Days Out in Summer

I've been to Darlington, Durham, Hartlepool, Hexham, Middlesbrough& Seaham this Summer. Read on & I'll tell you all about it -:

I’ve had quite a lot of time on my hands this summer so, as well as the frequent trips to Scotland, I’ve also been tootling around the (reasonably) local area, using my Over 60s Railcard, enjoying grounds I’d not had the pleasure of visiting before. I like to have a full set of NEPL, Northern League and Northern Alliance venues ticked off, though the Alliance is proving problematic at the minute. This is on account of me being committed to still turning out for Tynemouth 3s on a Saturday and watching Percy Main midweek. With 6 grounds still to do (revisits to Hazlerigg, Gosforth Bohemians and Bedlington United, all of whom have changed home locations and new places Wrekenton Blue Star, Gateshead Borough and Lynemouth), this may be a difficult ask, especially as midweek games end on Wednesday 27^th August. Thankfully I’ve now recompleted the NEPL and have made a good dent in the Northern League new(ish)comers, leaving only Kendal Town to do. Again, that may be one I am forced to leave on account of distance and timing. Anyway, here’s the story of what I’ve done so far. Cricket first.

As the NEPL requires clubs to field a Sunday Academy team, this has made it possible to sort out the two remaining outliers on my list and have a couple of very agreeable Sunday sessions with pals at the same time. On Sunday 22^nd June, I made the trip out to Hexham to meet up with Harry Pearson and take in Tynedale at home to Felling. A brisk walk up from the station amid some unpromising drizzle made the start seem destined for a delay. Thankfully not though, as the rain abated and Felling went into bat first. Tynedale’s ground is called Priors Flatt and is at the bottom of the hill Harry dragged me up to watch Hexham against Gosforth Bohemians at QEHS in December 2022. This was a much gentler stroll up a relatively tiny incline to a small but very well looked after ground, surrounded by houses on one side, the road on another, clubhouse on the third and a selection of tennis and padel courts on the other. Felling set about the home attack with gusto, posting 220 from their 35 overs. As if often the case in Harry’s company, conversation overtakes the sport we’re watching and so, with the tea interval being accompanied by further spots of rain, we look off in search of liquid refreshment. While the company was engaging as ever and the pubs welcoming (if excessively child friendly and overly tolerant of youthful exuberance), the beer in each was middling at best. However, it did its job, and I merrily took the train home, aware of the fact Felling had prevailed by 50 runs.

Harry, as you’ll be aware, is a true connoisseur of the most beautiful game, but the same cannot be said of Marc Beattie, a chap whose acquaintance I made through a shared appreciation of Industrial music and power electrics. Thus, meeting at Seaham Park CC for the home game with Willington seemed a strange choice, but geography and time made it the ideal location for several pints of Guinness on Sunday 27^th July. I’d been to Seaham Harbour before, watching Tynemouth and to Seaham Red Star dozens of times, where once I saw Phil Mustard attempt to keep goal for the home side. Ashington won 6-0, showing how successful he was. Indeed, after letting the first one in through his legs, he turned to me as I was walking past behind the goal and laughingly said “mind, that was shit!” I couldn’t disagree and when I reminded him of it when he was at Tynemouth umpiring once, he bellowed raucously and retold the tale with embroidered vigour to the whole company. Nice bloke.

Anyway, Seaham Park, which is also home to the rugby team, adjoins Red Star. Like so many of these former pit villages, despite the supposed gentrification (craft ales, barista coffee and gelateria) around the actual Seaham harbour area that I’ve not seen for myself, the cricket club provides a social hub for the community. After a solemn walk up deserted streets denuded of all businesses bar Vape emporia and tanning studios, I found the club to be absolutely heaving. It wasn’t just the Women’s European Championships final that brought the crowds out early, this seemed to be regular Sunday leisure pursuit of choice in those parts, but it was great to see so many bairns in Lionesses shirts. I follow Ireland as my international team, as has been well documented, but I do like what England’s Women represent. Tolerance. Inclusivity. An utter lack of ego.

I watched top of the table Seaham begin the process of relentlessly crushing bottom placed Willington underfoot, when Mark called from the bar. We met, got more pints and sat outside, plagued by wasps all afternoon, steadily sinking the black stuff and seeing Seaham race to an 8-wicket win, or at least I did. Well-served, Marc’s wife came to collect him and dropped me off at the station for the 6.20 train. I waved them off, then found out it had been cancelled. Another Delay Repay claim and another Guinness in the nearby Island social club. I thought about staying to watch the end of the game, but by now I was falling asleep / off my chair, so kept myself informed on the train. The winning penalty went in as we were passing Gateshead Stadium. I cheered, caught the bus home and was asleep ten minutes later. Seaham seemed a nice ground and a great, welcoming club, but I had other things on my mind than cricket that afternoon. Experimental music and ultra-left-wing politics mainly. For a change.  I look forward to meeting Marc again

And now to football… After the compositions of the various leagues were confirmed by the FA in June, I was appalled to discover I hadn’t been to 20% of Northern League Division 2. This is partly down to the effects of compulsory promotion that has seen a dozen clubs make the move upwards over the past few years (including the returning North Shields and Shildon) and an influx of new teams at the bottom level. What with the inclusion of the North Riding League as a feeder, things could have been worse for my groundhopping duties if Yarm & Eaglescliffe had their own ground. They don’t. They share Billingham Town’s Beford Terrace and I’m in no hurry to go back there. Hence, I needed to visit: Darlington Town, Durham United, FC Hartlepool and Grangetown Boys Club, which I’m glad to say I now have.

I did all of these grounds alone and sober. In the first three instances, I took the train and walked a considerable distance to and from the station on each occasion, while the last one saw me take 6 different buses, arriving home just after midnight. Darlington Town are in their third season in the Northern League and kicked this campaign off on Friday 25^th July by hosting Billingham Synthonia. Like anywhere new, it’s easy to find if you know where you’re going and I sort of did, but the fine detail of discovering how to get into the ground, tucked away among dozens of other sports pitches, was a hard nut to crack. However, I managed it and took my place in one of the two stands on either side of the 4G pitch. Synners were absolutely terrible. It doesn’t surprise me that they’re bottom of the table having lost all but one of their games so far, but Darlington Town were impressive. They passed and moved, kept it on the deck and enjoyed a stranglehold on the game all evening. How it was only 2-0 at full time I’ll never know. I made it back to the station quicker than I got there, fruitlessly as Delay Repay came back into the equation as Cross Country arsed things up again. I got home just before the witching hour on the last 38 to Four Lane Ends.

The first Saturday in August saw TCC 3s without a game and Percy Main away up to Rothbury. A mate’s band were supposed to be gigging in Stockton that night, but the event was pulled a couple of days before. I’d already decided on a trip to FC Hartlepool versus Esh Winning, having booked a cheap ticket, so I took the train and had a good wander up to the Grayfields Enclosure, which backs onto the playing fields where I had numerous games during my time with Over 40s. Promoted from the Wearside League at the same time as Darlington Town, FC Hartlepool is a proper club, with a proper ground and a proper grass pitch. Certainly my favourite of the 4 new ticks in NL D2. A decent crowd was about, despite Hartlepool United also being at home to South Shields in a friendly. There was some absolute appalling language all game from a couple of blokes near me, the kind who split up words to add an extra obscene syllable and FC Hartlepool absolute tore Esh Winning to shreds. It ended up 4-0, with a saved penalty and could have been double that on a lovely, sunny afternoon. Sonic Youth fans may be interested to know there is a Murray Street on the way from ground to station. I’m not sure if it named in Honour (see what I did there?) of former Pools manager Alan or is a nod to NYC’s greatest noise band. Kill Yr Monkeys, indeed.

