Atelic Club

The season’s done. My whites are washed, and the cricket bag is back in the spare room wardrobe. I’ve loved this season, despite everything, and have no plans to retire yet. So, here are the numbers for my 2025 season. 18 times selected, 14 games played, involving 1 win, 13 defeats, 2 abandonments and 2 concessions. I took 4 wickets at 25 each. I scored 16 runs at a pleasing average 2, run out 4 times, bowled 3 and stumped once. Twice not out and 4 times DNB. Here’s a look at the last 6 weeks of a season when Tynemouth 3s finished bottom of NTCL Division 5 Central.

August 9^th:

This day will go down as one of the best days in the whole of the 2025 season as, for the first time, all 3 senior sides were victorious in their respective fixtures. Pride of place must go to the first XI, who comprehensively defeated previously unbeaten table toppers Burnmoor at Preston Avenue by the impressive margin of 6 wickets. Bowling first, Tynemouth dismissed Burnmoor for 166. The day began with George Stewart taking the first three wickets to fall, two in his first over, and returning the excellent analysis of 5-1-17-3. The visitors never really recovered from the shock of being 16/3, as Bish (15-4-35-2), as well as a run out, and skipper Martin Pollard (14-3-30-2) bowled with accuracy and menace. Dan McGee and the unretired Phil Morse also took a wicket each, meaning the target for Tynemouth was an eminently gettable one. So it proved, with Ben Debnam and Jack Roys each contributing 46, Faizan Ghumann (30) and Robbie Bowman (23*) seeing the Croons home after only 46 overs. This win lifts Tynemouth out of the relegation zone and offers a real opportunity for progress in the remaining 5 fixtures.

The 2s travelled to Tynedale and found things difficult with the ball on the tight ground in Hexham, with the home side posting a daunting 291/3 from 55 overs. On a day when bowling figures are harsh reading, Josh Koen (10-3-33-1) fared best. However, this was a day for batters and almost the whole side contributed to a fantastic win, achieved with 3 balls to spare. Chris Fairley and Zach Larner, enjoying something of a Bradman 1930 summer, top scored with 62 each. Marcus Turner made 45 and the victory was achieved courtesy of Barry Stewart’s unbeaten 55, though Chad Koen (19), Patrick Hallam (16) and skipper Andrew Smith (11*) all played their part as well

The week has seen a seismic change in the fortunes of the Saturday 3s, who are no longer bottom of NTCL Division 5 Central. Firstly news came from the league that Leadgate had fielded an ineligible player in 5 games earlier in the season, for which indiscretion they had their pants pulled down to the extent of having 124 points deducted. One of those games was on April 26^th at home to Tynemouth, which has been awarded to the gallant Croons, presenting us with 30 points for the game, rather than the 6 amassed on the day. As your correspondent was in Aberdeen that day, watching Cove Rangers 2 Kelty Hearts 2, he can take no credit for this unexpected bonus. However, courtesy of a battling 1 (run out) on Saturday against Belsay, after suffering a sickening blow to the elbow that almost rendered him hors de combat, he played his part as the 3s strolled to 1 wicket win over Belsay, with whom they swapped places.

With regular skipper Richard Hay enjoying the sights of the Antrim Coast, rather too late for the golf at Royal Portrush alas, the team was helmed by Alosh Jose. In a feat leadership that would have met with Hay’s approval, Jose bowled a quite remarkable spell of 8-3-9-3, supported superbly by George Bogg, who also took 3 wickets, and Ansel Anil with 2. As a result, Belsay were dismissed for 118 in approximately 35 overs. In reply, the young tyros Adam Blake (28), who is quickly becoming an aggressive attacking opener, Will Bogg (20), George Bogg (19) and Kai-Lewis Main (17) had the game seeming won at 93/2 after 14 overs. Once Main had been needlessly run out, the old guard proved less durable at the wicket, so it was left to Alan Hiscock (0*), but a wonderful catch in the first innings and debutant Kim McKenna (2*) to steer the team home. Kim’s nerveless performance was a joy to behold and the voluble applause as she effortlessly pushed the winning run off her hip and down to the vacant fine leg area, were both warranted and sincere. This made my birthday weekend one I’ll treasure forever.

The Sunday 3s also travelled to Tynedale. The home side batted first and made 215/8, with George Bogg picking up 2/39 and wickets for both Aditjandras, Lewis Hurst and Olly Hiscock. In reply, despite a wonderful knock by Stewart (77), an excellent supporting effort by Ewan Aditjandra (37) and a brave innings by Cameron Donachie (23), Tynemouth fell short by an agonising 3 runs, closing on 212/9.

This was to be the sole victory I was involved in the entire season. It was a fairly hairy one as well. The opposition only had 10 and didn’t know how to score, so it was lucky we dismissed them with plenty of overs to spare. At 93/2, I was umpiring and enjoying our batting performance as we seemingly cruised to victory. Wickets fell at a clatter. I got ready, strode in at 9, hit a single, kept the bowling and, with 3 needed, essayed a suicidal single to midwicket. Inevitably I was out by miles and therefore hid in the container, avoiding seeing the next over. When scores were level, I peeked out and saw Kim hit the winning run. Oh how marvellous it felt not to lose, but the opposition team were great sports as well. The atmosphere in the club was celebratory that night I can tell you. Possibly for the only time all year.

August 16^th:

On Saturday 16^th August, Tynemouth CC first XI played host to Ashington at Preston Avenue. One player not available for selection was Robbie Bowman, but for the best of reasons, as Robbie had made his debut for Durham's 1^st team the night before in the One Day Cup against Northants. He did well too, scoring 27 runs off 34 balls and taking a smart catch behind the stumps. Everyone at Tynemouth was delighted to learn of his selection and we all wish him well in the future, having watched his rapid development over the past few years. Robbie first played for Tynemouth as a 10 year old in our under 13 team scoring 30 not out (retired) on debut in 2018. Since then he has scored over 4,000 runs for the Club and developed into one of the best young players in the North East.

