Feathering The NUST

(Published in Percy Main v Carlisle City programme; 18th September 2010)

Well, did you enjoy the Blyth Town game? Personally I’ve not seen a game quite as dull as that for many a long year now. That said, I’m glad I was at Purvis Park to see the Main’s sponsored snooze in preference to seeing plucky Newcastle humbled by the might of Blackpool in the Premier League, a fixture which saw me turn down my second potential freebie at SJP of the season of the two home games played thus far. Having spent the Villa game failing to shift a single copy of “Village Voice” (still available, price £10 from any club official; go on, you know you need another copy!) at the North Tyneside Health & Horticulture Show at The Parks, I did feel a twinge of regret at not seeing a 6-0 stuffing of the classless clowns from the second city, but none were evident during the visit of the Tangerines, as this one clashed with a Percy Main game and I know where my loyalties and responsibilities lie, never mind the fact I’d been predicting a 2-0 away win to all and sundry for the week leading up to the game.

However, I did get myself a sort of souvenir of the day, in the shape of issue 250 of “The Mag,” a publication I wrote for between 1989 and 2004. Flicking through it, I felt like Pastor Terry Jones in an Islamic petrol station and bookstore; I wanted to burn it to a crisp. Normally, I’ve a lot of time for “The Mag, but this issue of what I’d always viewed as the Newcastle united fanzine of record, reeked of rank, indefensible cant and hypocrisy, which I’ll explore in a minute.

Also available around SJP and, uniquely for a Newcastle fanzine it can be obtained from The Back Page, was issue #1 of Steve Wraith’s new fanzine, “Toon Talk,” which I’ve the privilege of scribbling articles for. I have to say that I’m in favour of any fan publication that is within the realms of decency, taste and moral probity, which is why I support both of the reputable Newcastle fanzines, by buying “The Mag” each issue. Indeed, I also take in the broader spectrum of independent Newcastle fan opinion by being a regular browser of www.nufc.com and a member of NUST.

You may remember NUST, who proudly rose from the ashes of the discredited, unrepresentative pressure group NU$C. Despite appearances, or rather lacking of appearances, to the contrary, NUST have not gone away; they’ve just taken a leaf from New Labour’s 1997 yearbook, by having an election, promising the earth and then doing the thick end of bugger all. Now as you know I unsuccessfully stood for election to the NUST board, but I hope you don’t regard this article as an example of sour grapes, as when the results were announced I immediately pledged my support for those who had been chosen by members. Mark Jensen, the editor of “The Mag,” who now combines that role with being the Chair of NUST, topped the poll. Now, theoretically I’ve no problem with him having two hats. Certainly since he stopped working in a shop, he’s probably had a fair bit of spare time he could do with using up, though there is the potential for a conflict of interest as time goes by.

Of course such a delicate state of affairs palpably wasn’t the case for 5 months following the NUST election result declaration on March 29^th as nothing whatsoever happened, despite promotion, the close season and the World Cup taking place. While it would have been nice to have an AGM, EGM or Public Meeting where members could meet the new board and discuss various issues in relation to NUST’s future direction, no such thing happened. They explained this state of affairs away by stating; “Despite the Elections being held in March - by the time the result was independently adjudicated, meetings were held to appoint positions, a secretary was found and Chi Onwurah MP was co-opted this took us to the end of May. Since then a lot of time has been, for example, spent writing and setting up policies required by the rules for an elected board, researching into new email systems and producing a Junior Trust plan. This also coincided with the close season and the holiday season.”

It still took until late August before a shallow, anodyne series of insincere blandishments appeared on the NUST website under the headline “the Trust moving forwards.” However many footling excuses NUST sought to make about General elections, close seasons or holidays, the fact there has not been an opportunity to take feedback from either members only or members and other interested parties is frankly inexcusable. To take 5 months to come up with such bland, platitudinous tommyrot as the statement on the website was simply pathetic. It suggests inertia, incompetence or complacency, perhaps not by all elected members, but certainly by some.

Equally dismal was the suggestion that NUST members could, in the absence of public meetings, email a query to the NUST board which they would look at and possibly get round to replying to. Their logic behind this was similarly idiotic; “NUST accept that our communication has been poor, but we are working at putting that right and accept that progress may seem slow - but it is as frustrating for Board members as members. We are currently redesigning the newsletter to be a 2 monthly issue and the first one will be out in September. A lot of meetings / contacts have been made behind the scenes and we are currently working on our business plan. Remember we are all volunteers and all Board members put in huge amounts of their personal time.” Well no one is forcing NUST Board Members to do this job; if they can’t handle it, resign with dignity!!

