Concessionary Membership

My first cricket blog of the season with Tynemouth CC. Spoiler, includes excessively detailed accounts of my one innings (6) and one bowling spell (1/7)

April 19^th:

The opening weekend of the season saw Tynemouth CC win one game and lose two others. "A tough day at the office" were first team skipper Martin Pollard’s words after reflecting upon a disappointing start to the 2025 NEPL season, losing at home to Felling (230/7) by 55 runs, with the home side’s reply reaching a respectable 175/8. According to Pollard, "the use of the new ball in both innings was key. Bish ran in with great enthusiasm, but he admitted to feeling quite shocked at how cold he was, playing in his first game in England.” Tynemouth’s debutant pro struggled to find a good length although he was unlucky with a dropped catch off his bowling early doors which would have helped him settle. However, he ran in with enthusiasm and there will be much better days ahead for him.

Felling posted 230-7 off their 45 with the standout bowler being Fred Harrison (3/31), who was ably supported by Faisan Ghumman (2/31) and Dan McGee (1/38). In reply, Felling's bowled straight and full. "We got off to a slow start and lost wickets. Later, the ball softened, and Barry Stewart and Dan McGeee steadied the ship,” added Pollard. Stewart's 36 and McGhee's 50 were also backed up with an 8th wicket partnership from Jack Roys (16*) on debut and Bish (32*) whacked a few big ones, which would have cheered him up a bit.

The 2s travelled to the Village Ground in Whitburn and after winning the toss inserted the home side on what was described by team skipper Andrew Smith as "sporty!" The visitors got off to the best of starts with a wicket with the very first ball of the game by George Stewart, held by keeper Chris Fairley. This was to be the first of 5 for both as Stewart Junior ended up with 5 wickets for 25 runs and Fairley ended up with 5 catches. George was backed up by Neil Bennett with 3 for 8, as Whitburn were all out for 73.

Tynemouth's reply in some ways mirrored that of their hosts as they were 0 runs for 2 wickets when Paddy Hallam joined George Stewart at the crease. Captain Smith said, "George batted very sensibly while Paddy counterattacked, and the pair took the game away from the hosts in what should have been a routine run chase". Paddy departed for 27 with the score on 34-3 but no-longer interim Chair Andrew Lineham steadied the chase with 16* and George ended an excellent game for him with 24*.

The 3s fielded a very young side at home to South North, with only 3 of the team old enough to shave, but they stuck to their task well. A first senior cricket 5 wicket haul for Ollie Hiscott (5-24), ably supported by Noah Rae (4-17), including one blinding catch at square leg by the unretired ian cusack, restricted South North to 199 all out, which represented a great effort from all involved, who were captained superbly by Alosh Jose. Unfortunately, in reply we could only muster 73. Special mention goes to the Harlands; son Ben (19) was top scorer and dad Richard (10), played his part. There was also a glorious cameo by cusack, unaccountably promoted up the order, who contributed a pugnacious 6 and was left in the unique position of walking off the field by himself after his dismissal, rather than with all the other players.

Next week the 1s look to bounce back against Burnopfield Cricket Club, while the 2s hope to keep their momentum going at home to Gateshead Fell Cricket Club. The 3s will need to put out a more experienced side, one thinks, against Leadgate. Thankfully cusack is unavailable, choosing instead to take in Rangers v Hearts. For the avoidance of doubt, that is Cove Rangers against Kelty Hearts.

After thoughtful deliberation the cricket committee have come to a unanimous decision on this week's Player of The Week. Honourable mentions go to Dan McGee (1-38 and 50 runs) and Oliver Hiscott’s 5 wicket haul for the 3s. This week's winner is George Stewart with 5 wickets for 25 runs and 24* for the 2nds in their win against Whitburn. Well done George, who has also been selected for Durham Academy against Yorkshire Academy at Richmond CC.

Finally, Northumberland Women’s team began their Tier 3 campaign with a 6 wicket win over Herefordshire on Sunday, with our own Emily Whiting scoring an excellent 71* in the chase.

After the hip injury I picked up at Greenside on 17 August last year, I was adamant that I had retired. For a start, I limped for a couple of months and simply couldn’t use the treadmill at the gym until January. However, attending the club AGM brought it all back and, having been elected unopposed to write the weekly reports, I had a serious chat with Richy Hay. The compromise was I’d pay for Vice Patron membership (£60) and play when there was a crisis. Starting the season on Easter Saturday meant there was a crisis from the very beginning and so I put my name forward. The only problem was, we had a table booked for 7.30 for Chloe’s 21^st, so I had to spend a fortune on Ubers to tick all the required boxes, which meant I’d have to bat at 7, which was an astonishing turn of events. The week before I’d been to the opticians and discovered I needed a stronger lens for my right eye (as well as varifocal bins, but we’ll not mention those). Actually, it helped me see the ball, which is presumably why I held on to a well struck shot that was straight at me. I was able to follow the flight of the ball. Not only that, but I faced about 30 balls, partook in a partnership of 18 and astonishingly scored 6 runs. All singles. All on the posh side. Goodness, I loved being back out there and when the death rattle finally came after I’d missed a straight one, I shook hands with the bowler and nicked off early. I’ve never done that before and I’ll never do it again.  Leave early I mean. I’m intending to get my highest ever score this season, if selected. Three times I’ve made 6. Time to raise the bar.

 April 26^th:

The second Saturday of the season was a case of Groundhog Day as Tynemouth Cricket Club exactly replicated the results of the first weekend of the season, with the senior teams securing one win from 3 again.

The first XI lost away to Burnopfield Cricket Club, about which result Skipper Martin Pollard commented: "It was always going to be a tough assignment against a strong Burnopfield team. Sounds a bit odd to say after going for 300, but the bowling and fielding effort was excellent. Good to see Bish Konthoujam looking more at home this week, while Barry Stewart and Dan McGee also bowled well.”

Burnopfield posted 300/4 from their 45 overs, Bish was the pick of the bowlers who at one stage had bowled 5 overs for 5 runs but did not have much luck.  Burnopfield’s innings was anchored by John Oswell’s aggressive 157. Martin went on to say “John Oswell is a destructive player, scoring 120 of his 150 odd in boundaries alone. We're not the first team to find him tough to bowl at, and especially so with a wind assisted, short boundary on a flat wicket, and we kept going. At half time the visitors knew 300 was a tough ask but were upbeat and determined. “I was probably a bit more disappointed with the batting effort; 300 is a lot to get of course, but we felt it was doable at half time. But with a few too many soft dismissals, and people getting in but not going on to get big scores, we fell short.” Matthew Brown was the top scorer with 45, but Tynemouth lost by 122 runs. “I definitely think we could have made a better fist of it, and certainly got a lot closer, and that's an area to improve on in the weeks ahead.”

There was some better news as regards the 2s, who made it 2 from 2 with a win against Gateshead Fell Cricket Club 2nd Xl. Captain Andrew Smith said: “it’s been a great to start the season with two wins out of two and we move onto a tough fixture with Newcastle next week with confidence.”  After having to move to a different wicket amid fears of the original one being too close to the pavilion Andrew remarked, “we were not at our best with the new ball, but Hay and Stewart managed a wicket a piece.” The introduction of spin was key to dragging the game back in Tynemouth’s favour. Smith returned 3-16 off 9 and Andrew Davison bowled well (6-26-0), before Koen and Bennett returned to emphatically clean up the tail.

Fairley and Stewart, with an excellent opening partnership of 96, set the platform for the chase. Smith and Stewart took Tynemouth within 28 of target with 12 overs to spare before both fell in quick succession and a mini collapse ensued. “We scrambled home in the end for what was a far less comfortable win than it should have been.” Top scorer was George Stewart with a match winning 82.

Another very young 3s team stuck to the task well at Leadgate Cricket Club. Batting first Tynemouth posted 167-7 from their allotted 40 overs, which saw them claim full batting points. The mainstay of the innings was a fine 90 from Anthony Turner. Leadgate chased this down for the loss of 3 wickets, 1 apiece for Emily Whiting, Dan Storey and Noah Rae.

Next week the 1s are at home and the 2s are away both against Newcastle Cricket Club. The 3s are home to Monkseaton in the local “El Coastico” derby.

