Manpower Shortage

My latest NUFC musings...

I’m writing this on Thursday evening, when I’d intended to sort it first thing on Monday and have it up by lunchtime. As it’s another Newcastle United bulletin at the start of an international break, it should have written itself, but those last two defeats away to Dortmund and then Bournemouth have really knocked the wind out of my sails. Despite the period covered by this missive including those magnificent wins away to Man United and home to Arsenal, I’m struggling to find the necessary motivation to write it all down. I mean the recent pair of losses were crap, but not on the scale of those we endured during the Broooth era, where defeats still provoked intemperate rage that needed to be aired in public. To me, it has been like the worst bits of the Pards administration, where defeat was always likely, but there was always a scintilla of hope in there, on account of the quality of players we had in our side. Sorry, but the Bournemouth loss was a defeat too far; instead of expecting a win, the minute I saw we were travelling without a recognised striker, I had a hunch we’d lose 2-0. And we did, but more of that later. Let’s go back to the beginning.

Palace (H). If the previous set of games had featured the most routine of home wins over Burnley on the last day of September, then this tranche of fixtures saw us hand out as simple a stuffing as we’d seen in years. I was thinking of 3-0 versus Stoke in April 2013 or the same score against Swansea a couple of years later. Large, untroubled home wins; the difference with this one against the Glaziers being it was a joyous return to competitive football after the pressure valve of incessant Premier League pomposity had been released by the previous international break. In October, the cessation of hostilities was warmly welcomed for a bit of breathing space. In November, the gap has been clung onto like a drowning sailor with a piece of driftwood. It may only offer an illusory hope, but that’s got to be better than what reality has to offer at the current time.

The news about Tonali’s gambling indiscretions broke in the run-up to this game. I suppose, if nothing else, it explains his permanently dour demeanour, though he could just be a miserable sod. I mean, did you ever see Paul Bracewell crack a smile? To make a more appropriate comparison, Glynn Hodges and Gary Megson didn’t have the same amount of emotional baggage when they comprehensively failed to make any kind of positive impact on our midfield. However, at least his looming ban, since confirmed as extending until the start of next season, and the continued absence of Botman had zero influence on a game we strolled to victory in, after coming in at the break 3-0 up, without breaking sweat.

After this, things got a bit more taxing. Dortmund, both at our place and in the subsequent away game, proved to be a far tougher proposition for us to contain than either Milan or PSG. Unlike the pedestrian percentages football at the San Siro and the complacent arrogance of the French side, Dortmund were exactly what I’d expected; a high-pressing, energetic side, with impeccable fitness, as well as the anticipation and experience in Europe to see us off. While we recovered from a poor start to take the game to them, the goal was a gut punch. Fair play to us though, as the second half was ours, including a splendid cameo from Tonali in probably his most effective 20 minutes since he’d signed. Unfortunately, we had no luck whatsoever; Isak going off injured left us hideously weak up top. Wilson, when fit or prepared to play (these are not necessarily the same things), is a peerless English target man of the old school, but he doesn’t create chances in the way Isak, who is a very top class European style number 9, does for himself and for others. Twice hitting the bar was bad luck, but some nights it just doesn’t happen for you. In some ways, this reminded me of Feyenoord (H) in the 2002 Champions League, with the two Dortmund games forcing me to recall the two clashes with PSV Eindhoven in the same competition during our debut campaign in 1997. We lost all of those contests to teams a bit more cute than we were.

The extent of our injuries was made clear by the bench at Wolves, which saw the debut of Howe’s half dozen full backs; a tactic born out of necessity, rather than innovation. This is possibly the only time I’d like us to have brought in Neves on loan, just for the hysterical fume it would have created. Sadly the Premier League top brass are putting a stop to non-stories like this by banning loan deals that would benefit Newcastle United, much to the satisfaction of rival clubs who have benefited from such shady loopholes for decades. Frank Lampard to Man City anyone? No matter: the high horsemen of the football apocalypse were in their element after the penalty we got for the potentially career-ending hack on Schar. Viva VAR: that’s what I say. Ignoring the fact Pope was a little shaky on both goals, you’ve got to say that Livramento, especially and Hall, gradually need more time in the team.

They both got it as well; away to Man Utd in the Carabao Cup and then home to Arsenal, as we achieved a scarcely credible pair of results back to back. The starting XI at Old Trafford, same as against City in the round before, looked like a shadow squad, rather the only available team members who were fit enough to lace up their boots and shamble down the tunnel at Dean Court. Despite the telly still buffering by the time Targett had gone off, what we saw was an incredible performance against a desperate Man United. I was particularly delighted to note that Sean’s time as skipper was slightly more successful than my experience of holding high office against Leadgate 2s in the summer, though I would contend Sean was dealt a stronger hand than I was.

Somewhat typically, our reward for destroying the holders on their home pitch was an away tie against Chelsea in the week leading up to Christmas. Fate can be a cruel mistress, especially in the knock-out tournaments. However, we had the Arsenal game to worry about before then. Now, let’s be clear about this; long before Orgreave-born, ex South Yorkshire copper Howard Webb went on telly to confirm that everything about Gordon’s winning goal was above board and clearly legal, every single person who watched that game, including the most jaundiced of Gooners, saw through Arteta’s teenage tantrum. He cried his eyes out in public to deflect from the fact his team deserved nothing from the game. They were comprehensively outplayed, outthought and outfought by a heroic squad performance. After spending the opening hour theatrically throwing themselves to the floor and dishing out snide ankle taps on our lads, they simply could not up the ante once they’d fallen behind and we deservedly closed out that game with one of the scruffiest, but funniest, goals we’ll see all season.

Of course, this goal was as good as it got. We haven’t hit the net in the two games since, as well as seeing our injury list expand: Almiron, Anderson, Barnes, Botman, Isak, Manquillo (apparently), Murphy, Targett and Wilson are all injured, while Guimaraes and Tonali were suspended. Possibly the only good thing about the Bournemouth game was my fire stick not working, which meant we went old school with Radio 5 commentary, suffering the ramblings of Glenn Murray, who sounds as if he’s paying homage to some of Mark E Smith’s most arcane lyrics when making one of his summary contributions, but at least I didn’t see the devastation in real time. When Chelsea, more than bit part players in two incredible, recent Premier League games against Spurs and then Man City, visit on Saturday 25 November, the only definite returnees are Almiron, Guimaraes and Isak. With Schar suffering a muscle tweak while away with Switzerland, things look bleak. After the Chelsea game, we’ve got PSG (A 28/11), Man United (H, 2/12), Everton (A 7/12), Spurs (A 10/12), Milan (H 13/12), Fulham (H 16/12), Chelsea (A 19/12), Luton (A 23/12) and Forest (H 25/12); those are 10 tough and devilishly important games that will go a long way to both defining our season and shaping our foray into the January window. A striker and a midfielder are the very least that we need.

Cards on the table; if we lose to PSG, I think we’ll lose to Milan and drop out of Europe. If we need to, I believe we’ll beat Milan and qualify for even more money. I wouldn’t be disappointed if the first scenario came about to be honest, especially if we beat Chelsea in the Carabao Cup and finish top 5 in May. The trouble is, things are in such a state of flux with the volume of both games and injuries, it is difficult to make accurate predictions. All I know is that I trust Eddy Howe implicitly and know that whatever he does, it will only be for the betterment of Newcastle United.