The following Thursday, I took a trip to Durham United, who play at the University’s Maiden Castle sports facility. Durham is an interesting place. It’s got almost everything: a Cathedral, a Castle, a University and maximum security prison that holds some of the most heinous murderers this country has ever produced. What it doesn’t have, following the Olivier Bernard-sponsored debacle that was the demise of Durham City, is a decent football team. New Ferens Park was a real state of the art facility when it opened, but it went to rack and ruin, after wranglings with landlord Richard Ord and the Northern Premier League. Groundshares with Consett and Willington were only a prelude to oblivion. They may still be alive in the lower reaches of the Wearside, but any return to a decent level looks way beyond them. This Durham club have the University to thank for sponsorship, and it is an impressive facility. Where else in the Northern League could you get a Caffe Nero oat latte?

That said, the seats were some of the most uncomfortable I’ve ever sat on. The front rows too high off the ground, leaving you feet dangling in mid-air, and the back ones too close together, so your knees dug into hard, unyielding plastic of the row in front. Despite winning the Wearside League at a canter last season, Durham looked ill-prepared for this level of football and Yarm & Eaglescliffe strolled to a 4-0 victory without breaking sweat, with a brace of braces around the 40^th and 80^th minutes. I wonder if this will be Durham’s only season at this level.

Last year should have been Grangetown Boys Club’s sole Northern League campaign, as they finished second bottom of D2. However, Bedlington Terriers (have you seen their record in the Alliance so far???) failed ground grading, as they’re now on a public park at Hirst Welfare in Ashington with Doctor Pit Welfare locked and barred to them, and went down instead. Consequently, I left home at half 3, got back just after midnight and took 6 different buses to visit the Boysie for their home game with Billingham Town. GBC is in a rough part of Middlesbrough. Mind, are there any other sorts? It makes Blyth look like Esher. I didn’t see Dormanstown but I did see North Ormsby, South Bank, Eston and Grangetown. Thankfully though the bus window on a miserable, wet and windy August evening that seemed like a rehearsal for autumn. That said, it’s a great, proud community club. The ground is homely and welcoming, The programme is a proper effort, and the chip butty was a reward for braving the elements. They drew 2-2 with Billingham Town but really should have lost. Both goals were gifts; a bad back pass and a soft penalty, bookending a pair by Billingham’s striker, the second a lovely header. I’m glad I went, mainly because of the sociological fun to be had on the 64B Middlesbrough to Grangetown circular.

So, let’s see what September has to offer, once the cricket finishes on September 13^th.

 

 

Peterheaded Shockers

Peterhead 4 Aberdeen B 2; my birthday treat to myself...

Of all the solo trips I’ve made to Scottish grounds, including getting hopelessly lost in freezing temperatures on the outskirts of Perth when looking for St Johnstone, or being so delayed I almost missed an 8pm kick off in Dingwall for Ross County v Livingstone, or even the complete failure of ScotRail’s signalling system in Fife that left me stranded overnight in Dundee on the way back from Aberdeen, the only time I’ve genuinely questioned my sanity and the purpose behind my project to visit all 42 Scottish League grounds, was the morning of my trip to Peterhead. Without spoiling any surprises, it’s one hell of a trek.

Tuesday 12^th August was the day after my birthday. I’d celebrated turning 61 by playing a solo gig (which went very well) and beers with friends (which went down rather too well). Still feeling rough, I cursed the news on my phone that LNER had managed yet another foul up with their scheduling, to the extent that the late running 09.54 to Edinburgh wouldn’t arrive in time for me to catch the 11.30 to Aberdeen. Therefore, I was obliged to take a train to Dundee and connect with the Glasgow to Aberdeen train, arriving not at 13.50 as supposed, but at 15.20. Ah well, another Delay Repay claim to look forward to.

If the Granite City had been my final destination, then all would have been fine, but it wasn’t. I was heading north to Peterhead, which happens to be the football ground furthest from a train station in Scotland. It’s a 32-mile journey by bus. Even better, the 15.30 X60 didn’t turn up, for no apparent reason, so I found myself on the 16.00 heading northwards. In Scotland, all over 60s have a free bus pass. Unfortunately the privilege doesn’t extend to visitors from south of the border, so I shelled out £11.50 for a single fare. Presumably it’s so expensive in order to rinse tourists and pay for Peter Morrell’s abortive scheme to put a motorhome on every driveway. Once we got out of Aberdeen, heading through Ellon and Cruden Bay, the landscape was rugged but impressive, as temperatures dropped to about 16 degrees and a blustery wind came in off the North Sea.

The bus dropped me off at the Invernettie Roundabout around 17.30, which was about two hours later than I’d hoped. It was easy enough to find my hotel, The Harbour Spring, just on the outskirts of Peterhead, athwart the A90. I checked in, dropped the bag and consulted Google. There were no buses at all after 6pm and the ground was a 50 minute walk. No choice. I had to hoof it. Peterhead, despite being the largest fishing port in Europe, isn’t a big place. The population is around 20,000 and the rough harbour area was nowhere near where I was heading, so I’d not be doing any poverty tourism at least. Skirting the sea, I took a left down Links Terrace (links fahren, as they say in Kinnegad), crisscrossed a couple of streets of impressive stone built houses in the traditional Scottish style and found myself within sight of the ground. Passing the local rugby club, where pre-season training was in full flight and the athletics club, who both utilise the adjoining Lord Catto recreation area, I came upon Balmoor. It’s a reasonably new ground, opened in 1997 when they sold their old Recreation Ground to Morrisons, and the facilities were one of the reasons why they were elected to the SPFL, along with Elgin City, in 2000.

Like several Scottish grounds, it has a stand on either side and not much behind the goals. Availing myself of the generous policy of Scottish clubs that grants concessionary admission to the Over 60s, I paid £7 for a seat in the Main Stand. It was in the lee of the wind from the sea, but the sun was setting behind it, so I didn’t run the risk of being blinded, as would have been the case on the far side. The opponents were Aberdeen B, which is how the Under 21 sides are styled for the purpose of the Scottish Challenge Cup, now branded the KDM Evolution Trophy for sponsorship purposes. Like a parody of the new Champions League format, the competition begins with a group phase involving 10 League One clubs, 10 League Two clubs and 10 Premiership B-Teams. Points gained by clubs across six group matchdays, which seem to have been drawn completely randomly, other than ensuring clubs play 3 home and 3 away fixtures, will feed into a single league table, with the top 22 clubs qualifying for the seeded knock-out round of 32. At that point, early next year, the 10 Championship clubs enter the competition at that point as the seeded sides, along with teams finishing in the top six of the league phase, with the remainder of the competition following a traditional knock-out format. Got that?

It sounds Mickey McMouse, but it isn’t. Honestly. Don’t dare say the competition doesn’t matter to Queens Park, who celebrated their 5-0 hammering of Livingstone in last season’s final loud and lustily, or former Percy Main custodian Shaun Backhouse, who I recall thoroughly enjoyed seeing his ancestral team Raith Rovers win the trophy back in 2014, when they beat Rangers at Easter Road. I bet they were dancing in the streets of Raith that night.

Anyway, entrance negotiated, decent mince pie and a large Pepsi Max consumed (the walk made me thirsty), I took my seat in the Main Stand. Second top row. On an aisle. Level with 18-yard line at the end Peterhead were attacking. Consulting the team sheet, I recognised one name: former Celtic and Dons player, 66-time capped for the north of Ireland striker, Niall McGinn. He’s 37 now but was the best player on the park by a country mile. Aberdeen’s number 4 was Lewis Carroll. Sadly, this was not to be a fairytale outcome for the player who probably isn’t nicknamed the Reverend Charles Dodgson by his team mates.