The Academy, or Sunday 3s, started their programme on 27^th April away to B(o)urnmoor. Having restricted the home side to 208/7 from 35 overs, with Noah Rae (4/37) continuing his outstanding form with the ball, Tynemouth fell agonisingly short, closing on 182, with Rae adding an excellent 16*, though this was behind stellar efforts from Patrick Hallam (60) and the ubiquitous George Stewart (36).

I wasn’t around this week, having already booked a trip to Cove Rangers v Kelty Hearts. A decent, if functional ground, while the same could be said of the 2-2 draw that I blogged about here -: https://payaso-de-mierda.blogspot.com/2025/04/hearty-celts.html

May 3^rd:

The third weekend of the 2025 season saw a couple of excellent wins for Tynemouth Cricket Club, including one incredible individual performance that will be talked about for years to come, of which more later. Suffice to say, the Player of the Week accolade has been claimed by the same precocious talent yet again.

Firstly, Tynemouth CC first XI absolutely decimated Newcastle at Preston Avenue on Saturday. Batting first, the home side amassed an awesome 295 all out from their 45 overs. The top scorer was Matty Brown (81), with other excellent contributions from Robbie Bowman (62) and both openers; Matthew Kimmitt (34) and Ben Debenham (27), while Freddy Harrison contributed a useful 21. Newcastle were dismissed for 167 in 37.2 overs, leaving the home side victorious by a thumping 128 runs. Star performer with the ball was pro Bishworjit Konthoujam (6.2-1-15-4), who really kickstarted his Croons career in style. However, he was backed up by his colleagues in impressive fashion; Barry Stewart (2/21), Matty Brown (2/31) and a typically parsimonious skipper’s performance by Martin Pollard (7-2-16-1), all helped to make in a superb day in the sun at Preston Avenue.

In the reverse fixture, Tynemouth 2s lost out by 21 runs. Bowling first, they saw Newcastle 2s post 215/8, with skipper Andrew Smith (2/28), Neil Bennett (2/42) and Andrew Davison (2/52) all returning useful spells. With the bat, Tynemouth 2s made 194 all out, with Zack Larner (50) top scoring and Patrick Hallam (41) leading the way. Sadly, they just fell short.

The Saturday 3s, again with a scratch, greenhorn selection lost the local derby against Monkseaton first team. The visitors batted first, posting an imposing 215/4, with Lewis Gault (2/28) the pick of the bowlers. Gault (28) was also the best of the batters, though praise must also go to young Will Bogg (12) and the rapidly maturing Adam Blake (10) for helping the team achieve a batting point for their 84 all out. Stick at it, young’uns and not so young’uns, better days lie ahead.

Sunday saw the NEPL 3s record a 39 run victory over Ashington Academy. Batting first, Tynemouth made 235/5, with George Stewart (180*) contributing an incredible knock, hitting 5 maximums and 23 boundaries from 125 balls. Ashington made a good fist of their reply, eventually ending on 194, with Dan Watt claiming 2 wickets. Well done to all who played, but especial praise to George for a fabulous innings.

Again, I wasn’t at this one, having decided to do a reverse Balderstone and see the football season out with Percy Main. In our last game of 2024/2025, we lost unluckily at home, 2-1 to Wallington, which meant we finished rock bottom of the Northern Alliance Premier Division. Oh well; the promotion drive starts now…

May 10^th:

A disappointing weekend for Tynemouth CC saw only one of the four senior sides claiming victory, as the performances failed to match the glorious weather. Tynemouth CC first XI lost at home to Castle Eden by 48 runs. The visitors batted first and posted 234/9 from their 45 overs. Tynemouth in reply managed 186 all out from 43.2 overs. Unfortunately, with no scorecards available on line, that is all I am able to say about the game as I wasn’t present.

The 2s made the reverse journey to Parklands and fared somewhat better, winning a close game by 13 runs. Batting first, Tynemouth were indebted to skipper Andrew Smith’s 30, especially as he came in at the top of the order. After his dismissal, Andrew Lineham (54) and Patrick Hallam (46) made significant contributions that were built on by an unbroken 43-run partnership by Andrew Davison (23*) and Josh Koen (21*), which saw Tynemouth close on 213-6. In response, Castle Eden were dismissed for exactly 200, with Smith (9-1-25-3) excellent again and ably supported by Lewis Hurst (5-1-9-3), while others were slightly less economical with their bowling.

The Saturday 3s had played their Dr Tom Barlow Memorial Cup tie on the main pitch at Preston Avenue on Thursday, losing to Blagdon Park 2s by 24 runs. Blagdon Park made 167-5, with Noah Rae (4-30) singlehandedly defying their batters. In response, Anthony Turner (62) and Paul Hurst (51*) showed age and guile always wins out over youth, innocence and a bad haircut, taking Tynemouth to an impressive 143-3 from their 20 overs. On Saturday, they played an away fixture against the Civil Service. While the HMRC and DWP are moving from their NE12 bases in Tyne View Park and Benton Park View to custom-built offices in the city centre in the next couple of years, their cricket side have gone further afield. With Heaton Medicals unavailable, the location of Norton was the destination for Saturday’s game. Batting first, Tynemouth made 124, with Richard Harland (20) and Alosh Jose (18) the pic of the batters. Sadly, Civil Service knocked off the required runs in 23 overs for the loss of only one wicket.

The Sunday 3s had returned for a Banks Cup tie to Ashington, scene of George Stewart’s fabulous 180*, which has been confirmed as the highest individual score by any Tynemouth player in the digital era, on Tuesday. They won again, by 24 runs, and George helped himself to another half century. Zach Larner (39) and Marcus Turner (22) also helped to post a highly competitive 151-4 from 20 overs. In response, Ashington were all out 127, with Archie Goel (4-30), Patrick Hallam (2-15) and that lad Stewart (2-18) doing the damage. Sadly, on Sunday they lost by 1 wicket away to Sunderland. Great knocks by Will Bogg (42), Ollie Hiscott (30), Sean Aditjandra (29), Finn Larner (24) and Ben Harland (23), forming part of a total of 163-8 just weren’t enough to get Tynemouth over the line.

Hopefully better luck next week for all players and more of a round-up of the 1s game in this report.

This week I was rehearsing with the Scratch & Reflect Orchestra, which precluded me from any away travel with either the 1s or the 3s. Instead, as John was over from Ireland for the Chelsea game, we took in the last game of the Northern Alliance season; West Moor and Jesmond 3 Wallington 3. Bloody good fun it was too.

May 17^th:

Unfortunately, the weekend of May 16^th to 18^th provided very little positive news for Tynemouth Cricket Club. Things began brightly enough with the first XI successful in their Friday night visit to Whitburn in the NEPL T20 group stages. Batting first, Tynemouth posted an impressive 182-4, with notable contributions from Robbie Bowman (63), Matt Kimmitt (39) and an unbeaten father and son partnership from the Stewarts. Dad Barry was 20* and son George 27*. In reply, Whitburn reached 148-8, with star bowling performances by Richard Stanyon (3-29) and Andrew Smith (3-37). Sadly, this encouraging form could not be transferred over until the Saturday, as hosts Chester le Street squeaked home by 2 wickets with 2 balls to spare. Batting first, Tynemouth amassed 198-5 from their 45 overs, with the star performers being Kimmitt (64) and Stan MacAlinden (50). In reply, Chester le Street thwarted the best efforts of Smith (3-44), Bishworjit Konthoujam (2-26) and Stewart senior (2-32) to frustratingly edge a tight, competitive match.

Sadly, the 2s home reverse at the hands of Chester le Street’s 2 was a less than competitive affair. Batting first, the visitors cracked 330-4 from their 45 overs, though credit should go to Patrick Hallam (2-43) for a determined effort with the ball. In reply, the home side made 200-6 in their 45 overs. Steady progress not being enough to overhaul such a difficult target. Full marks to Marcus Turner (71) and Josh Koen (67) for giving it their best shot.

The Saturday 3s had their game delayed by a day because of pitch availability issues and had the chance to play on the front pitch. It proved a mixed blessing, as a rampant Newcastle 3s piled up a daunting 399-1 from their 40 overs. In reply, Tynemouth 3s used up 37 overs and collected full batting points, being dismissed for 165. Plaudits go to George Bogg (60) for an innings that anchored the team’s efforts, with some good support from Cameron Donachie (18), Arthur King (14) and Adam Blake (12*). These young lads deserve all our thanks and support for turning out, sometimes twice in a day, and representing the club with such distinction against almost insurmountable odds. Let’s hope for brighter days ahead.

