Turning the Corner

It's been a frankly amazing month for Percy Main Amateurs, which has veered from despair to delight, as my match reports show -:

Percy Main 0 Newcastle Chemfica 9

Without question, this game saw Percy Main absolutely outclassed from first whistle to last, but in saying that there are two factors that are required to contextualise this result. Firstly, Chemfica manager Kennie Malia has assembled a first rate squad, which he has impressively coached and moulded into a thrilling and attacking side. Secondly, every single Percy Main player on display gave their all, straining every sinew and fibre for the cause. Nobody exemplified this courageous attitude more than Joe “Ducky” Fulcher who, on the brink of his 40^th birthday, ran his blood to water in central midfield.

In the very first minute, Chemfica declared their intent, when Joseph Connor stormed forward, only to slash his effort high and wide. This was only a brief respite, as the visitors went ahead after 5 minutes when Callum Duncan arrived unmarked at the back post to tap in an unnecessarily conceded corner. After 9 minutes, the impressive Luther Karim swivelled in the box and fired a low drive home, with the assistance of the upright and the unfortunate keeper Cameron Fergus’s leg.

On 12 minutes John Campbell almost brought the Villagers back into the game. Breaking into the box, he lobbed on-rushing visiting keeper Liam Blair, who proceeded to wipe out the home striker. The ball was headed for the goal, only for two pursuing Chemfica defenders to collide and somehow fashion a clearance. To add insult to injury, the referee turned down appeals for a penalty. It would be rash to claim this incident cost Percy the game, but other than a glorious curling effort by Campbell that was tipped away at full stretch by Blair, it marked the high water mark of the Main as an attacking force.

After a quarter of an hour, it was 3-0 when Karim outmuscled the home defence before shaping an impressive finish past Fergus. After half an hour, it was 4-0 when Connor tapped into an empty net after the luckless Fergus had made an impressive save from Karim’s effort. Fergus then upended Karim in the area, who picked himself up to drive home an unstoppable penalty to complete his hat trick and made the score 5-0 at the interval.

At the start of the second half, home players and supporters expressed the hope, if not the belief, that playing with the wind at their backs might help the Villagers make it a meaningful contest. Alas, they were disabused of these notions after 48 minutes when Karl Morrison found space in the box and rolled the ball into the net. On the hour, Morrison notched again, collecting a long ball forward and firing home a low drive. Connor made it 8-0 with another crisp, low finish, before Duncan tapped home a cross from close range, making the final score 9-0.

Percy Main 2 Ponteland United 2

As we entered stoppage time, Percy Main led Ponteland United 2-0, with a first victory in 2022 and a first clean sheet since a 1-0 win away to today’s visitors on the opening day of the season beckoning. Sadly, just as it seemed a famous and most needed win was in our grasp, Ponteland came again and grabbed a point following goals in the 91^st and 93^rd minutes to leave the home side and almost all in attendance, absolutely sickened. However, and it is a point that must be reinforced continuously, the main thing to take away from this game is that the Main’s performance was at least a million times better than the debacle against Chemfica the week before.

The first chance of the game saw the lively Billy Walker burst into the box and fire a shade over the angle after 5 minutes. Pont responded with a low effort from former Villager James Walker that was held comfortably by Cameron Fergus, before a brief stoppage to clear dog excrement from the pitch, causing one wag to point out that there was ordure all over the pitch the week before. One highlight of the game was the purple hairstyle sported by PMA’s Daniel Ord, though Ord’s extraordinary Barnet was left in the shade by Mark McDonnell’s superb brace that put the Main 2-0 ahead. New signing Phil Smith put in a superb, uncompromising shift leading the line, but also showed moments of vision and finesse, including two through balls that set the marauding McDonnell away. On both occasions he finished with aplomb, allowing the Villagers to go in at the break with their tails up.

The second half saw Main continue on the front foot. McDonnell was denied a hat trick by the keeper’s legs on 50 minutes, before Antonie Ridley flashed an effort just wide on 68 minutes and Kai Charlton was foiled by a great block tackle with 15 minutes left. Sadly, fatigue became a feature, and the Main were forced to retreat. Without being totally in control, PMA looked to have done enough, before Joe Ronan curled in a delicious free kick that seemed a mere consolation until an unmarked John Keltie arrived at the back post to tap in and break home hearts.

North Shields Athletic 0 Percy Main 6

In the week leading up to this game, which was postponed back in November on account of the devastation wrought by Storm Arwen, the region was ravaged by Storm Dudley and then Storm Eunice. As a result, only those games in the Northern Alliance Premier Division scheduled to be played on 4G surfaces went ahead. This suited Percy Main Amateurs down to the ground, but their hosts not so much, as North Shields Athletic were blitzed by firstly Storm Jordan and then by Storm Kai, as Messrs Stephenson and Charlton each claimed a hat trick.

Such a positive outcome did not seem likely when last week’s front pairing of Phil Smith (groin) and Mark McDonnell (work commitments) were forced to pull out of this one. Indeed, the opening exchanges saw a spirited home side bring the game to the Villagers. The returning Sean Korsbo distinguished himself early on with a couple of good, low saves; the latter of which saw the loose ball headed over an empty net by NSA’s Caleb Skivington.

Thankfully, it was an isolated chance as the Main gained a stranglehold in midfield, where the returning Rob Ridley dictated everything going forward and “Ducky” Fulcher effortlessly controlled the defensive aspects. Fulcher and Ridley combined to send Jordan Stephenson free on the left after 18 minutes. After a touch to control the ball, he lashed an unstoppable shot across keeper Ethan Taylor and into the bottom corner to give the visitors the lead. Six minutes later, Stephenson accepted a through ball from Ridley and slipped it under the advancing keeper to double his tally and Percy Main’s lead. Twice Kai Charlton threatened to increase the lead when he broke free, only to be denied by Taylor, who did his best to keep the beleaguered hosts in the contest. However, Stephenson duly completed a first half treble by collecting a Brandon Studholme through ball and artfully lobbing the ball home. Rob Ridley was then brilliantly denied by keeper Taylor’s foot.

The second period was played with less intensity as the Main were content to allow Athletic to come forward, though Korsbo remained relatively untroubled.  In contrast, Taylor was forced to be on his guard at his near post when Ridley dribbled into the box and shot from a narrow angle. However, the home custodian was unable to prevent Charlton, who has been excellent since his arrival at the club, from opening his Main account. It may not have been the cleanest of strikes, but Charlton had to be in the right place. This was also the case 10 minutes later, when Taylor’s eye-catching save from Studholme’s curling effort fell perfectly for the unmarked Charlton to lash home. Soon after Ridley was again inches away from scoring when he dinked the ball just wide of te far post.

The scoring was completed by Charlton after 80 minutes, by which time North Shields had been reduced to 10 men and the fight had gone out of them, as the Main completed a superb win that did not flatter them at all. The turnaround from the Chemfica massacre a fortnight earlier is almost unbelievable. Long may this continue!

Percy Main 6 Fawdon 1

Following last week’s six goal bonanza away to North Shields Athletic, Percy Main brought their shooting boots to Purvis Park, notching another half dozen against a gallant Fawdon outfit in a first round George Dobbins League Cup tie. With both Billy Walker and Mark McDonnell returning to the home starting XI, manager Derek Thompson had a strong squad at his disposal. However Fawdon were not just there to make up the numbers, defending tenaciously throughout. Firstly the impressive Kai Charlton had an effort blocked by keeper McAulay, then Antonie Ridley saw his free kick blocked. The deadlock was finally broken on 20 minutes when Kai Charlton took possession of the ball in the six yard box and waltzed round McAulay before stroking it effortlessly home. McAulay then distinguished himself with an outstanding block from debutant Lennon Mills. Moments later Billy Walker struck the inside of the post with a long range blockbuster, only for Rob Ridley to pick up the loose ball and hammer it home. Twice before the half time whistle, Jordan Stephenson tried his luck from the edge of the area, with the ball flashing just wide on both occasions.