In front of a sparse crowd (announced as 584 in a 3,150 capacity arena), the Blue Toon came out to “Fanfare for the Common Man” and ran Aberdeen ragged from the start. The first goal came when a McGinn corner was headed into his own net by Mercer, as keeper Vitols, who was abysmal with crosses all night, stood motionless. He did redeem himself slightly, by palming away a McGinn penalty, awarded for an obvious trip, on 28 minutes. Peterhead doubled their lead on 33 minutes when Colloty turned in the box and fired decisively home. Aberdeen offered nothing and went in at the break deservedly behind, though they woke up in the second half.

On 49 minutes, substitute Searle curled home a beauty from the edge of the box. It was all square on 62 minutes when Stephen tapped home from close range. There were some disgruntled noises in the home end but, as I’ve found to be the case in the far north, little bad language or none that I could discern. They’ve got a strange accent up there, which seems to share vowel sounds with Tyneside, surprisingly. There’s no graffiti to be seen in Peterhead either, which did disappoint me. The knot of Dons fans were to be severely disappointed when old boy McGinn scored what proved to be the winner, racing free down the left and cutting in. Worse was to follow when loose defensive play offered Shanks, on as a replacement, a simple chance that he buried. After that, Aberdeen appeared to give up, Peterhead brought on that old warhorse Trialist and the game ended with The Blue Toon stroking the ball around in midfield.

Afterwards, I walked home by the same route, seeing virtually nobody on the streets. I was back at the hotel for 10.30 and, having done 18,000 steps, decided on an early night. Up again next morning, I breakfasted on a double helping of McDonald’s porridge and began the long journey home, which got me to Central exactly on time. As my train sped south, probably as we were nearing Berwick, I felt genuinely sad that I’ve completed all my far flung trips and, bearing in mind my age, probably won’t have cause to pass this way again. I’ve seen some lovely grounds (some boring ones as well), eaten a range of pies from the gourmet to the ghastly and seen a bit of football as well. Now, there’s only Stranraer to go, as well as a revisit to Queens Park now they’re at Lesser Hampden. Let’s get the cricket season done and then I can start planning the final moments of what has been an incredible odyssey.

 

Primary Colours

Further missives from the litany of disaster that has been the 2025 season for Tynemouth 3s, and some other bits of cricket as well -:

June 21^st

In a largely forgettable week for Tynemouth Cricket Club, one ray of sunshine was provided by the Under 13s team. As Paul Hurst writes, “On a hot and sunny Friday evening the U13s travelled to Benwell Hill for the final of Vitality T20 County Cup competition. Having beaten Ashington and then South North en route to the final the 13s were in confident mood.

The Benwell Hill captain won the toss and elected to bat meaning Tynemouth captain Thomas Rayner and team would bowl first. After a steady start Ryan Meikle made the breakthrough with the score on 29. Another followed quickly with Joe Hurst removing the other opener with the score on 32. A solid partnership followed taking The Hill to 76. However the introduction of Charlie Coleman led to mini collapse with his leg spin picking up 3 wickets. A final wicket for Zac Armstrong restricted Benwell Hill to 98 which at half time Tynemouth were delighted with. Notable fielding contribution from Cameron Donachie taking 3 catches.

Will Bogg and Freddie Caulfield started steadily and TCC were on 23 before the first wicket fell. Benwell Hill knew their only chance was to bowl tightly and accurately and chip away with regular wickets and that is what they did. After a quickfire 14, Thomas Rayner departed bringing Louis Finlay to the crease to join Harrison Goel. The two lads ran hard and injected some much needed urgency in to the batting reply, scoring 16 and 19 respectively. A couple more wickets meant the pressure intensified and Tynemouth needed 11 from the last 2 overs. It was tight and nervy but the calm and composed pair of Cameron Donachie and Charlie Coleman kept chipping away at the total. It was on the 2nd ball of the final over when the game turned conclusively when Cameron pulled the ball to the midwicket boundary tying the scores. Benwell had to bring the field in allowing Cam to smash the next ball through the offside to rapturous applause from his teammates and the travelling Tynemouth contingent.” Well done to the youngsters; another potential Golden Generation are maturing nicely at Preston Avenue.

As regards the other teams, the Saturday 3s were again forced to concede their away game to GEMS; their third so far in a thoroughly miserable season, while the 2^nd XI were on the end of a severe beating away to Benwell Hill. The Hill batted first and, despite three wickets each for George Stewart and Neil Bennett, compiled a daunting 246/9 declared from 47 overs. In reply, Tynemouth totalled 68 all out (George Stewart top scoring with 25), to lose by 178 runs.

The Sunday 3s had two games this week. They lost by 11 runs to Newcastle City (91/9) in the Banks Cup second round, despite an astonishing spell of 4-1-8-5 by Archie Goel and an almost as impressive 3/24 by Noah Rae. Finn Larner (20*) starred with the bat, but Tynemouth ended on 80/9. On Sunday, they managed 96 all out with Zach Larner (43) holding the innings together. Sadly this was not enough to trouble Ashington Academy, who had earlier posted 223 with Noah Rae (3/23) the pick of the bowlers.

The usual scratch team that represented Tynemouth first XI on Tuesday at Stocksfield were heavily beaten in the first round of the Bobby Smithson County Cup. The home side batted first and powered their way to 240/3 from their 20 overs. In reply, Tynemouth 129/9, with Barry Stewart (28*) and Bish (27) doing their best against such a mammoth total. Saturday brought no better fortune at home to Shotley Bridge. Batting first on another rain-affected day, The Croons made a respectable 224/6, with Stan MacAlindon (68), Dan McGhee (57*) and Matt Kimmitt (45*) all batting admirably. Sadly, Shotley Bridge made the runs, 8 wickets down, with 3 balls to spare. A very disappointing outcome. Let us hope for better fortune and better weather next weekend.

A rather inauspicious weekend for me. Having drank deeply at Ben’s 30th birthday do on the Friday night at Full Circle, I couldn’t get myself together to watch any cricket, so it is a good job we weren’t actually playing. Still, I had a pleasant outing on Sunday to Tynedale v Felling, where I met up with Harry Pearson.

June 28^th

The unexpected downpour on Saturday afternoon benefitted Tynemouth’s two most senior sides, as it got them both out of a jam, much to the chagrin of opponents South Northumberland. The first XI travelled to Roseworth Terrace and were dismissed for 174 on 46.2 overs. While several batters made a start, such as Sean Longstaff (28*), Stan McAlindon (27), Dan McGee (27) and Matty Brown (23), there wasn’t a truly big score to help the innings build an imposing total. In reply South North were 30 without loss when the rains came, forcing an abandonment.

It was a similar story at Preston Avenue, where a fierce batting performance by the visitors saw them declare on 290/7, with the unretired Wallsend native Graeme Hallam starring with 3/40. Tynemouth had made 51/3, featuring good contributions by Andrew Smith (31) and Emily Whiting (17), when the game was washed out. On Sunday, the 2s travelled to Felling to play in a triangular first round NEPL 2XI Hundred competition, with Ashington also participating. Despite spirited performances in both games, Tynemouth came up short, losing to Felling by 37 runs and Ashington by 6 wickets.

