Lowland Flings

This week, here's my blog about trips to Scotland, which can be found in issue #24 of View from the Allotment End, which you really should buy from this link: https://vftae.bigcartel.com/product/view-from-the-allotment-end-issue-24 

 Saturday 9th December: Bonnyrigg Rose 1 Peterhead 1

Before this trip, the last time I was up in Scotland was at the very end of July 2023. As part of my glacially progressing quest to do all 42 SPFL grounds, I’d seized the opportunity to tick Dens Park off the list, when the Dee hosted Inverness CT in the League Cup on a random Sunday. That was ground #27 of the current membership (Albion, Berwick and Cowdenbeath are visits I can no longer count) and for a variety of reasons, another opportunity to venture north of the border didn’t present itself until December 9th. I don’t need to tell you how wet this autumn has been, but I’ll just point out that Percy Main were washed out on 6 occasions (September 16th, October 7th, 21st and 28th, November 18^th and December 2nd) before this trip. Really, I should have made more trips up here, but engineering works, industrial action and a lack of cash conspired against me.

My travelling companion for this jaunt was my mate Gary, who is the Benfield secretary; their story is an equally wet tale of woe. While PMA were again prevented from playing our Alliance Challenge Cup tie away to Burradon and New Fordley, Benfield’s trip to West Auckland, pulled back to the Friday night by mutual consent, also fell foul of the weather. Hence, we found ourselves on the 10.41 GNER flyer to Waverley, comparing the qualities of Greggs and McDonalds’ regular lattes and instant porridge, with the US franchise winning hands down on both counts. As is generally the case, the train was rammed, mainly with day trippers looking forward to a session at the Christmas Market then as many bars as they could fall into and then out of again. Gary and I were also interested in a few bevvies, but football rather than the swally was the prime motivation for this visit.

The game of choice for me was the bottom division clash between Bonnyrigg Rose and Peterhead. Of course, with them having a grass pitch, which is becoming more of a rarity in Scotland of late, the incessant downpours could have put the game in jeopardy, which meant the second choice would have been a revisit to the mundane 4G at Ainslie Park, where I saw Edinburgh City play Elgin a few years back, but now hosts League 2 newcomers The Spartans, where Stirling Albion were the visitors. Thankfully, possibly because Peterhead had come one hell of a long way for this game, our Midlothian Question was given a positive answer, as the fixture of choice was given the goahead early and so Gary and I took the train from Waverley to Eskbank, on the fairly new Tweedmouth line, which is built equidistant between Dalkieth and Bonnyrigg.

Needless to say, Bonnyrigg is at the top of a steep hill and the rain showed no sign of letting up. Without knowledge of the local bus network, Gary and I were left with no choice but to slog it to the peak, which meant I did get my steps in for the day. We’d made a vow to stop in the first pub we passed to get out of the elements. This turned out to be Gigi’s Italian Bar and Restaurant, which was very welcoming and quite full of pre Festive lunchtime diners. It wasn’t the authentic Scottish pub experience though, so after a Cruzcampo for Gary and a Neck Oil for me, we made our way to the Bonnyrigg Rose Social Club, which was over the road and across the outdoor swimming pool of a car park, right opposite the main entrance to New Dundas Park. As a firm believer in the “when in Rome” principle, we both got on the Tennent’s, which worked out a fiver a round less than in the other place. We were made very welcome and chatted with several local fellas about the game ahead and the awful sodding weather. Topping up with a final measure of Black Bottle Scottish wine for a deoch an doras, we left the place at 2.58 and still made kick off.

Bonnyrigg, in their second season in the SPFL, sat in 5th place, while Peterhead, who have been in the league since the millennium, are second, on their first campaign back at this level after relegation last time out. The entry fee was £14, which initially seemed extortionate to me, but when you consider that’s far cheaper than Blyth Spartans, or that I was charged £22 at York City back in October, you can’t really complain. Well, of course you can, which Gary and I did loudly and monotonously, but that’s mainly because we’re a pair of miserable old sods in our late 50s.