A final rehearsal for our Scratch & Reflect Ensemble before our live performance (which I blogged about here -: https://payaso-de-mierda.blogspot.com/2025/06/cusack-serves-imperialism.html ) saw me return from Bensham to a seat on the sofa for the FA Cup final. Sadly, my services weren’t required for the 3s which, bearing in mind the result, was probably just as well.

May 24^th:

The week of Saturday 24^th May began for Tynemouth CC first XI with a Tyneside Charity Bowl round 1 tie away to Bates Cottages on the Wednesday. Batting first, Tynemouth compiled 120-8, which was almost entirely due to Indian professional Bishworjit Konthoujam hitting 70. The next highest scorer was Joe Snowdon (13). However, this proved to be enough as Konthoujam proved to be as effective with the ball (3-2-3-3) as he did with the bat, though top marks in the field go to Andrew Smith, whose excellent spell of 5-0-27-5 proved to be the difference between the sides. In the next round, Tynemouth will be away to Bedlington on Wednesday 11^th June.

On Friday night, the first team were in action again. This time, away to Newcastle in an NEPL T20 group match. Having both won their opening fixtures against Whitburn and Gateshead Fell, it was widely assumed that this would be the decisive group game in terms of who went through to the quarter finals. In front of a large crowd of Pimms quaffing, boisterous varsity types, Tynemouth batted first and were dismissed for 131 in 18.5 overs, which seemed perhaps 20 too few on the generally glorious Jesmond wicket. Notable contributions came from Matt Kimmitt (30), the seemingly unretired Phil Morse (29) and captain Robbie Bowman, whose 21 included 3 splendid 6s into the graveyard. Any doubts as to the vulnerability of the total were swept away by an excellent performance in the field that saw Newcastle skittled for 108, with the bronzed Adonis Matty Brown (3.5-0-25-3), who also took four catches including a caught and bowled, leading the way, supported by an excellent spell from Konthoujam (3-1-7-2). If Tynemouth beat Gateshead Fell at Preston Avenue on Friday 30^th May, their progress to the next round will be assured.

Saturday’s NEPL fixture away to the perennially impressive B(o)urnmoor proved to be a more exacting test of Tynemouth’s batting credentials. Batting first for the third time in a week, this time was definitely a case of not getting enough runs on the board, though it must be said in the face of consistent bowling and excellent fielding that made scoring runs an arduous task on the daisy friendly, pastoral outfield. On a day notably missing the tang of anthracite from adjacent home fires burning, Tynemouth amassed 160/9 from 45 overs. Things began promisingly, if slowly, with Faizan Ghumman (34) and Stan MacAlindon (24) providing a solid foundation with an opening partnership of 60. Sadly, subsequently only Matty Brown (29) showed any inclination to get on top of the bowlers. A word of praise to for 14-year-old George Stewart (15*) who made a useful contribution at the end of the innings.

In reply, B(o)urnmoor eventually made it home by 4 wickets with almost 14 spare overs, though it wasn’t a cakewalk for them. Bish, as we’ll call him from now on in these missives, bowled beautifully in his opening spell, taking the first two wickets to fall, and eventually returning figures of 9-1-27-2. Unfortunately, Tynemouth were not able to build on this promising opening and a partnership of 90 between Pringle (56) and Greenwell (55) took the game away from Tynemouth, though Matty Brown provided a sting in the tail, taking the last 4 wickets to fall, though sadly it wasn’t enough to give Tynemouth anything other than consolation bowling points. Next week, we are away for the third weekend in a row; this time to Ashington, in the returning of win / draw / lose cricket in white clothing.

Unavailability bedevilled the club this weekend, with 37 players opting out of playing. As a result the Saturday 3s were forced to concede to Belsay. The 2s fielded a much changed team at home to Tynedale and lost by 7 wickets to Tynedale. Batting first, the home side could only make 136, with Marcus Turner (45) and Andrew Linehan (20) doing most of the scoring. In response, Tynedale knocked the required runs off in under 28 overs. Let’s hope for a better availability across the club for next week. Finally, the Sunday 3s lost by 40 runs to their counterparts from Burnopfield, who batted first and made 216. In reply Tynemouth were 176 all out.

Finally, after 4 weeks away from my beloved club, I got back in the thick of it. Not on a playing side, as the Saturday 3s conceded against Belsay. To be honest, with over 40 players unavailable, it would have been me alone against them. Seriously. Equally seriously, I was almost called up for the 2s, but not being NEPL registered meant I couldn’t be used. I did, however, have a bloody great Friday night at Jesmond, watching a superb performance in the T20. Saturday saw us well and truly beaten by an excellent B(o)urnmoor side, but it was still great to be back amongst as part of the TCC Ultras with Brian, Di, Hallaz, Liz, Peter and Vince, as well as Sean, who came fresh from training. He wisely avoided the clubhouse where a load of raucous Mackems were celebrating their unexpected play-off victory.

May 31^st:

The last weekend in May was something of a curate’s egg for Tynemouth Cricket Club. Starting off on the Friday night, the first XI for the crucial NEPL T20 group match against Gateshead Fell was not the strongest side the club could have selected by a long chalk, but it was the strongest available. Sadly, they proved no match for the visitors from the division below, who secured a rather too comfortable 9 wicket win, which has eliminated Tynemouth from the competition. Batting first, in front of a large crowd on a gloriously sunny evening, Tynemouth subsided to 99 all out from their 20 overs. Gateshead Fell reached 102/1 from 14.2 overs, completing a comprehensive thrashing on the way.

 

Following such a mauling, the away fixture at Ashington, the first to be played over 110 overs, in white clothing and in the win / draw / lose format, was one to be approached with trepidation. The forecast glorious weather didn’t quite show up. Temperatures were warm and the atmosphere humid, though the day remained overcast with a strong breeze gusting across the ground. The home side batted first and made a steady start through Jacks Jessop and McCarthy. It was a pleasure to finally see Stan McAlindon bowl an extended spell for the club, sending down 10 overs for 46. Hopefully we’ll see more of him in future. Ashington’s score was anchored by Ben Harmison (73), but the Colliers were never fully in control. Bish (15-4-49-2) bowled beautifully as ever, while Matty Brown (7-1-38-1) took the prime scalp of the pro Avishka Perera for a single. The experienced off spin of skipper Martin Pollard (15-2-44-3) and his dauphin Andrew Smith (7-0-33-2) were key reasons why Ashington made only 220-8 from 54 before declaring.

This was a very enticing total and, despite losing Ben Debnam early to a snick to slip, Faizan Ghumann (56), before he ran himself out, and McAlindon (74*) made a convincing effort at taking the game away from Ashington. This job was completed by Brown (86*) who smashed the ball to all parts of Langwell Crescent, ensuring that Tynemouth came home by 8 wickets with 4 overs to spare and that your correspondent was able to make an earlier train from the adjacent reopened Ashington Station. This was an excellent all round performance. We batted, bowled and fielded well. Spare a thought though for Kimmitt senior, who travelled up from Derbyshire to see his sone get a first baller on Friday night and not be required to bat on Saturday.

Meanwhile, the curse of unavailability bedevilled both the 2s and the 3s. The latter were forced to concede for the second successive week, as only 8 hardy souls were prepared to play. The main cause of this, as well as unavailability, was a spate of injuries that had caused several promotions. Hence the 2s were not at their strongest, being dismissed for 65 and then seeing Ashington knock off the runs required for the loss of 2 wickets, taken by Lewis Hurst and Rohan George.

The Sunday 3s had a good win. Batting first against Felling they made 155/7, with Ben Harland (57) and Finn Larner (42) sparkling with the bat. In reply, Felling were skittled for 83, mainly thanks to an impressive 4/13 by George Stewart.

Performance wise, the T20 against Gateshead Fell was bloody awful, with unavailability ruining our chances of qualifying for the quarter finals. Even worse news was of the effects of injuries meaning we only had 9 for the Saturday 3s, so another concession it was. At least I got up to see the 1s score a great win over Ashington, with Steve Harmison and Mark Wood as interested on-lookers, before finally taking a train to town from the station opposite the ground. A much better day than it could have been.

June 7^th:

Saturday 7^th June proved to be an eminently frustrating one, as all 3 Tynemouth senior sides had potential victories wrested from them by the intervention of heavy rain. Although not of the forecast Biblical variety that had threatened an absolute wash-out of all cricket, the rain was an intermittently persistent irritant that caused anguish at all levels. Immediately, we must pay thanks to Paul Jackson who did an astonishing job to get the game on, assisted by players and spectators who all lent a hand.

