What une différance
a week has made to the fortunes of Newcastle United. Indeed, it was enough to
dissuade me from writing about the forthcoming League of Ireland season, now
incorporating a renascent Cobh Ramblers outfit, which starts on Monday 11th
with Setanta Cup fixtures, to fix my gaze on St. James Park again.
Francisco Jimenez Tejada arrived at Newcastle United in a
deadline day move on 31st August 2008, costing £5.7m from Deportivo La Coruna.
Scoring on his debut for the club in a 2-1 home defeat to Hull City, the
legendary striker managed a grand total of 10 further appearances for the club,
7 as substitute, the last of which provided his other career highlight on
Tyneside when he set up Andy Carroll for the final goal in a 6-0 thrashing of
Aston Villa. Following loan spells at Racing Santander and twice with Deportivo
La Coruna, he left on a free transfer for Second Division side Cordoba, at
which point Newcastle United retired his number 30 shirt, unworn presumably and
I lost interest in the professional game completely. I’m joking of course.
Badly.
Lest I be accused of being another delusional Mag, I must
state that I’m not buying in to any facile French Revolution style clichés at
this point as, with still 13 games remaining; 7 of whom are against opponents
who’ve already beaten us this season, we’re talking tiny steps forwards, which
must of course be preferable to the Great Leap Backwards that has been the last
3 months. That said, I’m much more optimistic about our prognosis, not simply
on account of the new recruits, but because Colo has decided to stay, though I do
wonder why it took so long to sort his situation out. The bizarre letter
attributed to him that appeared on-line was not a hoax it was revealed, though
neither was it the product of our beloved captain while in full command of his
faculties; let us hope his situation has been fully resolved, at least in the
interim, for there is much else to be cautiously positive about. Certainly his celebrated
challenge on Demba Ba, who I don’t think deserved to be jeered, though I can
understand why he was, showed 100% commitment to our cause.
The games against Aston Villa and then Chelsea provided us
with three debutants, six points and an incalculable increase in the team
spirit among the players on the pitch and the levels of positivity among the
crowd off it. Despite it being my first thought on waking last Tuesday (as well
as last thought before I went to sleep afterwards), I was unnaturally optimistic
about the Villa game, having seen how weak they were when going out of the
League Cup to Bradford and the FA Cup to Millwall. Incidentally, wasn’t it
marvellous that the latter game was pulled back to the Friday night on account
of the number of Save the NHS protestors who were expected to converge on
Lewisham Hospital the next day? Whenever I hear some idiot burbling on about
how we should keep politics out of sport, I always remember the Ray Lowry
cartoon which showed a hapless slave being fed to the lions in the Roman Coliseum,
impotently shaking his fist at the senators and crying imperialist bastards! Such
ultimately fruitless, though heartfelt, ranting and raving was the order of the
day on-line when the team was announced. Thankfully, 2 great goals by Cisse and
Cabaye silenced the moaners.
Unfortunately the second half brought about more blinkered, unnecessary
hand-wringing, mainly because some people simply can’t accept the opposition
are ever capable of playing well. Let’s be clear about this; at 2-0 down,
Lambert had nothing to lose in bringing on Weimann, a player I rate highly and
Agbonlahor, who has incredible pace, even if he has been out of sorts for 2
seasons now. Villa got back in to it via a debatable penalty (cue message board
meat heads describing Debuchy as “shit” because Agbonlahor conned the referee)
and refused to accept their fate, which caused us plenty of hairy moments. The
insane negativity engendered by the selection was reinforced by Villa’s second
half performance, whereby no credit could be given to them, a team fighting for
their very survival and the only possible reaction was to blame Pardew for it.
Certainly, in the whingers’ defence, I could see no reason for removing Perch
for Ameobi, especially as Tom the tactician announced that Krul played 15 long
balls to Shola; 10 of which conceded possession immediately and the remaining 5
of which Shola won, but then lost the ball, as another Newcastle player didn’t
get the next touch anyway. Thankfully, we won away for the first time this
season and however unconvincing the victory was, those three points meant I
went happily to sleep and no doubt ensured an utter absence of complacency
among players and management going in to the Chelsea game. Truth be told, I
found very few Newcastle fans who believed we could get more than a point out
of this one, despite Benitez’s current travails. Still, we showed the world we’re
better than Brentford, who could only draw at home to them.