The Saturday 3s gave 3 debuts on Saturday against Lions to James Bough, who took a wicket with the second ball he bowled and hit the first one he faced to the boundary, Glenn Gault, who had the joy of seeing his son Lewis return admirable figures of 9-2-42-5, then be given out stumped by his offspring, and Jen, who had the misfortune of seeing her fiancée, captain and wicket keeper Alosh Jose prevent 4 byes with his temple. While Paul Hurst and Ewen Aditjandra bowled beautifully without reward, the abysmal off spin of ian cusack saw him land one about 6 inches from the base of middle stump as the batter missed the only straight one the aged fool bowled. Benefitting from a couple of contentious calls, including a direct run out and an obvious nick behind the Lions umpire claimed he could not hear because of the pop music festival on the back rugby pitch, made 232/9. In reply, with the concussed Jose, the limping cusack and the timorous Jen all effectively hors de combat, Tynemouth 3s amassed the grand total of 60, which is about a par score these days. Well done to Adam Blake (20) for top scoring and putting cusack out of his misery, declaring him run out for 0. Chin up everyone; it’s South North away next week…

Another wicket. This time clean bowled, after the batter made an almighty, ugly swipe across the line. Despite trying to hit it onto the rugby pitch, he missed the ball and the bails were dislodged. Somehow I managed to hurt my lower back when bowling, presumably the effort I was putting in to generate extra pace causing a muscle spasm. This meant I could theoretically have asked for a runner. If I had perhaps I might have made my ground when calling for a suicidal single. Quite enjoyed going back to Felling to watch the 2s on the Sunday as well, mainly because it gave me a chance to meet up with Dave Walkden for a pint.

July 5^th

The first weekend of July marked the commencement of the second half of the 2025 season, with fixtures reversed from the opening day back on Easter Saturday. Results, as ever, were mixed but the standout performance was by the first XI who eviscerated Felling by a whopping 139 runs. Batting first at Watermill Lane, Tynemouth compiled 210 all out from their allotted 58 overs, leaving Felling 52 overs to make the runs required. Top performers with the bat were Joe Snowdon (56), Faizan Ghumann (48) and Robbie Bowman (20). Any fears that this total would not be enough were quickly dismissed, as were most of the Felling batters. The home side were skittled for 71 in only 22 overs, with Bish (4-23) and Sean Longstaff (4-29), much to the interest of local and national sports networks, the star performers. Only 4 bowlers were used, with Matty Brown and skipper Martin Pollard, with only his second ball, also claiming scalps. An excellent, eye-catching result that will surely breed confidence for the crucial 10 weeks that lie ahead.

The 2s hosted Whitburn 2s and, as on the opening day, completed a comprehensive victory, by a margin of 8 wickets. The visitors to Preston Avenue batted first and were dismissed for 151, with all the bowlers taking wickets. Indeed, 6 bowlers were called upon following Richy Hay’s injury that restricted him to 6 overs (1-10), with Noah Rae (2-20) and Emily Whiting (1-22) chipping in along with Barry Stewart (2-25), Neil Bennett (2-30) and Andrew Smith (2-32). Tynemouth 2s chased down the runs required in 30.5 overs for the loss of 2 wickets, mainly due to an excellent opening stand of 132, made up of 102 by Jack Roys and Chris Fairley’s supporting 31, ended when he suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, being run out by Shakespeare.

Meanwhile the Saturday 3s lost again, but in an encouraging way, up in the rustic surroundings of Belsay CC, where South North 3s opt to play their home games. The opposition batted first and compiled 204/8, giving Tynemouth 4 bowling points. Pleasingly, all bowlers took wickets, meaning that all bowlers in the 3 Saturday teams achieved a measure of success for their labours, with James Bough starring with 2-23 from his 6 overs, ably assisted by another excellent spell from Ewan Aditjandra (2-36), augmented by a stunning catch at deep square leg, showing that the shambling cusack, hampered by ankle, thumb, back and shoulder maladies, certainly knows how to bowl to his field.

The response was anchored by a fluent 32 by Ewan Aditjandra, assisted by skipper Tony Turner’s 27 in an opening partnership of 53. Sadly, the impetus went out of the innings with Bunsen’s dismissal and, despite a studied, patient 38 from Sean Aditjandra, Tynemouth were never up with the run rate, mainly due to the excellent slow bowling of South North, including an impressive 2-26 by 69 year old Dave Cragg, closing on 168/8 to lose by 36 runs. This was another honourable loss and something for the team to build on.

On Sunday, the Sunday 3s also found it difficult to chase. After Sunderland had posted 221-4 from their overs, Tynemouth reached 176-4, with skipper Patrick Hallam (52 including 4 maximums) top scoring, assisted by Sean Aditjandra (50 and 2 wickets) and Ben Harland (42). Fair play to his dad Richard for donning the whites two days running as well.

Sadly the Under 13s, fresh from winning the North East cup in a thriller at Benwell Hill, couldn’t quite replicate their success on a national stage. Travelling to the impressive and prestigious Grange ground in Edinburgh, they lost by 20 runs. However, their achievements in reaching that stage really must be applauded.

I didn’t get a bat in this one, but again I took a wicket. A young tyro attempted to put me over the quaint little pavilion in most rustic surroundings but holed out to deep square. That’s the third time I can remember such a shot giving me a measure of success. Mind, it didn’t make up for the agony of both defeat and new injuries. Trying to stop a four, I took one on the ankle. It still hurts now. Also I bent a few fingers diving to stop one at midwicket, which is the kind of sacrifice you have to make for the cause. We were umpired by Steve Harper today and he seemed a really nice bloke. Only black spot was no hot water in the pavilion, so I didn’t get my between innings coffee. Popped in to watch the Sunday 3s after the gym, when I did get myself a coffee.

July 12^th

The weekend past was indeed the Glorious Twelfth, in terms of weather, if not performances by Tynemouth Cricket Club, who endured a tempestuous victory-free set of results for all senior teams. On Saturday, Tynemouth Cricket Club hosted a well-attended social event, with a stupendous buffet created by Sue Carr and Liz Stewart for former players. Unfortunately, the visitors Burnopfield were the ones who feasted the most, posting 277/5 from 55 overs, despite a magnificent spell by Bish (15-2-30-3). The chase never really got going and Tynemouth subsided to 94 all out, which was a sobering reality check after the successful trip to Felling the week previous.

The 2s partook of a double header with Gateshead Fell. On Friday night, they hosted the side from south of the river in a Banks T20 quarter final. Despite making a promising 151/5, with notable contributions from Patrick Hallam (42), Marcus Turner (39) and Zach Larner (32*), they lost by 8 wickets to a rampant Fell side, who reached the target with 2 overs to spare. On Saturday, the location was reversed and the result of a tense, absorbing game was a draw. The Fell batted first and made 215 all out from 53 overs. There were 3 wickets for Barry Stewart and twice each for Neil Bennett and Sean Aditjandra. In response, Tynemouth closed on 207/7. George Stewart (70) lead the way, with both Turner (27) and Larner (52) providing useful runs. Andy Lineham exorcised some personal demons on the ground of his infamous run out with an obdurate 30, in a game where all possible results were in the mix until the final over.

On the back pitch, the Saturday 3s hosted Leadgate and were graced with the presence of skipper Richy Hay for the first time this season. Declared hors de combat from the 2s on account of a strained hamstring, his presence was greeted by his charges like nervous children after VE Day welcoming their injured daddy home from the war. Hay, taking the captain’s privileges, batted number 3, disdainfully hooking his first ball for four, as well as coming on first change, boasting figures of 2-1-2-2 at one stage. Sadly, his tender tendons and tender paternalism could not coax a victory for the 3s. Indeed, his boundary was only the third best shot of the innings, with Alosh Jose, always dangerous behind square, artfully sweeping one beyond the whitewash and Lewis Gault’s menacing drive through long on for four. Enjoying the novelty of batting first, they made a decent fist of it, compiling a total of 112 in 38.1. Praise must be given to Archie Goel (25), who batted with great fluency and the superb counterattacking cameo of Lewis Gault (22), who combined strong running with attacking shots. Well done also to young Harrison Goel (2), on debut, who ensured that father Vish took the bronze medal for runs in that family. Also, the ageless cusack (1*), who survived an agonising blow to the hand first ball, before nicking one straight into the gloves of Leadgate’s garrulous keeper Bobby McCourt, who perhaps should spend more time concentrating on his keeping that his pitiful sledging, as he spilled the most routine catch you’ve ever seen. Sadly, 112 was not enough and Leadgate chased them down for the loss of two wickets (both to R Hay DSM), despite incredible agility in the field by Ansel Anil.