The whole situation was becoming even more of a joke, as simultaneous to this non-statement, “Toon Talk” was informed that NUST would not be co-operating with this new fanzine, despite the publicity “Toon Talk” editor Steve Wraith has given NUST on his radio show by having NUST Board members Steve Hastie and Neil Mitchell (two sound men who, along with Bill Corcoran and Colin Whittle, maintain NUST’s integrity) as weekly guests. The decision was made public by NUST Media Officer Tony Stephenson, on account of “Toon Talk” using photos of glamour models in Newcastle shirts as part of the pre publication adverts. These glamour models were fully clothed and whilst it was cheesy, it wasn’t pornographic, unlike the adverts for the strip tease at the City Vaults or the lap-dancing club For Your Eyes Only that “The Mag” carried.

When NUST failed to have an article in the first issue of “The Mag” this season, it seemed as if they were pursuing an even-handed policy in relation to both fanzines. Sadly, this was not the case as was demonstrated in issue #250, which came out for the Blackpool game. While For Your Eyes Only had been ditched, the advert for the City Vaults, boasting “Newcastle’s Finest Topless Totty” took pride of place on the inside back cover. Quite how this sits with the statement to Steve Wraith that NUST “are actively seeking sponsorship for the Junior Trust and for this reason felt unanimously that we could not actively promote “Toon Talk” magazine because of the imagery associated with it” is beyond me.

It seems clear to me that NUST’s Board have compromised both their integrity and their independence by effectively helping to feather the nest of an elected member. Frankly, I’d suggest a vote of No Confidence at the earliest possible moment, if there were any danger of an AGM of course. NUST; RIP? It looks like they’ve blown it, unless a radical change of policy and behaviour is in the post.

Aviva an Longfort

(Published in the Percy Main v Blyth Town programme on 11th September 2010)

Depending on your point of view, I’ve either got a brilliant or a terrible sense of timing. As my articles in the last two programmes explained, I was in the Basque Country in mid July to see Spain win the World Cup, which displayed a pretty astute choice of holiday destination I thought. However, despite 12 glorious days in Euskadi, my wanderlust had not been sated in its entirety. Hence, when it seemed certain that Percy Main and Heaton Winstons would be without a fixture on August 7^th, I booked a return flight to Dublin, on the basis that this would probably be my last free Saturday until June 2011.

Drawing a veil over Percy Main 4 Wallsend Town 3 and Houghton Vets 2 Heaton Winstons 1 (who organises these last minute games anyway?), I chose Ireland as I could doss with mates for free (Declan in Dalkey, South Dublin and John in Maynooth, Kildare, both of whom have visited Purvis Park before) and get to see some football. This was my fifth trip over to the land of my ancestors and the country I feel to be my natural home since Summer 2007; the fact I managed to do some groundhopping made it even more special, but this is, I suppose, where my bad timing comes in.

Declan moved to the affluent south side of Dublin in 2007 and the journey to his house involves a half hour trip on the DART (Dublin’s equivalent of the Metro). About 5 minutes from the city centre is what was known as Lansdowne Road stadium, where English hooligans disgracefully rioted in February 1995 because Warren Barton had been given his full debut, or something. Ever since Declan had moved out that way, Lansdowne Road had been a building site, but now it was finally finished. Lansdowne Road wasn’t the official home of Irish football; that was Dalymount Park, home to Ireland’s oldest club Bohemian. It isn’t the biggest ground; that is the 82,300 capacity Croke Park (home of the GAA and blessed with the Cusack Stand), where football and rugby had controversially lodged these past few years. However, the 53,000 seat redeveloped Lansdowne Road (dismally rechristened the AVIVA Stadium), is supposed to be a partnership venture between Irish Rugby and Football. Suffice to say the Irish economic meltdown, which has made the British recession seem like losing your small change down the back of the sofa in comparison, has resulted in some fairly harsh words about funding and further financial viability.

In the short term, that means Trapattoni needs to get his side winning games to get the crowds in during the upcoming Euro 2012 qualifiers, which they did with a 1-0 win in their first game away in Armenia. I’m writing before the second qualifier in this international week, but if they fail to beat Andorra at home, it will be a seismic shock. In the long term, well considering the preponderance of ghost estates of half built luxury houses that are scattered all across Ireland, the AVIVA Stadium could end up as decaying monument to the folly of venture capitalism, if the playing side goes wrong.