Tynemouth first XI played host to bottom of the table Sunderland and harboured hopes of a positive result. Certainly this game saw an upturn in fortunes for Matt Kimmitt (61), who enjoyed a fruitful knock, free from the inhibiting presence of quizzical family onlookers. Kimmitt top scored in a Tynemouth total of 161/5 declared from 30.2 overs. The effect of a rain break had reduced the game from 110 to 73 overs, which encouraged captain Martin Pollard to make such a positive move. Firstly, it took the possibility of a losing draw out of the equation for the home side and was generous enough to encourage attacking playing from the visitors, while giving Tynemouth the maximum possible time to take the wickets required for victory. Initially, it seemed as if Tynemouth were on course for a routine win as Sunderland slipped to 27/3, including a duck for the returning Shamsur Oraikhil. However, a dogged counterattacking knock by stalwart Greg Applegarth (68) and a supporting one from Sam Baldwin (48) saw Sunderland seemingly on course for an unlikely victory, until both fell and a flurry of wickets saw Sunderland end their innings on 140/7. Notable bowling performances included Bish (3/21), Sean Longstaff (2/43) and wickets for both Matt Brown and the skipper.

The 2s had a Wearside double header this weekend. On Friday night, the travelled to Whitburn for what was a combined delayed 2024 final of the Roseworth Trophy and the first round of the 2025 competition. Tynemouth prevailed at this most charming of grounds, by a margin of 7 wickets. The home side batted first and made 144/8 from their 20 overs, with Andrew Smith (3/21), the returning happy wanderer Dan McGhee (2/11) and George Stewart (2/28) playing significant roles in making the target a reasonable one. Indeed the runs were knocked off with a couple of overs to spare, courtesy of a great opening partnership of 75 by Stewart (56) and McGhee (35), with excellent supporting knock by Zach Larner (30*).

On Saturday, the 2s travelled to Ashbrooke for the reverse fixture against Sunderland, but the cursed heavy rain forced a curtailment of proceedings with the home side 107/7 after 37 overs. Plaudits go to Andrew Davison (2/14) and Birthday Boy Richard Hay (2/34) in what was an ultimately frustrating afternoon.

Frustration verging on anguish would be the best way to describe the feelings of the Saturday 3s. Elated to get a full team out, with almost as many adults as youngsters playing, they travelled up in the hills to Annfield Plain’s wonderful Enterprise Park, where the welcome was as warm and the opponents as sporting as is usually the case in those parts. Winning the toss, captain Anthony Turner opted to bowl and was rewarded by an absolute sparkling opening spell by Ollie Hiscott (5-2-5-4). Bowling first change, Sean Aditjandra (4-0-11-2) proved an elusive prospect for the home batters, while young Archie Goel (3.4-0-16-2) as well as a brilliant tumbling catch, had Annfield Plain in no end of difficulties. Sadly, the second prolonged rain intervention meant proceedings were curtailed after 18.4 overs. As the minimum required 20 overs had not been bowled, the only possible result was an abandonment, which was extremely tough on the 3s who had bowled and fielded admirably, leaving Annfield Plain in the parlous position of 62/9. This game finally saw some rewards for all the sterling efforts made by the side in the face of great and continuing adversity. Well done to all who took part, including the corpulent pensioner at square leg.

The Sunday 3s were at home to Tynedale. Featuring several young tyros who had distinguished themselves so admirably the day before, Tynemouth won by 95 runs. The home side batted first, posting 206/4, with George Stewart (52 retired), Finn Larner (44*), Will Bogg (36) and Arthur King (25*) all making excellent contributions. In reply, Tynedale were dismissed for 111, with Oliver Hiscott (3/16) returning his second superb analysis in successive days. Well done lads!!

As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t initially pay a full playing membership for the club this season, as I thought I’d pretty much retired. However needs must and so, in order to be considered for this one, I stumped up the extra £120 and promptly got selected for the away fixture at Annfield Plain. I like the club, and I like the ground. I like the teas even more. Just a shame we had to have them so early as the deluge from the sky washed out any hope of play, after our young tyros had managed such an incredible job of reducing them to 62/9. Although, one wonders if we could have made the total if Bunsen or Sean A had got out cheaply. Anyway, just as we left, the clouds parted, and warm sunshine made steam rise from the sodden outfield as we made our way back home. This was definitely the one that got away.

June 14^th:

The week ending Sunday 15^th June saw a mixed bag of results for Tynemouth Cricket Club. The week began with a loss for a scratch First XI away to Bedlington in the Tyneside Charity Bowl. The home side batted first and amassed 142/7, having lost their last wicket with 75 on the board. The wickets were shared around, with Richy Hay, Dan McGhee and Matthew Kimmitt, bowling for the first time since schooldays apparently, taking two each. In reply, Tynemouth made 125/9, but the umpires prevented Bish from batting because of concussion protocols after he’d suffered a slight cut to the side of his head from his glasses breaking. Hence, with 18 needed from 8 balls, the came to an unsatisfactory halt. Chad Koen (37) top scored, with good support from Patrick Hallam (27).

On Saturday, a much changed First XI travelled to Hetton Lyons and registered 246/6, with Matty Brown (104) leading the charge, with notable assistance from Faizan Ghumann (53), Stan McAlindon (35*) and Matt Kimmitt (34).  Unfortunately, Tynemouth could not bowl the home side out and they ended on 191/7, mainly on accounting of an unbroken 9^th wicket stand of 90. Bowling plaudits go to that man Brown (3/32) and Bish (3/53).

The 2s had an excellent NEPL T20 round 2 win away to Sunderland on Friday night. Having restricted the home side to 120/8, with Rohan George (2/10) and Andrew Davison (2/25) playing key roles with the ball, they knocked off the runs required in 13 overs. Davison (21*) was handy with the bat as well, though second fiddle to another great knock by George Stewart (54*).

On Saturday, the 2s hosted Hetton Lyons in a rain affected game. Like the 1s they recorded a winning draw. Hetton batted first, making 180/3 from 42 overs. After a lengthy rain delay, Tynemouth managed 159/8 from 37 overs, which because of the labyrinthine complexities of the scoring system was enough to secure a winning draw. Andrew Linehan (53*) top scored, with notable support from Josh Koen (39) and Patrick Hallam (27).

The Saturday 3s also had a rain affected 10-a-side game at home to Cowgate 2s. The visitors batted first, compiling 220/7 from 32 overs, when a Biblical cloudburst drove the players off the field and for an early tea, at which point Cowgate declared. The young bowlers were in their pomp again, with Noah Rae bagging three victims and Oliver Hiscott two. There was even a wicket for the ageless non-spinning off spinner ian cusack, who delivered successive wides and then, bowling to his field, saw success courtesy of a brilliant, tumbling catch at deep forward long on by Cameron Donachie. There’ll be in a pint in it for him when he turns 18, if cusack is still extant then.

There are no such things as winning or losing draws in the NTCL D5 Central, though the Saturday 3s staked an argument for such a development, inching towards a glacially paced 52/6 from their 32 overs, with Sean Aditjandra (13) contributing most, with an innings that was flamboyant in the context of the Tynemouth reply. The Sunday 3s (161/7) lost by 23 runs to Burnopfield (184/6), despite solid knocks from Aditjandra (43*), Stewart (36) and Hallam (33).

Considering the forecast, I’m amazed we had a game, though the ground dried remarkably quickly after the downpour. My arthritic right shoulder hampers my bowling, to the extent I can’t get enough movement in my shoulder to spin the ball properly. All I tried to do was put it outside off stump and, after 2 dismal wides, I enticed a batter into a wild slog across the line. A yard further and it was 6, but young Cameron took an absolutely brilliant catch. This was my first wicket since I turned 60 and if it is my last, I’ll be happy with figures of 1/7 for the season. We never stood a chance of getting the runs, but fair play to the young lads for not throwing their wickets away and thus preventing me from showing myself up in the middle.