The Sunday 3s were away to Newcastle City. Zach Larner (88) top scored, contributing a mere 172 runs over the weekend, with Arthur King (80) and another fine knock by Archie Goel (23), helping Tynemouth to 236/5 from their 35 overs. Sadly, Newcastle City made the runs with an over to spare. No victories this weekend, but more evidence of the excellence and potential among the young players. Well done all.

Not a particularly enjoyable game this one. Leadgate want promotion and played it tough from the start, giving no quarter. Doing my usual umpiring, I called an early wide, mainly because the ball swung away so far. Perhaps I was wrong, but a single run didn’t make much of a difference to the result, certainly it was no excuse for the wicket keeper to issue a tirade of foul mouthed abuse. When I asked their captain to have a word, he got all out aggressive in my face. It was even worse when I batted. The first ball struck me on the thumb and, honestly, for a couple of minutes I had zero feeling in my hands. Unsurprisingly, the second ball was the one I hit. It was also the last one I faced as we were all out just afterwards. No bowling for me today as I couldn’t have gripped the ball. Still, I had a great bevvy afterwards with Richy Hay. Sundown at Preston Avenue on a glorious day with great company and a pint in your hand. Absolute heaven.

 July 19^th

Saturday 19^th July saw all three of Tynemouth CC’s senior sides washed out. The first XI did get started at Jesmond, but only managed 15/0 from 4.4 overs when the storm broke. Neither the 2s at Preston Avenue, nor the 3s away to Monkseaton saw a ball bowled, though the 3s enjoyed a sumptuous brunch in lieu of any cricket.

Both the 1s and 2s were in cup action during the week. On Friday night, the 1s played their first NEPL Hundred game of the season, losing comprehensively away to Philadelphia. Batting first, the home side made 180/2, while Tynemouth could only muster 134/7, anorchid by a superb 85* by Jack Roys. On Thursday, the 2s hosted Lanchester in the quarter final of the Roseworth Trophy. Despite losing by 33 runs, Tynemouth 2s progressed sheepishly to the semi-final as Lanchester fielded an ineligible player.

The Sunday 3s were able to play a game and came out on top over Newcastle City by a margin of 13 runs. Batting first, they posted 191/5 from their 35 overs, with George Stewart (120*) in sparkling form with the bat. Newcastle City were bowled out for 178, with Zach Larner (6-1-26-4) the stand out performer

It began raining the second I locked the front door. By the time I met Alosh at the bottom of the street, I was drenched. The forecast was foul. Percy Main were playing a friendly on 4G up the road at John spence versus North Shields Athletic. I expected to be there but didn’t make it as we hung around until after 3.00 before calling it off. At least we had time to study the Rothko inspired tactics board in the clubhouse. A quick pint in the Monkseaton Arms did me no good. It looked cloudy and tasted a bit off. Within an hour I was in bed, sweating and shivering, where I stayed for the next 18 hours, other than making ELEVEN trips to the bog. For the first time ever, I truly did have a bad pint.

 July 26^th

Following a 1-wicket loss away to Castle Eden, Tynemouth first XI now find themselves in a relegation spot in the NEPL Premier Division. Batting first, Tynemouth managed 182 all out from 47.1 overs, with the vast majority of the runs coming from Robbie Bowman (72) and Matty Brown (54). In reply, despite the best efforts of Bish (4/42), skipper Martin Pollard (2/31) and Stan Mcalindon (2/58), Castle Eden made it home after 49.1 overs. This result leaves Tynemouth in a parlous position, with 7 games to go.

In the reverse fixture, Tynemouth 2s hosted Castle Eden 2s and won an absorbing game from the first ball of the final over. The visitors batted first, using all of their allotted 55 overs to make 231/6. Bowling honours go to Barry Stewart (4/45), with support from Andrew Davison (2/65). In reply, Tynemouth scored the runs required from 49.1 overs, for the loss of 7 wickets. Marcus Turner (74) led from the front, with notable contributions from Chris Fairley (58) and Zach Larner (36), but fittingly it was Barry Sewart who hit the winning runs at the end of an enjoyable and absorbing game.

The highlight of the last weekend in July for Tynemouth Cricket Club was undoubtedly another stunning batting display in a season packed with them, by George Stewart. Ably backed up by George Bogg (82), Stewart junior flayed Burnopfield’s attack in helping himself to 116 out of a total of 251/2 from 35 overs. The run-hungry Zach Larner (27*) also played his past. These runs were necessary as Burnopfield just came up short with 238 all out from one ball shy of their allotted 35 overs, with the result secured by incredible death bowling by George Bogg, who took the last 2 wickets in the only over he bowled. Well done to these young tyros who continue to represent Tynemouth in such a distinguished fashion.

Perhaps they can provide some tips to the Saturday 3s who, in chasing an improbable 217 to beat Civil Service 1s, subsided to a catastrophic 43 all out, long before a drinks interval was needed. After a reasonable first innings in the field, with Rohan George taking 3 wickets and Cameron Donachie 2 as the Civil Service made 216/5, there wasn’t a single notable contribution by the 3s, who are determined to put things right for next week, when they grace the hallowed turf of Jesmond against Newcastle 3s on Sunday.

The very worst one of the season. I was out stumped second ball, by Peter and Gillian Woodley’s son, racing down the pitch and missing a straight one. I felt all wrong going out there and knew I couldn’t hit a beach ball, never mind a cricket one. I’d had 2 overs earlier one and a good shout for LBW, or at least I thought so. Even if I do say so myself, the second over was a decent one, for me at least. On Sunday, I ticked off my final NEPL ground, meeting up with Marc Beattie and slugging almost a gallon of Guinness as the home side won handsomely. 

August 3^rd

Tynemouth Cricket Club first XI ought to have played host to Hetton Lyons in a Banks NEPL Hundred group game on Friday night, but the visitors conceded. This was immaterial as Philadelphia had won the section and progressed to the quarter finals already.

On Saturday, Chester Le Street firsts were the visitors to Preston Avenue, in what turned out to be a tense, high scoring draw that was in the balance until the final over. Tynemouth batted first and amassed 259/8 declared from 57 overs, one less than the maximum permitted. The highpoints were another brilliant century from Matty Brown (114), ably supported by Robbie Bowman (71). Chester consequently had 53 overs to score the runs required and were agonisingly short on 254/7 when the game ended. Their effort was spurred by superb efforts by Andrew Smith (96) and Jacob McCann (95*). For Tynemouth, Bish (3-74), skipper Martin Pollard (2-47) and Stan McAlindon (2-74) found success on a batting friendly strip on a glorious sunny day.

The 2s travelled to Ropery Lane for the reverse fixture, again batting first. They posted an imposing 284/7 from 55 overs with Marcus Turner (97*) and Zach Larner (77) leading the way, ably supported by Andrew Davison (42)> In reply, Chester batted their full 50 overs, ending on 231/6. The wickets were shared between Josh Koen (3-22) and Lewis Hurst (3-34), both of whom bowled excellently.

With the Sunday 3s inactive, the Saturday 3s played away to Newcastle 3s at Jesmond. They also batted first, being all out for 95, with Paul Hurst (36) being the stand out performer. Newcastle made the runs required for the loss of 4 wickets, with Cameron Donachie (2-23), including a brilliant caught and bowled, and Ansel Anil (2-28) claiming the victims. A word of praise for James Bough who batted doggedly and bowled a hostile spell without any luck at all. Another word of praise for Newcastle’s Dave Churchley, who walked after feathering a catch to Ben Harland behind the stumps from Anil’s bowling. It was an example of the true spirit of cricket, so often lacking in games without umpires. Well done sir!