Without doubt, Sissoko’s match winning performance against
Chelsea was undoubtedly the best home debut by a Newcastle United player since
Mick Quinn’s four-goal salvo against Leeds in 1989, and possibly as good as
Malcolm McDonald’s hat trick against Liverpool back in 1971, though it is
important to remember he’s only played two games thus far, so breathless comparisons
with Yaya Toure or Patrick Viera may be a trifle premature. Coming back down to
earth, the undeniable truth is that the league table does not lie; we are still
only 6 points above a relegation spot and remain in 15th place,
though we stand only 3 points from the top half it has to be said.
However, we can be positive; it was Newcastle United’s first
victory after going behind in a league game since Pardew became manager, the
first time we’ve won after being a goal down in the league since the 2-1
victory at West Ham in October 2010, the first home success from a losing
position since the day we achieved promotion, against Sheffield United in April
2010 and in the Premier League since we recovered from Habib Beye’s early own
goal against the Beasts in May 2009. Of course they didn’t have Keiron Dyer
playing for them back then; ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Being serious, there has been a decisive change in the
atmosphere surrounding the whole club. Two weeks ago ribald wisecracks about
Tulisa’s vajazzle or shallow references to Nando’s culinary fare would have
been the substance of most dressing room and training pitch conversation;
instead, we may now expect earnest political debates among the squad, perhaps regarding
the ideological and moral implications of French military intervention in Mali,
to be the order of the day. From this point onwards, the NUFC dream team would
have a midfield four of Althusser, Derrida, Foucault and Lacan, with Barthes
being afforded a free role to exploit his talent for jouissance.
Leaving the realms of academe and getting back on the pitch,
this Saturday’s game away to Spurs is a bloody tough one; we may well lose, but
we go there with a degree of self-belief. I’m hoping for at least a point,
mainly because I feel that the table after this weekend’s games will dictate
what side and what approach Pardew adopts for the Europa League game against
Kharkiv on February 14th. Such complex calculations regarding the
only cup competition we retained an interest in after the Christmas decorations
came down show to me that, as well as writing off 2012/2013 as a season, a
sensible future hope must be that we don’t qualify for the Europa League again,
unless it is with a quality squad backed up with a healthy array of capable
reinforcements.
It must be made clear that absolutely no thanks should be
offered to Mike Ashley for the recent upsurge in results and performances, despite
the twitterings of one fool who proposed the man who is ultimately
responsible for this season of stagnation and stasis, should be granted a
standing ovation and chants of gratitude from all parts of the ground before
the Chelsea game, because he’d finally sanctioned some belated signings. Such Vichyssoise
collaboration would no doubt have been tres
amusant to most of our squad. Let us be in no doubt, Newcastle United have been
in the soup for large parts of 2012/2013 because Mike Ashley and Derek Llambias
(I make no distinction between the two in terms of culpability) were derelict
in their duty of care over the club, ultimately because they are rapacious
Capitalists, whose first and only loyalty is to their own largesse and not the
greater good of Newcastle United, resulting in the need for the club to treat
this January like three transfer windows at once. Fan ownership and fan
ownership only can promise the ideal future outcome for our club. We all knew
the squad needed strengthening last summer; it was the fault of the “owners”
that the manager was asked to find diamonds in the mouth of a corpse with an
unbalanced and understrength squad. Just imagine where we could be in the table
now if we’d kicked off the season with a first choice side of: Krul - Debuchy
Santon Colo Mbiwa - Tiote Cabaye Sissoko - Ben Arfa Gouffran Cisse.