The second half was a tale of almost incessant Percy Main pressure, which was regularly rewarded. Mark McDonnell made it 3-0 on 49 minutes, when he converted a free kick, awarded after Charlton’s run was illegally impeded. Fawdon’s claims they weren’t ready when McDonnell took the kick seemed legitimate, but the referee was prepared to reward quick thinking.  Soon after Fawdon pulled a goal back in equally strange circumstances as Tayo Fasan’s block challenge in midfield saw the ball fly into the net, past the stranded Korsbo. There was no real sense of an upset though and Rob Ridley put the game to bed with a fine low finish into the corner of the net to make it 4-1. The icing on the cake was provided by the final pair of goals. Firstly Joe “Ducky” Fulcher rounded off a bout of head tennis in the area by nodding home from close in, before Billy Walker completed the scoring by firing in another free kick, which went under the wall. The draw for round 2 has handed the Villagers another home tie, against Stobswood on March 19^th.

Food For Thought

 Steve Algarve-Bruce has found a new job and sunderland have appointed their 11th boss since he left there in 2011....

Every year, as far as I’m concerned, Saint Valentine’s Day proves conclusively that home is where the heart is, as the comforting delights of simple, nourishing food reinforce George Meredith assertion that “kissing don't last; cooking do!” So much for romance eh? Nowhere was this more evident this year than on a damp and dreary night in the Midlands, where Steve Algarve-Bruce made his home debut, wedged into the dug out at The Hawthorns, in his latest role, as West Bromwich Albion manager. While the Baggies struggled to a dire 0-0 with Blackburn Rovers, their second goalless game under the leadershipCorbridge Epicure, the real shock is that WBA are the eleventh club he has managed. Quite staggeringly, almost a dozen chairmen have fallen for the baloney and bluster of Gorman’s most loyal customer.

No doubt, when discussing his latest sinecure, Algarve-Bruce would choose to focus on its proximity to Birmingham Airport with its direct flights to Faro, where piles of Baracaldo and chicken piri piri await, but also recognise the more prosaic culinary opportunities afforded to him in the Black Country, rather than the fact his patter is as stale as yesterday’s pitta bread and his football as rank as a week old large doner with putrefied garlic sauce. Having endlessly gorged on ham and pease pudding stotties during his recent gig at SJP, not to mention stuffing his squashy face with the various kinds of meat pie on offer when in Wigan, swallowing huge portions of lard-basted fish fresh from the trawlers of Humberside and wastebins full of cheesy chips during his Wearside sojourn, Algarve-Bruce will undoubtedly deliver endless platitudes about bad luck, unrealistic supporter expectations and the shortcomings of the previous boss for about 18 months until he gets the bullet, when not engaged in transcendental Prader-Willi meditation,  face down in a trough of the local signature dish of faggots, usually made from pig offal and other juicy cuts of the animal such as the heart and liver, served with grey peas. Sounds delightful doesn’t it? Well, it is Shakespeare Country, so here’s a recipe for grey peas, from Medieval times. Bon appetit, mes amis -:

Fyrst stepe thy pese over the nyet,

And trendel hom clene, and fayre hom dyet.

Sethe hom in water; and brothe thou take

Of bacun, and fresshe bre thou nowt forsake;

Summe men hom lofe alyed wyle

With floure and summe with never a dele;

these pese with bacun eten may be

As tho whyet pese were, so mot I the.

But tho white with powder of peper tho

Moun be forsyd with ale there to.

 

I’ve no idea what that means, nor do I have a clue what newly installed Sunderland boss Alex Neil’s dietary preferences are, though I’ll be a little more informed about the kind of fare that was on offer to him during his formative years, after I finally get to see his hometown club Airdrie in action on March 26^th when they play host to Cove Rangers. What I do know is that if Neil’s experiences at the SoS are similar to the 11 incumbents who have, however briefly, held aloft the Pallion and Pennywell Poison Chalice, since Algarve-Bruce was prised from the manager’s chair just over a decade ago, then large slices of humble pie will be the signature dish served up by my old Basque pal Patrick Lesca, the Head Chef at the Donald Stewart Bistro of Broken Hearts.

Yes, that’s right; almost a dozen permanent managers in 10 years, not including a bunch of caretakers you’d not recognise if they were lined up in an ID parade directly in front of your eyes. Here’s the exhaustive list of busted flushes, if you don’t believe me: Martin O’Neill, Paolo Di Canio, Gus Poyet, Dick Advocaat, Sam Allardyce, David Moyes, Simon Grayson, Chris Coleman, Jack Ross, Phil Parkinson and Gary Johnson. At the time they were appointed, many of them seemed a good fit and the best appointment possible. Alright, so Di Canio was always going to be a Fascist lunatic and Grayson, Parkinson and Johnson were the kind of expendable lower league, landfill gaffers who wash up at a dozen different L1 & L2 locations over the years with gradually declining effects, but the others did have some merit at the time of their appointment, or so it seemed.

O’Neill the lifelong Mackem arrived promising a “party with Marty,” but crashed and burned in a gluepot of stodgeball. Poyet seemed a genuinely innovative choice, but the Gus bus ended up careering off the road. I’m not sure I know why Advocaat left, though the adventures of avaricious Allardyce saw him come a cropper with a pint of Pinot Grigio in his paw. Moyes is now doing better than at any time since he left Goodison, even if he appeared doomed from his first week on Wearside, when he made his haunted and gloomy prediction of relegation after a home loss to Boro.  Coleman looked rested and primed for a return to club management, but it just didn’t happen for him. Jack Ross, who in this humble Hibby’s opinion should still be in charge at Easter Road, was treated appallingly, sacked at a stupid time and on the flimsiest of pretexts. The same could be said of Lee Johnson; yes 6-0 is a shocking loss at Bolton but giving him his cards on the back of that one result was surely a ridiculously overreaction. Mind, I did feel for Sunderland fans at the time of his arrival, when he was peddled as an upgrade on Phil Parkinson, rather than an almost exact copy.

What Johnson’s dismissal subsequently showed was that, in complete contrast to the clarity of ownership of Newcastle United, there was absolutely no indication who owns Sunderland and who made the decision to fire Johnson. Indeed, for nigh on 18 months the self-proclaimed People’s Club has refused to reveal who actually owned them, spitting out endless, provocative No Comment replies, like a Town End Farm housebreaker under caution, after being nabbed going equipped up Hylton Road. Belatedly, The Athletic announced on 15 February 2022, that chairman and Leeds Poly dropout Kyril Louis-Dreyfus was not the majority shareholder, unlike previously hinted,  as his stake in the club is only 41%, with the remaining 59% of shares in the grip of former owner Donald Stewart (34%), and directors Juan Sartori (25%) and Charlie “Crystal” Methven (5%), operating under the cover of the Mandrax Group. Or something.  One wonders just how that egotistical bore Jonathan Wilson will square this circle, after banging on about the admittedly appalling show of human rights abusers that own Newcastle. Perhaps he could begin by appraising himself of Amnesty International’s latest report on Uruguay, where Sartori wields significant influential, if not instrumental power, as a fabulously wealthy political influencer. To save Dr Jonathan, a man believing himself to be the new Brian Glanville, but is actually more akin to Jonathan Miller with a dollop of the detestable David Conn about him and who we’ll return to at a later date, the bother of doing his own research, here’s the headline comment on Uruguay -:

The crisis caused by COVID-19 deepened structural inequalities in Uruguay during 2020 and 2021, especially impacting the rights of those historically marginalized. The Urgent Consideration Act (LUC) threatened the rights to peaceful protest and freedom of expression. Inadequate prison conditions continued to worsen. Violence against women increased. Impunity remained a concern and evidence emerged indicating key information about past human rights violations had been withheld.

