Drowning

Newcastle United; things have been better...

Did you enjoy the FA Cup quarter finals? Great, weren’t they? A set of (mainly) superb games, all on ordinary telly, that seesawed in both directions; fantastic grit from Coventry to come again and see off Wolves (not that I saw that one live as Percy Main v Seaton Delaval obviously took preference), some of the most hilarious errors I’ve ever seen on a football pitch, in the shape of Disasi’s own goal and Sterling’s rib-tickling free kick (he gets paid £300k a week to do that you know!!), as Chelsea put in a bid to be the Premier League’s version of Billy Smart’s Circus against Leicester and Klopp’s famous tactical acumen enabling Liverpool to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory against probably the most mundane Manchester United side I’ve seen in half a century. Indeed, the only damp squib of the whole weekend was Newcastle’s predictably tame exit to a restrained Man City side who sleepwalked their way into the semis without breaking sweat. Far more energetic than anything on the pitch was the predictable wailing and gnashing of teeth on social media, when the endless calls for Howe’s head on a stick that cluttered up cyberspace were curiously absent at the game itself. Indeed, I don’t think there has been any audible dissent against the Newcastle management team in a stadium this season. However, this may yet prove to be the case, unless there is an upswing in fortunes between West Ham at home at the closing trip to Brentford.

Despite enormous pressure to do otherwise, I’ve done my best to keep my cool and remain positive about Newcastle United’s fortunes since the still, baffling exit from Europe before Christmas. However, it’s becoming more and more difficult not to want explanations, as that silly and avoidable defeat to Milan, as well as the wholly preventable loss on penalties to Chelsea in the League Cup, have acted as unfortunate harbingers of the disasters to come. As we endure the final international break of the season, we remain in the top half of the table only by the skin of our teeth. With 10 games left, even a place in the Europa Conference League looks a fond ask, considering the form we are in. It is, therefore, now time to ask those who constantly harp on about how much progress we’ve made in the last two years to finally face reality. Not only has this season, from December onwards, been one, long, sorry tale of regression in terms of results, the unpalatable truth is the football we are playing these days is possibly only a degree or two less awful on the eye than the regular doses of abject surrender Steve Bruce inflicted on us. Having based our success last season on an intense high press, we now appear to be sluggish, one-dimensional and utterly unable to respond to any sort of misfortune or drawback. Losses away to Arsenal, Chelsea and Man City, especially in the manner the points were surrendered, could have been overseen by any of Pardew, Carver, MacLaren, Benitez or Bruce. So much for progress, eh?

Another red herring proffered by those wristwatch-obsessed podcasters seemingly happy to unquestioningly back the ownership and management, is the intractable and interminable injury situation, whereby any defeat is attributed not to individual error, managerial stasis or a grossly incompetent transfer strategy, but solely to the fact Elliott Anderson or Matt Targett have been unable to take the field on a regular basis. Being objective, I can accept that Joelinton and Pope have been massive misses, as well as Botman, whose return to the team has seen him operating at only about 25% capacity of what he’d shown previously, but as for the rest; well, when have we ever been able to rely on Callum Wilson to regularly show up? It is abundantly clear that any properly organised top-flight club with European ambitions would have had a crisis meeting before the clocks went back to establish short, medium and long term plans to deal with both the effect of swathes of unavailability on the current playing staff and addressing the competence of the medical team dealing, or not, with those injuries. Unfortunately, Newcastle United are not one of those clubs, as organisation seems to be a dirty word around SJP and any planning is done by the seat of our pants. At times, it appears that the only way to fight fire in a treatment room that was standing room only for most of the season, was to panic like Corporal Jones in Dad’s Army, while searching for the magic sponge and screaming GET SOME WATTER ON!! like Sunday morning bucketmen of yore.

The facts are these: the blame for Newcastle United’s season disintegrating so appallingly should be shared between a hierarchy who have promised so much and delivered so little, especially in terms of recruitment and retention and a team management who have been found wanting when the hard work really started. Eddy Howe may be a great bloke and a quality motivator when things are going well, but he’s certainly proved himself a conspicuous failure when the chips are down, though whoever had the ultimate responsibility for allowing us to enter a pivotal season with only two senior strikers on the books, both of whom with appalling fitness records, needs a good hiding. Unfortunately, it isn’t just up top we’ve been found wanting. If I was asked now to name my players of the season, it would be a toss-up between Gordon and Schar, with honourable mentions for Livramento and Miley. However, even that quartet are starting to look jaded. The players, generally, look shot; exhausted, timid and lacking form and inspiration. This is why internet hot heads pour down scorn and ire on Murphy, Miggy and Sean. Be reasonable; it isn’t their fault we have a squad ill-suited to the purpose of advancing Newcastle United’s cause, both domestically and in Europe, though the latter probably won’t be an issue in 2024/2025.  

The shortcomings and limitations of the squad are well-known, but it bears repeating that Tonali’s recruitment smacks of incompetent research, Barnes was only sourced when we couldn’t get Maddison from Spurs and Lewis Hall appears to be as baffling an acquisition as Xisco or Saivet during the Ashley years. With signings like that, what hope did we have or repeating last season’s heroics when things got tough? It would be nice to pay tribute to Howe’s daring innovation in throwing Matt Ritchie on to grab a point at home to Bournemouth, who did win 3-0 at Old Trafford it should be remembered, but such a miniscule crumb of comfort isn’t worth the bother of acknowledging. In terms of recent results, the crushing of Wolves is a real outlier, especially considering the Molineux outfit, confidently predicted by so many to be a basket case this season, have climbed above Newcastle in the table. Considering we have Bruno and Isak, not to mention Gordon and Botman, this really isn’t a good enough return on our investments. You have to wonder what the club will need to do to persuade them to stay on Tyneside next season.

This brings us to tough questions regarding the remainder of this campaign and moving forwards to next year. As I said before, if this club is serious about wanting to progress, without any apologists for the Saudi regime ostentatiously bellyaching about financial fair play, or professional voices of the fans howling in outrage about ticket allocations for away games they’ve not attended in the thick end of three decades, there must be meetings going on now to set out a future strategy. Dan Ashworth, whatever his worth, is history. Is he being replaced? Well, is he? The truth of the matter is we need two strikers, more options in midfield and a new centre back, as well as bidding a series of fond farewells for those who have no realistic future at a top-level club. But the biggest elephant in the room is this; how poor a set of results between now and mid-May will it take for Howe’s tenure to be terminated? Tough question: he may still have credit in the bank, but a spring debacle could be a fiasco too far.

Do I want him sacked? On balance, probably not yet, but I am aware that a poor start to the next campaign will see him out the door by mid-September and another season’s blueprint torn to shreds before the ink is dry. I don’t have a credible alternative to him either, nor do I have a list of players we need to sign. I sincerely hope that someone has and that, in the fullness of time, Newcastle will be able to compete properly and for a sustained period of time, with those we are currently a million miles behind, on and off the pitch. We need to end with a flourish to banish the blues, recruit wisely and hit the ground running next season, or the whole thing could go to hell in a hand cart.