A free Saturday saw me swerving both TCC and Percy Main’s opening fixture away to Rothbury, in order to tick off FC Hartlepool of Northern League D2, as they thumped Esh Winning 4-0. Decent day out, as was Sunday, even though we lost again. It was an honour to play on the hallowed turf of County Club, even if I finally qualified for membership of The Primary Club, totally missing a straight one. I think I’ll use my other bat from now on. On reflection though, considering I’ve seen the likes of Ian Botham, Graham Gooch and Javed Miandad bat one this ground, it was fitting how I was out, reflecting my level of skill and expertise on the cricket pitch While fielding, I hurt my arthritic right shoulder, diving and missing a leg glance at short backward square, meaning I didn’t get a bowl. Still, it was a wonderful experience to be in a dressing room that had space for 11 players.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Sound of (Not-So) Young Scotland

Amazingly, my solo CD, "The Pseudobulbar Effect" has sold out of all physical copies, so here's my latest cultural blog about what I've listened to and read over the last couple of months -:

MUSIC:

I should have reviewed the double album soundtrack that accompanied David Keenan’s magisterial account of outsider music, “Volcanic Tongue,” last time around, but for ages I couldn’t bring myself to listen to it, as I feared it would contain the sort of industrial power electronics that made Nurse with Wound sound like The Dooleys. Guess what? It doesn’t and it is as brilliant as it obscure. Containing 20 “Tips of the Tongue,” which were the pick of the crop contained in each weekly email from the titular record shop, this is an eclectic compilation album celebrating a whole raft of contemporary DIY music from around the world, often released in tiny runs on homemade CD-Rs or cassette, and also sought to shine a light on forgotten artists from the past, who had often released their music as a ‘private press’ LP. This collection has been put together from releases that run the gamut from outsider synth burbles to psych-folk to damaged rock’n’roll, with tracks recorded between 1968 and 2013, making it a celebration of a vibrant and wilfully esoteric underground avant-garde that lives up to the description of it as being “A Time​-​Travelling Evangelist​’​s Guide to Late 20th Century Underground music.” If you know, you know and if you haven’t got it, you really should.

On a totally different track, the doyen of football journalists Brian Glanville died in May, and his obituary told me his son, Mark Glanville, an Oxford educated former Millwall boot boy, was an opera singer, whose stand out project, with the pianist Alexander Knapp, “A Yiddish Winterreise” is described as “A Holocaust Survivor’s Inner Journey Told Through Yiddish Song.” Before anyone gets on their high horse and calls me a Zionist apologist or sympathiser, educate yourselves as to the stance of Orthodox Jews towards the behaviour of the state of Israel. This is not a defence of the indefensible; it is a slow, solemn paean to the victims of pogroms and holocaust since the middle ages. It’s very heavy going, with no pause for breath, though the English text reveals lyrics that sometimes celebrate love, marriage and the beauty of nature. I don’t know how many times I’ll listen to it, but I’m certainly glad I have it in my possession. Similarly, Isolated Community’s latest set of field recordings “Movement in the Half Light” is an intense and impressive collection of found sounds from the wilds of the Northumbrian countryside. Rachael and Richard Dunn have put together another aurally challenging and visually stunning package that transcends simple electronica and ambient noise, to make a loving tribute to the eerie beauty that lies on our doorstep. Give or take 40 miles anyway.

Back to Glasgow (do I have anywhere as much music from any other city? I sincerely doubt it, though New York may come close) and Lavinia Blackwall’s fantastic sophomore solo release, “The Making,” has been well worth the half decade wait since her debut, “Muggington Lane End.” A sprightly, life affirming collection of self-penned Baroque Folky semi-psychedelic anthems, it shows her to be in fine form and backed, as ever, by the cream of Glasgow’s folk pop intelligentsia; husband Marco Rea and Stilton alumni Jim McGoldrick and Seb Johnsen. A rich tapestry of folk, rock, and psych-power pop, the album showcases Blackwall’s unparalleled vocal prowess and evocative songwriting, further cementing her reputation as one of the most distinctive around. The cover is beautifully nostalgic as well.

The supremely talented Jill Lorean released a split 7”, “The Book,” with S. Antigone, of whom I know nothing, other than her track “Sweethearthood (An Ode to Laurie Bird)” is a sumptuous slice of dream pop, not too far away from several C86 acts we could, but won’t, mention. AI tells me S Antigone “likely refers to the musical project or band featuring Simone on guitar/vocals and Georgia on clarinet. They are described as playing together for the first time, with their music characterized by the interaction and sometimes jarring contrast between the two instruments. Simone's vocals range from muttered musings to "evil song" yelling.” Fair enough! Meanwhile, Jill has delivered another blistering, high octane pop punk number that adds to her ever growing canon of brilliant work. This band should be massive. I can say the same about Dragged Up, whose CD single “Blake’s Tape” *and the superb accompanying “Clachan Dubh”) is a menacing beast of a song, showing how ferocious they can be. Live, I’ve seen this band and know how powerful they can be, so it is great to have a physical release that showcases them when they’re off the leash. Love it.

Digging through the bargain bins the other week, I found a copy of Beverley Martyn’s 2014 solo album “The Phoenix and The Turtle.” It’s more acoustic blues than folk, but worth getting for her solo take on the original version of “When The Levee Breaks.” There’s a few other interesting cuts on there as well and certainly represents a quid well spent.

As well as collecting recorded music, I’ve also ventured out to a few gigs of late. Chronologically, the first one was Ramleh at The Lubber Fiend, which was back on May 31^st. They were supported by Louse, who were a little too fast and growly for my tastes, but the audience seemed to love them. The singer looked like PC Hipsta gone to seed and when he took his t-shirt off revealed a set of capacious man boobs. Half the members of Louse were also in the other support, The Shits, who are truly one of the worst ordeals I’ve ever been put through. A dull Ruts tribute act with a gormless singer who spent half the set spitting at the audience. Truly terrible, but at least Ramleh were good. Without the US-based Phillip Best, they have morphed into a kind of psychedelic, slow motion hypnotic Dinosaur Jr style outfit, with nods to Pink Floyd, The Grateful Dead and Swervedriver. This is what I came to hear, and I didn’t mind missing the last bus home after the gig ran late. 

There’s no chance of missing the last bus after a Shunyata Improvisation Group gig; not when it starts at the Cullercoats Watch House at 7pm anyway. On the second Sunday in June, I was free to walk through my beloved Tynemouth for the first time in 3 years. A good shift in the gym, a quick visit to TCC to see how the Academy were getting on and then a stroll up and down Front Street, then along the sea path to Cullercoats. Oh how I’ve missed the place. I’m sad I can’t go back there permanently, but you make choices in life. Sometimes they are for the better and sometimes they just don’t work out. I don’t regret leaving when and why I did for one moment, but I am glad I can return without repercussions. I even overcame my fear of solo dining, having a splendid curry in Bilash. The mixed kebab was an excellent starter, but the superb Lamb Bhuna was even better. Thanks to Dan Storey for the recommendation.

And so to the Watch House. Last time I’d seen Shunyata here, the wind from the sea was so strong you’d have thought an orchestra of comb and tissue players were outside, such are the decrepit window frames. This time, it was still and only the inane burbling of a pair of entitled middle class bores passing by was of minor irritation. Instead, we could focus on the joyous work of the latest, three-piece iteration of SIG. They are as beguiling as ever, but the addition of vocals by Katie Oswell, like a kind of Buddhist Diamanda Galas meets the whistles and bird song of Percy Edwards, makes it an even more profound experience to immerse yourself in. John Garner has been so busy with his Shakuhachi studies of late that it was a joy to hear him on the violin for so much of tonight. A wonderful, reflective event that had a shamefully low attendance of about 15 souls, but it makes me long for their next performance on September 7 at The Healing Café. The menu looks promising as well.