The Transfer Window Never Opens Round Here

Today is Blaydon Races Day, so here's a blog about Newcastle United -:

No doubt you’ll all remember Arab Strap’s gloriously sardonic debut album The Week Never Starts Round Here. Very cutting, very amusing but, having spent a bit of time in Falkirk, really rather unfair. However, having already booked midweek trips to Inverness Caledonian Thistle at home to Elgin City on July 15^th and East Kilbride v Caley the week after, as well as sitting through the desperate last few minutes of England’s heroic 1-0 away win against the might of Andorra (only because the rain washed out Tynemouth 3s trip to Annfield Plain where we had their 2s 62/9 after 18 overs), I can safely say the Close Season Never Starts Round Here.

Indeed, as you’ve probably noticed, the summer transfer window is now open, presumably to speed up the acquisitional needs of Man City and Real Madrid before a tournament called the Club World Championships, or something, which is being played at a location I’m unsure of and a time that doesn’t interest me. My sole football concern, rather than Percy Main’s imminent attempt to win promotion back to the Alliance Premier Division next season, is the fate of Newcastle United. I suppose I should have blogged about the club the moment the Premier League ground to a halt, but like that sagacious philosopher Thumper, I was always taught that "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.” A fortnight on and I find myself in the same situation. Hence, I will now graciously give a full account of the departing Jamaal Lewis’s positive contributions to NUFC over the past five years…

Anyway, the hurried departure of the apparently deeply unpopular (with Eddy Howe supposedly) and singularly unsuccessful (by any unit of measurement) Paul Mitchell from his role of Head of Player Recruitment has now, according to those in the know, made it easier for PIF, freed from the shackles of PSR, to lavish their bountiful reserves of cash on an infinite number of players, who aren’t called Bryan Mbeumo or Liam Delap. Already we’ve been delighted by the news that Mark Gillespie (who can forget his penalty save against Spurs in Australia last summer or his confident display between the sticks at Newport in 2020?) has had another year’s deal offered, taking him 60% of the way to a testimonial. Not only that, but the club are in talks with vital third choice custodian John Ruddy about giving him a few bob to sit on the bench when we’re short. The news that Tim Krul, after a few years away finding himself by travelling to the likes of Brighton, Norwich and Luton, is also about to take a cosy perch pitchside on Euro aways, on account of his status as an academy player who played out of his skin in Palermo under Glenn Roeder two decades ago when even Luque scored, proves you need at least 6 keepers in this day and age. Well we do have a triumvirate of captains at the current time, so you can’t be too careful. Then again, the seeming disappearance of Odysseas Vlachodimos (what a great use of £20m he was; almost as much of a scandal as Juve stumping up the same dosh for the legendary Lloyd Kelly) could suggest he’s either been abducted by aliens or was just a figment of the PIF’s imagination, invented to circumvent last season’s unpleasant brush with PSR.

Forgive my cynicism, as I haven’t even got round to mentioning Callum Wilson, whose appearances last season combined the speed of Mark McGhee and the girth of Micky Quinn at the tail end of the 1990/1991 season. Apparently we’re in talks with him about another year’s deal. Good idea if his role in standing around in an orange, fluorescent coat and letting punters out for a vape from the East Stand at half time. If it involves playing, I’d be incandescent. How on earth this makes Will Osula feel the Lord alone knows. Actually, young Will probably doesn’t realise the season is over and is still having a daft play in the showers after the Everton game, using empty Lynx bottles as water pistols to squirt the rest of the lads.

Being serious, we have signed 18-year old right winger Antonio Cordero from Malaga. I remember back in 2014 when news of Ayoze Perez’s arrival was greeted in some quarters with the same level of grief and anguish that Macduff displayed when learning of his family’s murder in The Scotch Play. They were wrong then, as Ayoze was a fine, fine player who was never appreciated by our support and continues to have a distinguished career in Spain to this day. Perhaps young Antonio will emulate him, but I can’t see him making the first team squad as quickly as Perez did. Times have changed over the last decade and a bit. Not in terms of communication from the club hierarchy to the ordinary punter, but you get what I’m saying.

What has put me in such a bad fettle regarding the club? I know I’m sounding like a True Faith curmudgeon, but I was just so underwhelmed by our limp end to the season that I’m struggling to raise even two cheers about getting into the Champions League, even if we’ll pocket the thick end of £100m quid. Alright, last campaign we did something I never thought I’d see in my life, we won a cup. It changed the club, it changed the support, and I thought it had changed me forever. Remember, I’m the one who insists we’ve won two European trophies (and here’s to Scotty Parker with the Inter Toto Cup in his hands), so I should be so immensely grateful that I’d never complain again and I’m not. Really, I’m not. Incidentally I do accept that Crystal Palace’s victory in the FA Cup final was of greater magnitude than our achievement, as they’d never won anything (ZDS Cup excepted) in their history. The hill I will die on is that our victory in the Carabou Cup was a greater feat than Spurs claiming the Europa League, on account of the difficult route we had to negotiate to do so.

But I honestly believe we could, and perhaps should, have finished second in the Premier League. Those final pair of lacklustre defeats to Arsenal and then Everton cost us big time, even if 5^th is no disgrace. In the former fixture, we missed a load of chances in the opening half then saw the game run away from us and we simply failed to show up against Everton. The fact we still qualified for the Champions League at the expense of Villa, who were robbed blind at Old Trafford, will never fail to make me smirk. When their big wage earners are sold cut price now they no longer have CL cash to bathe in and Emery bails out for a Saudi sinecure, claiming his hands are tied by financial restrictions, I will laugh uproariously. May 24^th, 2009 is a long time ago, but I’ll never forget their fans’ conduct that day. I’ll consequently never have a good word to say about them. Childish? Vindictive? Yes, but I don’t care.

So, how did we get here? I last blogged after we’d taken Palace to pieces back in mid-April. That was a fun night, and also the last of the 3 games I managed at SJP in the season just ended; Bromley and Brentford were the others. I made no effort to get an Ipswich ticket as I was up in Aberdeen that day, watching Cove Rangers 2 Kelty Hearts 2, which I’ve written about elsewhere. I knew Ipswich would sell their full allocation, on account of making the most of their season in the big time. I rate their manager; there’s the Bobby Robson connection and I truly hope they bounce back. What this game showed me was the NUFC membership scheme was not fit for purpose. For £45 you get the chance to apply for a ticket, and if you’re successful in the ballot, everything in the garden is rosy. However, there’s no guarantee you’ll get one. In fact, my Ben only managed to get one all season at that was for Bromley. Not a single league game. John in Ireland, and his son Ciaran, only managed to get tickets for midweek games (Brentford and Palace; cheers lads), managing to get to the games they flew over for via helpful fellow Irish mags who religiously applied for every game, whether they intended going, or not. Then again, so did Ben, John and Ciaran, without success. What are the odds on this terrible lack of luck? Is the process completely transparent and honest? I have my doubts. Also, what happens next season if the same scheme operates, but another 15,000 sign up for it on the back of our achievements. The tiny odds on winning the raffle for a spot in Level 7 next to some moaning bastard who fucks off with 15 minutes to go are now astronomically small. This is the sort of thing I’d like to see the club address, as I’m not the only one who thinks the scheme stinks.

As for the actual Ipswich game, the best news was seeing Howe back on the bench after his illness, but it was sad to see Joelinton miss out, with his season effectively over. Personally I’d have started Miley ahead of Willock, who hasn’t been in great form at all this season. Certain others like Isak and Murphy simply ran out of steam, exhausted by their Herculean efforts, their spent bodies unable to overcome niggling strains and injuries that need a bloody good rest, but Willock never really got started all year. Disallowing Bruno’s goal was probably the worst VAR decision that didn’t happen at Old Trafford on the final day, but it was great to see Osula (I like the lad tremendously) score such a bullet of a header. It was good, and vital as it turned out, that we won the last easy fixture of the season.

For the most part, I’ve been able to watch stress-free illegal streams on my Fire Stick, but the Brighton game was the start of the quality heading south. I tried 4 different channels to see this one, but each one endlessly froze then buffered, until I gave up, sticking with Sky Sports News until half time. From what I saw later on via brief highlights, we started well, but once they took the lead, we turned to shit. By the time the feed settled down around the hour mark, we’d pulled our socks up and thoroughly deserved the penalty we got to level things up. The 2 others that were given and then rescinded after VAR checks were correct decisions I must admit. Possibly the most shocking incident was Wilson almost stealing victory at the death, when their keeper made an excellent save. It was a tough game, and a point gained the hard way, which is how it should be if you’re looking to get in the Champions League. Unless you’re Spurs of course.

