Alan Smith; tribute to a black & white legend

I love Twitter me. At 14.26 on Sunday 29th January, having heard of our esteemed hero's departure on loan to MK Dons, I made the following Tweet; Was thinking about writing a blog about Alan Smith's NUFC career highlights; any suggestions what it could include? It earned the best response to anything I've ever said on there. I think it is time to let the people speak....

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Txantxangorri John Andrew Hird 

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@PayasoDeMierda A few copies of his bank statements would be nice to see.

2 minutes ago 

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bayfox_1 Peter Fox 

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@PayasoDeMierda Scoring against Sampdoria in a friendly at SJP. I think I've just written it for you!

5 minutes ago 

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ShauneeBoy100gC Shaun Smith 

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@PayasoDeMierda You could base the piece on his main redeeming feature - his hair!

12 minutes ago 

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kerouac151 jack_kerouac 

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@PayasoDeMierda Getting his highlights done?

22 minutes ago 

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MasonEcho Richard Mason 

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@PayasoDeMierda his departure?

22 minutes ago 

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ALSP8 Alastair Speight 

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@PayasoDeMierda the day he scored his first goal for the toon!

24 minutes ago 

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Delscottio Andy 

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@PayasoDeMierda Pre-season goal, Floirentine (sp?)? Only one I can really think of. Preseason team meeting (Championship). Theme occuring..

25 minutes ago 

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youngin_uk Martin Young 

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@PayasoDeMierda his solitary goal v sampdoria

26 minutes ago 

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hodgey222011 Andrew 

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@PayasoDeMierda the day he leaves will be my highlight!

26 minutes ago 

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Andrew_Ewing Andrew Ewing 

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@PayasoDeMierda a yellow card stat

27 minutes ago 

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the_itch1980 Chris Taylor 

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@PayasoDeMierda His hair?

26 minutes ago 

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youngin_uk Martin Young 

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@PayasoDeMierda his numerous funny haircuts

27 minutes ago 

Decades

This Saturday, Newcastle United will play away to Brighton & Hove Albion in the FA Cup. It's the first time we've been drawn away to them since 1983. We managed a 1-1 that day, before the infamous Trelford Mills replay. We lost to them again in 1986, in a far less contentious match. The last time we played them in any fixture was in March 1992, when they beat us 1-0 at St. James in a Second Division game. It felt like the end of the world at the time, but somehow Newcastle stayed up and Brighton went down at season's end (David Kelly v Portsmouth had a fairly large bearing on that outcome it has to be said). In May 2001, I wrote a piece about that game for "When Saturday Comes," who I used to contribute to regularly in the days before they became AFC Wimbledon's unofficial obsequious hagiographers. As WSC won't be re-publicising my words, I thought I might....

It must seem hard to credit for neutrals, and heartrending to recall for the devoted Magpies fan, but not even four years ago Newcastle United were a flu­ent, attractive side. I’ll never enjoy football as much again. Sadly, Kevin Keegan’s departure and a failure of nerve after a promising start under Kenny Dalglish have consigned the team to a regular berth amid the dross of lower mid-table Premiership mediocrity. We are now Everton II; the nagging worry is that we will become Man City II.

However, not even ten years ago, the very idea of us being able to attain 13th place in the top flight was as ludicrous as Douglas Hall’s recent claims that Newcastle are as big as Barcelona. The sales of Chris Waddle, Peter Beardsley and Paul Gascoigne had eventually resulted in ignominious rel­egation in 1989 under Jim Smith. The Bald Eagle subsequently tried and failed twice to get Newcastle promoted employing the most stultifying, mundane football imaginable. Crowds were down to 15,000, interest in the area at an all time low. Going to games was seen as an odd way to get rid of disposable income. Post Italia 90 euphoria didn’t arrive on Tyneside.

The board, far-sighted as ever, turned to Ossie Ardiles, the hope being that he could teach the team to pass its way fluently out of the division. Despite the then teenage talents of Lee Clark, Steve Watson, Steve Howey and Alan Thompson, he almost managed it by taking us out the wrong way, down to the Third. Having to work with a transfer budget of less than £250,000, however, the poor guy never stood a chance.