I’m starting to become a little depressed by the pitiful turnout at some independent gigs. My pal Richyy organised an early evening double header at The Little Buildings the other week. Despite the number of people who claimed on Facebook that they were interested, or even going, the attendance was a paltry dozen or so, for two excellent female singer songwriters. First up was California native but York resident Isadora Darling who has a soulful voice that could charm the birds from the trees. A set of self-penned ballads of love and loss that were perhaps a little too Jools Holland for my tastes, but the woman has talent, and can she sing? Wow! Watch out for her name and see how many people pretend they came to see her once she goes global. More to my taste was So-Anne-So, a zany French chanteuse who was almost a Gallic female Ivor Cutler. Weird and whacky narratives delivered on her Casio keyboard, with Bontempi flourishes, that included a delicious, madcap version of “Ever Fallen in Love.” She is brilliant. I’m seeing her again whenever I can and will buy all her product, once there is some. A true one-off. Thanks to Richyy for putting this on and no thanks to those of you who couldn’t be bothered to show your faces.

I know Andy Wood of TQ has been suffering the same problems with the gigs he puts on at The Globe, which is why I was relieved there was a decent turn out for my mate and one-time musical collaborator Chris Bartholomew the other week. Bartholomew, as he styles himself, has just released his new album, “Subterranea,” a wonderful, expansive collection of electronic composition with additional trumpet and vocals that is even better than his last universally praised release, “Moorbound.” Supported by Lauren Sarah Hayes, who was like a cross between Laurie Anderson and a crashing computer game, but in a good way, Bartholomew live did the album justice. Augmented by peripatetic cello player Mark Carroll and the angelic vocals of Peony’s Will Rees, for 35 minutes we were transported with Chris on a musical journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth. I can’t recommend “Subterranea” highly enough.

Finally, we’ll end this section where we started it and seem to have spent most of the piece, Glasgow. For the first time in 11 years, since Ben’s 19^th birthday in point of fact, the wondrous sound of The Pastels rolled into town. Two years ago I saw The Vaselines and Jon Langford play a Sunday matinee in The Cumberland that was the hottest gig I’d ever been to. This one was of an equally high temperature, but with added humidity, making it probably the steamiest event I’ve ever been to, and I couldn’t watch the support act as the place was so airless I felt faint. However, we returned for The Pastels and they were fucking brilliant. Quite a lot from “Sow Summits,” which is still contemporary in their eyes I suppose, a brooding, motorik-powered “Baby Honey” and a triumphant set closer of “Different Drum” made this a memorable family day out with the bairn and the ex-wife. Stephen, as ever, was charm personified, so I even popped into Monorail when up in Glasgow last Wednesday to say another thank you, which he graciously accepted. I just wish I’d got my copy of “Suck On,” recently obtained from GW Lang, autographed. And what a compilation that is; two versions of “Baby Honey” no less. Honestly, I only buy good records these days, even if they were released 40 years ago.

 BOOKS:

Without question, the book I’ve enjoyed most since I last culturally blogged is Michael Keenaghan’s latest collection of violent slices of probably true crime in North and East London, “Cocaine Eyes.” Bent coppers, petty thieves, drug dealers, drug users and all manner of life tales of those on the seamiest fringes of the greatest cosmopolitan city in the world, just trying to get by whatever it takes, or they have to take from someone else. The brilliance of Keenaghan’s writing is that he makes every single one of his characters, their stories and the world they live in 100% credible. Each of these pieces could be a film and it always amazes me that none of Michael’s books have yet been optioned for a cinema project. He is undoubtedly the poet laureate of North London and the finest English realistic crime writer on earth. He deserves to be a millionaire.

Probably the toughest book I’ve read since last time, not in terms of complexity of plot of vocabulary but just the sheer difficulty of getting into it, was the recently deceased Dag Solstad’s “Professor Andersen’s Night.” It’s like a Norwegian version of “La Chute” by Camus in many ways, though written in the third person. A reserved, divorced, prosperous middle aged professor of literature, the titular Andersen, is about to have a Christmas Eve meal by himself in his large apartment in the fashionable part of Oslo. Looking out of his window, he sees a man strangle a woman to death in the flat opposite. Instead of calling the Police, Andersen looks on dumbfounded and, inert and introspective, spends the rest of the novel questioning his own moral cowardice in not confronting the situation head on. While in a perpetual fug of moral quandry, he lives his life as normal. He goes to friends’ houses for Festive dinners, flies to Trondheim for a brief skiing holiday at a colleague’s house, then somehow encounters the murderer in a Sushi Bar on New Year’s Eve. At every point he wants to call the Police to report the crime but never does. The murderer goes away to the Far East on business, the Professor returns to work for the next semester, and the victim is unnamed and apparently unreported, so consequently unmourned. A sad and irritating book that is completely out of place with these times but caused much debate when published in the late 70s.

In contrast to the two months it took me to wade through “Professor Andersen’s Night,” I read my Father’s Day present from Ben, “To Hell With Poverty” by Jon King, on the day itself. I was sad not to be able to catch Gang of Four on their farewell tour but devoured King’s account of the rise and demise of the archetypal Leeds-based Rough Trade post-punk agitprop outfit. In minute detail, it tells of their friendship from schooldays, devotion to cricket (Paul Downton was a classmate!), love of music, revolutionary politics and the world they inhabited. Sad to say, but in every band there is one member the rest hate; the fact this was the late Andy Gill should be of no surprise to anyone who followed the band from the brilliance of “Entertainment” in 1979 to the rancid rubbish that was the Gill-dominated “Hard,” before the band initially disintegrated in 1983. On the way, bassist Dave Allen disappears after a drug-induced breakdown and faithful drummer Hugo Burnham is sacked by Gill who reckoned using programmed percussion was the way forward. King is as honest as he is exhaustive in his explanation of events and one can only imagine another volume is forthcoming, telling of the various reformations and reincarnations, with and without original members, leading up to the final incarnation after Gill’s death from COVID, who have just thrown in the towel. The Gang of Four are one of the most important groups in my life and this book does justice to their wonderful legacy. Until 1984 that is.

I bought “Professor Andersen’s Night” after reading Dag Solstad’s obituary in The Guardian. On the same basis, I got hold of “The Man with the Chocolate Egg” by John Noone after reading his obituary in the same paper. Noone was once a highly promising fiction writer, with this his debut novel picking up the Geoffrey Faber Memorial Prize in 1967, who turned away from literary fiction after his second book failed to sell. I have to say, I may well hunt down his other novel, “The Night of Accomplishment,” as the brief, terse, nerve shredding story of a deranged military deserter who kills himself by detonating a hand grenade on a London bus, when such an event seemed a preposterous invention, is a compelling read. I thoroughly enjoyed Noone’s ability to create a world of crazed illogical thinking that seems perfectly rational from the perspective of the main character. I’m delighted to have come across John Noone, though sad that his death was the reason I did so. RIP.

I managed to finally get rid of “Professor Andersen’s Night” by swapping it for John Braine’s “Stay With Me Till Moring” at the Jesmond Vale book swap point. Braine, one of the original angry young men in the mid-50s, with “Room At The Top,” had become one of the complacent middle aged men like contemporaries Amos and Osborne by the time this book was published. This novel is the story of an upper middle-class pair of nouveau riche Tories in the posh bit of North Yorkshire getting bored with the conventions of bourgeois society and jumping into bed with a pair of completely unsuitable bits on the side. The married couple reconcile while the lovers are discarded without a second thought. It’s titillation for those who admired Cecil Parkinson and Jonathan Aitken’s personal lives. I didn’t enjoy it much.