To be fair, there were very few empty seats on the opening night on Wednesday 4^th August (I was at Pelton Buffs 1 Percy Main 3), when a Manchester United side completely destroyed a League of Ireland Select XI by 7-1, with the overwhelming majority of those who had paid e60 or e45 being locally based Man United “supporters,” who were openly decrying and ridiculing home based players for their lack of skill. The AVIVA stadium is an impressive glass bowl that has been stylishly and artistically decorated, but I’m glad I wasn’t at this game as I’ve never been a fan of treachery (well except by Sir Roger Casement, but that’s a different matter).

The first game of my trip should have been the top of the table big Dublin derby between Shamrock Rovers and Bohemian at the Tallaght stadium on Friday night. However, here’s where the bad timing really comes in to it; the game was actually played on the Sunday, when I was already at the airport. The reason for the delay had been Rovers’ success in knocking out Israeli side Bnei-Yehuda from the Europa league qualifiers, to set up a lucrative clash with Juventus. The first leg had seen a 6,000 sell-out in Tallaght when “La Vecchia” strolled to a 2-0 win. The return, played on the Thursday I arrived, was not held in Turin, as Stadio Olimpico was hors de combat while AC/DC performed their leaden, irrelevant pomp rock there, but in Serie B Modena’s ground.

In fact, it could have been held in Atlantis as the Biblical rainstorm made conditions a farce, with pools of standing water making anything resembling football seem impossible. For much of the first half, it was water polo without hands. Presumably the weather was a great leveller, as Juve only won 1-0, courtesy of a tremendous 35-yard free kick from Alessandro Del Piero. Now, I have to say I’ve no time for Shamrock Rovers (I follow Bohemian as my Dublin team, who trail Shamrock Rovers in the title race by 7 points as I write), but I have to say this result and their performance was a great credit to the League of Ireland and something I hoped the 49k Man United “fans” at the AVIVA Stadium on the Wednesday should have seen and perhaps been inspired by, but no such luck.

On the Friday, after an enjoyable day out in the Wicklow Hills, Declan and I headed for the Carlisle Grounds, home of Bray Wanderers, for their clash with Sligo Rovers, to be part of a crowd later reported as 527, including former Carlisle manager Roddy Collins. I’d been to Bray before, in summer 1998, when Didi Hamann made his debut for Newcastle in a 6-0 friendly victory, but I have to say, this competitive match was far better than that one. We chose this ahead of second place St. Pat’s versus Drogheda (2-0; att 1,290) as I was at Richmond Park last time I was over and fancied seeing Sligo, who are managed by implausibly husky Paul Cook, the former Wolves, Coventry and Tranmere midfielder.

Bray, managed by former Doncaster and Carlisle striker Eddy Gormley, were rock bottom of the Airtricity Premier Division with 7 points and seemingly required snookers to stay up. This isn’t their fault as last season they were relegated after a play-off loss to Sporting Fingal from north Dublin and had cut their cloth for 2010 accordingly. Of course, Irish economic anguish played a part and both Derry City and Cork City were relegated for financial impropriety, reprieving a woefully ill-prepared Bray side. They lost again, 3-1, at this game, but at least they gave it a go.

Sligo brought about 50 fans and were cheered up when Padraig Amond nodded them in to a 10^th minute lead. The home crowd stayed supportive, but had no cause for optimism until Sligo’s former Mackem midfielder Richie Ryan was harshly sent off for a sliding tackle on wet grass on the half hour. His team are nicknamed “the bit o red” and after he’d seen something similar, the home side gave their all, though it took a woeful keeping error by John Gibson, who kicked the ball against Bray’s Kelly when attempting to field a pass back, to get them level.

However any hopes the home side had of a morale-boosting win were snuffed out by two Sligo goals, both orchestrated by the best player on the park, Cameroon international veteran Joseph Ndo and the latter expertly lobbed in by Benin international Romauld Boco. Sligo played some lovely stuff and thoroughly deserved their win. The only down side being I failed to get any memorabilia to display for our clubhouse, being confused when asking what the pennants cost and getting the response “Three Hail Marys” (it works better aloud; trust me!).

On the Saturday, Declan and I, in the company of John, struck out west. Travelling through 8 counties, namely Wicklow, Dublin, Kildare, Meath, Westmeath, Longford, Roscommon and Lovely Leitrim, we arrived at Flancare Park, home of Longford Town, via pint stops in Carrick on Shannon (Leitrim side) and Boyle in Roscommon (John’s home spot) for their home game with Salthill Devon in Airtricity Division 1. Salthill Devon, playing their home fixtures at Drom Soccer Field, are the third side from Galway, after Galway United and Mervue (who arrived in 2009 to replace Cobh Ramblers), in the Airtricity League. They beat perennial wooden-spoonists Kildare County in a play off and have replaced them at the bottom in their debut season, proving that 3 clubs from a place as small as Galway is nonsense. If the FAI had any sense, there would be a single 16 team division, with two regionalised leagues below this to give stability and permanence to a league that seems to be in a constant state of flux.