There were many painful results in 1991-1992. Four-nil at Southend on New Year’s Day, a 4-3 home reverse to Charlton after leading 3-0 and 5-2 in a Baskervillian pea-souper at the Manor Ground, which saw us exchange places with Oxford at the bottom of the table. This was the last straw. Ossie, lovely bloke though he was, had to go. The Metro Centre Millionaire, still able to charm the Geordie public with his illogical bombast, turned to Kevin Keegan, possibly the only Newcastle player he’d heard of apart from Jackie Milburn, to rescue us.

Hindsight has told us that, after almost nine years in management, Kevin Keegan knows as much about tactics as William Hague knows about social drinking. Yet here he was, fresh from eight years of practising bunker shots in Marbella, responsible for saving the club. In these historically revisionist times, it must be noted that he did save Newcastle United and he did genuinely care. With only the addition of Brian Kil­cline, he managed to scramble two wins and a draw in his first four games. Survival seemed possible.

Brighton, another side in the scrap at the bottom, arrived on Tyneside with the home fans’ expectations now raised above ground level. A crowd of 24,597 gathered. The resultant 1-0 defeat, courtesy of a late Mark Gall strike, may not seem as catastrophic as subsequent 6-2 maulings at Molineux or 4-1 at the Baseball Ground, where we had three sent off, but it is the most devastated and depressed I’ve felt leaving a football ground. It was Edvard Munch, James Ellroy and Eraserhead in a cocktail with anti-depressants and bourbon. It felt like the end of the world. Even John Major’s triumph a month later didn’t cut me to the quick as badly as this game did.

The point about this match was that it was just so bone-chillingly preventable. Brighton were awful, they should have been dismissed without breaking sweat. Yet Gavin Peacock, our only truly class player, con­trived to miss two open goals in the first and last minutes. Gall’s sloppy, opportunist effort was like a needle in a balloon; our spirits visibly deflated. There were still 13 minutes to go, but the game was up.

How could they fail us like that? At full-time, there was no booing, no flurry of invective at officials or players, just a mute acceptance that our time was up. Packed, silent pubs digested the league tables in Tyneside’s Saturday evening sports paper, The Pink. The consensus was that we were doomed. Hammerings can be bounced back from, lucky draws are moral victories and wins, rare as they were that year, were optimistically viewed as springboards. Meek home defeats against sides even worse than your­selves are daggers to the heart.

Yet, being Newcastle, things are never that simple. We won three of the next four against sides above us, then lost five in a row, before winning the last two to survive by the flattering margin of four points. Brighton went down and this game was forgotten by most. How different things might have been if they had avoided the drop instead of us.

A Musical Interlude

January is almost always a dull time for music; the post-Christmas lull means there are few if any gigs to go to and hardly any new releases worthy of the name. As a result, I tend to look backwards on the previous year and compile lists of my favourites. Sadly, once I discovered I’d not kept an accurate list of the gigs I’d been to, then inertia took hold. Of course I remember loving Jonny, Euros Childs, The Wedding Present, The Fall, The Buzzcocks, Roger McGuinn, Veronica Falls, Wire, British Sea Power and Trembling Bells in the flesh in 2011, but I didn’t have an accurate record of who I’d seen when, so I let things slide.

However, two snippets of news in the third week of January made me reassess my indolence; March 19^th will see the release of “Valentina,” which is The Wedding Present’s long awaited 8^th album (and one that I’m particularly keen on as they’ve played most of the tracks during the last 3 times I’ve seen them). The other item of news was of the final appearance of Gerry Love’s solo album, though the characteristically modest TFC bassist is calling his project Lightships and the album “Electric Cables.” Inspired by such information, I’ve gone back to last year’s purchases and made a rundown of my favourites. In addition, I promise to keep a tally of the gigs I go to in 2012, so there will be a list of them this time next year. Anyway, here are my 2012 favourites -:

1.      1.  Trembling Bells: The Constant Pageant. Alex Nielsen’s contemporary reinvention of Fairport Convention released my favourite of the year, including song of the year in the breathtaking “Just As The Rainbow.” Lavinia Blackwall’s majestic soaring voice and Mike Hastings’ expressive, authentic early 70s guitar make Trembling Bells an act to adore.  

