-line only publication. Unfortunately it has failed to appear, so I'm putting this piece out there now as it'll be utterly irrelevant by the time NUFC's new print-only fanzine The Popular Side launches at the Manchester City game. The Popular Side will be an old school fanzine; A%, price £1, sold in bars and on the street rather than in shops. No website. No merchandise. No adverts. Instead, it will concentrate on excellent writing from cover to cover. More details from @PopularSideZine


Sunday 11th May and, as the curtain is rung down on the atrociously unsatisfactory second act that concluded the genre-busting tragifarce of Newcastle United’s 2013/2014 season, I found myself in a predictable, boiling impotent rage at the fortunes of my sporting heroes. However, the cause of my ire on this occasion was not, for a change, related to Newcastle United but the Northumberland County Cricket team. In an attempt to display two metaphorical fingers to the farce that will be Brazil 2014, other than hoping social unrest in that country will see mass working class action against the forces of repression and the imperialist juggernaut that is FIFA, causing the tournament to be abandoned, I’d bought membership for the Minor Counties East championship. Thirty quid gets you free entry to, theoretically at any rate, three home fixtures at Tynemouth, South North and County Club and a pair of preliminary one-dayers, also at Jesmond.

Unfortunately, torrential rain saw the cancellation of both limited overs contests, at the end of April against Cheshire and, on the day Newcastle closed their campaign, when Shropshire were the visitors. Thus, as the drains and gutters of Osborne Avenue struggled to cope with the torrential downpour that drove the opposition players into William Hill’s on the corner of Shortridge Terrace rather than into bat, I seethed underneath a tree opposite Rehill’s, gripping a take-out Latte rather too tightly, and allowed my thoughts to turn to events taking place at Anfield.

A few weeks previously, it had all the hallmarks of a tumultuous contest, with the prospect of Liverpool winning the title against us. In those circumstances it was hard to deny the logic of several of those amongst our support who’d contemplated selling their tickets to Liverpool fans for a massive profit. Unethical though that may have been, the chance to claw back some of the huge outlay spent on following NUFC on the road must have been appealing, especially if you got caught fleecing a gullible out-of-towner and suffered a banning order from SJP as a consequence. In the current climate, that’s a win-win situation I’d have thought. However events beforehand conspired against this, as Liverpool imploded and handed the title to Massive Club citeh, which I didn’t mind as I love Pellagra’s hair.

Despite denying Sky Sports the opportunity to refer to the game as Destiny Teatime or something equally nauseating, what this fixture did was hand Newcastle fans the opportunity to rub Liverpool’s face in it, as memories of 1974 never mind the consecutive 4-3s are still too raw to suggest there can ever be any realistic common ground between us and them. However when some of those on social media suggested a mass “Poznan” in the away end to try and wind the home fans up, I recoiled in horror. How appalling would that look; how doomed to failure would such a proposal be, similar to the stillborn Toon Poznan against Ashley that was promised, but failed to happen against Arsenal in August 2011. Even though someone set up a Twitter account and a Facebook page for that protest, the TPAA had about as much impact as NUST’s disastrous intervention into the Cardiff protest with their ill-judged hijack of a genuine, spontaneous, organic, grassroots campaign, in favour of their proto-Leninist, dirigistic 69 minute walkout, whose autodidactic provenance was ignored by the overwhelming majority of the crowd who either left earlier or stayed to the end. The only statistic that matters is that 46,000 matchgoing Mags stayed in their seats beyond 69 minutes; we need to remember that when discussions about fan unity are in the air.

In the event, no “Poznan” took place at Anfield and the game acted as a synecdoche of our season. At encouraging opening was supplanted by a pitiful collapse in the second period, though a measure of solace could be gained by frustration at an appalling refereeing performance by Phil Dowd. He may have given Titus Bramble first use of the Lynx Peace in the 5-1 on Halloween, but he made up for it by sending Shola off for insolence, in what has turned out to be his final appearance for us, and Dummett, who appears to have become as much of a hate figure as Ashley for the sort of late 30s supporter who says he takes “the Metty” home after the game, for nothing. Thankfully the latter card was rightly rescinded, meaning the overwhelming analytical mood surrounding this game, once the immediate sense of rage at the incompetence of both Pards and Dowd had died down, was one of profound dissatisfaction, with the grudging acceptance that catastrophe had somehow been avoided, with Stoke’s winner at West Brom dropping NUFC to tenth which was the bare minimum required for Pards to pocket his much derided bonus. Such an attitude must also be the judgement handed down to the club as a corporate entity and, in my opinion, NUST, with the unequivocal announcement that everyone must do better in the future if a complete meltdown is to be avoided.

I don’t believe for one moment that the Newcastle United Fans Forum will prove to be a revolutionary conduit leading to regime change at the club, especially as NUST’s avoidable breach of protocol resulted in their heavy-handed exclusion from the Forum. I do accept that my standpoint that we need Ashley OUT and 100% Fan Ownership IN, though I’m prepared to accept 51% Fan Ownership as a transitional demand, will not be brought to fruition at one of these talking shops. However, I’m as much of a pragmatist as I am an ideologue and I understand the need for the Fan Forum to continue and I place my unswerving loyalty and trust in NUFC Fans United and all of the other representatives who attend these meetings, undoubtedly displaying the very best of intentions.

That said; I do not accept the Fans Forum is the appropriate realm for the club’s chief executive to announce with bland finality that the cups will be treated with utter contempt in 2014/2015 and that Pards will remain in post, having achieved the bare minimum required to achieve his agreed bonus. Charnley blithely brushed off any criticism about any perceived lack of ambition among the club hierarchy regarding future plans and transfer targets, in much the same way as NUST ignored any criticism of their 69 minute walkout and the offence it caused so many fans.

Frankly, and I hold little hope of this happening, both NUFC and NUST’s board need to take time this summer to have a long, hard look at themselves. While Ashley, Charnley and Irving have a far longer to do list, from spending £40m on the team to merely stand still (Dan Gosling RIP) to having some vague awareness that their dismissive, smirking contempt for the fan base will eventually clear the stands of SJP, it is true that NUST need to meaningfully engage with their members and the wider support on a regular basis, as ignoring the need to grow the organisation will result in atrophy and death. Surely all involved must realise this and accept that positive change and activity is an absolute imperative.

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