I had a good feeling about Chelsea at home, which was vindicated both by Murphy’s early goal and the fact they were dogshit. Jackson’s deserved red card made no real difference, other than making us, perhaps unconsciously, step off the gas a little. After the break, Palmer got involved and they looked menacing. Pope made three quality saves, but Bruno, who I made our man of the match, wrapped things up with a far more difficult finish than the one he’d earlier blazed high and wide with only the keeper to beat. The dream of overtaking the Arse was still alive.

Of course, probably because things were going rather well, there was still time for the on-line fanbase to get at each other’s cyber throats when discussing a potential new club badge. It’s not as if the one we have is rooted in pre-history and there have been several other designs, some in my life time. Still, it was enough to get death threats slung around Musk’s internet cesspit whenever someone pointed out we’ve had a different away shirt every season for about 30 years.

Then came Arsenal. No Isak, Joelinton or Trippier meant the doom-mongers were predicting a 4-0 before we got off the coach, but I was pleasantly surprised by how we initially took the game to a timid home side. Then, as was becoming more of a pattern in the latter days of the season, we ran out of legs and imagination around the interval and once Rice had scored his admittedly fine goal, it was time at the bar. You can obviously point to the paper-thin squad and lack of real quality on the bench, but Gordon was a particular disappointment as he has been since he came back into the side. He has far more natural ability than Barnes, who displays willingness every game, but I’ve seen little from him in the last couple of months to justify the sent his way. By contrast, Bruno and Tonali, especially, have just got better, though they missed Joelinton’s physical presence alongside them. Second place had slipped from our grasp and third seemingly so as well when City roused themselves to win their game in hand during midweek.  

Coming into the final day, every spot between third and seventh was still up for grabs, but we never looked remotely like moving upwards. City won and Chelsea beat Forest, who will have a whale of a time in the Europa Conference league and the very best of luck to them, meaning that once a sprightly and organised Everton, vastly improved since Moyes returned (West Ham, were you watching?), took the lead and our attempts to fightback were all so weak and clueless, we needed Man United to do us a favour. Having coughed up 6 points without a whimper, that seemed a fond ask, thus it looked as if the Europa League was our destination. Thankfully, some refereeing insanity saw Amorim’s rabble take the points, and we ended up in 5^th spot. Perhaps you needed to be in the ground to appreciate the enormity of the achievement, but in Ben’s living room, we shrugged, said a collective Meh and switched off. What did sink in later on was just how important qualification will be in keeping hold of Bruno, Isak and Tonali, who want and need to be on the biggest club stage possible.

In town, the celebrations were loud, raucous and heartfelt. In Heaton, I toasted Union Saint Gilloise’s first Belgian title in 90 years with a marvellous saison in House bar then went home to pack for Ross County v Livingston the next day. The chance of away trips to Brussels and Bilbao could offer the finest European city breaks imaginable. When I and the rest of the NUFC support awoke that Bank Holiday Monday, the hope was for quick, decisive action in the transfer market. Two weeks on, giving Mark Gillespie another year’s pin money isn’t quite that.

Today is the 9^th of June. Blaydon Races Day. Now, or very soon, is the perfect time to bring the feelgood factor back to the club, though Sean’s 2/43 for Tynemouth on Saturday is something I treasure, even if not many others do. Let’s get some new bodies through that door ASAP, and maybe an old one in the shape of Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny Ruddy on the bench. On the bench.

P.S. Congratulations to Sunderland on achieving promotion. After an awful end to the season, they showed great tenacity and resilience in the play-offs. The hard work starts now of course, but privately I don’t think there’s a single red and white doesn’t realise the enormity of the task that lies ahead of them. Best of luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cusack Serves Imperialism

Here's a blog about the Scratch & Reflect Ensemble; a musical project I've been involved with since early March -:

In mid-January I received an email from Andy Wood, editor of TQ fanzine. It had been sent to him by guitarist, music therapist and all round good guy Chris Minniss, who I’d seen play live with pianist Paul Taylor as Hen, at one of the early TQ live events at the Lit & Phil, as well as meeting at various other gigs, generally under the No Audience Underground umbrella. Chris struck me as very enthusiastic and highly supportive of projects outside of the mainstream. Hence, when I found out from the aforementioned email that he was trying co-ordinate a new project loosely assembled on the principles, if not the practice, of the late Cornelius Cardew’s early 70s Scratch Orchestra, I was more than keen to be involved.

Cardew, who died in suspicious circumstances after a hit and run accident one snowy night in December 1981, had come to prominence in the 1960s as one of the foremost British avant garde composers, known for such works as the piano-based “Treatise” and his masterpiece, the probably unfinished, orchestral work, “The Great Learning,” which was based partially on Chinese Maoist opera. I possess CDs of both of those works which, I must admit, are fairly tough listens. Much easier to get along with are the songs of Cardew’s later career, though their actual aesthetic value is minimal, to be polite. Always on the fringes of the ultra-left, Cardew fell under the spell of Marxist Leninist theoretician Hardiel Baines and became one of the founding members of the Revolutionary Communist Party of Britain (Marxist Leninist), or the RCPB(ML) for short. Well, not that short I suppose. Apart from the fact the still extant RCPB (ML) has probably never had more than 50 members in its entire existence, it placed itself so far beyond the realms of traditional reformist thought (remember I’m an SPGB impossibilist) by throwing in its lot with Albania after Tirana split with Moscow, Beijing and just about everywhere that wasn’t nestled under the slender wings of the Shqperian eagle, it became more and more obvious that a level of insanity rather than dialectics was a key component of Baines’ increasingly vitriolic statements. Have a glance at “When Comrade Enver sharpens his sword” for instance. Actually don’t bother, unless you’ve a thing for dogmatically argued critiques of pan-Slavic chauvinism.

Somewhere along the way, Cardew renounced his entire previous body of work as being Bourgeois in character and purpose, partly by writing a ferocious diatribe entitled “Stockhausen Serves Imperialism” and even more savagely, by dedicating his life solely to the production of what he called Revolutionary Art. Not a new term I’ll grant you, but it served the purpose of providing an ideological term for his later work. Initially this took the form of solemn, piano pieces based on Irish Rebel Songs. You can hear his funereally paced takes on “Boolavogue,” “The Bold Fenian Men” and other classic Irish ballads on YouTube. They aren’t bad to be fair, but things really took a turn for the worse when he began to only compose Revolutionary ditties for the masses to whistle and hum while semi-dismantling the Bourgeois state. Impossibly sprightly, nursery rhyme or Sunday School hymn tunes accompanied words of the utmost banal sincerity. For instance, take his showstopping, floor filler “Song for the British Working Class” -:

 

British ruling class puffed up with arrogance

Boasted that the sun shone on your vast empire

That sun has now eclipsed.

British ruling class, we have got news for you.

Your time has run out; You have got to go.

CHORUS:

Light is shining in the sky

Heralding the dawn of a glorious new day,

British working class you're the revolutionary force.

To build our socialist land.

British working class you have a fine history

Fierce battles waged against a vicious enemy

With grim determination.

British working class aspires to revolution

In the face of attempt to crush this aspiration.

Of socialism in Britain

CHORUS

In the 1840s Marx and Engels on our shores

Organised and hammered out the objective laws propelling history

Marxist-Leninist science is the guiding star

Charting the course of the working class

Socialist revolution.

CHORUS

Persisting in the face of every difficulty,

In 1979 was formed our new party, a glorious victory.

Rallying to this flag is the only way, workers

To usher in, a bright new day of

Socialism in Britain.

CHORUS

I did secretly hope that Chris was wanting to form a Cornelius Cardew covers band, though I knew this to be unlikely. When I emailed him back, he outlined the project was more about seeing what could happen if a disparate set of players came together, with no preconceived ideas, and spontaneously composed pieces they could all play along with. The location of our meetings was to be the Bensham Community Centre and the dates for sessions were fixed as March 15th, March 22^nd, March 29^th, April 5^th, April 12^th, May 3^rd, May 10^th and May 17^th. The only proviso for those wishing to attend was that they would endeavour not to miss more than 2 sessions. In the end, I only missed one; March 29^th, when the Newcastle United trophy celebration precluded me from travelling by bus from North Shields to Gateshead. While we had a revolving cast of participants in the early weeks, the composition of the Scratch & Reflect Ensemble eventually came down to half a dozen of us: me, multi-instrumentalist Chris, my friend, guitarist Martin (from the Shunyata Improvisation Group) and three others I didn’t know before this, namely Andy (violin and cornet), Arthur (guitar) and Sally (guitar at first, then drums).