Allegedly, it was the Oxford supporting second largest shareholder and his Mandrax pals who were pushing for Roy Keane to get the manager’s job. Now, as someone who adores Keano, I knew this would be a disaster in everything apart from future memes. Bearing in mind Roy’s track record for provoking conflict at Sunderland last time, then  events at Ipswich and during his assistant roles to O’Neill with Ireland and at Forest, as well as a spell at Villa under Paul Lambert, a certain pattern of behaviour can be discerned. Things never end well. Keane has shown little in the way of empathy towards players less gifted, less motivated than he, preferring the stick to the carrot in every instance. Can you imagine how things would have played out at Sunderland this time around? He’ll have put half the squad on life support machines.  Thankfully, for the sake of the players’ wellness, Mandrax couldn’t raise the coin to pay Keano’s salary, so he can continue berating every player under the sun from the safety and comfort of a Sky Sports sofa.

The other leading candidate for the job was supposed to be Grant McCann, recently jettisoned by Hull City’s new owners. Now he really is a coaching carthorse; arguably, he’s worse than Phil Parkinson and, without question, Sunderland would have been no further forward than when they appointed Johnson if they’d given it to the unshaven, beery Ulsterman. I remember thinking at the time that giving Johnson the job was a gross insult to all Sunderland fans who’d suffered over the decades. Nothing during his tenure made me think different. So, when the music finally stopped, after the Bolton battering was augmented by a home loss to Doncaster and an away one to Cheltenham, Alex Neil was left holding the parcel. To general guffaws, the third-choice candidate arrived with a track record of getting the bullet firstly from Norwich and then Preston.

And yet, I think Sunderland have, perhaps by unintentional means, made the best appointment they could in the current circumstances. Neil won’t get them automatic promotion; we can safely assume. Indeed, his best result could be a narrow loss in a play-off semi-final, as that’ll avoid the chance of another humiliating, boozed up session, fuelled by Universal Credit emergency advances, around Trafalgar Square, before being picked apart by a side with footballing ability and a touch of class about their support. Ironically, I could be talking about their next opponents; 1988 FA Cup winners MK Dons. Going up this year will make next season almost an impossibility for Sunderland, as they’d probably replicate Barnsley’s performance this time around. Sure, it would make for a rip-roaring Netflix documentary series, but it would possibly destroy the confidence, if not the careers, of a young team, most of whom I’d never heard of.

glove 9 & TQ 52; March 2022

To try and spread words, glove 9 will be given away free with TQ 52 next month. Here's a bit I've put in the music magazine to explain my largesse -:

If you read issue #50 of TQ, you’ll have seen the long interview I did with the editor about glove, the lit zine I established in early 2017. Further discussions between us led to the decision to give away copies of glove #9 with TQ #52. I would never be so presumptuous as to suggest glove is the fiction and poetry equivalent of the august publication it accompanies, but both publications come from the same geographical area and operate among a comparable artistic milieu, with a similar ideological ethic underpinning our endeavours. However, I really think the writers in glove deserve to transcend the idea of, perish the thought, a no readership underground. It is a sobering thought that there are only 2 subscribers the magazines have in common (hiya Flan & Kev); hence the reason why you’re getting a non-musical (as opposed to unmusical) gift.

If reading isn’t your thing, then please pass glove on to someone else. However, I’d urge to peek inside; there’s more than a dozen writers who deserve your attention. Contributors come from China, Utah and Berlin, as well as Stourbridge, Uttoxeter and North Shields; every one of them has something to say.

If you are in any way inspired or intrigued by this issue of  glove, please consider subscribing and / or submitting in future. I’m to be found at iancusack@blueyonder.co.uk and @glovelitzine

 

The Evil That Men Do

 This week Raith Rovers signed the rapist footballer David Goodwillie, which was a morally indefensible decision -:

Until January 31^st, perhaps the most noteworthy thing about Raith Rovers FC, like Port Vale in England and several Scottish clubs like Queen of the South or, perhaps more pertinently as we shall see, Heart of Midlothian, was that their name had no geographical connection with the place they play their home games. In point of fact, Raith is not a town, village or hamlet making Sam Leitch’s comment on Grandstand in the late 1960s, as news broke on the teleprinter of an impressive Rovers victory, that “they’ll be dancing on the streets of Raith” even more asinine than he no doubt intended. Kirkcaldy, a desperate no-horse town in the unfashionable part of the Kingdom of Fife is the location of Starks Park, where Raith Rovers play their trade.

Without question, the finest moment in their 139-year history, which reached its plainly avoidable nadir on January 31^st, was November 27^th1994 when, against all odds, Raith won the Scottish League Cup 6-5 on penalties after a 2-2 draw with Celtic. As a result of this amazing victory, Raith secured a place in the following season’s UEFA Cup. Their debut saw Faroese champions Gøtu Ítróttarfelag journey to Kirkcaldy, where they lost 4-0. Holidaying in the nice part of Fife, Crail to be precise, I was lucky enough to be in the crowd that August evening. Other than following Raith’s subsequent UEFA Cup win over Íþróttabandalag Akraness at the next stage, before their narrow loss to Bayern Munich in round 3, the club did not impinge on my consciousness until they signed David Goodwillie from Clyde on January 31^st.  This was the darkest day and most nefarious act in the club’s history.

Goodwillie, a ponderous journeyman striker in the mould of Conor Sammon, has played for Raith Rovers before, on loan from his first club Dundee United during the 2007/2008 season. Following a lengthy spell at Tannadice, Goodwillie moved to Blackburn Rovers for £2.8m in 2011, signed by that redoubtable failure, Steve Kean.  Goals proved hard to come by for the cumbersome target man and he was loaned out, without real success, to Crystal Palace and Blackpool, as well as making a brief return to Dundee United. When he moved permanently, after 3 years at Ewood Park, it was back to Scotland with Aberdeen, who then loaned him to Ross County before he moved on a free to Plymouth Argyle in July 2016.

While on-field successes and goals in particular proved elusive for the striker in the first half of his career, legal problems dogged him at every step. In June 2008, Goodwillie was convicted of assaulting a man in a Stirling nightclub, and was fined £250. In September 2009 Goodwillie was arrested after a nightclub doorman was knocked unconscious. Two months later, Goodwillie was convicted of assault and received a £200 fine. In 2012, Goodwillie was convicted of assault for repeatedly punching and kicking John Friel after Friel attacked Goodwillie's teammate Danny Swanson in a Glasgow takeaway in 2010. He was sentenced to a 12-month probation order and ordered to carry out 80 hours of unpaid work. Such drunken, boorish, anti-social behaviour was redolent of the mistakes made by many young Scottish men, including professional sportsmen such as Duncan Ferguson back in the day, but Goodwillie was soon to be exposed as far worse than a run-of-the-mill bar room brawler. Rather he was proven to be a sinister, sociopathic, predatory monster whose evasion of criminal proceedings remains a stain on the record of Police Scotland and whose latter career is arguably as much of a disgrace as the sordid revelations of Jim Torbett’s actions at Celtic Boys Club.

