Wednesday, 22 December 2010

The Ministry of Silly Rules

(Bearing in mind that there's been no action involving Percy Main Amateurs since 6th November 2010, I thought I'd resurrect this unpublished piece from March 2009, which made it in to the Northern League Club's monthly bulletin "Northern Wisdom" in a modified form under the title "The Ministry of Truth," but never actually appeared in a PMA programme)

In George Orwell’s seminal novel 1984, the nightmare scenario of a pervasive state machine that controls every single element of a human’s life is frighteningly explored. Published in 1949, it is set in the eponymous year and focuses on a repressive, totalitarian regime. The story follows the life of one seemingly insignificant man, Winston Smith, a civil servant assigned the task of perpetuating the regime's propaganda by falsifying records and political literature. Smith grows disillusioned with his meagre existence and so begins a rebellion against the system that leads to his arrest and torture. The novel has become famous for its portrayal of pervasive government surveillance and control, and the state's increasing encroachment on the rights of the individual.

Winston Smith is employed by The Ministry of Truth, working in an enormous pyramidal structure of glittering white concrete rising 300 metres into the air, containing over 3000 rooms above ground. On the outside wall are the three slogans of the Party: "War is Peace," "Freedom is Slavery," "Ignorance is Strength." The Ministry of Truth is involved with news media, entertainment, the fine arts and educational books. Its purpose is to rewrite history and change the facts to fit party doctrine, for propaganda effect. Within the novel Orwell elaborates that the deeper reason for its existence is to maintain the illusion that the party is absolute. It cannot ever seem to change its mind (if, for instance, they perform one of their constant changes regarding enemies during war) or make a mistake (firing an official or making a grossly misjudged supply prediction), for that would imply weakness and to maintain power the party must seem eternally right and strong.

If the Ministry of Truth were in existence today, they would find themselves challenged by the Internet. They would by panic stricken by the lack of control they would have on information, such as announcements pertaining to the postponement of Northumberland FA Senior Benevolent Bowl games. However, their panic would be perhaps understandable if matters of opinion rather than fact were the issue. For example website owners would be worried if all their contributors were posting things such as the following, which alleged account of a former Black Cats player’s behaviour appeared on a sunderland message board a few years back -:

Novice Poster

Join Date: Feb 2005

Location: SUNDERLAND

Default


Well he’s always just bein an absolute prat, he started with drugs and one night when me and my friend were out we saw him and he started on my friend so I kicked off and then he tried to grope me when I went to the loo's, its a good job he was so gone cos I fought my way out and if he gets knocked over by a bus tomorrow i shall be happy

However, it has to be said such nonsense is a rare commodity in the cyber world. Often, the internet can provide valuable information at the touch of a button. For example, I’ll always be indebted to the Dutch newspaper Algemeen Dagblad’s English language site for their unique broaching of the subject of Patrick Kluivert’s departure from St. James’ Park -:

Kluivert definitively gone at Newcastle: Patrick Kluivert have got United of the club control of Newcastle that to hear its contract is not extended. Oranje topscorer aller tijde have not left behind the desired impression in United Kingdom. There are ready him already as much as enough clubs for. Now Kluivert can leave therefore transfervrij, he is a wanted player. AZ have already once to him geinformeerd but also Ajax are already connected with Kluivert. Also the Turkish top clubs Fenerbahce and Galatasaray gladly would incorporate him. They say be able meet both the salary requirements of the amsterdammer. Before Kluivert came to Newcastle, he played at Barcelona. Here he however no longer belonged to to game, because scoring him went not well more finished. For that he still played at REPORTING OFFICE Milan and he zat in the Ajax that in 1995, the Champions League conquered.

I believe that Valencia, PSV and Lille, who all gladly incorporated him, eventually came to similar conclusions about the Oranje topscorer and his inability to leave a desired impression in relation to his salary requirements. In all seriousness, surely no one could possibly see any harm, other than grammatically, in allowing the above information to leak out.

In the North East, information about football at our level and above is provided by the website www.nonleaguezone.com which is completely independent and completely unofficial. The moderators provide an information service and are completely opposed to any form of debate, deleting posts and accounts if anything controversial, such as criticisms of officials, players, clubs or committee members, is aired. It is most useful when used in conjunction with the Northern League postponements line (0191 385139). Without this, many supporters, players and officials would be left making long and wasted journeys to cancelled fixtures.

There is no such facility available for Northern Alliance fixtures. While the Alliance’s website is vastly improved and a source of information about fixture changes or altered kick off times well in advance, there is nothing available in the immediate pre match period. Until (some hope!) such a facility exists, the Alliance will continue to appear to be a league for participants rather than spectators, that views punters with suspicion and opposes change on principle.