I have to admit that I was beyond nervous at the first meeting. Having spent half a century as a below average rhythm guitarist, after convincing myself that I really needed to get back into creating noise, I’d branched out in a more experimental direction, first with genius electronics composer Chris Bartholomew, with whom I’d made a CD, “Dresden Heist” in 2023 and performed a couple of gigs, before he went on to bigger and better things. My guitar work mainly included drone, repetition and feedback, styles which I explored in more detail on my 2024 solo CD “The Earth is Flat.” The one solo gig I performed based on that project was at Blyth Arts Centre last June and was such a disaster I contemplated giving up music entirely, though I later refined my plans to merely giving up performing alone. Indeed, I’m also putting the finishing touches to a second solo release that I hope to have available at the back end of the summer. Don’t rush all at once. There will be plenty of copies to go round.

As you’ll note, what I hadn’t done is make music with other (proper?) musicians, which is why I was so scared that March morning as I journeyed by bus to our rendezvous. Thankfully, I needn’t have worried. Martin gave me lifts there and back every other time, saving me probably 2 hours each way. Also, while I wasn’t in the same universe as any of the other players in terms of technique, ability or imagination, I soon realised that my decision to bring a bass rather than a guitar was the correct one.

While I know the notes of a bass guitar, I’m not ready as yet to audition for a place in Soft Machine or Weather Report, so I had thought, as this was to be an experimental and perhaps avant garde gathering, I could “play” the bass as a percussion rather than stringed instrument. This involved amateur level prepared bass, with bottlenecks, plectrum scrapings and using drum sticks and brushes to make a sound, rather than using the strings in any conventional way. I did this for perhaps the first two sessions, then pretty much abandoned it as a bad, unhelpful idea. The great thing about going in the car with Martin, a bloke whose work I greatly admire, considering myself an avid fan of his Shunyata oeuvre, was that we could talk deeply and meaningfully about music, noise and the composition of it, especially when it came to improvised and experimental styles, when we weren’t talking about football or politics of course.

The whole idea behind Scratch & Reflect wasn’t that we should make one enormous din, as I’d initially expected I must say, but that we avoided what Martin termed “aural blancmange” and created recognisable, semi-structured pieces that could be revisited, reworked and, sad to say, abandoned if they didn’t work. This was a lightbulb moment for me. I had chosen not to bring a guitar as I figured, correctly I’ll contend, that the last thing the assembly needed was a bog standard barre and folk chord chugger, who kept dropping his plectrum and got lost whenever someone threw a minor note into the mix. Therefore, to both justify my place at the table and to provide a supportive framework for the more skilled and inspirational players gathered together, I had to play my version of properly, within my technical limitations. That’s what happened 60% of the time anyway. This level of self-criticism and the idea that the least skilled participant has an obligation to lead the ensemble at some level, were perhaps the two most central ideas behind Cardew’s initial manifesto for the Scratch Orchestra and, I’m certain, one of the main things Chris wanted us to get from the sessions.

Certainly, from the third week onwards, I stopped being a noisemaker and became a metronomic, if limited, bassist, providing a clear, repeated pattern in 3 of the 5 pieces we worked upon. Having undertaken musical exercises Chris had guided us through, involving swapping instruments and choosing from a large Perspex box of percussive toys he used in the day job, all of which were intended, I presume, to make us more relaxed and intuitive to the nuances of the other players’ preferred styles and approaches, we settled down to make some music, rather than just noise. Others also varied their practise. Sally changed her guitar for drums, for which she displayed an immense amount of talent, while Martin forsook his acoustic for a beautiful Ibanez semi-acoustic that I’m in love with even now.

One other development that helped to focus our thought was the news we’d been offered the chance to perform in front of an audience. Thursday 29^th May at the Dunston Staithes Café at 2,30 in the afternoon, to be precise. This, to me, was a brilliant piece of news. Not only did it give us the chance to perform in public, but the event also signalled a defined ending for the project, or possibly this iteration of the project. Hence, after we resumed from the Easter hiatus, the final three sessions were dedicated, albeit with a little improvisation to loosen us up at the start, towards actually compiling a set list.

While the 5 pieces we performed weren’t truly songs in the accepted commercial sense, they were recognisable as different musical entities. Some were more successful than others. Some were more discordant than melodious, but from the primordial aural soup, we emerged as a kind of low-rent approximation of Dirty 3, Penguin Café Orchestra or the easier bits of Henry Cow. I’m delighted how it turned out.

 Although, I have to say I was very nervous, possibly because of the Blyth experience, or more pertinently that I didn’t want to let anyone, either my fellow players of my mates Richyy and Craig who had so kindly made the trip from NE6 and NE3 respectively to lend their support. My thanks is as deep as it is humble. Your kind words made the whole thing a pleasure to be involved in.  I’d never been in the Staiths Café before, though I used to cycle past it when my parents lived in Swalwell. Since they unhelpfully died, I’ve not been past in years. I must go back. The Oat Latte was a non-dairy delight. The Millionaire Shortbread a delight, pure and simple.

Once we’d got the place set up, it provided a convivial spot to play, though I admit to being slightly thrown by not being in eyeline of the guitarists, so couldn’t fully appreciate what they were playing. If anything, the live performance proves to me I’ve become slightly more intuitive about what works and what doesn’t. Thankfully, almost all of it worked this time.

Our set consisted of the following working titles, with added comments from Chris in parenthesis, but while I’m continuing to dance about architecture, I’ll try to describe my role in them, as I wouldn’t dream of analysing the work of my fellow players.

1. Early Teenage Drunkards (ABA structure, ascending chromatic movement signals move to B section, last section more explorative). Martin came up with the title for this one, based on noise pollution from two plastered young lasses jabbering away outside Cullercoats Watch House, while Shunyata played their contemplative, meditative improvisation inside. Section one was harmonics on E on the two bottom strings endlessly. The second section was D and E sliding to D on the top two strings. Once I’d properly tuned up, I was very happy with this as, modesty aside, I came up with the initial idea. No autographs please

2. Count to 9/Outbreaths (ABA structure, cymbal indicates change, with the last section as a green light to explore). For this one, we only ended up playing each section once, which considering the performance lasted about 55 minutes, I was amazed to discover, is probably about enough. In the first section, where we do all count to 9 and choose two numbers on which to play, I played a note on numbers 5 and 6: D then E. For the second section, I played G with C sliding to B, then G with B moving to C alternately, every time I exhaled. I really liked this one.

3.Ocean Swell (Arthur starts, we develop a meditative piece based on his washes of guitar. Arthur gives his recitation on mining heritage/staithes in the middle part of this piece. Slow grow, slow fade). This was lovely, reminding me very much of “Ocean” by The Velvets. Probably the most psychedelic and rocky of the parts we played, my bass saw me going from A to C and then A to D.

4.The dream was a castle/on the hill, my sins burned to embers (vocal exploration beginning with drones/vocal sounds based on a C minor tonality. Sing, listen, use words based on the castle/embers dream ideas). The 60% of the time I played “normal” bass was over, so I parked it for this unaccompanied piece. When we’d done this in the Saturday sessions, it was actually emotional to be involved with and I’d love to revisit this again, as it somehow felt in the large, rectangular room, rather than the circular space we’d grown accustomed to in Bensham, that it was lost. It felt almost inhibited compared to previous takes, but it still got a great round of applause. Obviously, I can’t sing, so I droned “on the hill” endlessly, cupping my hands around my mouth to vary tone and volume, while Martin led (as it was his dream we had based this on). Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be involved in the performance of such acapella emotions, though I do like to ruin the odd Irish sean nos number when I’m in my cups.

5.Three mice (Andy leads with a slow unfolding of the tune, then we take this as starting point - led by our listening, not too fixed on 'playing the tune'). A loud, discordant number based on “Three Blind Mice.” Andy had expertly played the violin on the first three numbers, then swapped to cornet for this one. It was the only one where I abused the bass, however minimally, with a drum beater on the body, scratching at plectrum beyond the neck to the back of the pick ups and then using two bottlenecks to produce discordant washes of sound as the rest of us went for it, with Chris playing an old cassette of Alan Robson’s Nightowls at one point, perhaps as an unconscious homage to Cardew’s work on the first AMM record from 1966. This was experimentation and probably the hardest piece to keep focused on. I’d thought all of our stuff would have been like this but, I still find myself amazed to say, I’m glad it wasn’t merely a challenge for the istener. Perhaps I’ll take that message into my own solo stuff. Or perhaps not…

When we finished, people applauded. While several of the audience had been out the room for drinks, they returned. Incredibly, nobody had actually walked out for good. Lots of kind folk said nice things about it and we all left on a high. Martin dropped me home and, adrenaline spent, I crashed out for an hour, before reflecting on the performance and the whole project.