Goodwillie and his teammate David Robertson were accused of raping a woman in January 2011. Goodwillie was charged with rape, but the Crown Office did not pursue a criminal prosecution due to Police Scotland failing to secure sufficient evidence from the scene, subsequent to the incident. Despite this failure on the part of the constabulary, The Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority determined that the woman had been raped and awarded her £11,000 in damages. Remember, Scottish Law is very different in both procedural and terminological ways to English Common Law.

Five years after being raped, the victim took civil action in 2016 against Goodwillie and Robertson, in the first case of its kind in Scotland. The judge ruled that they had each raped her and ordered them to pay £100,000 each in punitive compensation. The civil case was judged on the balance of probabilities and did not need corroborative evidence for the verdict, unlike in a Scottish criminal case. As this was a civil case, the victim did not have the right to anonymity, unlike in a criminal case, meaning her name is in the public domain. For reasons of morality and in support of her, I have chosen not to identify her. Soon after the case concluded Goodwillie left Plymouth Argyle, while Robertson retired from football. In November 2017 three appeal judges at the Court of Session upheld the ruling against Goodwillie and Robertson. Therefore, it is perfectly permissible to refer to both Goodwillie and Robertson as rapists.

After the verdict in the civil case, but before the subsequent failed appeal, Goodwillie signed for Clyde in early 2017, to only minor stirrings of discontent among the Clyde fanbase and wider Scottish society. Indeed, the unchallenged utterances of then Clyde chair Norrie Inness, from more than five years distant, seem preposterous, bigoted and morally unacceptable. Whether they were seen that way at the time is a moot point, as is any debate as to whether public opinion has moved forward in our wish to condemn misogynistic bullshit like this during the past 6 years -:

"I think we have to beware of those who seek to use these matters for political and personal benefit and we should seek what is in us to be authentic and true and make the right decisions, even if it isn't universally or politically popular… David is a free man with a financial charge on his head, this arising from the civil action against him… He is appealing and this will eventually establish a status and end point, but to be clear, Clyde FC will play no part in this. It is down to others to deal with… There is no positive purpose or societal gain whatsoever to wish ill on him and allow his talents to stagnate and waste… Football and society would be failing if this was allowed to happen. If he ultimately has responsibilities to honour through any final binding decision, he should use the skills at his disposal to earn and honour it. Is it not right to create the conditions for him to potentially service society's demands on him? I have helped people in need in the past and it can be testing and challenging, especially when they - sometimes - let you and themselves down, but I will not change. If the opportunity arises to do so, then we should all embrace this approach."

On the pitch, in almost 5 years with the Bully Wee, Goodwillie scored 92 goals in 140 games. Without question, his time at Broadwood has been the most successful period of his career, which may now be coming to an end. He received a hat-trick of personal accolades at the club's Player of the Year awards for 2017–18, winning another award the season after. The team then won promotion to League One in 2018–19. At the PFA Scotland awards, he was shortlisted for Player of the Year and named in the Team of the Season for League Two for 2018–19. Named club captain ahead of season 2019–20, Goodwillie became the first Clyde player to score five goals in a single match in 68 years and the first to score a hat-trick of penalties in one match. Both feats came in a 6–1 win over Stranraer. In April 2020, Goodwillie, with his 78th goal, moved in to the top ten of the club's all-time leading scorers. And then, all hell broke loose when he signed for Raith Rovers on January 31^st, 2022.

Questions of individual or collective moral responsibility in regard to the evil that men do are a vexed problem in football. It seems clear that criminal acts by a single person, generally a player, are far easier to comprehend, condemn and counter than the ongoing nefarious corporate conduct of owners or sponsors. Stalin’s observation that the death of a single man is a tragedy, but the death of a million is a statistic, comes into play when one is asked what is worse; Joey Barton stubbing out a cigar on a team mate’s eyelid or the Saudi Arabian state carpet bombing Yemeni civilians? Marcos Alonso and Lee Hughes were both convicted of causing the death of innocent passengers when at the wheel of their cars, yet both returned from criminal convictions, including gaol time in the case of the latter, to play at the pinnacle of the professional game, their convictions apparently spent and debt to society repaid.

We haven’t got time to delve into the litany of players convicted for beak and booze fuelled brawls in pubs, takeaways and taxis over the years, but one principle seems to assume primacy when judging lapses in the personal morality and conduct of footballers. Male on male violence and serious driving offences are tolerated, being seen as unfortunate but acceptable errors of judgement, and sexual assaults on adult women, regardless of the severity, can be intellectually plea-bargained away by relying on grotesque victim blaming, if there is any hint of the involvement of alcohol or drugs in these incidents. Witness the lack of condemnation of Bernard Mendy, which is not an example of the media and football fans understanding the principle of sub judice for the first time ever. Also, consider the words of Ralph Records regarding Mason Greenwood. Despite immediately suspending the player, there were no words of sympathy for the victim in this case; only confirmation that Jesse Lingard wouldn’t be allowed to move clubs as Greenwood’s absence left the squad a player light. That, in essence, is the corporate, business model response to personal tragedies; not “how does this effect the victim?” Rather, “how could this effect our profits?” Football is a microcosm of society; racism, homophobia and misogyny are as ingrained in the game as they are in the attitudes of politicians, journalists and the police in society as a whole. How else can we explain the continued employment of Ched Evans by Chesterfield, Sheffield United, Fleetwood Town and Preston North End, regardless of the decision of the Court of Appeal to quash his rape conviction? He has admitted to sordid sexual conduct, but at the end of the day, he scores goals.

Indeed, it appears that sexual assaults are considered to be deserving of outright condemnation when they involve females under the age of consent. Such circumstances result in the same kind of hysteria that the tabloid press reserves for every day, common or garden beasts, nonces, short eyes or whatever epithet you chose to label them.  Adam Johnson rightly did three years in stir for his gross, sexual exploitation of a schoolgirl. He was punished, but his club sunderland, who benefitted from Johnson’s services for almost a whole year between being charged in March 2015 and sentencing in February 2016, suffered neither official censure nor material condemnation, despite it being common knowledge that Johnson had admitted to sunderland in May 2015 that he had kissed the girl and sent her sexually explicit messages. 

In Scotland, Heart of Midlothian unbelievably appointed Graham Rix as manager in 2005, despite the fact that Rix had been sentenced to 12 months in prison in 1999 for having underage sex with a 15-year-old girl. He was placed on the sex offenders’ register for ten years and banned by the FA from working with youth players under the age of 16, but this was not seen as an impediment to being appointed boss of Scotland’s fourth biggest club. Hearts again showed appalling judgement in the case of full back Craig Thomson, who was also placed on the sex offenders' register for five years and fined £4,000 in June 2011 after pleading guilty to two counts of indecent behaviour, related to "sexual conversations" that he had engaged in online with two underage girls, aged 12 and 14. Despite calls for Thomson to be dismissed, Hearts opted to allow Thomson to stay at the club, acknowledging that his actions were unacceptable but claiming that there were sufficient mitigating circumstances. Hearts' decision was criticised by the mother of one of his victims and a children's charity, while a water supplier withdrew their sponsorship of the club. Days after their decision to retain Thomson, Hearts loaned him to FBK Kaunas, another club controlled by then-owner Vladimir Romanov. Thomson was not released by Hearts until 2013, despite further sordid revelations that he was arrested in November 2011 and charged with "trying to lure a 12-year-old girl into meeting up with him.” This case was dropped for want of evidence, and Thomson subsequently signed for Edinburgh City, playing for a further five seasons. His last brush with the law came in late 2013, when Thomson bizarrely faced a police investigation for working as an unlicensed window cleaner. Recently, former Celtic striker Leigh Griffiths was questioned by Scottish police after it was discovered he had been engaging in online conversations with a 14-year-old girl, though the communication was deemed not to have been sexual or in any way improper. It does however show that the free agent’s discussions with Falkirk over a potential move are not the first time he’s chatted with the Bairns…

There can be no doubt that the board of Raith Rovers committed a grave misjudgement in signing David Goodwillie. Their fans and sponsors, especially Val McDermid who combines both roles, as well as the wider Scottish football community, are to be commended for the vehemence and acuity of their protests that have forced Raith’s directors into a shamefaced climbdown. I’m not particularly interested in humiliating these naïve and ignorant men further; what I would love is a societal change, whereby sexual, domestic or any kind of violence against women, is unreservedly condemned like all other forms of hate crime. Only when society as a whole accepts that women victims of male sexual violence are always the innocent parties, can football learn from previous errors and move on.