Longford Town were formed in 1924 and won the FAI Cup in 2003 and 2004, causing them to upgrade their stylish and smart Flancare Park to a 7,000 capacity all seated stadium. While they had a cup quarter final at home to Shamrock Rovers to look forward to, which they lost 2-0, there is no danger of any games selling out, as tonight’s crowd, including 4 visitors from Salthill and us 3 jokers, was reported as a less than staggering 170. The views of County Longford from the stand are fine and impressive ones, with verdant fields stretching away in all directions, with our westerly location meaning it was daylight until almost 10pm. Sadly the game may have been enthusiastically played, with Salthill manager Emlyn Long displaying Oscar winning histrionics on the sideline, but it was comically terrible in execution on a pitch with extremely long grass.

Longford captain John Lester missed an early penalty, harshly given for hands, before Salthill’s Victor Collins scored quite a presentable striker’s goal to give them a half time lead. A rapid double by Jason Odalele seemed to have turned things round, only for a mad scramble in the last few minutes to give Salthill an undeserved equaliser, which the manager celebrated as if they’d won the Champions’ League.

Interestingly the Longford programme included an impassioned article slagging off the AVIVA stadium opener, especially Irish Man United fans who don’t support the domestic league. It was accompanied by a photo, captioned “Man United international striker JOHN Owen scoring in Wednesday’s game at the AVIVA Stadium.” What can you say?

We headed back to Maynooth in Kildare to drink fine pints of black porter until 2.00am, before I awoke hungover, malodorous and dehydrated on the Sunday, to news of Irish Senator Ivor Callelly’s imminent arrest on corruption and fraud charges, having claimed thousands in expenses from a non-existent mobile phone. More cheeringly, Andrea Byrne of Leixlip has won the All Ireland Karaoke Championships, so it’s good to see the cultural traditions of The Clancy Brothers, Liam Kelly, Ronnie Drew (and his niece Hartlepool Drew) are continuing, as well as the political ones of Charlie Haughey and Bertie Aherne.

Heading back to Dublin Airport, we passed Croke Park where over 40,000 gathered to see Kilkenny beat my ancestral county of Cork (and their famously gay goalkeeper Donal Og Cusack) 3-22 to 0-19 in the Hurling semi-final. I must get to see a match at Croke Park next time I’m over. I also need to see Sporting Fingal’s Morton Stadium and Tallaghtfornia, as it is ironically known, but not today as Shamrock Rovers beat Bohemian 3-0, in front of a very healthy 5,200 onlookers. Perhaps my timing wasn’t that bad after all, though I would imagine Eddy Gormley disagrees, as he was relieved of his duties immediately after the game against Sligo.

Roll on next June!

Y Viva Euskadi Part 2

(Published in the Percy Main v Heaton Stannington programme on 1st September 2010)

Y Viva Euskadi (Part 2)

By the Wednesday after the World Cup Final, Spain was starting to get back to normal. The victorious squad had finally left their private reception with the Royal Family and Government, checked out of their Madrid hotel and gone on their belated holidays, two days after most top European sides had returned for pre season training. In Euskadi, most Basques began to accept what it was going to be like living the nightmare for the next four years. As one Gasteiz resident told me “Euro 2008 was bad enough, but this is far worse.”

To see if Basque nationalism could hold its own against Castilian triumphalism, I took the bus from Vitoria to Bilbao; there used to be a train line linking Spanish ruled Basques with their French counterparts, but Franco had it dug up in the late 1960s, isolating Euskadi. Thankfully, EU money has provided for swift motorways that are resolutely empty, meaning the trip to Bilbao took less than an hour.

Not having been to see Newcastle’s glorious defeat in the UEFA Cup in 1994, I was worried about finding the ground; I needn’t have been. Every road sign in Blibao includes a symbol pointing to San Mames, or the Cathedral as it is commonly known. Arriving at the mature but atmospheric ground, I was delighted to see than for a very reasonable E6 (a fiver basically), I could have a tour of the ground and unlimited access to the club museum. When the guide found I was from Newcastle, he immediately congratulated me on my team’s promotion; I didn’t realise Percy Main’s fame had spread so far!