I’ve no idea if Orwell had any affection for the beautiful game at Step 7, but if he were living now, he would possibly not compare the edict banning clubs from announcing postponements on www.nonleaguezone.com to the kind of behaviour adopted by Big Brother; instead, he’d probably find a more telling comparison with the surrealist nonsense of Monty Python’s Flying Circus in this crazy, bewildering instruction.

2 comments:

  1. (This is the other version)

    The Ministry of Truth?

    In George Orwell’s seminal novel 1984, the nightmare scenario of a pervasive state machine that controls every single element of a human’s life is frighteningly explored. Published in 1949, it is set in the eponymous year and focuses on a repressive, totalitarian regime. The story follows the life of one seemingly insignificant man, Winston Smith, a civil servant assigned the task of perpetuating the regime's propaganda by falsifying records and political literature. Smith grows disillusioned with his meagre existence and so begins a rebellion against the system that leads to his arrest and torture. The novel has become famous for its portrayal of pervasive government surveillance and control, and the state’s increasing encroachment on the rights of the individual.
    Winston Smith is employed by The Ministry of Truth, working in an enormous pyramidal structure of glittering white concrete rising 300 metres into the air, containing over 3000 rooms above ground. On the outside wall are the three slogans of the Party: "War is Peace," "Freedom is Slavery," "Ignorance is Strength." The Ministry of Truth is involved with news media, entertainment, the fine arts and educational books. Its purpose is to rewrite history and change the facts to fit party doctrine, for propaganda effect. Within the novel Orwell elaborates that the deeper reason for its existence is to maintain the illusion that the party is absolute. It cannot ever seem to change its mind (if, for instance, they perform one of their constant changes regarding enemies during war) or make a mistake (firing an official or making a grossly misjudged supply prediction), for that would imply weakness and to maintain power the party must seem eternally right and strong.
    If the Ministry of Truth were in existence today, they would find themselves challenged by the Internet. Certainly I wonder what they would make of the offer I received on February 14th -:

    “Greetings the Friend. I liked your structure on one of places for acquaintances, and I have made a decision to write to yours. I wish to speak at once to you, that I search for serious communications. I am 28 years and wish to find the one to experience a long and happy life. I very cheerful and at me am a good comic genre. I wish to find much unique love and the true partner in life. I want that you will write to me, and with pleasure I shall answer you. I shall wait your answer with impatience that you to not neglect my letter. It is thankful in advance, Alina.”

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  2. The Ministry of Truth may regard such comments as tantamount to sexcrime, but what would they say about football clubs passing on information about postponements on unofficial websites? Would they be panic stricken by the lack of control they would have in such instances and seek to ban this activity? It has to be said the internet can provide valuable information at the touch of a button. For example, I’ll always be indebted to the Dutch newspaper Algemeen Dagblad’s English language site for their unique broaching of the subject of Patrick Kluivert’s departure from St. James’ Park -:
    “Kluivert definitively gone at Newcastle: Patrick Kluivert have got United of the club control of Newcastle that to hear its contract is not extended. Oranje topscorer aller tijde have not left behind the desired impression in United Kingdom. There are ready him already as much as enough clubs for.

    Now Kluivert can leave therefore transfervrij, he is a wanted player. AZ have already once to him geinformeerd but also Ajax are already connected with Kluivert. Also the Turkish top clubs Fenerbahce and Galatasaray gladly would incorporate him. They say be able meet both the salary requirements of the amsterdammer.

    Before Kluivert came to Newcastle, he played at Barcelona. Here he however no longer belonged to to game, because scoring him went not well more finished. For that he still played at REPORTING OFFICE Milan and he zat in the Ajax that in 1995, the Champions League conquered.”
    I believe that Valencia, PSV and Lille, who all gladly incorporated him, eventually came to similar conclusions about the Oranje topscorer and his inability to leave a desired impression in relation to his salary requirements. In all seriousness, surely no one could possibly see any harm, other than grammatically, in allowing the above information to leak out.
    In fact, were it not for the independent and unofficial website and the www.nonleaguezone.com Northern League postponements line (0191 385139), I may well have taken Alina up on her offer on Valentine’s Day. Instead, I discovered the fact that Hebburn v Esh Winning was still on and was rewarded with a 9-goal thriller for my three quid. Without this phone line and (it has to be acknowledged) this unofficial website, many supporters, players and officials would be left making long and wasted journeys to cancelled fixtures. With it, Hebburn were rewarded with a bumper crowd (including Blyth Spartans manager Harry Dunn and Shildon’s man of letters Pete Sixsmith) that they would not ordinarily have had. Surprisingly, there is no such facility available for fixtures and postponements by feeder leagues.
    I’ve no idea if Orwell had any affection for the beautiful game at our level, but if he were living now, he would possibly not compare an instruction telling clubs they may not announce postponements on club websites and message boards to the kind of behaviour adopted by Big Brother; instead, he’d probably find a more telling comparison with the surrealist nonsense

    ReplyDelete