2.  

2. 2. The Fall: Ersatz GB. The Mancunian Wilfred Bramble body double does it again with a solid-gold bile-spitting classic that is their finest in two decades. “Nate Will Not Return” and “Greenway” are up there with all-time Fall classics. God knows how he’s still alive and functioning, but it’s a blessing he is.

3.       3. Jonny: Jonny. Norman Blake from Teenage Fanclub and Euros Childs from Gorky’s Zygotic Mynky produced a low fi classic of cute C86 beauty and charming, wistful observation. Truly glorious live on the 3 times I saw them. A great little act.

4.       4. Christy Moore: Folk Tale. The fella from Kildare who worked in a bank has released a glorious, understated, eclectic collection of defiantly independent, politically charged songs. From the tragic story of the drowned Chinese cockle pickers on “Morecambe Bay” to the proud 2 fingered gesture to Mrs Windsor’s visit to Ireland in “Farmer Michael Hayes,” Christy is still the man to beat in Irish music.

5.      5.  Veronica Falls; Veronica Falls. A beautiful slab of C86 jangle-genius that I was pleased to buy from Rough Trade; “Stephen” and “Found Love In A Graveyard” could be the Shop Assistants reanimated. Lovely.

6.     6.   Wire: Red Barked Tree. What can you say? 35 years of iconoclasm and the word compromise is still outside their vocabulary. As contemporary as can be, but with nods back to “Cairs Missing” and elements of the Dome era atmospherics, “Red Barked Tree” is a stunning example of a band still as creative as ever almost 4 decades from their inception.

7.     7.   Euros Childs: Ends. It could be better than 7^th; certainly “At Your Parents Place” is a heart wrenchingly tender tale of mid-life crisis and regret. Sadly, I’ve only just got round to listening to it, but I thought I would mention it.

8.      8.  British Sea Power: Valhalla Dancehall. Anthemic, eccentric and adrenalized as ever, this is a fine follow up to “Do You Like rock Music?” These are a clever bunch of lads. I like them a lot.

9.     9.   Band of Holy Joy: How To Kill A Butterfly. Jonny Brown’s latest collection of Brechtian histrionics is as charming and creative as ever. This band exists outside normal parameters; they do their thing and are seemingly indifferent to anyone else’s reactions. Fair play to them.

I also bought a couple of reissues this year -:

1.       The Wedding Present: Seamonsters. “Heather.” “Corduroy.” “Dalliance.” “Carolyn.” They are touring it this autumn. Simply can’t wait.

2.       Swell Maps: Train Out Of It. Half pub rock punk, half eerie experimentation. They were a truly original outfit. RIP to the brothers Epic Soundtracks and Nikki Sudden.

A Waste of Breath (Redux.......)

The unseasonably mild January weather began to disappear on Thursday 12th, leaving two successive hard frosts on Friday 13th & Saturday 14th, meaning our home game with Stocksfield was called off. As a result, these two programme pieces will never see the light of day, unless I use them here, which is a tragedy as otherwise the last paragraph of "Around The Grounds" would be lost forever. So here they are -:

From The Main:



Good afternoon everyone and welcome to Purvis Park for this afternoon’s Pin Point Recruitment Northern Alliance Premier Division game against Stocksfield, which is our opponents’ first fixture of 2012. Consequently, I’d like to extend a special welcome to all the players, supporters and officials associated with our visitors today and to wish them a very Happy New Year on behalf of everyone associated with Percy Main Amateurs.

Of course, we began the New Year with our tremendous 3-1 win over Blyth Town last week. The last 9 minutes, featuring excellent goals from Ryan Laws, Tony Abladey and Liam Robertson, will live long in the memory of the excellent crowd who witnessed it. Let’s hope we can build on that success again today, to give us considerable breathing space in our attempts to move away from danger. Without getting carried away, today’s game, plus the two that follow it, which are also at home to Murton on January 21st and Rutherford on January 28th, can shape our destiny for the rest of the season.  Both games kick off at 2pm.

