Junior Showtime

In 2003 Arthurlie came out on top away to Pollok on a cold February afternoon. In 2006, October was ushered in by Benburb thrashing Larkhall Royal Abert at the now defunct Tinto Park in Govan by 5-1.  In 2007, Petershill found their new 4G pitch wasn’t easy on the Peasy as Cumbernauld stole the show the July evening the ground was opened, the away eam winning 2-1. In 2009, Bathgate trounced Forfar West End 5-2 in a winner takes all relegation tussle. In 2010, back at Creamery Park, Linlithgow Rose saw off Mussleburgh United 2-1 in the East of Scotland Cup final. In 2011, Arthurlie came back from the dead to defeat Irvine Meadow on penalties after a 2-2 draw in the Evening Times Champions’ Cup semi-final. In 2012, Hannah Park was rocking as Shotts Bon Accord went up and Girvan went down in a breathless 4-3 home win in the West Super League First Division. In 2013, Glenafton beat Glasgow Perthshire on penalties in the West of Scotland Cup final at Pollok after a 2-2 draw and Yoker Athletic ended the season on cruise control, overcoming already relegated Kello Rovers 4-2. I’m talking about the Scottish Juniors again and my fifth annual end of season pilgrimage north of the border to have a cultural delve into pre Independence grassroots Caledonia.

Normally, I insist on a game every Saturday from mid-July until the end of May; in 2013-2014, the blank weekends were July 13th (Durham Miners’ Gala), January 25^th (my Uncle Harry’s funeral) and May 17^th (Winstons post Billy Lorraine Cup final success day on gargle in York). Most years, local climactic conditions have intervened to allow me to see north east games until the last Saturday in May, but not this year. The Northern Alliance George Dobbins League Cup final between Shankhouse and Chemfica at Seaton Delaval on Friday May 16^th was the last game in my region. Consequently, I had two trips to Scotland to prepare for.  The fact is, with slightly better attention to detail I could have found myself with 4 trips to fit in, as the final game of the season will be at Linlithgow on June 14^th when the East of Scotland Cup final takes place, but I was at Linlithgow on May 31^st; if I’d thought about it sensibly, I would have gone to Arniston Rangers on that date. You live and learn. The game for June 7^th is an East of Scotland Cup semi-final at Camelon versus Sauchie, but I’ve bravely decided not to attend because of the Over 40s AGM on Thursday, the Tyneside Amateur League AGM on Friday and Northumberland v Norfolk in the Minor Counties East at Tynemouth on Sunday. I’ve got to empty the cupboard under the stairs and do my mam’s shopping for her at some point; it looks like being Saturday…

I know 4 exiled Geordies in the West of Scotland; 3 of them came to Maryhill versus Larkhall on Saturday May 24^th for an absolutely meaningless Central First Division game between the sides that were to finish 9^th and 7^th respectively. With nothing riding on the fixture, it was the kind of occasion the exiled Newcastle fans could appreciate; Alan, originally from North Shields but having spent the last 27 years in Drumchapel, Jonathan, eminent Shakespeare scholar and Professor of Literary Linguistics at Strathclyde University and Mick, 17 years in Cowdenbeath and then Paisley, discovering that his home town of Ashington isn’t so bad after all, and the person who got me into the Juniors, who was there in a professional capacity, doing the match report for the Sunday Mail, none of whom knew each other, all came down to meet up. Sadly Mick’sSunday Post colleague Chris, another resident of Paisley who hails from Ashington (I’m not making this up) was required at the West of Scotland Cup final at Pollok, where Auchinleck Talbot saw off Troon 2-0.  Just in case Alex Salmond is reading this, I do know some Scotch folk as well; Graham Ewing, my Hibs supporting pal who lives out in Carluke and was providing me with a bed for the night and Donny, the jack of all trades at Maryhill, who works tirelessly and devotedly for the club’s cause and whose acquaintance I first made at Shotts two years ago, introduced by Mick of course, were both there and I’m proud to say were in my company.