 

 

Dancing Barefoot

 Just because Newcastle United are in the middle of a 16-day Premier League furlough, it doesn't mean I can take my eyes off them -:

As you’re all no doubt aware, I don’t gamble. However, grown impatient with the delays in goal notifications from the BBC Sport website, I was forced to dip my toe in the cesspool of online betting when I downloaded the Flash Scores app, which is both punctual and accurate, though it does insist on offering odds on an array of possible bets with each update. I’ve set Hibs and Newcastle as my favourites, which means I get reminders that games involving both teams are about to kick off. On Wednesday last, my phone pinged to tell me that Motherwell v Hibs would be starting in 15 minutes and on Friday 28^th, I received notification that a 70-minute kickabout between Al-Ittihad and Newcastle United was about to take place, behind closed doors, at the Prince Abdullah Al Faisal Stadium in Jeddah, as a smidgeon more of the small print of the PIF buyout of NUFC is revealed to a disbelieving readership.

Obviously the fact we’ve turned a corner (I’m still thinking like Algarve-Bruce at this point) following the Cambridge game means the lads deserved a spell of warm weather training, devoid of nourishing noontide pints a la Celtic in Dubai of course. In return for  a week’s free bed and board in the cradle of despotism , not to mention the thick end of £85m in transfer fees, Newcastle United  were required to divest themselves of any remaining vestiges of dignity by adopting the guise of sportswashed catamites for the House of Saud.

Rewind a couple of weeks. In the lead up to the Watford game, I’d been sure the lads would have been raring to go from the off; desperate to flush the toxic Cambridge result out of their system. Watching Percy Main get tanked 4-0 at Rutherford at the foot of Lobley Hill, the sounds from SJP carried across the river,  where an expectant support roared the team on. Not one of the crowd expected a win because Newcastle are good, but because Watford are rancid. Just how rancid was shown the Friday afterwards when Norwich, of all teams, ruthlessly picked the Hornets apart and saw Ranieri made to clear his desk. Unfortunately, Newcastle put in a textbook Algarve-Bruce performance, by failing to build on a single goal lead and retreating further and further back, inviting Watford to attack them, with maddeningly predictable results as 2 points were spaffed against the wall. That’s 4 points Watford have denied Newcastle now in 2021/2022; let’s see how that affects proceedings at the end of the campaign eh?

 

There isn’t enough anger at the current situation and too much of what does exist, is wrongly focused on Ashley and Algarve-Bruce. That ship has sailed. We need to live in the here and now, which means more questions should be asked of the ownership. Louder criticism should be directed at Howe. This is unlikely to happen, despite some opportunistic sulking on social media by some less than trustworthy sources, when NUST can unilaterally decide to abolish the share campaign as they still seem enamoured of the latest boardroom bullshitters on Barrack Road. A whopping 87% of a tiny electorate backed NUST board’s suggestion to pass all money collected to charity. It will be interesting to see the receipts for those transactions…

 Following the late concession against Watford and the lack of any discernible progress in terms of overhauling the squad, it would be fair to say there was an ominous feel to the build-up to Leeds away but, and enormous credit to the team, they gave it their best shot and brought home a much needed three points. Sure we’re still in the bottom 3, but at least it shows there’s some life in us still. All we need now are a few more quality bodies in the door and we might finish top of the 4 (or 6) team league of losers at the foot of the table.

Despite the imminent arrivals of Fumaca II (Bruno Guimaraes) and Kevin Scott Junior (Dan Burn) to partner the New Kenny Sansom and Kiwi Pingel in the modern day revival of Newcastle United’s 1988/1989 season, with Nice Guy Eddie in the role of last choice boss, Jim Smith, Newcastle United have not credibly bolstered an inadequate and emotionally spent playing squad. Instead we have concentrated on coquettishly dancing barefoot in front of the House of Saud’s murderous potentates. Now if this trip to Sharia land had been organised for the express purpose of beheading Nice Guy Eddie or Ciaran Clark for managing to get a red card in the Jeddah jaunt that we actually won 2-1, I could have bought into it. Instead, I marvelled in incredulity how such an outrageous outing could have been scheduled for the last week of the transfer window.

Then again, why think that way? Transfers are no longer hammered out in melamine panelled boardrooms, or even over distasteful steak lunches in roadside Beefeaters; it’s all done via Zoom these days, with a club plenipotentiary and medical assistant ready to step aboard a private jet, Liz Truss style, to close the deal. Of course, the new owners of Newcastle United have brought a fresh, vibrant approach to such negotiations, by binning a Director of Football none of us had heard of or even knew he’d been given the gig, after a week in post on Christmas Eve of all days. To think people questioned Ashley and Charnley’s motives and professionalism.

Whether we manage to pull rabbits out of the hat on January 31^st by striking deals for the Manc Franz Carr (Lingard) or any other has-been, never-was or avaricious mercenary and, whether we stay up or not, it seems a racing certainty that El Fraude Benitez will be the ex-officio DoF next season. Nice Guy Eddie is only Head Coach remember; I doubt whether he’ll have any say so in his future at Newcastle United, no matter how much bowing and scraping he does to the PIF royalty between now and the end of May. The misfiring plan that Staveley concocted had Benitez at the top of the pile and that’s what will happen. Great eh? Certainly, I doubt any of us believed that becoming the richest club in the world would involve seeing Dan Burn and Chris fucking Wood turning out in black and white.

Mind, if we do what we’ve singularly failed to manage this season, and get 6 points from the must-win home games against Everton and Villa, then things may appear considerably better than at any time this season.

Percy Unread Words

 I'm continuing to compile match reports for Percy Main Amateurs. Here's my latest set for you to peruse -:

Percy Main Amateurs 2 Cullercoats 3: Saturday 30 October

At half time, the players trooped off with Percy Main Amateurs leading 1-0, courtesy of Jordan Thompson’s close range finish in the 14^th minute. The consensus among the assembled Percy faithful was that Cullercoats had got off lightly in a half of almost incessant Villagers’ pressure, with visiting custodian Taylor Blaney being largely responsible for the closeness of the score, courtesy of a series of outstanding close-range blocks, parries and saves. How different was the atmosphere at full time, when Cullercoats celebrated their triumph that came courtesy of the Main’s second half disintegration, which offered up three gift wrapped goals occasioned by a defensive horror show that saw PMA fall to their fourth successive home defeat and fifth in a row in all competitions.

How different things had seemed in the early stages. Within 10 minutes, the returning Main hit man Paul Collinson had twice been instinctively denied by the gloves of Blaney, as the Villagers forced a series of right wing corners. Perhaps Blaney’s best save was the one when he reacted brilliantly to parry Thomas Kalthoeber’s piledriver. It was therefore no surprise when Thompson broke the deadlock, tapping in to an unguarded net at the back post. It seemed a question of how many the Main would score at this point, but Cullercoats finally got a foothold in the game, calming and slowing down proceedings. They also fashioned one chance, when Matty Coaley hit a speculative thunderbolt from nigh on 30 yards that pinged off the top of the bar.