Meanwhile, his erstwhile colleagues pulled off another highly important win, their second in a row, completing the double over Ashington in the process. The visitors batted first and had a calamitous start to their innings, falling to 0-2 as Bish was on a hattrick in the first over. Eventually Bish returned the magnificent figures of 9-4-24-4, as Ashington stumbled to 11-3, 29-4 and 51-5. They recovered somewhat to 225 all out, with the unretired Phil Morse (3-47) and captain Martin Pollard (1-30) exercising control when other pace bowlers struggled to match Bish’s brilliance. Early in the innings, Dan McGee split the webbing between his fingers, preventing him from bowling and necessitating a trip to A&E, causing Jonathan Larner to step up to the plate and field. Thankfully, Dan returned and was able to bat, with his 21 proving pivotal as Tynemouth won the game with a leg bye off the final ball of their scheduled 45 overs, by a margin of one wicket. There were many helpful contributions to this excellent team performance. Stan McAlindon (43) top scored, with Jack Roys (42) pushing him close. The two Matts, Kimmitt (39) and Brown (27) also weighed in with important runs and Phil Morse’s 20 cannot be ignored either. With 4 games to go, Tynemouth are 9^th in the table, 9 points above the drop zone. It is imperative the team keep this momentum going forward into the away game at Sunderland next week.

The 2s began their week by bowing out of the Roseworth Trophy at the semi-final stage, losing an away game to Felling by 45 runs. The home side batted first, posting 134-5, with George Bogg claiming 2 wickets. In reply, Tynemouth subsided to 89 all out, despite early runs from Zach Larner (28) and Andrew Davison (25). On Saturday, they travelled to Ashington and gave a much better account of themselves but still lost by 26 runs. Ashington made 243-8, with the mature pairing of Barry Stewart and Richy Hay each claiming two scalps. The returning Matty Walton also took a wicket and contributed a handy 41 in support of Andy Linehan (77), who was the top scorer. Despite a helpful 28 from Chad Koen, the total proved too much for Tynemouth, who ended on 217-9.

After the elation of last week’s convincing win over Belsay, the Saturday 3s fell back to the bottom of the table after losing to Washington 2s by 3 wickets. Batting first, Tynemouth could only muster 74. Top scorers were Alex Tugby (23) and Rich Harland (16), before a lovely, late order cameo by the swashbuckling ian cusack (5), before he was predictably run out. Each bowler did their best in a losing cause, with Olly Hiscott (1-16), Cameron Donachie (1-10), the lovely, flighted off spin of Alex Littlefair (1-16) and the lethal full tosses of Rich Harland (2-23), one of which saw the sprightly cusack take an acrobatic catch at mid-wicket, kept Tynemouth in the game until the very end. It was a great team performance that included two women players (Jen Fingland and Kim McKenna), causing furious debate as to what collective noun would be used to describe the team (“comrades” being the most popular choice). A word must be given in praise of debutant Bibin Nainan, who recovered from the setback of being given out LBW first ball by the myopic cusack, to take two superb catches and effect a run out. This team tries their very hearts out, whatever the line-up or opposition.

The Sunday 3s completed their campaign with a comprehensive home win over Felling Academy, assuring them of third place in the table. Batting first, Tynemouth made an imposing 258-7 from their 35 overs, largely down to a remarkable performance by Zach Larner. His unbeaten 171 came from 92 balls, with 26 boundaries and one maximum. Second top scorer was Joel Hull-Denholm (32) and Cameron Donachie (17) also chipped in. Felling’s reply was 186-9, with 3 wickets for Joe Chater and two each for George Bogg and Cameron Donachie. Well done to the youngsters!!

This was a really good competitive game for us. Easy to say now, but if we’d got to three figures, we’d have won this. I actually batted quite well, as 5 was my second highest score of the season. Tickled my first ball down to fine leg for a couple, when a proper player would have flicked it over the fence at square leg. Hit the next one back over the bowler’s head for another 2, which would have been a boundary if I could time the ball properly. Another single out to point and then, in the next over, I called another single to mid-off and was well short. Man has to know his limitations. Did take a good catch at midwicket from Richie Harland, but didn’t get a bowl as they squeezed home, with 10, by 3 wickets. A nice day out in the sun, enjoying a couple of pints outside their clubhouse in the sun. It’s a real shame how Washington have fallen from grace in recent years and I wish them well in the Durham league, where they are transferring to for next year.

 August 23^rd:

Another great Saturday for Tynemouth Cricket Club, with both the first XI and the 2s winning their games against Sunderland 1s and 2s quite comfortably. This was of particular importance to Kieron Grimshaw, who has joined Tynemouth until the end of the replacement for Bish. Having been selected to play for North East Zone in the Duleep Cup which begins next week, Bish has returned home to India after a productive and personally successful stint with The Croons, for which we are all immensely grateful. His replacement, arriving from Rishton in the Lancashire League, who have previously employed such storied professionals as Syndney Barnes, Allan Donald, Michael Holding and Viv Richards, Grimmy is a genuine all-rounder, bowling at a brisk medium pace and batting right handed. He is a supporter of his hometown team Burnley, who also enjoyed the support of Kieron’s team mates yesterday as they dismantled Sunderland football club with the same degree of ease as Tynemouth did to their cricket team.

Batting first at Ashbrooke in a game where victory was the only option available, Tynemouth posted a formidable 270/6 from their 45 overs. Plaudits go to centurion Stan McAlindon (101) and another fine knock from Matty Brown (76). Ben Debnam (32*) provided great support, coming in lower down the order. In reply, Sunderland never looked remotely like making the runs required after the new pro reduced the home side to 16/2. Grimmy’s analysis of 8-2-16-3 will do for starters on debut. Sunderland eventually closed on 171, with other notable bowling contributions from skipper Martin Pollard (2-15), Andrew Smith (2-41), Dan McGee (2-58) and the economical Josh Koen (1-23). With sides around us in the table also winning, Tynemouth remain 9 points from relegation, making next week’s home game against Hetton Lyons another must win fixture.

Tynemouth 2s hosted Sunderland 2s at Preston Avenue and eventually prevailed by 5 wickets. Batting first, the visitors closed on 182/6 with Neil Bennett (2-30) and Noah Rae (2-53) the pick of the bowlers. The 2s scored the runs required with a shade under 13 overs to spare, for the loss of 5 wickets, including the clear LBW of the season for club chair Andy Lineham (2). The main run scorers were Marcus Turner (58), Chris Fairley (54*) and Patrick Hallam (42).

Tragically, the Saturday 3s were stricken by unavailability and could only muster 8 players for the game at home to Annfield Plain 2s. The inevitable concession, the fourth of the season, leaves them 20 points adrift at the bottom of the table. Such a shame after all the effort that has been put in by everyone involved. Your correspondent was thus free to indulge in his other sporting love, Percy Main Amateurs FC. They lost 6-1 at home to Hexham.