Stocksfield, who are currently below us on goal difference though with games in hand, have been our opponents twice so far this season. Back in September, Jason Ritchie’s last game in charge saw him sign off in style with a crushing 5-1 away victory. During this game Jason scored twice himself, once from the spot, with the other goals coming from Jonathon McEnaney, Ziggy Ewart and last week’s winning scorer Tony Abladey.

However, a month later, Stocksfield were to have a measure of revenge, when they turfed us out of the Northumberland FA Senior Benevolent Bowl, which we’d won in May 2011 against Seaton Delaval, in our first defence of the trophy. The game, which marked Malcolm Morien’s last appearance for the Main, ended 2-2 after extra time, before Stocksfield held their nerve to win 3-0 on penalties. The Main’s goals were scored by the aforementioned Morien and Tony Abladey. Let’s hope that it is the Villagers who are able to extract a modicum of sporting revenge today.

Off the pitch, our old Web Teams website appears to have disappeared in to the ether, so all our cyber activity can be found at http://www.pitchero.com/clubs/percymainamateursfc/ with the site being added to and developed all the team. Comments are contributions more than welcome.  The website also gives details of the big fund raising innovation for 2012 is the NEW Percy Main Bingo Lottery, which is being overseen by Geoff. It’s very easy to get involved; just pick 6 numbers between 1 and 49, then choose how many weeks you wish to participate, cost of £1 per week for each set of 6 numbers, then see Geoff to pay your stake and get a lottery ticket in return, or email him at geoff@cinix.co.uk

Every Saturday the numbers from the main National Lottery draw will be ticked off and the first person with 6 matched numbers wins the prize fund, which will be 50% of the total stake, with the remaining 50% of the total going to Percy Main AFC. When the prize is won everyone’s matched numbers are cleared and the draw starts again from scratch. Updates and winners will appear on this website and in match day programmes. 2012 will see a major effort by the club to raise funds for the refurbishment of our clubhouse and this new game is the first of a number of initiatives; watch out for other advertised events in the coming months.

Please consider joining and do enjoy the game today!

Around The Grounds:

Last week’s thrilling victory against Blyth Town did Percy Main the power of good, not just in terms of the buzz created by such a fine win, but also because of the effect it had on the league table. We are now 11^th, ahead of both today’s opponents Stocksfield, who were inactive last week, and Walker Central, who lost 3-1 at leaders Heaton Stannington, on goal difference. Stocksfield have 3 games in hand, as do 14^th place Rutherford, who were held 2-2 at home by 5^th top Ashington Colliers last week. In the relegation spots, 5 points below us, are Ponteland United, who lost 2-0 at home to second top Carlisle City and Murton, who crashed 5-2 at fourth top Shankhouse. There were only 4 Premier Division games last week, but 4 other top flight sides were engaged in George Dobbins League Cup quarter finals, with Whitley Bay A easing past Killingworth 2-1 and Seaton Delaval getting the better of Hebburn Reyrolle 3-2.

In Division 1 there were only 2 fixtures. Amble United went 7 points clear at the top, crushing 8^th placed Cullercoats away by the small matter of 8-0. Forest Hall, recently deducted 3 points, won 2-1 at mid-table Cramlington Town, but remain bottom with a new points total of 3. In Division 2, leaders Red House Farm won 2-1 away to second-bottom Swalwell, to go 11 points clear at the top, as second placed Harton & Westoe surprisingly went down 1-0 at home to a Hexham outfit who are now 4^th. Northbank are 5^th, after winning 4-2 away to 9^th placed Wideopen and Bedlington Terriers Reserves sit in 8^th spot after being held 2-2 by fourth bottom North Shields Athletic.

There were also plenty of county cup games to make up for the abbreviated league programme, which is likely to be a common theme for much of the rest of the season. In the Durham FA Minor Cup second round, Whickham Lang Jacks lost 3-0 at home to Hartlepool Rovers, with all the goals coming in extra time. Six of the 8 Northumberland FA Minor Cup round 4 ties went ahead, with generally positive results for the Alliance sides. Alnwick Town Reserves beat Newcastle Medicals from the Corinthian League by 4-1, while their Corinthian compatriots FOWS Diggers FC went down 4-2 at home to Seaton Burn. Willington Quay Saints won 2-1 away to North Northumberland League Shilbottle CW and Chemfica overcame other North Northumbrians, Red Row 7-6 on penalties after a 1-1 draw. A minor piece of giantkilling saw Tyneside Amateur League Kenton Bar Community beat Wallsend Town 2-1 and in the only all Alliance tie, Heddon won 1-0 at Wallsend Boys Club. The 2 outstanding fixtures take place today; Newcastle University v Blyth Town Reserves and Wallington v Morpeth Sporting Club.