The second half began in a remarkably ragged fashion, with neither team able to find any kind of rhythm. It was perhaps fitting tat the Cullercoats equaliser in the 58^th minute came from an absolute howler in the home defence. A period of aimless keep ball was ended by James Cooper intercepting a loose ball, running on and firing home from the edge of the box. Moments later, the visitors almost went ahead when a free for all in the home box saw Cullercoats hit the post and then smash the ball high over an open goal. Despite Collinson almost getting on the end of a long clearance by Reece Monaghan, swathed in a crepe bandage to protect four stitches in a head wound, the momentum had shifted decisively towards the visitors. Cullercoats took the lead after 76 minutes, when substitute Jay Errington pounced on a loose ball that the Main had spurned several chances to clear.

Remarkably, the Main came again. Collinson drove into the box and ad his legs swept from under him. He got up and was preparing to take the inevitable penalty when an altercation developed with a Cullercoats player who was intent on delaying the kick. The outcome was the referee brandishing a red card that curtailed Collinson’s home coming. Thankfully Stephenson kept his cool and rolled the kick home. Just when Main thought they had got away with a point, another defensive calamity provided a final kick in the teeth. Errington, stood in splendid isolation at the back post, drove the ball home via the far upright after collecting a misplaced clearing header to settle the contest in Cullercoats’ favour.

 

Percy Main Amateurs 1 Seaton Delaval Amateurs 1: Saturday 6 November

After last week’s defensive debacle at home to Cullercoats, Percy Main Amateurs began this week’s contest in determined fashion. Twice in the opening couple of minutes, Delaval keeper Ethan Custance was called upon to keep his side level, with sprawling saves from the lively Kai Charlton. However, it was the visiting Amateurs who took the lead after 6 minutes with a Goal of the Season contender. Burly opposition centre forward Malik Kalimba hit a first time, side foot, cushioned volley from 14 yards out that flashed past Reece Monaghan before he had time to react. When such an audacious piece of skill is enacted by the opposition, there is no place for recriminations; all you can do is nod your head in appreciation and applaud.

Once the lead had been established, Delaval sat back and invited the Villagers to come at them. This the home side did, but with more enthusiasm than skill. Custance, belying his slender frame and lack of inches, took on the role of sweeper keeper, racing from his goal to hammer clearances away. The Main attempted to obviate this threat by switching to a short passing game, though this allowed Delaval to harry the hosts out of their stride. Far too often in the first period, ponderous Percy players held on to the ball for too long, or took extra, unnecessary touches in the hope of finding a killer pass. When the shots did come in, they were too often weak and misdirected, resulting in the visitors leading at the break.

It was a reinvigorated Percy Main that came out after the interval and slowly, but surely, began to turn the screw on their visibly wilting opponents. It was Custance who came to Delaval’s rescue on numerous occasions. He eye-catchingly spread himself to deflect Dylan Taylor’s goal-bound effort behind for a corner after 55 minutes. The equaliser was soon to arrive, however; on 59 minutes the impressive Finlay Baty floated in a superb corner, right on the head of Thomas Kaltoeber, who precisely nodded the ball beyond the despairing leap of Custance for a thoroughly merited equaliser

From that point on there was only one side likely to win it. Twice Taylor and Charlton saw their on-target shots desperately deflected behind for corners. A series of questionable offside decisions also stalled the Percy momentum when in good positions. So, despite doing more than enough to win the game, Percy Main had to settle for a point. Next week, PMA are away to Newcastle Chemfica in the Northern Alliance Team Valley Carpets Challenge Cup at Newcastle University’s Longbenton Sports Ground on Coach Lane. The postcode is NE7 7XA and kick off is 1.30.

 

Newcastle Chemfica 4 Percy Main Amateurs 0: Saturday 13 November

Newcastle Chemfica ended Percy Main’s interest in the Northern Alliance Premier Division Team Valley Carpets Challenge Cup at the first hurdle, in decisive fashion. While it is inarguable that the Main were well beaten by Kennie Malia’s side, the final score was very harsh, especially on Percy’s Kai Charlton who led the line tirelessly and deserved at least a goal for his efforts. Sadly, it was not an occasion for romantic notions of the beautiful game, and the home goal remained intact.

The game had started in far better circumstances, with the Main almost taking the lead on 5 minutes when Cameron McHarg heading against the outside of the post following a corner. Unfortunately, this bright opening counted for nothing when Chemfica opened the scoring on 16 minutes when Oliver Ure pounced on a loose ball and worked an opening on the edge of the area, before firing in a low shot that whistled past Reece Monaghan. The Main almost got back on level terms with a similar move to the Chemfica opener, except that Joe Kelly’s drive was held at the foot of his near post by Jak Wells. It was a decent save, but not as impressive as Monaghan’s instinctive block with his feet from a venomous Joseph Connor strike, as the half came to an end.

The optimists among the travelling Main faithful collectively believed this stop would prove crucial in the second period. Unfortunately, the more pessimistic Percy disciples’ feelings of gloom were to be vindicated as Chemfica doubled their lead on 55 minutes, after Luke Molloy had spurned a glorious chance by driving wildly over when presented with an open goal in the opening seconds of the second half, when Joseph Davy nodded into an unguarded net after Monaghan had parried Ure’s angled drive. This effectively ended the game as a contest, with the Main increasingly frustrated in their attempts to create meaningful chances. Indeed, only one team looked likely to score, meaning Monaghan was regularly occupied, pulling off a series of fine stops.

Sadly, the roof fell in when McHarg was dismissed after 73 minutes, for hauling down an on-rushing Chemfica striker. The Main survived the subsequent free kick, but their numerical disadvantage was ruthlessly exploited by the home side, when Lufter Karim tapped home from straight in front of the net on 82 minutes. The final indignity came in injury time when an unmarked Shane Walton nodded home at the back post, turning a defeat into a thumping.

Percy Main are next in action on Saturday 20 November, away to Haltwhistle Jubilee in a Northern Alliance Premier Division game. The kick off is 2pm and the postcode for those intending to travel, is NE49 9EH.

Cullercoats 1 Percy Main Amateurs 4: Saturday 18 December

The second game of the Thompson-Walker-Deagle era for Percy Main saw the first victory; an emphatic success away to local rivals Cullercoats, where the Main produced a second half as dominant as it was attractive on the eye. Over the years, many great goalscorers have graced the hallowed claret and blue of the Villagers, but never before has a player who hit the headlines for notching the winner in a Wembley final turned out for the club. Fittingly John Campbell, the former Oxford, Torquay, Darlington, Whitby, Benfield and Heaton Stannington striker, slammed in a hat trick on his debut.

However the Walker wizard, alongside strike partner Jonathan Wright, once of Hibernian, in perhaps the most left-footed front pairing in history, was eclipsed for the Man of the Match award, as was the utterly impeccable Dean Deagle who produced a stellar performance at left back, and the all-action, strong running, selfless creativity of Billy Walker. No, the star performer for the Villagers was Adam Green, whose titanic showing in midfield enabled the defence to be afforded much protection and created many opportunities for the attack. He literally did not put a foot wrong all afternoon.

Of course, this being Percy Main, it wasn’t plain sailing from the start. After a short delay to proceedings to clean up the mess of a thoughtless dog walker, Cullercoats tried t impose themselves from the start, causing Reece Monaghan to distinguish himself with a brilliant, instinctive tip over from a full-blooded, close range volley by Jonny Watson. It was only a temporary respite though, as Richard Jull capitalised on a free kick in a central position, just outside the area, curling in a delightful finish that left Monaghan helpless.