A pretty rotten day as holidays meant we couldn’t get a team out, making for a wholly unacceptable fourth concession of the season. The least said about events at Percy Main the better. At least I got to a great gig that night, seeing Lava Mouse in Whitley Bay. Oh, the words in praise of Grimmy were rather wasted, as he turned his ankle the next day and was ruled out for the season. Typical…

 August 30^th:

Despite posting an impressive 261/6 from their 45 overs at Preston Avenue, Tynemouth first XI lost a potentially crucial game to Hetton Lyons by a margin of 4 wickets. The home side’s total was largely made up of efforts by Faizan Ghumman (71), Matty Brown (67), Stan McAlindon (52*) and Matthew Kimmitt (44). When Tynemouth reduced the visitors to 139/5 after 27.3 overs, with 3 wickets for Brown, it looked as if a home win was in the post. Sadly, a game-changing 6^th wicket partnership of 124 in 14 overs swung the contest the way of Hetton Lyons. They considerably eased their relegation worries, as did Ashington who won away at Chester le Street. The team currently in second bottom place are Shotley Bridge, whose game with Burnopfield was rained off. Tynemouth, who hold a slender 9 point advantage, visit Shotley Bridge next Saturday.

Meanwhile Tynemouth 2s had a considerably better afternoon at Hetton Lyons. Batting first, they made 224 all out from 42.1 overs. Marcus Turner (61) top scored, with support coming from Ben Debnam (46) and Joel Hull-Denholm (40). In response, Hetton were dismissed for 86, giving Tynemouth the victory by a margin of 138 runs. Skipper Andrew Smith (5/22) was the star of the show, ably assisted by Neil Bennett (2/14). The 2s currently sit in 5^th place in NEPL Division 2.

The 2s lost again, by 9 wickets to Cowgate 2s. Batting first, Tynemouth made 110 from 32 overs, with notable contributions from both George and Will Bogg. Unfortunately, Cowgate decided to avoid the chance of rain affecting the outcome by scoring the runs required for the loss of one wicket (a stunning catch by Richard Harland from the bowling of Cameron Donachie) in 8.4 overs.

To my enormous chagrin, I wasn’t originally selected for this fixture. However, the usual raft of withdrawals meant I got my game after all. As expected, they put us in to bat and, in the context of our season, 100 wasn’t bad. I came in at 9 again and edged my first ball from a quickie over the slips, but not with enough power to reach the rope. Alosh played out the rest of that over and I faced the office from the other end. Five dot balls; three missed and two hit on the pads, miles outside the line, so I decided to give him the charge. Huge race down the pitch, missed it by a mile and stumped again. We took a wicket in the first over then their batters bludgeoned us to all parts of the ground, and it was over in a flash. Unsurprisingly, Cowgate went up as Champions.

September 6^th:

Following a damaging 26-run loss away to Shotley Bridge, Tynemouth first XI find themselves in a relation spot with one round of fixtures to go. The season will end with the visit of South Northumberland to Preston Avenue next Saturday, a daunting enough prospect at the best of times. Even if Tynemouth win, their fate is still not in their own hands as they are still reliant on either, or both, Ashington losing away to Newcastle and Shotley Bridge losing at home to Castle Eden. However, the team retains belief that they can maintain the record of being one of only 3 sides never to have been relegated from the North East Premier League since its inception.

On Saturday, Shotley Bridge batted first and posted 264/9, with wickets being claimed by Andrew Smith (3/30), Matty Brown (3/42) and Dan McGee (2/41). This was a stiff target and, despite fine contributions from Brown and Matthew Kimmitt, both of whom scored 57, supported by Faizan Ghumann (28) and Stan McAlindon (22), Tynemouth were all out for 238, leaving the final day shootout detailed above to decide the club’s fate.

Tynemouth 2s shaded a compelling contest against Benwell Hill by 4 wickets. The Hill batted first and made 226/8, with Neil Bennett (2/33) and George Stewart (2/45) the pick of the bowlers. In reply, the 2s made it home off the last ball, with Marcus Turner (94*) leading the way, ably supported by Stewart (37), Andrew Linehan (25) and Chris Fairley (21). Regardless of next week’s results, they will finish in 5^th place in NEPL Division 2, which is a respectable state of affairs.

The Saturday 3s were already condemned to relegation and the 231-run loss to GEMS 2s on the back field was immaterial to final league results. Because of injury and unavailability, the role of captain fell to the ageless ian cusack, who won the toss and very little else thereafter. Opting to field first, for the purpose of making as long a game of it as possible and giving as many players as possible a bowl, this objective was achieved, with 7 players turning their arm over as GEMS posted a mammoth 275/2. In a sense, this did not matter as Archie Goel (2/63), Cameron Donachie and Kim McKenna all bowled their full allocation in an entirely praiseworthy manner. Harrison Goel and Adam Blake also acquitted themselves admirably. However, the less said about Richard Harland and the skipper’s efforts the better. In reply, Tynemouth sadly never really made a contest of it, subsiding to 44 all out, with Arthur King (13) top scoring and hitting the only boundary of the innings. That said, everyone was involved and stuck at it to the end. Seeing Harrison Goel, in at 11, reverse sweep the first ball he faced made the whole thing worthwhile.

From not being selected initially last week, to having to captain this week. It’s a thankless task when you’re at home: sorting drinks, organising the batting line up, rotating the bowlers. I made a decision in advance that if we won the toss, I was going to bowl, which I did. This disappointed both their skipper and the umpire, both of whom clearly wanted a sharp finish. My reasoning was, I wanted to give everyone a bowl and I did; full 9 overs from Archie, Cameron and Kim, 4 each for me and Richy (I went for a million), 3 from Blakey as we was the only left armer available and 2 for young Harrison. They may have got 275/2, but I reckon I did the right thing. Sadly, we didn’t do anything with the bat, though I hit a couple of singles for an unbeaten 2. All about the red inkers in this game. Enjoyed a few pints afterwards with ex-teammates Jimmy Carr and Jim Scoffham to make it a canny day out, despite the result.

 September 13^th:

Sadly, Tynemouth first XI’s attempt at the great escape from relegation on the final day of the 2025 cricket season ended in a whimper, not a bang. Despite Shotley Bridge losing and Ashington seeing their game rained off, Tynemouth were not able to secure the win that would have resulted in safety. Rain curtailed the visit of South Northumberland, meaning only 27 overs were possible before the weather intervened. South Northumberland had advanced to an intimidating 172-1 at this point, with Dan McGee taking the sole wicket to fall.  An afternoon of intermittent showers and strong sunlight was eventually brought to a halt, despite the sterling efforts of groundsman Paul Jackson and the home team to get the game on, at 5.40pm. This confirmed Tynemouth’s relegation, and the sad reality is that the end of season table does not lie. Demotion was borne with dignity by the team, who will seek to bounce back next season, under a new skipper as Martin Pollard has announced his retirement from senior cricket. We thank him and all the players for their unstinting efforts in what has been a difficult season.