Seriously, he could not have been more attentive to me, explaining where Newcastle fans had been sat and how the game had unfolded. The other two English speakers on the tour were a pair of Liverpool fans from Dublin who were “killing time until we go out on the gargle,” so they didn’t object to the personalised nature of the tour. If Newcastle had won 4-0 I wonder if the guide would have been as accommodating.

Bilbao are properly known as Athletic Club and had a history of using English players, especially from Blackburn in their early years, as well as adopting the strip of Southampton, a port linked with Bilbao for trading reasons. In 1913, local rivals Real Sociedad from San Sebastien (Donostie) objected to this and so Athletic Club were banned from using foreigners. As proud Basques, they took the term foreigner to its logical conclusion, so for 97 years, Bilbao have signed only Basques, though their most successful manager was Wolverhampton born Mr. Fred Pentland, who is the reason why all Spanish football managers are known, to this day, as el mister. It is a fascinating tour of a great historical club and as San Mames is due to be replaced by a new ground in 2013, which will be directly opposite the current home, I know I must return before then. Sadly there was no chance of seeing a game as the Spanish season doesn’t kick off until late August.

From San Mames, I took the immaculate tram that piped Vivaldi’s “Four Seasons” as we went, to the amazing Guggenheim Art Gallery to see exhibitions by Henri Rousseau and Anish Kapoor, I’d seen at the Baltic already, as well as installations by Geoff Koons, an amazing 100 foot puppy made of multi coloured flowers, and Louis Bourgeois. By 7pm I was stunned; reeling breathless from the culture, history and architecture of this crazy city. I simply can’t recommend Bilbao too highly, though I’m glad I’d arrived the week after Rammstein and Faith No More had headlined the Bilbao Music Festival.

As well as Bilbao, there are 3 other major Basque football sides; Real Sociedad, who have just returned to the top flight and 3 seasons of second tier football, first division Osasuna from Pamplona who are managed by the notoriously sweaty former Spain manager Jose Camacho and Vitoria’s own “glorioso” Alaves. Taking their name from the county in which Vitoria-Gasteiz is based, Alaves have sunk from 2001 UEFA Cup finalists, where they lost a pulsating game 5-4 in extra time to Liverpool via an own goal, to preparing for their second season in the regionalised third division.

There was no real prospect of visiting either Sociedad or Osasuna, but as the Medizarotta home of Alaves was 5km from where I was staying, I had to go and pay my respects. In fact I went twice, having checked the opening times of the club shop and museum on the website; both times it was closed, with no sign of life at the ground. Sadly it seems as if the economic realities of a double relegation are biting hard. Shame really; I fancied one of their pink away tops.

However, on the Friday, I struck lucky. Out on a bike ride in the Salburua district of Vitoria, I came across a football ground, that of Deportivo Municipal Betono, who are a local amateur side. It reminded me of Benfield or Nissan; hard standing, little cover and a smart stand, but in a complex like Team Northumbria’s Coach Lane, with 6 full size pitches, half of them grass and half 4G rubber crumb. Presumably the Municipal part of their name hints at the source of funding.

Purely for research purposes I wandered in, as entry was free, taking in what I subsequently discovered was Osasuna U19 v Alaves U19 in the Gasteiz Cup, an invitational youth tournament that was drawing to a climax. The game ended in a 1-1 draw and after a barren period of extra time, penalties loomed. Quite astonishingly, Osasuna won the shoot-out by the scarecely believable margin of 15-14, with their keeper dinking his second Panenka-esque finish past a statuesque home keeper to close out the contest. Shame he hadn’t been as good at stopping them or we’d have all been able to move on half an hour earlier. His first such finish had caused me to issue an oath of surprise in English, which resulted in an elderly gentleman engaging me in conversation. Turned out he’d lived in Shepherd’s Bush for 5 years in the 80s working as a chef; he was also a football nut and escorted me to the next pitch along to see an English women’s team.

“I think they may be my beloved Queen’s Park Rangers,” said the one time resident of W12. Sadly for him, they were from a little further west, being Reading’s U17 side, who were taking on an Alaves ladies side resplendent in appropriate pink shirts. It wasn’t a contest as the taller, stronger, heavier English girls proved the value of a high trans fat and alcopop rich diet by trouncing the home side 6-0. All the while I contemplated whether Reading’s ladies should be known as the Biscuitwomen or the Princess Royals.

Whatever the name, they deserved their cup and medals. I’ll be forever thankful to them for helping me to open my account for 2010/2011 and to see my first games on allegedly Spanish soil (once a groundhopper; always a groundhopper), the day before the Main got our season underway with the 2-0 win over Newcastle East End.