In the Northern League, there was a quiet day in the top flight, with Benfield inactive and Whitley Bay drawing 1-1 away to Shildon. Perhaps the next round of the FA Vase is where their priorities really do lie. However, Division 2 saw a good day for the North Tyneside clubs, who are now holding down the 3 promotion spots. From the top down, Team Northumbria had a pulsating 5-4 away win at Northallerton, North Shields cruised past bottom club Easington 3-0 away and West Allotment Celtic came out on top against Brandon United by 3-1.

In the Blue Square North, there was an encouraging point for Blyth Spartans, 1-1 away to former Football League outfit Boston United. Gateshead had a comfortable 2-0 home win over Stockport County, the first goal a penalty conceded by a certain Daniel O’Donnell, which makes you wonder if the Lancastrians’ away following included hundreds of tearful middle aged women in terrible knitwear. Presumably the referee wasn’t Mary from Dungloe either.

Moving Away From The Pulsebeat

Fair play to the Paraffins from Albania on Wear (if I may strike a populist note for a second there, as there’s an unpopulist one at the end of this paragraph); since Martin Paradoxically O’Neill got the gig at SoS, they are a team transformed. Instead of wilting and hiding in games, they now get stronger the longer it goes on, especially when the fourth official holds the board up. Testament to this have been their last gasp wins over Blackburn, QPR and, most impressively, Man City. Six big points that show three things; firstly, Steve Brewse really is an incompetent clown who has seen his career peak and is now on an inexorably downward spiral, no doubt ending up at Chesterfield or Walsall by 2015. Secondly the Mackems are going to stay up, or that there is no doubt, and thirdly, as well as least palatably, Newcastle should start getting nervous about the first Saturday in March as it wouldn’t surprise me if the unwashed gain revenge for Ryan Taylor’s over the wall classic this time around. I’m not too worried about this myself, but then again I’ll be at Arbroath v East Fife and Dundee United v Inverness Caledonian Thistle that weekend, as I’ve started to wonder if it is a good idea for me to continue attending St. James’ Park as semi-regularly as I’ve started doing again.

One of the things I loved about the first few months of the season was the palpable sense of unity of purpose that imbued the entire Newcastle United family. I don’t include the alleged owners in that, but I do include the playing staff, supporters and indeed the local journalists of a black and white persuasion. With two of the three NUFC fanzines, in the shape of Toon Talk and Black & White Daft, reflecting a wide range of supporters and supporter opinion from outside of the narrow congregation of contributors to The Mag and their pals from the low-profile NUST, as well as the expanding and always intriguing Twitter community, it was truly excellent to see such innovations coming up from the ranks as the brilliant Darwen End Disco at Blackburn in the League Cup and the Cabaye “Dreamboat” tag being taken up in print, in reality and across all forms of social media. The scowling begrudgers may disagree, but the clued-up fans know fan more about this club than Del’s Boys ever will.

Except, except, except, I think the unity may be in peril. There were a few signs of it at full time in the Swansea game, when frustrations perhaps got the better of several dozen hotheads, who started booing at the final whistle. As I’ve said many times before, I’m someone who predominantly watches Northern Alliance and Northern League football nowadays, so the sight of top quality Premier League players is one that genuinely excites and entertains me, so I’ll cut this lot some slack in this instance, but I’m not so happy with certain others as unfortunately it seems for many other people, familiarity with top quality players breeds contempt; there can be no other explanation for the incessant whining of the gentleman who sits in P125 in Leazes Level 2 in the home defeat to The Baggies.