There was little to cheer about in the reverse fixture at Roseworth Terrace, where the 2s lost by 7 wickets. Batting first, they were dismissed for 101, with Zach Larner (26) and Barry Stewart (23*) providing some resistance. South North reached the target in 24 overs, with wickets for Andrew Davison and Joe Snowdon. As stated last week, the 2s finished the season in a respectable 5^th place in NEPL Division 2.

Meanwhile, an approximation of the true spirit of aquatic cricket took place on the back field at Preston Avenue. Playing away to Lions, who sublet the ground, Tynemouth 3s fell to a routine 8 wicket defeat. Invited to bat first by a Lions team who had one eye on the weather, the 3s managed 50 all out. Adam Blake (12) attacked from the off and joint top scored with Ben Harland (12) who accumulated his runs doggedly. At the end of the innings, a torrential downpour could have brought proceedings to an untimely and unsatisfactory close. However, those present were gathered to play cricket and, postponing tea, the sides turned round with alacrity. Lions deserved the win and this they duly achieved in 7 overs for the loss of two wickets. The first was claimed by ollie Hiscott, who belatedly celebrated his birthday in style (and a dozen luxurious cupcakes provided by his parents). The second and final wicket was another triumph in a season of them by the experienced cusack, who augmented his eye-catching 0 in the Croons’s innings, by having Rahman stumped from an extravagantly flighted delivery. It was a ball worthy of bringing down the curtain on any season, especially one as woeful as the one just endured by the 3s. Next season will see them competing in Division 6 Central, with the enticing prospect of the white hot atmosphere of local derbies against the likes of Monkseaton 2s, Percy Main 2s and Whitley Bay 2s.

Obviously the 1s relegation cast a cloud over the whole day, but quite a few drinks and some great chat with a load of folks helped to overcome the results. We expected to get stuffed, and we did, but in the right way. After everyone getting a bowl last week, we all got a bat this time. Though my 5-ball duck won’t live long in the memory. Bowled middle stump, beaten all ends up, no arguments about that. Enjoyed having a bowl. First time I’ve taken a wicket in a jumper and a downpour. Lots of pints and even some shots of Sambuca, not to mention several large G&Ts healed the pain on Saturday night, while reinforcing it on Sunday.

Winter well everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

Principal Edward's Tragic Theatre

NUFC; May 25 - September 1, 2025...

You know me; I love nothing more than an obscure late 60s / early 70s psychedelic, prog folk outfit nobody under the age of 70 has heard of; Dr Strangely Strange or the Incredible String Band, for instance. Recently I outdid myself, coming across the eclectic collective Principal Edward’s Magic Theatre, who were a 14-piece multidisciplinary ensemble, incorporating acid-drenched wig outs, dance, lightshows and poetry, formed at Exeter University in 1968. They were the first act signed to John Peel’s Dandelion label, despite his producer John Walters describing them as “arty farty nonsense” and business partner Clive Selwood calling them “the most pretentious act” he’d ever come across. On buying a copy of their debut album Soundtrack, I can confirm both descriptions are highly accurate, and I’m elated to have such a recording in my possession. Arriving on Saturday 30 August, the day when Peel would have turned 86, it acted as a soundtrack (pun intended) to the last knockings of the vile spectacle of Newcastle United’s dealings in the final days of the transfer window, which inspired me to pen this ditty to our (thankfully) former, wantaway striker -:

 Free Alexander Isak

Free, free, free, free, free Alexander Isak

 Free Alexander Isak

36 months in captivity

Wages too small to meet his greed

His body unused but his agent still here

Are you so blind that you cannot see? I said

Free Alexander Isak, I'm begging you

Free Alexander Isak

Wants to join up with the LFC

Happy to shit upon the Toon Army

Are you so blind that you cannot see?

Are you so deaf that you cannot hear his plea?

Free Alexander Isak, I'm begging you

Free Alexander Isak

Revisionist analysis of the time that followed our Carabao Cup win over Liverpool (Isak scored the winner; remember?) has sought to portray Isak as being ineffective, unfit and unmotivated. I don’t actually accept this analysis. Remember, we were still in with a shout of finishing second until the penultimate game of the season. The 7 games following the Wembley triumph saw us win 5 and draw 1: not the form of an uninterested side, or player, simply phoning it in. His reaction to securing that last CL place was as ecstatic and effusive as everyone else on the pitch and in the stands that day against Everton.

How, and why, his head was turned and on what basis we may never fully understand. If, as he claims, he was given a promise last summer he could either have a new contract that would make him twice as rich as Croesus or be allowed to leave, then I can almost see his point, especially if the verbal agreement was made by someone who is no longer involved with the club. However, the way he went about securing his demands absolutely stunk, as did the response of the club. Now students of Newcastle United’s history will know there were precedents of behaviour akin to Isak’s strop. I’m not just talking about Dyer’s disdainful handling of the captain’s armband at Boro in 2004. I don’t know much about Hughie Gallagher’s move to Chelsea in 1930, but I seriously doubt the fiery little forward left without burning a few bridges. The recently deceased George Eastham, in engineering a move to Arsenal in 1961, changed the transfer system forever. More recently (relatively speaking), Pop Robson calling a press conference in January 1971 in the Swallow Hotel, to explain why he was disillusioned with the club. In response chairman Westwood (is a pirate) fined the player the princely sum of £100 and told him to submit a transfer request or shut his mouth. He did just that and was sold to West Ham within days.

Perhaps, that’s what the club should have done. But behind closed doors and by that I don’t mean the entrance to Ciaran Clark’s abode that was slammed in the face of Jamie Rubens when he begged Isak to stay. I still can’t understand why Isak was allowed to down tools and not face some kind of sanction. Surely, as a contracted player, he remains a club employee and should be expected to behave as such. Whatever the moral and legal minutiae of his conduct, it rapidly became clear there was no going back. I’m glad he’s gone, but I will always remember the goals he scored. It is also a strange irony that his behaviour seemed to inspire Yoane Wissa to act in a similar fashion with Brentford to engineer his move to Tyneside. I’m not happy he did that, but I’m glad we’ve got a proven PL striker, even if we’ve lost any right to the moral high ground in the aftermath of the Isak charade.

That cataclysmic saga that finally came to an end on the evening of Monday 1 September has understandably diverted all attention away from a hugely problematic summer on Tyneside that has, somehow, probably strengthened both the pool of talent available and the bond in the changing room, even allowing for the impotent rage of those who see likes on Instagram and wishes of good luck for Isak from current players as gross treachery. It isn’t really, is it?