Irvine Welsh has only written one truly terrible book, “The Sex Lives of the Siamese Twins,” though “The Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs” isn’t great either. His latest, “Men in Love” isn’t as bad as either of those two, but it is a country mile away from being one of his best. Picking up on the usual Leith Crew after Renton’s betrayal at the end of “Trainspotting,” getting the voices of Sick Boy, Spud, Begbie and Renton back in your head is as comfy as popping your feet into a pair of old slippers that have been warming on the hearth. Relaxing and reassuring but, because we know how life pans out for them from “Porno,” “Dead Man’s Trousers” and several other of Welsh’s books, there’s no sense of tension or a real narrative force to the book. Instead, it reads like a load of well-written vignettes, some of them truly laugh-out-loud episodes, that reinforces the facts that Begbie is a psycho, Sick Boy a bad bastard, Spud an affable loser and Renton a tortured underachiever. Other than that, there’s no real point to this collection of unlucky in love tales. However, I did enjoy catching up with some old mates I guess.

I’d seen huge amounts of praise on-line for Café Royal Books, who specialise in amateur photographers, with a strong focus on social history and reportage. As a result, I got myself a copy of “Punk Rock, New Wave; Newcastle and Middlesbrough, 1977/1978” by Brian Gibson. I have to say I was a little underwhelmed, not by the photographs, which are a fascinating documentary of exactly what the title says it is about, even if I wasn’t at any of the gigs and only recognise a handful of those featured, and even then by sight and not name. It’s the fact it’s only an A5 fanzine, printed on bog standard paper, rather than a glossy, coffee table memento of a long gone era. Sadly, there’s no contextualising introduction or commentary, so it’s basically Brian Gibson’s photo album of what he did 47 years ago. This could have been so much better and that is a comment directed to the publishers, not the artist.

Some Caley Talking

I've been on my travels again, to East Kilbride v Inverness Caledonian Thistle -:

All you, I or anyone else knows about East Kilbride is that it is the home town of James and William Reid. Back in 1984 and probably until after the release of “Sidewalking” in 1988, I would have crawled over broken glass to visit the spiritual home of the Jesus and Mary Chain, to see where they came from and draw in the vibes. Then, other than a cover version of Leonard Cohen’s “Tower of Song” that I’d have played at my funeral, they went all to shit after they got decent amps and almost learned how to play guitar, and I forgot all about them. Of course, the reformation tour to play “Psychocandy” was a highlight of my life, especially dragging a semi-comatose Ben out of his student pit to see them at Leeds O2, but even the offer of a freebie for a freezing cold Sunday night at The Boiler Shop couldn’t move me from my fireside last December. However, watch the video for “Never Understand” or the OGWT performance of “In A Hole” and you’ll know just why they meant so much to so many of us, for such a brief period of time about 40 years ago.

To be honest, East Kilbride only entered my consciousness again after their football team navigated the labyrinth of the Scottish non-league pyramid by firstly winning the Lowland League, for the second year in a row, overcoming the Highland League winners, this time Brora Rangers (now that would have been some trip) for the second year in a row in a two-legged play-off and, having lost to Stranraer in 2024, overcame the 42^nd club (les lanternes rouge de la Ligue écossaise de football professionnel) Bonnyrigg Rose, home of a slope so profound they had points deducted because of it and consequently came last, in yet another two-legged play-off to join the storied ranks of SPFL D2. It meant I needed another trip away.

Having consulted the fixtures, it became clear that while I could easily do East Kilbride on a Saturday day trip, the lack of midweek opportunities to get to Peterhead or Stranraer in the League Cup group stages in July, meant a Tuesday night stopover to see Kilby, as they are affectionately known, was the best plan. Ironically, a week after seeing ICT stroll past Elgin City 2-0, I was again able to see them, as well as their support of four and twenty virgins come down from Inverness. There was also the rumour on-line that the home side ran out to “Just Like Honey,” but that sadly wasn’t the case. Strangely, there was no music played before the game, at half time or at the end. I mean as the Reid brothers never had a good word to say about their upbringing, I’m not surprised.

Unlike every other trip I’ve made to Scotland in 2025, the journey up went like clockwork. Up after a lie-in, to the station in plenty of time and three trains (changing at Waverley and Glasgow Central, after a trip on the scenic Shotts line) all doing their jobs correctly, not to mention a 3 minute walk from East Kilbride station to my hotel, in the EK Conservation area, The Village, on the evocatively named Main Street, meant I was booked in by 5. Good digs as well. Complimentary Tunnocks wafers are always a bonus. Even the shower’s temperature control worked. I headed off down past the usual array of Victorian sandstone shops now transformed into takeaways, tanning salons and Vape emporia, to walk down the side of a couple of very busy A Roads in the direction of Calderglen Country Park, where the evocatively named Ross Financial Services K Park Stadium is located. After you’ve left the concrete and traffic behind on the 40-minute ramble, it’s a really pleasant stroll down a bucolic lane that reminded me of the route into Jesmond Dene from Matthew Bank, other than the presence of a passing coachload of pustular Teuchters singing about how Inverness are “the greatest team the world has even seen.”

East Kilbride Cricket Club were having a net opposite the football, but I didn’t join them or inspect the adjacent rugby field, choosing instead to enter the ground for a remarkably nice filter coffee and a disappointingly beige Scotch pie. I bought a programme, which I couldn’t read as I had my lenses in, then took a seat in the functional, numberless 3 row stand of hard plastic benches down one side of the pitch, which seemed to be at least half full of malodorous, badly attired English groundhoppers. This is why we didn’t hear a peep from the home stand all night I suppose. Instead, the only other populated part of the ground, a covered open terrace, played hosted to the away fans who kept up their singing all game long, despite going a goal down after 15 minutes, when a back post corner was touched home by that old warhorse Trialist. How many clubs has he had in the last 50 years eh? It could have been 2-0 seconds later, when a loose back pass from kick off was seized on by a Kilby forward, whose audacious lob came back off the inside of the post. We had a real game on here.

The ground may have been dull, and not particularly loveable, but this was one of the best games I’ve seen in an age. The home keeper Morrison made about 4 blinding saves but was powerless to stop a great equaliser on 25 minutes when McKay stooped to head home a perfect cross. The game swung from end to end but stayed level until half time. Goodness knows what was said in the changers, but Inverness scored 5 in 15 minutes after the break, so I really did get to see Super Caley Go Ballistic, even if Kilby Weren’t Atrocious. 48 minutes, 1-2, as Allan slid home from a tight angle. 51 minutes, 1-3, with the goal of the game. Longstaff (no, not him. Or his brother) swept home a glorious curling first time finish from the right edge of the box. 54 minutes, 1-4 when McLeod toe poked it between the keeper’s legs from close range. 57 minutes, 1-5 as Longstaff again (ibid) beat the keeper to a hopeful punt forward and teased a sky high chip in off the back post. 61 minutes, 1-6 when Stewart fired a free kick past a statuesque home defence. It could have been worse but for Morrison making an athletic double save to tip a stinging volley just over the bar. After this, an orgy of substitutions took the sting out of the game and only a few were left on the home benches to make a desultory cheer when Robertson’s late free kick nestled in the bottom corner. 8 goals; not bad for an over 60s £10 entry.

At full time, I waved off the four and twenty virgins going back to Inverness, walked down the side of some quieter main roads, negotiated several large roundabouts, passed on the pizzas, kebabs and curry on offer and settled down with a complimentary lemon and ginger infusion to watch the extra time of England v Italy, then slept soundly in the incredibly comfortable bed. Next morning, another warm shower, a disappointing breakfast and a slightly delayed Glasgow to Carlisle train that I’ll be properly compensated for. I got off at Manors not Central and it must be the ropiest station on the whole network, hit the gym, watched Percy Main eviscerate Heaton Stan A and got home to begin planning those visits to Peterhead and Stranraer, as well as a revisit to Queen’s Park at Lesser Hampden.