Looking at that line-up, it is slightly sobering to reflect
on the last named being the nearest thing to a weak link in a team that
remarkably includes no British players, even if Cisse’s pass to set away
Gouffran for the equaliser against Chelsea deserved a footballing Oscar. Also,
take time to think on the fact we can now name a bench including Anita, Taylor,
Jonas and Marveaux, before we start looking at the also-rans. It’s not quite
Barcelona or even Manchester City, but it’s pretty impressive. If we could add
a quality striker to that side, I think I’d have to lie down out of excitement
rather than actually watching them. In fact, no bullshit here, we desperately
need to add another, top quality (if not world class) striker to the squad this
summer. Lee Ryder may claim that the club are already looking at the next
transfer window, but my cynicism doesn’t allow me to be taken in quite so
easily by rash tabloid promises of la
confiture, demain.
Allowing for a willing suspension of football disbelief, I
realise I may be leaping ahead of myself here, but I’m not sure if the
persistent rumours of a proposed return to Tyneside for Andy Carroll are
necessarily a good thing, despite his seeming return to form for a stuttering
West Ham whose idiot manager will only use a fraction of Carroll’s game by
insisting his team leather the ball in the direction of the striker’s head from
all angles and in all circumstances. With the team we now possess, a
traditional British style centre forward, though Carroll is far better than
that limiting description, is far too restrictive tactically for the way we
need to play, if we are to effectively utilise the ball skills and passing
strengths now prevalent throughout the team. Just look at the moves that lead
to the three goals on Saturday, or Sissoko’s pass to Cisse at Villa for the
opener; then believe. Imagine…
I don’t want to slag off Danny Graham for joining the
Mackems (I’m reserving my scorn for the permacrocked Keiron Dyer, who made his
debut for The Beasts as part of his “pay as you play” deal in a 4-0 hammering
at Ipswich last Saturday; ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha), in case he and they
come back to haunt me in mid-April. Incidentally, I am aware that at the moment
of writing, they are 2 points above us in the table, but I’m glad Danny Graham
didn’t sign for us, as his old fashioned target man role was more suited to the
desperate tactics signified by Simpson, Williamson and Krul inexpertly hoofing
the ball in the direction of Shola’s shoulders and shins that categorised all
that has been bad about Newcastle United this season and which has now been
consigned to la poubelle d’histoire.
Graham should fit in with O’Neill’s 4-4-2 straitjacket, though not too well I
hope.
In considering, the enormity of signing for them, I truly
hope Danny Graham knows what he has done and what he has potentially let
himself and his family in for; while the case of Lee Clark probably isn’t
relevant here, as a certain tee shirt afforded him redemption on Tyneside, there
are lessons to be learned from the careers of Don Hutchison (or Hucthison as
his shirt said in September 2002 when we crucified them 2-0), who is simultaneously
despised by both sets of fans and Michael Chopra, a player we remained utterly
indifferent to, but who provokes utter detestation among the ranks of the
unwashed. Chopra’s “crime” was to allegedly miss an easy chance to score a
winner for them against us in 2009. Newcastle fans, who saw Chopra’s regular
unsuccessful attempts to put the ball in the net, from his debut against
Manchester United in 2004 onwards, would scarcely countenance an element of
truth in such errant paranoia, but it’s Mackems we’re talking about here.
Consequently, Graham is required to uneasily tread a tightrope
of competing emotions. Score for them against us and he’s finished on Tyneside;
underachieve on Wearside or, worse, miss an opportunity against us and he’ll be
hated until the end of time by that lot. No doubt his social life has been
majorly curtailed by this transfer, but perhaps that may be a good thing, as
the recently publicised footage of a drunken Danny Simpson sprawled on a
Manchester street at 4 o’clock in the morning after an altercation in a
takeaway doesn’t do his image among potential suitors any good at all. However
as, of his own volition by turning down a contract and seemingly moving away
from the region to spend time with his uniquely talented musician lady friend,
like a kind of Z List Posh and Becks, he appears to have emotionally left the
club already; it doesn’t really seem to do Newcastle United any harm. Bizarrely
enough, on Saturday night Twitter had been awash with
initially unsubstantiated and eventually completely spurious accounts of Steven
Taylor getting a kicking in either Tynemouth or Whitley Bay; where do these
stories come from? What sort of person would countenance the idea of offering a
professional athlete, twenty or thirty years their junior, the chance to step
outside?