So, we have signed 6 new players (Elanga, Ramsdale, Ramsey, Thiaw, Wissa and Woltemade), improving every area of the team, even though the Twitterati have already passed judgement on Elanga as being “worse than Franz Carr,” as well as two for the future, Cordero and Park, and dispensed with the services of 9 others (Dubravka, Kuol, Hayden, Isak, Lewis, Longstaff, Targett, Wilson and Vlachodimos) of varying levels of competence. I’m very sad to see Sean go, but he’s signed for a good club, who I hate (though then again I hate every club to a certain degree, especially Newcastle United at times), while I also recognise the sterling work done for us in the past by Dubravka, Hayden and Wilson, even the latter was an absolute liability when he played last season, combining the match sharpness of Mark McGhee in his final season with the predatory instincts of the aged Ian Rush. I suppose both did score winners in the FA Cup from about 18 inches though. The less said about both Kuol and Lewis the better. I’m glad that the raw talent of Osula wasn’t sold, for the rumoured reason of improving our PSR standing. I like the kid, but I don’t know if he’ll ever be consistently at the standard required, though it’s good he’s got the chance to prove himself. Best of all, we retained the services of Harrison Ashby and tied down John Ruddy for another year.

Seriously though, the particularly galling thing about the conclusion of our business dealings is that it was effectively seen us throw away 7 points from our opening 3 games. With a proper strike force in place, we would have easily dismissed both Villa, who have suddenly gone from being deadly foes after the events of Sunday 24 May 2009 to comrades in arms against the Premier League’s Big 6 cartel, and dirty Leeds. We could also have beaten Liverpool, though I doubt the fire in the players’ bellies would have been quite so intense, were it not for the Isak situation and the unfortunate dismissal of Gordon.

The delay in signing players was in stark contrast to the noises coming out of the club at the end of last season. In the immediate aftermath of the limp loss to Everton, which coincided with our fortuitous claiming of the final Champions’ League place and the riches that entails, Howe announced that the club would get any transfer business done early. Great words, but not what happened in reality. Sporting Director, the shadowy Paul Mitchell, quit and his job was allegedly taken over by Eddie’s nephew, Andy Howe. Now just pause for a minute and imagine if it had still been the halcyon days of the Ashley era and a relative of Brooooth had been given a spot on the payroll. True Faith would have spontaneously combusted.

However, despite time wasted on the fruitless pursuit of targets such as Ekitike (how I would have loved a palindromic player at SJP), Trafford, Pedro, Sesko and latterly Strand Larsen, things seem to have worked out for the best, with one big proviso. Both Woltemade and Wissa need to produce the goods pretty sharpish. The run of games before the October international break will see us play 7 times between Saturday 13 September and Sunday 5 October. As we’re currently sitting just above the drop zone, the 4 league games need to see some tangible progress up the table. We need to put down markers in the Champions’ League (oh how I wish I could head to Brussels for the RUSG game) and the Carabao Cup defence begins against Bradford, who have had a decent start to the season.

I should just say I’ve not seen any of our games live. Cricket commitments saw me miss the Villa and Leeds games, while a malfunctioning fire stick sabotaged any attempt to watch the Liverpool game. Remarkably, I could hear the crowd from my back garden. Amazing noise levels. Then again, I find myself more interested in watching Sportscene and the Football League Show as the Premier League is too good. I cherish mistakes and brutish play. Obviously managerial press conferences are a source of comedy gold. My mate Little Richard has developed a pathological fear of Portuguese men, partly because of Mourinho’s antics over the years, but reinforced by the egotistical paranoia of Marco Silva and the bizarre antics of Reuben Amorim, who must be a safeguarding concern these days. I’ll miss him when he’s gone. Unlike Isak.

My Entertaining Friends

I normally try to post cultural blogs every two months, but I've been a bit out of synch recently. Hence, here's an August one that will allow me to get back on track, meaning the next bulletin will be along at the end of October. Anyway, here's what I've been reading and listening to recently. There's a lot of love round these parts -:

MUSIC:

If you know me, you'd probably imagine that the event I was looking forward to more than any other was Teenage Fanclub at the Fire Station in sunderland. To be honest, I'd had the tickets for so long that it almost crept up on me and when the time came for my 35th  Fannies gig in 35 years, I felt almost underwhelmed, when in the past I'd been in a frenzy for weeks in advance. However, I must say they were excellent, as they always are. It's just the negative noise around the band from people who've taken the hump since Gerry Love left had started to get to me. Such long time TFC devotees as the Moirs and Chris Tate wouldn't be anywhere near this show, which saddens me. I was delighted to see so many people I did know, both in The Dun Cow before, in the very impressive venue itself and even in the car park afterwards. Too many to list, but you know who you are.

Yes, Gerry was (and is) a brilliant songwriter whose departure has deprived the band of so many of their finest numbers. It still feels heartbreaking to know I'll never hear them do “Sparky's Dream” or “Don't Look Back” ever again. That said, when they play live you no longer miss Gerry's numbers because, and I've said this many times before, his departure has allowed Raymond McGinley to blossom and become probably the best songwriter left in the band. Certainly his numbers, such the anthemic “Everything is Falling Apart” have a depth and solemn complexity Gerry's sweet pop ballads never aspired to. It makes seeing them a more compelling experience, rather than a life affirming, celebratory one. Hey, we're all getting older and TFC are maturing like a fine wine.

The current line-up is an awesome unit. Dave is a powerhouse on bass. Francis is the best drummer they've ever had. Even shy Euros is a fully integrated member on the keyboards. Norman is still the grinning showman and held the audience in the palm of his hand all evening. Not an ecstatic crowd, but a good sized, good natured and attentive one, who did lose the run of themselves for both “The Concept” and, obviously, “Everything Flows.” No new songs tonight, but with a back catalog as superb as Teenage Fanclub have, even if a third of it is off limits, that wasn't an issue. Certainly I left the venue with renewed confidence in their future prospects. Still the best fucking band in the world.

Other than The Fannies, I've had the pleasure of attending three other wonderful gigs, performed by people I'm proud to call my friends. On Sunday  August 10, Johnny Brown (voice and harmonica) and Bill Lewington (guitar not drums) played The Cumberland Arms. They were supporting David Lance Callahan, who I'm afraid I didn't stay for, doing a set of Band of Holy Joy classics. Goodness, this was a brilliant show that almost reduced me to tears. Johny is recovering from prostate cancer and Bill had a brain haemorrhage a few years back. To see them both up on the stage was a delight and a privilege. I was touched they dedicated “Wyrd Beautiful Time” to me and almost on the floor when they did “Who Snatched the Baby?” I first saw Johny fronting Speed, at my debut punk gig, in July 1977, just before I turned 13. Since then he's been a musical hero and, for about 30 years now I guess, a personal friend. Love the block. Love Bill as well. It was a magical evening, and I so hope to see them again soon.