As regards speculation rather than reflection, I wonder now about the future of Scratch & Reflect. It’s Chris’s baby after all, so he gets to decide, so yes, it is possible that with the project over, this was our one moment in the sun. If so, it was a good one. Certainly I’ve become a more intuitive and less inhibited player, and I’d absolutely love to make more music in the future, whether as a continuation or development of this project or another one entirely. I guess I’ll have to keep an eye on my inbox, but for the avoidance of doubt, I have bass and will travel (by bus if necessary).

My special thanks go to my fellow players Andy, Arthur, Sally, Martin (for the lifts and conversation) and above all to Chris, for his vision, enthusiasm and organisation. This would not have happened without him. You are all diamonds.

 

 

Stag Do

 My predictably shambolic trip to Ross County 2 Livingston 4 -:

I truly believed that Cove Rangers 2 Kelty Hearts 2 on Saturday April 26^th would be my last Scottish game of 2024/2025. Similarly, when West Moor & Jesmond played out a thoroughly entertaining 3-3 draw with Wallington in the Alliance Premier a fortnight after that, I honestly felt I’d not see another game this season. However, things can change and, after a horrendous run of form after the late season split, Ross County ended up in 11^th place in the SPFL Premier League, meaning they were faced with a promotion / relegation play off against Livingston, with the second leg at home on Whit Bank Holiday Monday, following a 1-1 draw at Almondvale. As I’d “lost” a Scottish ground, following Bonnyrigg Rose’s demotion to the Lowland League following their play off defeat to East Kilbride, I decided to clear my head and get some Highland fresh air, as well as ticking off one of the most inaccessible of the remaining grounds on my yet to visit list. Best laid plans, eh?

Cards on the table, I don’t have much affection for either side. This is almost entirely due to the fact that Livingston (2004) and Ross County (2016) beat Hibs in finals of the Scottish League Cup. The former Ferranti Thistle, rather like Airdrie with their colonisation of the original Clydebank, seem to get a free pass from Scottish football fans for their Wimbledon to Milton Keynes style antics, not to mention their appalling jailbird squirt of a manager. We’ll not go into the merger of Inverness Caley and Inverness Thistle at this juncture. Unlike Victoria Park, I have been to Livi’s Almondvale ground (tragically no longer known as the Tony Macaroni Arena). That was back in Summer 1999, when Newcastle United were embarking upon a crash course to oblivion under Ruud Gullit. What ended in the pouring rain at home to the Mackems, with Ferguson and Shearer on the bench, started with Lionel Perez in goal as we succumbed to an absolutely gutless 2-0 defeat in the first pre-season friendly of the season.

Other than the aforementioned League Cup final, I’d seen Ross County twice elsewhere; a 1-1 draw at Partick Thistle in December 2012, where an elderly Jags fan almost attacked the referee for giving a fair enough penalty, only being held back by his visibly embarrassed son, and in a 3-1 loss at Motherwell in September 2021, where they had 43 fans in that huge away stand.

Anyway, ticket secured, hotel room reserved, and train tickets booked, I arrived at Central in plenty of time for the 11.54 to Waverley. This is when I made my first, crucial mistake. As I get older, I move slower that I did so I thought the extra 9 minutes I’d gain catching the 11.45 instead, would help me with a tightish connection for the Inverness train. Theoretically a good idea, scuppered by being stuck at signals south of Berwick because of a mechanical fault. As we stood idle, the 11.54 rushed past and we eventually limped into Edinburgh at 14.00. The 13.31 direct to Inverness long gone, I took the 14.42 to Perth and thence the 16.50 to Inverness and the 18.35 to Dingwall, arriving at 19.15 instead of the scheduled 17.46. There was no leisurely check in, relaxing shower and tasty pub meal in the appealing looking Mallard Inn, as things went from the ridiculous to the distressing.

As you can probably imagine, the phone signal for most of the Perth to Inverness journey is non-existent, but I did get a message from booking.com that the Cromarty View Hotel had cancelled my booking and refunded me the cash, because of “unforeseen circumstances.” Probably a chance to sell my room to two punters instead of just me. All was not lost though; I was being given a free room (no breakfast mind) at the Waverley Lodge, which was much closer to the ground and its proximity to the home of The Staggies would allow me to check in before the game. Well, that’s what I thought. The receptionist at The Waverley Lodge was a surly Mackem ex-con, who informed me my room was actually in their annex, just across the road. In the attic above the 147 Snooker Club, outside of which congregated a knot of pissed druggies, smoking weed. I was in the furthest room from the entrance at least, though it had no en-suite, not even a sink, no lightbulb and a telly hanging off the wall. At least I wasn’t paying for it. Leaving immediately after I chucked my bag in the room, I squeezed past half a dozen unfriendly junky winos before heading for the ground. At least once I was in the ground my troubles seemed to be over, and I bagged myself an excellent steak pie and a more than adequate coffee, then went to take my seat. At least, I tried to, when I discovered A157 didn’t exist as the row only went up to 154.

Finding an apologetic young steward, I stood around looking useless, while he tried to contact his supervisor. The message was “sit in any empty seat,” so when the teams ran out, I did, firmly aware that my support was now 100% behind Livi and their voluble 653 travelling fans directly to my left, who included my mate David Stoker. Typically, this ensured that Ross County roared into a rapid 2-0 lead, courtesy of a good move down the left and a simple tap-in from Josh Nisbet on 6 minutes, followed by a decent finish after a defensive howler on 24 minutes by Ronan Hale. With the tie now standing at 3-1 on aggregate and County looking dangerous with every attack, it looked like game over. Then, on 39 minutes, Jordan Smith pulled a goal back after a wonderful run and finish from the left side of the area. There were some excellent goals in this game I must admit.

After a breathless first half, my thoughts returned to the situation waiting for me back at the doss house, when the whistle blew. I hoped the game would go to extra time and penalties, so the Snooker Club might had rid itself of the dodgy clientele by the time I got back. The second half was so enthralling, I didn’t give my lousy lodgings a second thought. County’s keeper Amissah made a brilliant double block from a free kick on 57 minutes but was powerless to stop Danny Wilson’s close range header after his second save. This shifted the whole momentum of the tie and four minutes later, Robbie Muirhead curled in a glorious, bending finish for what proved to be the winner. The Staggies fans in the 4,418 crowd knew the game was up, as did their team who never seriously threatened the Livi goal after that. In injury time, substitute Tete Yengi shrugged off a weak challenge and finished calmly with what turned out to be the last kick of the game, making the final score Ross County 2 Livingston 4. Minor pandemonium ensued with almost all the Livi fans invading the pitch and embracing players and their snippy little manager Martindale, who would probably have been more at home in the opposite Jail End, if you hear where I’m coming from.

In contrast the home fans melted away, muttering but not incensed as they recognised that after play-off escapes in the last 2 seasons, their number was up. Rarely have I come across such a stoic support. Indeed, they didn’t sing a single song all night. After the final whistle, I hung around the dull and functional little ground in the dull and functional little town that I’ll never visit again, looking for David, but didn’t see him and left, bought a bottle of Fanta from a late opening shop and went back to my room to watch the highlights on Sportscene, with my head tilted on a 90 degree angle to counteract the perilous position of the set, while listening to the rain hammering on my inadequate skylight that would neither open, nor close properly. I slept fitfully, woken several times by shouts and slamming doors on the floors below. In the morning, I attempted a shower in the filthy communal bathroom, but it didn’t work properly, so made a coffee and left with it half drunk, then caught the 10.02 to Inverness, 10.50 to Waverley and 15.00 back home.

On the way, I mused at the plan of action needed for newcomers East Kilbride, as well as the remaining geographical outliers of Inverness Caledonian Thistle, Peterhead and Stranraer, all of which will require overnight stays. There are neither Premier Inns nor Travelodges in the latter two places. Nevertheless, I await the release of group stage Scottish League Cup fixtures with interest. It’s a tough job doing the 42, but it’s a challenge I’m up for.