Having struck lucky via a Twitter buddy, I had a freebie for the West Brom game; the seat had a great view of an exciting but ultimately depressing game. To be fair Coloccini, Perch and, it has to be said, Tiote, were rubbish that night. However, not once did I boo or moan; I don’t sing the whole 90 minutes I’ll admit, but I get behind the team whenever I can, unlike the clown behind me. He whined, moaned, whinged and complained all the way through. Despite Ba’s two brilliant goals, we lost and that almost seemed to make his night. When Scharner’s shot hit the net for their winner, I left my seat, to watch the last bit downstairs. Immediately afterwards, I had a desultory pint in The Trent, but left after one as the moaning virus had spread there as matchgoers trooped balefully in. I took a taxi back to The Newton, where the whinging was worse, as it was by those who’d not even been to the game. Another pint and an early night, as I always factor Match of the Day out of the equation when we lose.

Considering I’d packed my season ticket in back in 2009 because I couldn’t bear the complaining that used to go on at the game, it simply reminded me that it wasn’t the defeat to West Brom I couldn’t handle, it was the defeatism of so-called fans. As a result, I knew I needed to take a step back from Newcastle United and from actually being at the ground, or perhaps I could consider not spending 2 hours in The Bodega pre match so I could cock a deaf one to the moaning minnies. Thus, on Boxing Day, I took in a couple of Northern League fixtures. While the wind-ruined noon game between North Shields and West Allotment Celtic that the home side shaded by 2-1, would be enough to turn you to drink, I kept out of licensed premises, all of which from the Top House to The Foxhunters were bursting at the seams with black and whites eager to watch satellite coverage of Newcastle’s trip to Bolton. Instead, I took in a thoroughly entertaining 1-1 draw between Whitley Bay and Benfield that drew 523 to Hillheads, but celebrated news of Ba and Ben Arfa’s goals wildly, if internally.

This long overdue win seemed to have been down to me blanking coverage of it, or so I pretended, so I was confident of our trip to Liverpool as it coincided with me heading off to Leeds to see the Wedding Present, meaning football would be incidental to the main focus of the evening. That said, I’d probably have ended up at West Allotment 2 Gilford Park 3 if there hadn’t been a gig to go to. As regards the Weddoes, I’d been looking forward to this gig for months as it made up for Ben not being allowed in to the Boro gig back in August as it was Over 18s only. Alright, so Newcastle lost 3-1, but it didn’t hurt as Gedge and the band were on stunning form as ever. Their new album is out in March and having heard half a dozen of the new tracks tonight and a similar number back in August, I’ve not felt as well prepared for one of their releases since George Best back in 1987. Honestly, I wish I had the wit and gumption to write a music blog; top ten albums and top ten gigs would be a start. Now there’s an idea.

So, what about the Manchester United game? Well, if it had been on the Bank Holiday Monday, it would have lost out in my affections to Benfield’s depressing 3-2 home defeat to Guisborough Town, a game I will return to in a few weeks to discuss less sporting matters. On the Tuesday, I had intended on taking in the Reserves versus Man Utd Reserves at Blue Flames, but that was called off because of a waterlogged pitch, which made Wednesday’s Northern Alliance Premier Division game between Whitley Bay A and Seaton Delaval Amateurs very uncertain. However, despite strong winds it was a dry day and so I passed up on a freebie in the Milburn Paddock at the Leazes End to take in the joy at Hillheads.

I did this not out of any love of either Alliance side, but out of duty. A year previous I’d knocked back tickets for Newcastle’s home game with West Ham on the same New Year Wednesday and we won that 5-0. Also, there was the memory of the last time we swapped our shirt sponsors mid-season; back in April 1991, Scottish & Newcastle replaced Greenalls in the battle of the brewers, but we lost 2-0 to Bristol Rovers in Ossie’s first game as manager. I didn’t want lightning to strike twice.

Mind, what a mug I looked when the Whitley Bay A game was called off because of high winds; of course the ticket had gone when I tried to find out if I could change my mind. Still, what the hell, we won brilliantly and if it for the greater good that I wasn’t there, then so be it.

However, if the weather means Percy Main v Blyth Town is called off on Saturday, I’ll think long and hard about the choice between West Allotment v Brandon and Newcastle v Blackburn in the cup.