The playing surface wouldn’t have passed an inspection south of the border in these hysterical, prissy times, when a cloudy afternoon is enough to get a game called off. Looking at the state of the centre of the pitch, I remarked to Gary that “and Tudor’s gone down for Newcastle” would be the best way to describe how it looked, which didn’t even factor in the delicious slope of this proper old style ground. However, that was all the better as it allowed for a proper blood and thunder contest. Stood on the halfway line on a covered shallow terrace, I was immediately impressed by the metal crush barriers on a grassy bank opposite and the tiny stand behind the goal on our right, which contained the 30 or so visitors from the far frozen North. Considering the crowd was 468, there was ample space for everyone to see events unfold.

Bonnyrigg took the lead on 22 minutes, when Kerr Young buried a powerful header from a corner. However, the home support’s cheers were short lived as Peterhead were awarded a penalty for handball a few minutes later. Paddy Martin in the home goal was the hero, diving low to his right and blocking a tame attempt by Kieran Shanks. Sadly, as the pitch became even more churned up and passing football was a scarce commodity, chances were almost non-existent. On the hour though, scorer Young turned villain, giving away a free kick in a dangerous position, which Joe McKee expertly guided into the top corner of the net. Despite the further efforts of a rapidly tiring set of players from both sides, the cloying surface took the honours, and the sides were forced to settle for a 1-1 draw. It didn’t put off the Bonnyrigg Young Team who, with microphone and drum, kept up a relentless beat and an incomprehensible torrent of verbiage. This accidental take on No Audience Underground sports chanting reminded me of The Prats, that infamous pre-teen combo of Fast Records fame. Check them out here; https://www.theprats.co.uk/index1.html  

So, full time and a quick step back down the hill, followed by a short pit stop to use the facilities in Tesco. We caught the train with the Peterhead squad, which seemed strange to me as Peterhead is the football club furthest from a train station in Britain; 32 miles from Aberdeen no less. Anyway, they seemed happy enough with the Moretti carry out they’d sorted out for the journey. At Edinburgh, Gary and I sorted out ours, as well as a quick pint in The Guild Ford, which was full to bursting, before catching our train and making it home without further upset or mishap. A great day out and still 14 others to come if I’m to achieve this ambition of mine to visit every Scottish ground.

Saturday 13^th January: Kelty Hearts 1 Annan Athletic 1

As any serious ground collector knows, it’s the final furlong of the chase that is the toughest part, which is a sobering thought as I’ve now found my way into the final trimester of SPFL grounds. The only thing about the 14 I had remaining, ignoring the sole West of Scotland outlier of Stranraer, is that the ones accessible by train, other than St Johnstone (Perth), Dundee United, Arbroath and possibly Montrose, are impossible to get back to Newcastle from in one day. I think Ross County, Inverness Caledonian Thistle, Elgin City, Peterhead, Cove Rangers, Aberdeen and the almost impossible to visit Forfar Athletic, who play at Station Park even though the Beeching Act ripped up the tracks round there in the early 60s, will have to wait until after my retirement for my patronage.

By a process of elimination, I’m left with two pieces of reasonably low hanging fruit: East Fife, in the less than salubrious coastal hell that is Methil, and neophytic Kelty Hearts, formed as recently as 1975, both gettable via a train to Waverley and then a bus into the dark heart of the Kingdom of Fife. A helpful fixture list that saw Percy Main play Burradon and New Fordley on Friday 12th January, at the same time as Benfield were beating North Shields, gave Gary and I a free Saturday for further Caledonian bravery, after our pre-Festive trip to Bonnyrigg Rose against Peterhead.