The Main were level with 90 seconds, when new signing Mark Waite pounced on a loose ball in the Cullercoats area to drive the visitors level. A quiet period of attritional midfield play saw chances at a premium as the two sides cancelled each other out, when John Campbell began to exert his influence on the game. Running onto a glorious crossfield pass, Campbell took the ball in his stride and proceeded to execute a beautiful dink over the onrushing home keeper, Taylor Blaney after 35 minutes.

The second half saw a noticeable increase in the tempo of the game, in combination with a clear step change in the level of performance from most Percy Main games this season. The Villagers simply seemed tougher, more organised and determined to win the game. Undoubtedly, the introduction of several experienced, quality signings were the difference today. After a couple of reasonable shouts for penalties, Campbell pounced again on 65 minutes, slotting home into the bottom corner after Green’s eye of the needle through ball had split the Cullercoats defence wide open.

Jonathan Wright was denied by a quality stop by Blaney, with Campbell unlucky not to complete his hat trick after thumping the rebound against the outside of the post. He was not to be denied, claiming a treble after intercepting a short back pass and firing beyond Blaney’s despairing leap on 81 minutes to complete the scoring on a highly successful afternoon by the coast.

Prudhoe YC 3 Percy Main Amateurs 2: Friday 7 January 2022

On a freezing Friday evening in the Tyne Valley, Percy Main Amateurs played their first game of 2022. While the Villagers were ultimately to leave Kimberley Park empty handed, the performance showed just how far the club has come since Derek Thompson and Geoff Walker assumed control at Purvis Park. Last October, Percy Main suffered an awful, almost humiliating 5-0 home defeat when Prudhoe came to visit. The gap between the sides on that occasion was a yawning chasm, but this game showed the Main are playing catch up at a rate of knots.

With Reece Monaghan unavailable with COVID, former Benfield and Whitley Bay keeper Sean Korsbo made his debut for Percy Main. In the early stages he had very little to do, affording him a perfect view of Jonathan Wright’s stunning opener on 22 minutes. The striker found himself unmarked in central midfield with the ball at his feet. Shifting it on to his trusty left foot, he unleashed a venomous strike that Prudhoe keeper didn’t even see.

After the opening goal, the Main enjoyed a period of territorial dominance, so it was something of a shock when Prudhoe hit back with 2 goals in as many minutes. On 35 minutes, Harry Mitchell’s effort squirmed under Korsbo. If the keeper was at question over that one, he was utterly blameless when Brad Rogers put the home side in the lead with an effort almost as spectacular as Wright’s opener within 60 seconds. Prudhoe then assumed control and the Villagers had to regroup to stay in touch.

After the break, Percy Main came again, with Lee Johnson exerting influence in midfield, but chances were at a premium. Indeed, the next goal came from Prudhoe, when the impressive Matty Law received the ball on the right edge of the area, swapped it onto his left and unleashed an unstoppable effort into the roof of the net. The Main refused to lie down after this set back and Wright halved the deficit with an accurately placed free kick with 12 minutes to go. Sadly, despite their best efforts, the Villagers couldn’t find an equaliser, though there was no disgrace in this defeat.

Rutherford 4 Percy Main Amateurs 0: Saturday 15 January

 

Without the services of John Campbell and Jonathan Wright, both of whom were at St James Park for some unaccountable reason, Percy Main Amateurs suffered a heavy defeat at the hands of former boss Gareth “Beanie” Allen’s Rutherford side that was at least partly explained by the shot shy Villagers’ lack of options in an attacking sense.

Having not faced the North East’s second oldest football club during the last two COVID-blighted seasons, the Main set about their hosts with some relish in a fast paced opening that was typified by Brandon Studholme’s teasing cross shot that hit the outside of Rutherford keeper Matthew Pattinson’s post before bouncing clear. Indeed, Percy placed young Pattinson under severe pressure that he was perhaps fortunate to deal with, especially after dropping the ball at Morgan Patterson’s feet, escaping only when a fortuitous whistle put a temporary halt to proceedings. At the other end, the returning Reece Monaghan was relieved to see an effort from a tight angle by Rutherford’s Owen Whitmore hit the inside of the post, before rebounding into the keeper’s arms.

Perhaps the most impressive home performer before the break was former Main full back Aaron Kah, who enjoyed much freedom down the right and almost put his team ahead, firing narrowly wide on 35 minutes. The opener was only seconds away though. In the absence of a qualified assistant, Main’s Moses Igiehon was pressed into carrying the flag. This game being under the aegis of the Durham FA required him to only signal for throw ins, leaving the referee to adjudicate on all offsides. As a result of such confused complexities, a suspiciously offside Aristotle Guerin collected a through ball and fired Rutherford ahead. Seconds before the break it could have been 2-0, but Monaghan tipped over a venomous close range effort by Nick Gibson.

After the break, a full complement of match officials were present, with the new assistant assiduously flagging the Villagers offside from almost every attack, paying tribute to the ruthlessly efficient defensive discipline of the hosts. Percy Main’s frustrations grew when the impressive Lee Johnson pulled up with a hamstring strain, necessitating his replacement. Unfortunately the reorganisation of the Main’s line-up was an on-going process when Rutherford’s burly striker Stephen Hall pounced on a knock down to slide in a second from close range. At this point, there wasn’t an obvious two goal gap between the sides, but the cruel nature of the game saw Rutherford run away with the points after a deflating third goal, courtesy of Charlie Watson’s speculative effort that went through a crowd of bodies and squirmed under Monaghan’s body to make it 3-0 at the midpoint of the second period.

To their credit, Percy Main did not give up and Billy Walker was denied by a full length dive by Pattinson. The Mains stand out performer was Mark Waite, who drove the side forward all game, with a fine array of passes, but even his best efforts were thwarted when Watson collected a loose ball in the box and fired an unstoppable effort into the roof of the net, to make the final score Rutherford 4 Percy Main 0.

 

 

 

 

 

Manic Depression

I only had the misfortune of seeing The Manic Street Preachers once and that was back in their early days on 1^st August 1991 at the original Riverside, which probably made it one of the dates on the Generation Terrorists tour. The venue was only about half full, but with a discernibly positive attitude to the band hanging in the air. This positivity morphed into anticipation when the intro tape kicked in; Allen Ginsberg theatrically declaiming his magnum opus Howl at deafening volume. As the poet’s histrionic performance reached its climax, the band appeared on stage and tore into their earliest musical manifesto, You Love Us. At this point, the electric atmosphere began to dissipate like escaping air from a rapidly deflating whoopee cushion when it became abundantly clear, from about 6 bars in, that we weren’t in the presence of the future of rock and roll, but a tawdry, sub-Lurkers, pub and punk rock tribute act. At the end of the Manics’ 45-minute set, the crowd drifted away, all enthusiasm gone, all sense of occasion spent, leaving a rerun of Howl to blast out across a deserted room.

 

I’d not had cause the reminisce about that eminently forgettable night in over three decades, until I squeezed myself onto a packed, semi-seething, semi-dejected giant Omicron breeding tube from St James to Tynemouth after Newcastle’s loss to Cambridge in the FA Cup. A sold-out crowd of 52,000, admittedly replete with extended family units treating the match like a trip to the pantomime, filling up on half time bottles of pop and oversized grab bags of sweets and toffees, who had enthusiastically lapped up the well designed populist videos of great goals by even greater players past (Shearer v Everton, Bellamy in Rotterdam, Tiote’s Exocet, Cisse at the Bridge, Pat Heard breaking his duck against Ipswich), indulged the latest pointless flag display in the Gallowgate, clapped along to a Blaydon Races remix, before Local Hero had the whole lot of them cheering the team to the rafters. And then, despite an unending procession of chances, some spurned and some saved, for the first hour, Cambridge’s sucker punt (see what I did there?) holed Newcastle below the waterline and the last half hour saw as frustrating a pattern of play as you’ll ever see. Again, and again, unnecessary over-elaboration, suicidally short passes and a lack of inventive thinking or willingness to take some responsibility, saw 30 minutes squandered and any interest in the FA Cup ended at the first hurdle, yet again.

