The Best Christmas Present Ever

Received wisdom holds that the football season goes on far too long. Ignoring the grotesquery that is the professional game, I can see the truth in that statement; pre-season friendlies can begin on July 1^st and grassroots games below Northern League level only need to wrap up by May 31^st. Eleven whole months of it stands in total opposition to the window of pulchritude offered by the most beautiful game of them all; local cricket. Sadly the North East Premier League runs for a mere 22 weeks and, for half of that time at least, I’ve got to put the fortunes of my beloved Newcastle Benfield as my number one priority.

Please note; everything I say from this point onwards is at the mercy of Mother Nature’s caprices. The NEPL begins in 2017 on April 15^th and ends on September 9^th; I know this as my Christmas came early with the publication of next season’s fixtures on December 15^th. We learned of the scheduled Saturday games and the 20/20 outline for firsts and seconds, midweek and Sunday fixtures for third teams and Academy sides, as well as the draws for the early rounds of the various Banks knock-outs: Salver, Bowl, Cup and Shield. Enough data for an obsessive like me to spend Black Eye Friday night poring over the early season fixtures, with the idea of knocking up a potential cricket-watching schedule for mid-April to the end of June. Bear in mind that we had snow in May 2016 of course.

Currently, Benfield’s fixtures finish on April 22^nd with a trip to Chester le Street; the only other game during the cricket season, as things stand, is home to West Auckland on April 15^th. As you’ll no doubt be aware, my cricket support is shared between Tynemouth and Newcastle, so watching their first teams on Saturdays will be my stated priority. Bearing in mind the way things have transpired, watching Newcastle at home in the first 2 Saturdays of the season is a sensible course of action. Here’s hoping they’ve retrieved the balls Captain Nicotine despatched into Jesmond Dene back in September and that floodlights on Osborne Avenue have been installed in time for the visit of the crepuscularphobic Chester le Street outfit on April 22^nd, where I think Oli McGee only needs 3 for his half century. Tynemouth Academy will have my support on April 16^th, with the first side subsequently enjoying my patronage from the home game against Felling on April 29^th until South North visit Preston Avenue on June 24^th. I’ve not looked further ahead than that. In those opening 3 months, the highlight will be the game against Newcastle on May 27^th as I’m fully intending to sponsor that game, which I hope will be Ponces Picnic #2.

That said, I am also setting myself the target of, as soon as practicable, visiting the 11, or 12 if you include the eminence grise of South Hetton’s participation in the Midweek League, grounds NEPL I’ve not seen cricket in. Weather, hangovers and the toad work, that insists on squatting on my life with a late finish on Wednesday evenings that suggests I may not make it to South Hetton before July 19^th, all notwithstanding.  The only 2 premier division clubs I’ve not visited are Stockton, who host Tynemouth on May 6^th and Hetton Lyons, where the Croons visit on June 17^th. There’s also an away 20/20 First XI at Seaham Harbour on Friday June 16^th and the Second XI 20/20 heats at Washington on June 11^th. The other unvisited grounds require a little bit of creative scheduling, as I’m bereft of low-hanging fruit, with the result I’ve come up with the following itinerary.

Saturday 15^th April: Newcastle v Eppleton, NEPL Premier Division

Sunday 16^th April: Tynemouth Academy v South North 3rd XI

Saturday 22^nd April: Newcastle v Chester le Street, NEPL Premier Division

Sunday 23^rd April: Mainsforth 3^rd XI v Seaham Harbour 3rd XI

Saturday 29^th April: Tynemouth v Felling, NEPL Premier Division

Saturday 30^th April: Willington 2^nd XI v Newcastle 2^nd XI, Banks Bowl

Monday 1^st May: Burnopfield v Eppleton, Banks Salver

Saturday 6^th May: Stockton v Tynemouth, NEPL Premier Division

Saturday 13^th May: Tynemouth v South Shields, NEPL Premier Division

Sunday 14^th May: Sacriston 3^rd XI v Brandon 3^rd XI

Friday 19^th May: Newcastle v Tynemouth, 20/20 Group C

Saturday 20^th May: Whitburn v Tynemouth, NEPL Premier Division

Sunday 21^st May: Brandon 3^rd XI v Boldon A

Friday 26^th May: Tynemouth v Durham Academy, 20/20 Group C

Saturday 27^th May: Tynemouth v Newcastle, NEPL Premier Division

Sunday 28^th May: Sunderland 3^rd XI v Brandon 3^rd XI

Wednesday 31^st May: Burnmoor v Washington, Midweek League

Friday 2^nd June: Tynemouth v Burnopfield, 20/20 Group C

Saturday 3^rd June: Eppleton v Tynemouth, NEPL Premier Division

Friday 9^th June: Tynemouth v Sacriston, 20/20 Group C

Saturday 10^th June: Tynemouth v Chester le Street, NEPL Premier Division

Sunday 11^th June: Washington v Hetton Lyons v Tynemouth, 2^nd XI 20/20

Friday 16^th June: Seaham Harbour v Tynemouth, 20/20 Group C

Saturday 17^th June: Hetton Lyons v Tynemouth, NEPL Premier Division

Saturday 24^th June: Tynemouth v South North, NEPL Premier Division

While I currently intend to follow this schedule, it should be noted that Banks Salver and Bowl second round games, as well as the elephant on the boundary rope of Northumberland county fixtures, need to be factored into the equation, when that esoteric and seemingly embargoed information becomes available. Needless to say, I’m also keen on maintaining the tradition of my annual visit to the Scottish Juniors in late May or early June. That said, unlike the Brexit cretins, I’ve published my plans early. Please feel free to join me; especially at Tynemouth against Newcastle at Preston Avenue on May 27^th.