To return to the subject of our erstwhile right back, I don’t
think Simpson is good enough for our team and unless Debuchy gets injured I
doubt we’ll see him in the shirt again, but overall he’s not been a bad
signing, though I’d rather see the far more reliable and indeed likeable Ryan
Taylor as reserve full back. Danny Simpson’s attacker was 46 years of age
apparently, which makes me think two things; firstly what’s a bloke that age
doing out at 4 o’clock on a Sunday night? Secondly, Danny can’t be that handy
if a bloke twice his age gives him a hammering. That said, I had a few ales on
Friday night with a collection of immaculately attired gentlemen of a certain
vintage down the Coast, who meet under the banner of North Shields Fashion Central
and were absolutely first class company; I certainly wouldn’t take the mickey
out of their choice of socks. Candidly, I don’t think they rated my green
paisley shirt that much it has to be said. Although, I could have been dressed
far worse…
Perhaps the sort of person that goes out on the drink in the
middle of the night could end up like Paul Gascoigne, of whom yet more
depressing drink-fuelled, self-destructive stories have emerged. Without being
heartless, there comes a point when any sympathy one feels for the tortured
former legend is replaced by contempt at the endless failures to amend such
destructive behaviour and eventually boredom at the sheer, drab monotony of the
latest dismal revelations. I think I reached that point a long time ago with
Gascoigne.
I recently read Ruy Costa’s biography of Garrincha, a player
who could have been even more of a prototype for Gascoigne than George Best
was. Raised dirt poor in a dysfunctional family headed by an alcoholic tyrant,
preciously skilled and without any formal education, hopelessly naïve, badly
advised, unable to form meaningful personal relationships or to shed himself of
parasitic agents and friends from the wrong side of the tracks, Garrincha
repeatedly let down those who tried to help him or offered him escape routes
from his literal and metaphorical car crash of a life, that was above of all
marked by self-destructive drinking, before dying in his mid-40s. What struck
me as I read the book was how my initial sympathy for Garrincha was replaced
subsequently by contempt at his conduct and eventually by a sense of boredom at
the monotony of it all; frankly, someone should have given the book to
Gascoigne perhaps 20 years ago, or for definite when he moved to Glasgow and
things really began to spiral out of control.
I wasn’t on Pink Lane on Saturday night, but the atmosphere
was apparently decidedly moody, no doubt on account of the presence of a
considerable number of Scottish based supporters of Chelsea (that’s the old
style Got the time mate? Chelsea and
not the global brand overseen of Abramovich in case you’re wondering) who,
because of the boycott of the Scottish Cup game at Dundee United by Her Majesty’s
Team, had come to meet up with their blue brethren. It wasn’t a place for a
young man to be, much less an ageing one; fact is, if you weren’t at the Battle
of Bath Lane, there was no reason for you to be at the Pagger in Pink Lane.
Thank goodness Nile Ranger wasn’t around, as with his luck
and track record, he may have ended up in some kind of bother. If there’s one
player I worry about more than any other, it’s Ranger; recently arrested on
suspicion of rape, he has also had his car vandalised and now has to suffer the
effects of an on-line hate campaign, mainly on Twitter, that involves
intemperate abuse of anyone seeking to defend this wayward young man who, let
us not forget, is contracted to our club for another 3 years. The campaign has
ended up with a petition demanding a Newcastle United footballer be sacked by the
club we all support; surely this is not a constructive way to channel our
energies?
If you want positive role models and advice on how to
support the club in a totally positive way, in the continued absence of any
meaningful activities by NUST look no further than the
excellent set of people involved in both the superb Toon Talk fanzine and the
inclusive, broad-based supporter organisation, Utd4NUFC who put on a
road show about rail seats as a way forward towards safe standing, before the
Chelsea game. Because of time pressures at work, I’ve not been as active in Utd4NUFC
as I should have been of late; however, I strongly urge anyone who holds the
future of Newcastle United dear to their heart, especially Lee Marshall the
recently appointed Newcastle United Fans’ Liaison Officer to sit down and have
a cosy cuppa and a chat with Utd4NUFC. Perhaps, in view of recent
events at the club, we could all treat ourselves to a French Fancy or two, or
even five…
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