Of course, this was a minor loss in the scheme of things. Even during the good times we’ve exited both cups at the opening stage on home soil and without scoring, so this debacle will be no more than a hill of beans if we put Watford to bed next weekend. But are we able to do that? We’ve won 1 game all season and, even more than the Southampton, Brentford or Norwich home games, we’ve squandered a more than presentable opportunity to get a good, confidence building result under our belt. Now, the main and probably only lesson to be drawn from Saturday’s shot shy shit show is that if you don’t have any strikers, you won’t score any goals. I’m not suggesting Dwight Gayle would have been the answer to our problems against Cambridge, but he may just have finished once of the half a dozen presentable opportunities that came our way in the opening half. His absence from the matchday squad is presumably, like those of comedy keepers Darlow and Woodman, because a loan move could be prejudiced if they were cup tied.

Regardless of that, it is beyond essential that one or preferably two, attacking options are added to the squad before the Watford game. It’s great we’ve signed Trippier, or Kenny Sansom as he was known when he last appeared at SJP, but his arrival is only the start of things. Yet again I’m proved to be correct in castigating, PIF, Staveley and the Rubens for not having the merest hint of a Plan A in place when the takeover went through. Although, rumour has it we now have a Director of Football in place. Formerly employed by West Brom, Reading and Celtic, a certain Nicky Hammond is to be viewed with the suspicion afforded to the louche lounge lizard your widowed aunt picked up at a tea dance. Apparently, Hammond has replaced the even more ethereal figure of one Frank McParland in this role. Perhaps he got the gig as he’s some distant relative of Alcoholic Anth. Who knows? Who cares? Well I will if the best Hammond can bring in is Chris Wood.

Unless we’re happy to start next season in the Championship, things need to improve massively and immediately. It seems as if the penny is starting to drop that Nice Guy Eddie, whose career highlights include relegating Bournemouth (don’t forget that absolute pasting Algarve-Bruce’s side handed out to them at Dean Court in summer 2020) and running away from Burnley with his tail between his legs as the job was too big for him, may not be the master tactician and skilled motivator most of the support have deluded themselves into believing him to be. Howe is completely out of his depth and will take Newcastle down. At that point, El Fraudo will return from his Goodison Park sabbatical and another stagnant era of eye-bleedingly stale football will commence. We want our club back, eh?

There has to be a point when even the most rabid, hard of thinking, Strawberry Corner flag waver accepts that the time to blame all of Newcastle United’s ills on Mike Ashley and Steve Algarve-Bruce has passed. I believe that time is now; the new ownership needs to be held to account for their nervous inertia and repeated series of wrong decisions. With almost every game, it becomes ever more apparent that Nice Guy Eddie is as suited to the job of keeping us up as Ossie Ardiles was thirty years ago. There have been windows of adequacy amidst the gloom, such as the Burnley win. Lascelles and Shelvey were immensely adequate on the day and Wilson scored an absolute world-class striker’s goal. The rest of the team seemed far fitter than under Bruce, running their legs off until the final whistle, and demonstrating a united front in their purpose of grinding out a win.

Yet the truly maddening thing was the inability to maintain this progress. Next up was Leicester, where a penalty so soft it registered 6.5 on the Bristol Stool Chart ushered in a pitiful second half collapse. It was never a 4-0 game, but the flagrant inability of Nice Guy Eddie to shut up shop and accept it wasn’t going to be our day, for the sake of protecting a rapidly declining goal difference that doesn’t even boast the excuse Norwich have of Tim Krul as their last line of defence, was worrying.

From there to Anfield, where Hayden’s daft theatrics cost us the first goal. Shelvey may have scored an absolute rocket, but he undid all his good work with a blind and brainless back pass that gift wrapped their second. I don’t know about the rest of you, but ASM’s am-dram Richard III act did not convince me in the slightest that he was injured. He just doesn’t fancy it when things get too tough, which is why, despite all of his skill and tricks, he’ll never be seen as the equal of Robert or even Ben Arfa. I do think I’m being a mite over critical, even though we were almost blown away in the first half and never looked likely to score in the second, as Dubravka made some near miraculous saves, and continues to be one of our few top-flight performers. That isn’t something you can say of Ryan Fraser, but at least his efforts and modest achievements should keep the clownish Almiron, with his atrocious ball control and aimless passing, well away from the first team.

Where I think the gap between the support’s belief in Eddie Howe’s ability and the reality of the situation became a yawning chasm was the Man City game. Yes I know it’s Man City and that, on their day, they are undoubtedly the finest team in the world, but to drop Schar, who I’m not claiming to be the stamp of Baresi in his prime, in favour of Clark was idiotic in the extreme. This tactical masterstroke unravelled within 5 minutes of kick off, when fatal hesitancy by the Harrovian handed City the opening goal. Calamitous inaction against this lot is not a good idea. Of course, the scandalous decision not to award us a penalty after Fraser was barged to the floor merely denied us the chance of a consolation, but it further illustrated my point about our shocking goal difference. A further 11 conceded and 1 scored in 3 games makes you wonder if the repeated charge against NUFC fans that they are delusional may actually be the case if any of us express any confidence in our relegation battle credentials. All we can hope for is that the postponed games Norwich, Burnley and Watford have in hand are just fixtures they haven’t lost as yet.

And so to the Manchester United game… Having enjoyed splendid entertainment at Hebburn Town 2 Dunston UTS 1, which for £7 must represent the best quality Step 4 football on offer in the whole country, I was delighted with the way the FSA looked after my welfare, when Chief Executive Kevin Miles gave me a lift home. We discussed the forthcoming game and neither of us had any confidence Newcastle would avoid defeat. We did and should really have won as Ralph Records appears to be another in the lengthening line of chronic underachievers who have attempted to replace Ferguson. The worst legacy of this game was the injury to Wilson. He gets too many of these but it did mean, with the COVID cases as well, that the Everton and Southampton games were postponed, leaving a sense of optimism undimmed until the Cambridge game, which is just about where we came in.

As Heraclitus pointed out around 2,500 years ago, everything is constantly changing and nowhere is this more obvious than at Newcastle United, where the only evidence of mankind consistently doing selfless good works is in the superhuman efforts of the West End Food Bank. Everybody else is underperforming and this needs to stop immediately. NUST seem to have accepted the takeover as a fait accompli and have retreated from sight, allowing the new owners the freedom to do more damage to Newcastle United than Mike Ashley did in 14 years. Their website mentions last summer’s elections to their board, but not the results of the raft of resignations by many of the successful candidates, including that of Graeme Bell. I’ve not met the bloke, but he seemed personable and dedicated, though his choice of on-line friends was questionable and may have made his position untenable. If NUST are meek and mute, True Faith are noisy and noisome. Both the on-line and print versions seem to have turned into an imitation of The Mag, with anodyne opinion pieces that ignore the herd of Saudi elephants shitting in the corner of the room, filling their pages. At least they’ve ditched the endless series of match reports that clogged up bandwidth and pages.  Meanwhile the Twitterati continue to lick Saudi hoop and ignore the very real possibility that, as I said it would, this is all going to unravel at breakneck speed and leaving the rotting hulk of Newcastle United to decay until death.

 

We want our club back. At least I do…