My actual birthday saw Richy Hetherington announce a “secret gig” by Loveable Wholes at Little Buildings, supported by the estimable John Egdell, who delivered a set of beautiful vignettes to lost loves and finished off with an instrumental version of “I'm in the Mood for Dancing,” which proved he'd got the Chemistry just right. When Richy told me about the gig, I decided to ask if I could play. Now, after the Blyth Fiasco last year, I'd vowed never to play solo again, but this was in front of a very different audience than that night. Richy not only agreed, but he put me on last. To clarify, I wasn't top of the bill, he just thought I'd be playing football that night and would be down late. The football was off for holidays, so I got the 62 down, armed with a couple of guitars and played 2 pieces not from either of my recent albums. “Alan Carter's Mobility Scooter” involved me tuning my hollow-bodied Hofner to open E and using a violin bow to make some nice, for my standards, sounds. It seemed to go down well, as did the snappily titled “DCRAFPH.” This one has a backing tape of phrases looped and repeated, with me using the Telecaster to make various Em chords and improvisations around that chord. Again it went down well. People said nice things afterwards and I was incredibly touched. I loved the whole experience and then Flan and I got a bit hammered in The Tanners. If anyone wants me as a support act, I'm more than willing to play anywhere at any time.

To be serious now, Richy and Hope as The Loveable Wholes are the most heartbreakingly beautiful of bands on the go at the minute. Born out of a tragic loss, Richy has channeled his grievance into songs that make you want to hug him and never let go. They were doing this gig as a warm up for a show in Canada, which was part of their holiday, and it was even more wonderful than the time I'd seen them almost a year earlier at The Globe. Richy has a few copies of his cassette, The Cloth Work Sessions, available on Bandcamp via Katpis Tapes. Get one. You'll not hear more emotional songs than “The Blackest Hole” or “Holocene” anywhere else. I love that block.

I love Paul Flanagan too. I've known Flan for 39 years now and, in all that time, despite being a bassist rather than a musician, he has been in some of the best local bands around. Puppy Fat, 35 years ago now, were just the best fun in town. Nancy Bone was, perhaps, more of an acquired taste, though I did love their cover version of “The Floral Dance.” I only saw Emergency Librarian 2 ounce, at Cobalt Studios, but felt dismayed when they split up. His latest project, Lava Mouse, had eluded me until now. The played the Victoria Tunnel a while back, but my claustrophobia precludes me watching anything there, which is why I had to miss Chris Bartholomew the other week as well. I was elected Lava Mouse were playing at Laurels in Whitley on Saturday 23 August, although to see then, I had to let down another old pal, my ex-colleague Steven Driver, who was playing Baba Yaga's Hut in Shields the same night. Sorry Steven. Next time I promise.

Anyway, arriving in Whitley, I wasn't sure what to expect. I'd never been to Laurels before, and it appears to be a coastal Lubber Fiend without the exorbitant drinks' prices. First we were Drooping Finger, but I didn't get to see them. The room was full, and someone shut the door so I couldn't get in. As it was an immersive experience, I felt it would be wrong to comment on sound only. Incidentally, it was a green door as well, so Frankie Vaughan and Shakin' Stevens would have empathized.

I got a front row seat for the next act; Dressed in Wires playing their first gig in a decade. Theremin, keyboards, backing tapes, visuals (which I couldn't see properly but looked like they were based on Protect & Survive ) made for loud, raucous fun. A tremendous show, ending with the first example I've never seen of air keyboard playing. Top of the bill at this free gig, were Lava Mouse. And I adored them. From a slowly evolving percussive start, to the symbolic shredding of copies of the Daily Mail, this “Mushroom Ritual,” a concept I don't claim to understand was beguiling, intense fun. Real drums. Really fucking brutal metal percussion. A couple of squiggly soundboxes providing tinnitus for the masses. I loved it. A great night on the pop as well. And I got the Metro home at 12.10, saving loads on an Uber. This was a special night, and I think I'd make an ideal support act for them.

I had £4.01 left on a Record Token someone gave me for my birthday last year. The only place I knew that took them in town, now Windows is no more, is RPM. Leafing through the cheap section I found a copy of Retrospective by Buffalo Springfield. I'd long needed a version of “For What It's Worth,” so I bought it, pocketed the 2p change and enjoyed it back home. Obviously, the Neil Young tracks are the standout items; “I am a Child” and “Mr Soul” in particular. This is one I'll listen to again, skipping some of the dated country rock that makes up the rest of this 1969 release.

BOOKS:

Of late I've been availing myself more and more of community libraries, in Heaton, Jesmond Vale and Tynemouth in particular. These fabulous organic schemes are set up by interested readers who, instead of buying yet more books (and I'll always be an inveterate bibliophile who has an all-consuming need to get certain authors' new titles as soon as they are published), recycle tomes they no longer want. The basic idea is you exchange a book for another. Obviously there are hundreds of John Grisham and Marian Keyes titles to wade through when looking for something good, but I've managed to find a few autobiographies that spiked my interest.

The unifying principle of Leading from the Front by Mike Gatting, Our Story by Reg and Ronnie Kray, co-written with Fred Dineage bizarrely enough, and White Line Fever by Lemmy, apart from the fact they are appallingly ghostwritten, is that the alleged writers have absolutely no self-awareness. Gatting's is a particularly tough read, combining detailed statistical records from his playing days, together with a kind of bull-headed ignorance of the significance of his conduct in the context of the wider world. His infamous confrontation with Pakistani umpire Shakoor Rana is brushed over, reduced to the level of a minor disagreement in the heat of the moment, rather than the major diplomatic incident it became. He tells of players going on South African tours under apartheid as if they were club cricketers enjoying a sunny winter sinecure playing abroad. It was written before he took the filthy lucre on offer for going on a rebel tour, which presumably he simply saw as a decent payday, rather than a breach of the Gleneagles Agreement. Slob.

I read the Kray Twins' book with a sense of depressed foreboding about what would be inside. Predictably it involves lots of stories of gangland violence, justified by their sense of being East End boys who loved their mother and looked after their own. Obviously, they're both dead now and no great loss. Sadly, Steve Wraith doesn't get a mention. Dineage hardly appears, which means if I ever met him I'd inquire what his role in the project was by uttering a single word. How?