This time, our destination of choice was the SPFL League 1 encounter between Kelty Hearts and Annan Athletic; two sides whose places in the professional game may be regarded as having as much to do with the incompetence of their local rivals Cowdenbeath and Gretna, as with their own sporting prowess. Gretna went bust in 2008 in the litigious aftermath of former benefactor Brookes Mileson’s death, to be replaced by Annan, and Cowdenbeath lost their place in League 2 after losing a play-off against Bonnyrigg in 2022. To be honest, once East Stirlingshire took the tumble, the Blue Brazil were inveterate lanternes rouges in the basement division. Since Scottish football embraced the concept of a pyramid a decade or so back, former SPFL clubs East Stirlingshire, Berwick Rangers, Cowdenbeath, Albion Rovers and a reformed Gretna have ended up in the Lowland League and Brechin City in the Highland League. This has seen Bonnyrigg Rose, Cove Rangers, Edinburgh City, Spartans and Kelty Hearts gain admittance to the SPFL. As Cove, Edinburgh and Kelty have all been promoted at least once, it shows that the pyramid is generally working well, though none of the relegated sides have shown any inclination to return to former glories, which is sad. Then again, the likes of Albion and Cowdenbeath, despite storied histories, play in shambolic grounds, largely unfit for purpose.

Gary and I boarded the largely deserted 09.46 Newcastle to Waverley express, intending to catch the X56 to Kelty at 12.15. Everything was on course until, just before 11.00, the train pulled to a shuddering halt in Drem, a rural, semi commuter station in the environs of North Berwick. A goods train had broken down ahead of us, blocking the route to Waverley and all we could do was wait until a replacement engine arrived to tow it away. This took over an hour, proving that Nancy Whiskey told us a pack of lies all those years ago, but it did mean that the train tickets would be refunded in full of course. For no readily apparent reason, our delay was exacerbated after a change of trains as ours headed back south, and we embarked upon the next one. Plans were hurriedly ripped up and, with minutes to spare, we caught the slightly delayed 1.15 X56, heading north across the Queensferry Bridge into the Kingdom, skirting Dunfermline, whose home game had been postponed because of a waterlogged pitch, surprisingly enough, as it was a dry and breezy day, before dumping us in the two-street former pit village of Kelty a little before 2.30.

We still had time for a pair of pints, Tennents of course, in The Kings Arms, before paying a hefty £16 to enter the tidy and well-appointed New Central Park, where we took our places in a crowd of 422; fewer than had been at North Shields 1 Benfield 2 the night before. One of the reasons for the low gate could well have been the abysmal standard of football on display. Mid-table Kelty were expected to dismiss bottom side Annan with the minimum of fuss. Ironically, the one thing that had decided us upon Kelty, namely the 4G surface that pretty much guaranteed a game during the wet months of Winter, was what spoiled proceedings. An overly bouncy pitch and a swirling wind meant neither side could control the ball effectively, endlessly surrendering possession cheaply and seeing it roll harmlessly, if frustratingly, into touch on a far too regular basis. This didn’t seem to bother the 30 or so Annan Ultras who were having a fine time, and engaging in sporadic singing, while the home support shivered beneath their overcoats and seemingly ubiquitous maroon scarves.

A desultory cheer rang out from the home terraces when Alfie Bavidge won and converted a penalty, awarded for a clumsy trip, in the 16th minute. However, this was not a signal for an improvement in fortunes, as the game was as frustrating as our train journey had been. The Club Shop offered little solace either. I’d wanted to get my partner Shelley a Kelty snood to keep out the chill during our Sunday walks, but none were available, so I bought some of last season’s socks, which seemed the best option available. I think I left them on the X56 when I got off at Edinburgh, sadly. We nipped into the Social Club for a half time pint where, if we’d been able to see the pitch from such a vantage point, we probably would have stayed. Of course, you can’t drink alcohol in sight of the pitch in Scotland, so back out into the elements we went, watching Annan’s Benjamin Lussint controlling the game and helping to bring about a smartly executed equaliser by substitute Tommy Goss in the 73rd minute. This was greeted with hysterical joy in one small corner of the ground and mute acceptance in the rest. The rest of the game saw Annan well on top, but no chances worth mentioning were forthcoming and so the game ended in less than satisfactory stalemate.

Our return journey was a breeze; a punctual X56, pints in The Guild Ford, a carry out and a punk rock singsong on the deserted 20.00 from Waverley saw us back in town for 21.30. East Fife has to be my next trip.