Maryhill’s ground is an absolute treasure; it isn’t beautiful or luxurious and it is set in an area of intense social deprivation, but it is just the kind of slightly eccentric venue that makes the Juniors such a joy to investigate.  The first thing I saw advertised in the club shop cum snack bar was a Maryhill Clock. If it had been slightly less than £15 I may have opted for one. While Lochburn Park doesn’t boast the massive covered enclosures of Pollok, Shotts or Benburb, it has an incredible 15 feet drop between terracing and the pitch. The only time I’ve seen such a thing is at Alnwick Town’s top end, but that is a car park. This is a walled terrace that gives the impression of looking down into a swimming pool, which may explain why rain often causes 

postponements on this pitch.  The weather was grey and chilly today, but it wasn’t cold enough to forgive the indulgence of that famed Scottish player Trialist (actually NjabuluNdlovu) from turning out in gloves this late in the season. However someone else in gloves was Larkhall’s keeper David McEwan, who made some great stops. Nobody would have been calling him soft, especially as he had NO FEAR tattooed across his shaven head, specifically at the place where his hairline was; not the sort of bloke who you’d push in front of in a taxi queue late on a Friday night.

Maryhill, as well as the guesting Ndlovu, had a cosmopolitan line-up with an English keeper and an Italian, Simon Rossi, who was playing his last game for them before returning home as his University course has now ended.  Their chairman is the fabulously named Freddy Duda Junior, son of a Polish immigrant; he gave us all a complimentary post-match Scotch pie, which was as healthy a treat as ever. The game, as was to be expected, was fairly low key; Larkhall took the lead in the first half and Maryhill equalised in the second. The two club linesmen stood immobile on the halfway line, signalling throw ins only. At full time, we adjourned to the clubhouse, where I had the pleasure of seeing Younger’s Tartan on draught for the first time in more than quarter of a century. It still tastes like flat blackcurrant juice, but it made for a nostalgic and freezing toast to all those who’d made the effort to come down and enjoy a pleasant afternoon in pleasant company.

According to UEFA, the domestic football season ends on May 31^st, except in countries that play summer football; as the Scottish Juniors are an entity distinct from the interests of Monsieur Platini, May 31^st was just another Saturday in a season that must end before the third Saturday in June, which is when the AGM takes place. Linlithgow, birthplace of James V and Mary Queen of Scots, is a very different place to Maryhill and apparently out of step with most of West Lothian. A prosperous, spruce market town with many independent traders and a couple of real ale pubs; a well-heeled settlement that boasts a cricket side, showing signs that it really is a civilised location. While the much-vaunted Platform 3 was disappointing, the Four Marys was having its own real ale festival, with over 20 guest beers. Shamefully, I spent the pre match in a bar opposite, drinking Belgian beer, with Livingston fan and groundhopper of my acquaintance, David Stoker and his Dundee supporting driving instructor.

It’s a decent walk to Prestonfield, the home of Linlithgow Rose, but it is well worth it to see one of the most well-appointed and comfortable grounds I’ve been to in a long while. Certainly the middle-class nature of the town is reflected in the almost suburban nature of the enormous hedge that surrounds two sides of the pitch and main stand that looks as if it could be a cricket pavilion, even if the bogs were a traditional brick wall and slit trench affair. This game, which attracted a crowd in excess of 1,000 and saw me having my bag searched by cops before I could gain entrance, could have been the title decider in the McBookie.com East Superleague, but Bo’ness United, from the adjoining settlement of Borrowstounness, had wrapped up the title on the Wednesday with a 5-1 pummelling of Lochee United and went into this game an unassailable 6 points ahead.

Bo’ness rubbed it in, with 2014 Champions t-shirts as warm up kit and on the backs of the overwhelming majority of the crowd, who had travelled to this game to gloat at their rivals.  However, once the game kicked off, it was the home side who were by far the better outfit, racing into a 3-0 lead. The third goal by McKillen was possibly the best effort I’ve seen in this season; a corner played out beyond the edge of the box saw a venomous, rising first time effort off the outside  of the foot flash into the top corner before the keeper could move. Superb technique and enough to basically put the game to bed. In the second period, Bo’ness made a fight of it and pulled one back, but a late Linlithgow effort made for a comprehensive looking score line and added spice to the up-coming Fife and Lothian Cup final between the two sides on June 6^th at Bo’ness. If only it had been on the Saturday!!

Post-match, in the company of 100 Grounds club members James, Katy and Lee, we tested the Four Marys, took a train back to Waverley and had a quick one in the Halfway House on Fleshmarket Close at the back of the station, before I caught a deserted 18.30 back to Newcastle. Another great game, great ground, great beer and great company; why don’t I watch this sort of stuff all the time? Well, £40 a week on train fares for a start….