Lemmy's also dead and his story of sex and drugs and rock and roll explains why. The book is the product of an addled mind, scrambled by profuse drinking and substance abuse. There's no insight into the creative processes or tensions within the band, specifically the departures of Fast Eddie or Philthy Animal. The Hawkwind era is the best bit but, unsurprisingly, memories of that band in the early 70s are sketchy at best. I am pleased I didn't pay a penny piece for these books.

I did lash out £25 the 2025-2026 Utilita Football Yearbook . Formerly Rothman's, it's the 57th edition  of the absolute, definitive bible of football stats and will be on my bedside table for reference purposes for the next 11 months. I also dropped out £20 on You and Me Against the World by Saskia Holling, which describes itself as telling the story of “two women, five bands and the Edinburgh indie scene in the mid-1980s.” It does what it says on the cover but, in a field crowded with books on a similar theme, such as Grant McPhee and Douglas MacIntyre's brilliant, encyclopaedic Hungry Beat , which is the true history of Scottish post-punk, I wonder whether Holling has stretched a piece of long form journalism a little too far. Basically, the book is about The Shop Assistants, The Motorcycle Boy, Rote Kapelle, Jesse Garon and The Desperadoes and The Vultures, who I'd never heard of. What it should have been about is Alex Taylor, the beautiful and brilliant singer whose voice made “Safety Net ” by The Shop Assistants possibly the best C86 song (apart from possibly “Therese” by The Bodines). This perfect slab of sweet Velvets-influenced indie pop, with attendant pounding bass and uplifting guitar, was sadly the beginning of the end for The Shop Assistants. They signed to a major. Bombed. Split up. Alex resurfaced with the former members of Meat Whiplash as The Motorcycle Boy, releasing one of the singles of 1987, “Big Rock Candy Mountain.” Again record company indifference and regular line-up changes bedeviled this band, who split up, to little fanfare in October 1990. After this, Alex Taylor became elusive. She moved back home to Perth. Got married. Stopped being in touch with her old bandmates and wasn't heard of this side of the millennium. In 2020 it emerged she'd died in 2005, aged 42, of acute alcoholic pancreatitis. A tragic story and one where only the salient details are known. This book should have been about her, but I presume so much of her life remained unrecorded in every sense, it wasn't possible. It's great the other bands, such as the angular Rote Kapelle and the jangling jolties of Jesse Garon are remembered here, but I think I'll head on to reading Creeping Bent alumni Katy Lironi's memoir's Matilda in the Middle next.

Strangely the only novel I've read is The Statement by Brian Moore, which I picked up for £3 in Inverness back in July. Back at university I'd read his classic, The Lonely Passion of Judith Hearne , but nothing else sense. The Statement is an absolute cracker. A real policeman in the Gallic tradition, he follows twin arms of French society, the Government and the Police, attempting to catch up with an unapologetic Vichy War Criminal, who has been harbored by the Church since the end of World War 2, but is now wanted for war crimes for the summary execution of 14 Jewish men in 1944. He gets his comeuppance in the end, but it's the baddest of the baddies who catches up with him not the Gendarmerie. An absolutely compelling page-turner and one of my favorite reads of the year thus far.

 

 

Days Out in Summer

I've been to Darlington, Durham, Hartlepool, Hexham, Middlesbrough& Seaham this Summer. Read on & I'll tell you all about it -:

I’ve had quite a lot of time on my hands this summer so, as well as the frequent trips to Scotland, I’ve also been tootling around the (reasonably) local area, using my Over 60s Railcard, enjoying grounds I’d not had the pleasure of visiting before. I like to have a full set of NEPL, Northern League and Northern Alliance venues ticked off, though the Alliance is proving problematic at the minute. This is on account of me being committed to still turning out for Tynemouth 3s on a Saturday and watching Percy Main midweek. With 6 grounds still to do (revisits to Hazlerigg, Gosforth Bohemians and Bedlington United, all of whom have changed home locations and new places Wrekenton Blue Star, Gateshead Borough and Lynemouth), this may be a difficult ask, especially as midweek games end on Wednesday 27^th August. Thankfully I’ve now recompleted the NEPL and have made a good dent in the Northern League new(ish)comers, leaving only Kendal Town to do. Again, that may be one I am forced to leave on account of distance and timing. Anyway, here’s the story of what I’ve done so far. Cricket first.

As the NEPL requires clubs to field a Sunday Academy team, this has made it possible to sort out the two remaining outliers on my list and have a couple of very agreeable Sunday sessions with pals at the same time. On Sunday 22^nd June, I made the trip out to Hexham to meet up with Harry Pearson and take in Tynedale at home to Felling. A brisk walk up from the station amid some unpromising drizzle made the start seem destined for a delay. Thankfully not though, as the rain abated and Felling went into bat first. Tynedale’s ground is called Priors Flatt and is at the bottom of the hill Harry dragged me up to watch Hexham against Gosforth Bohemians at QEHS in December 2022. This was a much gentler stroll up a relatively tiny incline to a small but very well looked after ground, surrounded by houses on one side, the road on another, clubhouse on the third and a selection of tennis and padel courts on the other. Felling set about the home attack with gusto, posting 220 from their 35 overs. As if often the case in Harry’s company, conversation overtakes the sport we’re watching and so, with the tea interval being accompanied by further spots of rain, we look off in search of liquid refreshment. While the company was engaging as ever and the pubs welcoming (if excessively child friendly and overly tolerant of youthful exuberance), the beer in each was middling at best. However, it did its job, and I merrily took the train home, aware of the fact Felling had prevailed by 50 runs.

Harry, as you’ll be aware, is a true connoisseur of the most beautiful game, but the same cannot be said of Marc Beattie, a chap whose acquaintance I made through a shared appreciation of Industrial music and power electrics. Thus, meeting at Seaham Park CC for the home game with Willington seemed a strange choice, but geography and time made it the ideal location for several pints of Guinness on Sunday 27^th July. I’d been to Seaham Harbour before, watching Tynemouth and to Seaham Red Star dozens of times, where once I saw Phil Mustard attempt to keep goal for the home side. Ashington won 6-0, showing how successful he was. Indeed, after letting the first one in through his legs, he turned to me as I was walking past behind the goal and laughingly said “mind, that was shit!” I couldn’t disagree and when I reminded him of it when he was at Tynemouth umpiring once, he bellowed raucously and retold the tale with embroidered vigour to the whole company. Nice bloke.

Anyway, Seaham Park, which is also home to the rugby team, adjoins Red Star. Like so many of these former pit villages, despite the supposed gentrification (craft ales, barista coffee and gelateria) around the actual Seaham harbour area that I’ve not seen for myself, the cricket club provides a social hub for the community. After a solemn walk up deserted streets denuded of all businesses bar Vape emporia and tanning studios, I found the club to be absolutely heaving. It wasn’t just the Women’s European Championships final that brought the crowds out early, this seemed to be regular Sunday leisure pursuit of choice in those parts, but it was great to see so many bairns in Lionesses shirts. I follow Ireland as my international team, as has been well documented, but I do like what England’s Women represent. Tolerance. Inclusivity. An utter lack of ego.

I watched top of the table Seaham begin the process of relentlessly crushing bottom placed Willington underfoot, when Mark called from the bar. We met, got more pints and sat outside, plagued by wasps all afternoon, steadily sinking the black stuff and seeing Seaham race to an 8-wicket win, or at least I did. Well-served, Marc’s wife came to collect him and dropped me off at the station for the 6.20 train. I waved them off, then found out it had been cancelled. Another Delay Repay claim and another Guinness in the nearby Island social club. I thought about staying to watch the end of the game, but by now I was falling asleep / off my chair, so kept myself informed on the train. The winning penalty went in as we were passing Gateshead Stadium. I cheered, caught the bus home and was asleep ten minutes later. Seaham seemed a nice ground and a great, welcoming club, but I had other things on my mind than cricket that afternoon. Experimental music and ultra-left-wing politics mainly. For a change.  I look forward to meeting Marc again

And now to football… After the compositions of the various leagues were confirmed by the FA in June, I was appalled to discover I hadn’t been to 20% of Northern League Division 2. This is partly down to the effects of compulsory promotion that has seen a dozen clubs make the move upwards over the past few years (including the returning North Shields and Shildon) and an influx of new teams at the bottom level. What with the inclusion of the North Riding League as a feeder, things could have been worse for my groundhopping duties if Yarm & Eaglescliffe had their own ground. They don’t. They share Billingham Town’s Beford Terrace and I’m in no hurry to go back there. Hence, I needed to visit: Darlington Town, Durham United, FC Hartlepool and Grangetown Boys Club, which I’m glad to say I now have.

I did all of these grounds alone and sober. In the first three instances, I took the train and walked a considerable distance to and from the station on each occasion, while the last one saw me take 6 different buses, arriving home just after midnight. Darlington Town are in their third season in the Northern League and kicked this campaign off on Friday 25^th July by hosting Billingham Synthonia. Like anywhere new, it’s easy to find if you know where you’re going and I sort of did, but the fine detail of discovering how to get into the ground, tucked away among dozens of other sports pitches, was a hard nut to crack. However, I managed it and took my place in one of the two stands on either side of the 4G pitch. Synners were absolutely terrible. It doesn’t surprise me that they’re bottom of the table having lost all but one of their games so far, but Darlington Town were impressive. They passed and moved, kept it on the deck and enjoyed a stranglehold on the game all evening. How it was only 2-0 at full time I’ll never know. I made it back to the station quicker than I got there, fruitlessly as Delay Repay came back into the equation as Cross Country arsed things up again. I got home just before the witching hour on the last 38 to Four Lane Ends.

The first Saturday in August saw TCC 3s without a game and Percy Main away up to Rothbury. A mate’s band were supposed to be gigging in Stockton that night, but the event was pulled a couple of days before. I’d already decided on a trip to FC Hartlepool versus Esh Winning, having booked a cheap ticket, so I took the train and had a good wander up to the Grayfields Enclosure, which backs onto the playing fields where I had numerous games during my time with Over 40s. Promoted from the Wearside League at the same time as Darlington Town, FC Hartlepool is a proper club, with a proper ground and a proper grass pitch. Certainly my favourite of the 4 new ticks in NL D2. A decent crowd was about, despite Hartlepool United also being at home to South Shields in a friendly. There was some absolute appalling language all game from a couple of blokes near me, the kind who split up words to add an extra obscene syllable and FC Hartlepool absolute tore Esh Winning to shreds. It ended up 4-0, with a saved penalty and could have been double that on a lovely, sunny afternoon. Sonic Youth fans may be interested to know there is a Murray Street on the way from ground to station. I’m not sure if it named in Honour (see what I did there?) of former Pools manager Alan or is a nod to NYC’s greatest noise band. Kill Yr Monkeys, indeed.

The following Thursday, I took a trip to Durham United, who play at the University’s Maiden Castle sports facility. Durham is an interesting place. It’s got almost everything: a Cathedral, a Castle, a University and maximum security prison that holds some of the most heinous murderers this country has ever produced. What it doesn’t have, following the Olivier Bernard-sponsored debacle that was the demise of Durham City, is a decent football team. New Ferens Park was a real state of the art facility when it opened, but it went to rack and ruin, after wranglings with landlord Richard Ord and the Northern Premier League. Groundshares with Consett and Willington were only a prelude to oblivion. They may still be alive in the lower reaches of the Wearside, but any return to a decent level looks way beyond them. This Durham club have the University to thank for sponsorship, and it is an impressive facility. Where else in the Northern League could you get a Caffe Nero oat latte?

That said, the seats were some of the most uncomfortable I’ve ever sat on. The front rows too high off the ground, leaving you feet dangling in mid-air, and the back ones too close together, so your knees dug into hard, unyielding plastic of the row in front. Despite winning the Wearside League at a canter last season, Durham looked ill-prepared for this level of football and Yarm & Eaglescliffe strolled to a 4-0 victory without breaking sweat, with a brace of braces around the 40^th and 80^th minutes. I wonder if this will be Durham’s only season at this level.

Last year should have been Grangetown Boys Club’s sole Northern League campaign, as they finished second bottom of D2. However, Bedlington Terriers (have you seen their record in the Alliance so far???) failed ground grading, as they’re now on a public park at Hirst Welfare in Ashington with Doctor Pit Welfare locked and barred to them, and went down instead. Consequently, I left home at half 3, got back just after midnight and took 6 different buses to visit the Boysie for their home game with Billingham Town. GBC is in a rough part of Middlesbrough. Mind, are there any other sorts? It makes Blyth look like Esher. I didn’t see Dormanstown but I did see North Ormsby, South Bank, Eston and Grangetown. Thankfully though the bus window on a miserable, wet and windy August evening that seemed like a rehearsal for autumn. That said, it’s a great, proud community club. The ground is homely and welcoming, The programme is a proper effort, and the chip butty was a reward for braving the elements. They drew 2-2 with Billingham Town but really should have lost. Both goals were gifts; a bad back pass and a soft penalty, bookending a pair by Billingham’s striker, the second a lovely header. I’m glad I went, mainly because of the sociological fun to be had on the 64B Middlesbrough to Grangetown circular.

So, let’s see what September has to offer, once the cricket finishes on September 13^th.